Scenes from a Marriage 1
by Meg2
Summary: This story follows "Dead Wrong/Dead Certain" and the short "Snapshots". It won't make sense to the reader unless they have read them. Spoilers for all nine Sookie Stackhouse books.
1. Chapter 1

A/N- This is a sequel to _Dead Wrong_/_Dead Certain_ and _Snapshots._ You'll be pretty much lost if you have not read those three stories.

The _Southern Vampire Mysteries _and _Sookie Stackhouse Series_ are the creation of Charlaine Harris. I hope she doesn't mind if I play with her characters for a while.

_Dedicated to the very sweet Kalomira! Sorry it took so long. :-)  
_

* * *

_They sat talking in Norse, in a quiet tone of voice._

"_You're not serious?"_

"_I gave her my word."_

_Andor glanced across the room, at the three women and frowned._

"_Then Pam or I could do it instead. You can trust that I would not touch her. Though, perhaps you would be more comfortable with Pam. It might even be better since you can easily manage her through Pam."_

_Eric turned to him and said,_

"_What don't you understand? I gave her my word." He followed Andor's gaze, back over at her laughing and chatting with Pam and Amelia and then he looked back at Andor._

_Andor turned to him, looking at him blankly, as if in disbelief. _

"_You are right, I do not understand. You can't be serious. You are marrying her, and she will just age and die? When she is obviously very worthwhile to you to keep? We all enjoy her. More importantly, you are very attached to her. Consider her a child. She doesn't know any better. There are some decisions that are better left to those who do know better. And if there was ever a time to be made vampire and have a good existence, this is it. She isn't seventeen, or even twenty-four. She's thirty and she's going to start to age and then what? Even if your blood keeps her looking fairly young, she will die, Eric. It would be a great waste. And it will make you extremely unhappy. What is the point of that? What can you be thinking?"_

_Eric shook his head and looked at him coldly._

"_I'm thinking that I gave her _my word_, Andor."_

"_You say you 'love' her, you have risked so much to get her and all for what? Twenty or thirty declining years? What are you going to do when she is sixty? What is the plan? Even if you think you could still love her when she is old, what would it be like for her to be old when you are still as you are? How hard would that be for her? She doesn't have the strength, or the self-assurance, for that. Who would? She'll just leave you and then you'll both be unhappy. And even if she doesn't, there will come a point when you will regret not having turned her. No, you should turn her as soon as possible. Especially since she is a magnet for trouble given what I can see. It would make her better able to defend herself. And if you truly don't care that she's a telepath and what that offers you, what matter then if she ends up like your friend in Texas? You always say you take care of what is yours. She is yours. How is this taking care of her?"_

"_It's taking care of her by honoring her trust and her wishes." His eyes began to glow slightly with his anger over the discussion but this was neither the time or the place for a serious argument._

"_She loves you. Anyone can see it. She will forgive you."_

_Eric rose and looked down at Andor with hard eyes._

"_I'm not intending to do anything _requiring_ her forgiveness. I don't need her to be like me. Especially not if she does not want to be. And while I'm not happy about it, the fact is that controlling her would change everything about her. I enjoy her as she is. And that's the last I'll say on it. You had better be clear on that point. _Everyone_ had better be clear on that point. Pam would never turn her against Sookie's will. Even if she is still too proud to admit the depth of her attachment to her, she would never do anything to harm her. And I would never ask her to do such a thing. It would harm them both. You forget your early years. No one among us will be turned without the desire to be turned. That is my will and you have sworn to me that you will honor my will. Remember it. Because I hold you to your word, Andor."_

_He walked toward them and tried to shake off the tone of the conversation. Dark thoughts weighed on him but he tried, as always, to bury them away so she would not sense them._

"_Lover, are we going to start or not? Stefan cannot make it. We'll just fill him in on the specifics. I have to meet with someone at 11 pm and it will take at least half an hour to get back." His voice sounded light and easy, unlike his mind._

_She turned to him nodding with that radiant smile, and took his arm. The smile faded slightly as she met his eyes and he saw her recognition that he was troubled by something, but she just squeezed his arm. He steeled himself as he looked into her eyes. He would never betray her trust. Until death do we part… they had had to rewrite the vows the other day. They hadn't even spoken of what it really meant after she agreed marry in late September. They had never discussed how it would all work. She didn't appear to be ready to discuss it, even now. Even trying to broach the subject indirectly made her skittish. So he'd take her commitment as it was offered. He doubted she would ever change her mind and be turned. He knew her too well to kid himself on that point. He pushed the thought aside and glanced back at Andor with a dark look. Perhaps he would never understand. He didn't have to understand their choices. He just had to honor them._

_Andor rose to follow him soberly. This business with the rehearsal took on a bitter note in Andor's eyes. _

_What was the point of a commitment to almost certain loss?_

**

* * *

**

**Scenes from a Marriage**

**I.**

**December 26, 2009  
**

You could definitely say that Eric and I are firm believers in the idea that, no matter how rocky the start or bumpy the ride, if you both want things to work, they _will_ work.

The first part of our wedding night was pretty much as expected. We danced, we laughed and celebrated with friends. We weren't leaving for the mystery honeymoon for several days. We'd gone back to the compound after only a few hours at the reception, leaving everyone happily partying. I was tired and happy to have some quiet and just be alone with Eric. We'd gone back home and he'd enjoyed very carefully and really, far, far too slowly, getting me out of my dress. Clear revenge, as his laughter indicated, for my frequent complaints that he could get me undressed impossibly fast. After a bit of frolicking, I was resting in his arms. It was about 5 am and I was basically almost dozing. My mind was wide open, happy, relaxed. Strains of the Righteous Brothers' _Unchained Melody_, Patti Page singing _You Belong to Me_ and Lenny Kravitz singing _I Belong to You_ floated through my mind as I thought about dancing with Eric and the way he looked at me in my red wedding dress. But gradually there were other thoughts that echoed across my mind… thoughts that were not mine.

_She loves you. Anyone can see it. She will forgive you._

When I caught that one I was jolted out of my drowsy state of mind. What? Forgive what?

_She'll just leave you. And even if she doesn't, there will come a point when you'll regret not having turned her. No, you should turn her as soon as possible._

My eyes flew open as I held my breath and my heart started pounding. His arm tightened around me as I tried to sit up in the bed.

"What's wrong?" he asked coolly.

"Let me up," I said, in a shuddering whisper. His long fingers gripped my shoulder a little too firmly. His arm was also across my chest, so I couldn't rise. I tried to sit up again and he gripped harder.

"But what's wrong?" he repeated.

"You're hurting me. Let go of my shoulder, Eric."

He loosened his grip but did not let go of me. His arm was still heavy across my breasts and he stroked my shoulder where he had gripped it too firmly.

"I'm sorry, but… what is it, Sookie? What's wrong? You're… upset."

He knew I was _afraid_. I was silent, just trying to breathe. My mind spun rapidly as I processed what I had 'heard'. I felt panicked. What could I say about that? I didn't know. I didn't…

Finally, he simply said,

"So it happened again? You heard what I was thinking? We agreed you were staying out of my head, Lover."

I put my hand over his and tried to peel his fingers off my shoulder. He finally let go and I sat up and took a deep breath, as if I had been underwater. He propped himself up on his elbow and draped his other arm loosely across my thighs and caressed my hip. It didn't matter. It wasn't like I was going anywhere. As if I could get out of this bed or this room or this building if Eric didn't want me to?

This just can't be happening, I thought to myself. What in God's name was he _thinking_? And what had I been thinking, or more aptly _not thinking_ by not having looked more clearly at what we were doing.

In the months following my return to New Orleans several things had become clear. I could indeed occasionally catch Eric's _actual thoughts_. Entire thoughts, not just images or emotions. The bond had worked in 'unexpected ways', he'd told me. Yes, it sure had. Because really, I didn't _want_ to hear Eric's thoughts. First, there was the fact that it was different from reading other people, because with Eric I really _felt_ what I heard. I guess that was why it had been so confusing for a time. But then there was that little fact that I had, after all, liked the _quiet_ of a vampire mind in a partner. It was pretty damn ironic that I'd ended up loving a vampire and catching his thoughts, anyway. Most of the time, he remained inscrutable to me. Both because I think he tried to be and because I really didn't _want_ to read him and tried to avoid it. I liked it just fine that way. I'd only really read his thoughts a few times, anyway. Maybe a dozen or so? Or maybe more. In a way I wasn't even sure. Looking back from the October night when I started responding to a question he'd _thought_ and _not_ _asked_, he said he realized it had been happening since June, really maybe even since the first night in June when we were together and sharing blood again.

Unlike that first time I'd read his thoughts long ago at Fangtasia, my reading him now mostly seemed to happen when we were alone together, if we were very relaxed or if we were very emotionally engaged and intense. In moments where all our filters, or boundaries, were down. For instance when we argued, I occasionally now 'heard' as well as felt how angry Eric got. I really didn't like that much. Sometimes though, it would happen when we were making love and then I could literally happily get lost in his head. And sometimes, I'd just be relaxed like now and his thoughts would just filter into my mind. Okay, so it was way more than a dozen times. I would usually just tune it out. I mean, I really didn't _want_ this little telepathic dividend.

The upshot was that here we were tonight, very relaxed after the flurry of activity for the wedding, after promising to love, honor and cherish. And as we lay there relaxing, Eric was _thinking about_ _turning me_! I basically felt like bolting from the room and running for my life.

His cool fingers ran down my spine gently, as if to soothe me.

"I know what your wishes are, Sookie. I was reflecting on a conversation with someone else. Just relax," he said calmly. "Lie back next to me, min älskade" he said softly, brushing his lips on my arm.

He sounded so calm.

I took stock of my situation. It was 5 am in the morning, I was stark naked in our bed, he was at least fifty times stronger than I was and there was no way I was ever getting away from him if didn't he want me to. I was 'his' in just about every conceivable way now. _He could do anything he wanted with me_, I thought to myself, as fear seemed to seep farther and farther into my mind. He was thinking about _turning_ _me_? As I breathed in, I tried not to gasp. I remembered back in May I'd briefly thought Eric would kill me for revenge. Over the course of seven months, Eric had convinced me quite otherwise. He loved me, wanted me with him, wanted me to marry him. Well, turning me could accomplish _all_ those goals, now couldn't it?

My heart pounded harder and harder and I suddenly felt trapped. What had I done? What had I agreed to? What did Eric really think my wishes were? Did my wishes even _matter_ to him?

Eric sighed.

"Just relax. Would you lie back with me again? I gave you my _word_, Sookie."

Yes, indeedy, he'd given me his word. Just like I'd given my word, only a few hours before, to love, honor and cherish him and all that jazz, _forever_. And if I happened to get drained, and ingest some of his blood along the way, I was going to get stuck with that archaic 'obey' thing after all. And _forever_ could take on a whole new meaning. It suddenly began to occur to me that all my friends might have had a point wondering how this was ever going to work. They thought it, even if they didn't say it, and I had promptly ignored it. Only Amelia had tried to ask me about it, not once but twice, and I'd cut her off harshly both times. Since August I had turned off that eternally paranoid voice in my mind. I simply didn't want to deal with the issues of _how_ this was supposed to work. I just _wanted_ it to work. I _wanted _to be with Eric. I loved him. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me? Well, fine. Why not be with the only man I'd really loved?

_Was he just telling me, all along, what I wanted to hear?_

Now that we were married, I guessed that Louisiana law was pretty much going to be on his side for just about anything. It was not exactly a state known for women's rights. Human woman verus male vampire King? Wow, what a toss-up. Because right now even turning someone vampire against their will was like a special class of not really exactly killing someone as of a Louisiana appellate court ruling back in November that was headed to the Louisiana Supreme Court. It was still a very contentious legal issue. You could still 'enjoy yourself' and do plenty of things if you were undead, after all, according to the American Vampire League. Of course you were supposed to get permission to turn someone, from your Area's Sheriff or from your Ruler. But accidents happen. In theory. In practice, you had to prove real malice even to get a vampire sire arrested for turning you against your wishes. And how could you do that if the person _was your_ _sire_ and compelled you not to complain? Or threatened your family and loved ones if _they_ complained?

So I sat there with my heart pounding. I might love one, but I did not want to _be_ a vampire.

"Sookie?"

Really, I couldn't even speak.

Eric finally sat up next to me with a heavy sigh and pulled me close, wrapping his arms around my waist. He pressed his chin against my temple, rubbing gently, all while his arms were locked around my waist. I knew it wasn't his intent but all I could think was that he was so very big, so very strong and I was so… human. It was one of those moments when I thought to myself that surely I must be utterly crazy to be here, living in a building with more than a dozen vampires.

Finally, he turned my face up to his in the dark and said,

"I gave you my word I would not turn you. I didn't say that I wouldn't ever _think _about the subject. If you think I wouldn't be happy to have you wake up next to me some evening and say you've changed your mind, you're kidding yourself. But I love you as you are. And I'm honest enough to tell you that it could change fundamental things about you, and about _us_, if you were turned. I gave you my word and I will follow your wishes. Even if you really appear to have very little idea of what you are asking of me, or asking of yourself. I'll abide by your wish in the matter. Just don't tell me what to _think_ about, Sookie. Or what to feel. You can't expect to tell me what I can and can't ruminate on. In return, I won't tell you what to think or feel, either."

This idea, this conversation had come from someone else? _Who?_ Whose brilliant idea was it that I had no rights? Eric had promised me that not only would he not turn me, but that he wouldn't get, or let, anyone else to do so either. The latter thought was especially terrifying to me. Being in someone else's power or susceptible to someone's compulsion? Who thought that Eric needed another plan for me.

He lessened the tightness of his hold around my waist, kissed my temple and turned away slightly with a sigh.

"I can't believe you still think I would knowingly hurt you. It's rather disturbing, frankly."

"I'm afraid," I said in a whisper, finally. "What if I was hurt again or something. What if you just couldn't resist the temptation. That maybe you believe what you were thinking, that I would just forgive you."

He just looked at me and shook his head as if in disbelief.

"Well," he said with a snort, "that was someone _else's_ thought, Lover. I guess you couldn't see that? I really don't think you're all that forgiving. And remember that I didn't give you blood when you were at Walter Reed until I wasn't sure it was safe even though you really needed it?"

"You said it was someone else's thought… Whose? You promised me I would be safe here. Safe with you. Who was it?"

"You are safe here. Let's not get into the business of who the discussion was with. It's not even the point. You're safe here. And I assure you, even if someone else did turn you, which isn't ever going to happen, you will never have any other sire while I exist. You will _never_ have anyone controlling or compelling you, Sookie. I promise you. You are mine. _No one_ will touch you. You're not going to be turned against your will. I give you my word. Again."

Even if someone else… I shuddered. Just the thought of being turned at all was frightening. Was he really going to be spending decades thinking about turning me or about how he should have turned me while I was still relatively young and attractive? What _were_ we going to do when I was forty, fifty, sixty? Exactly how stupid and in denial could I be? _Now_ I'd finally allow myself to wonder how was this ever going to work? _I'd married him!_ But what were we really doing? How was it really going to work? _And what in heaven's name was wrong with me?_ I waited until _now_ to think about this shit?

Even if I aged slowly because of his blood, which he'd alluded to several times, Eric would forever be in his early twenties and I was already thirty. Maybe we'd just get to a point where the relationship ran its course, I thought to myself. It wasn't how I liked to think of marriage but… I wondered about vampires and divorce. It didn't exactly seem like a concept that vampires, especially _my_ vampire would cotton to.

Eric seemed to pick up on my sudden ambivalence. He grabbed my left wrist with its slowly healing cut and turned it toward my face, as if reminding me of the obvious while he twirled the rings on my finger with his other hand. I'd willingly renewed the bond, married him in both his world and mine, by choice. With a voice like steel he said,

"Just you remember that you took _a vow_ to stay with me. A vow in your world, as well as one in mine. I'm holding you to that vow. No matter what you are or how old you are, we are wed. I'm not deluding myself _or you_ as to the fact that I would be quite happy to have you make a different choice about how long you'll be with me." With that he dropped my arm back into my lap. He was clearly getting mad.

Well a different choice was totally not happening. My vow, his vow? What did they really represent to him? Was he really saying it was okay with him for me to be his and grow old? Eric, the man who always wanted things _his_ way was going to accede to my wishes on this one rather major point? I felt this inner chill. I really hadn't thought this through, hadn't thought _at all_. But… How long would we really last, anyway? I still, after all this time, and probably abundant evidence to the contrary, couldn't help thinking somewhere deep inside myself that he'd get tired of me, of _us_. Or maybe, since I was always almost getting myself killed anyway…

Eric leaned into me, pushing me back down onto the bed. He was heavy on top of me, his hands gripping my shoulders firmly.

"Listen to me, Sookie," he said with a cold edge to his voice. "We haven't come through all this for you to start questioning what we're doing here. You haven't survived everything you have for this not to work. It will work because we'll _make_ it work, do you hear me? And I'm _not_ letting you go. You made a vow. You're mine. _Mine_."

His eyes bore into me and I didn't need more light to know that his fangs had run down again in an almost predatory fashion. And I could feel it… that sense of possession. Something in me just rebelled at the idea. In his mind, I was sure he really did think of me as _his_. Whether he said it or not, I know he felt that he'd invested a lot in me. A lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of blood and had endured no small amount of silent censure from other vampires because of me. He'd invested too much in me, in _us_, to consider not having it work out to be an acceptable outcome. But… what if it didn't? What then? Chills ran up my spine. It would be so easy to just turn me and get me to do whatever he wanted.

Seeing my eyes widen and feeling me tense up even more, he instantly let go, pulled back and glanced away for a moment. He looked back at me.

"I'm sorry. I… I didn't mean to scare you, Sookie" he said more gently, his eyes softening. "We love each other and this _will_ work. We'll make it work."

"What if we stop loving each other, Eric? What then?"

"What? _What? _What the fuck _is_ it with you?" he said, shaking his head looking down at me. "_Enough_!" he said forcefully.

He looked away from me and sank back hard into his pillows. I was silent. Finally, after a few minutes he said,

"When you get into one of these states of mind, sometimes I just don't even want to deal with you," he said in a tight and angry voice. "You wait three months, asking hardly anything at all about how this would work, seemingly content to just marry me and leave the details for later and _now_ you start asking questions? Tonight, when we should just be happy? _Underbar_. Just wonderful, Sookie. I guess I should be glad that you didn't start with this last night or you would have just left me standing there like a fool. But frankly, it's not any better to feel your ambivalence now."

Okay, he was right. It was bad timing having this conversation now or any time other than well before now. Maybe it was selfish to start thinking about it, or talking about it, just now. But I would never have just left him standing at the altar. It would be unthinkable.

After several more minutes of silence, he was calmer. Finally he said,

"What are you thinking about?"

"About me. About how totally messed up I be not to have thought about any of this before now. I kept it simple. I wanted to be with you and I'm old-fashioned enough to want to get married to do that. And now I feel so stupid about still being in my usual state of denial. Maybe I still can't believe you're really serious or that I'll even be alive long enough for any of it to matter anyway. After all if I keep almost getting myself killed sooner or later my luck has to run out. Maybe that will just solve the problem for both of us."

"That I'm really serious about _what_?" he asked turning to me after taking a moment to absorb what I'd said. That edge was back in his voice already.

I let out my breath heavily.

"About wanting to be with me, Eric. For the long term. Sometimes I just still don't get it, okay? I mean, I love you. And I feel loved by you. But I guess part of me still just doesn't understand why you love me or why you would continue to love me. Or why I'd even be worth it. Why love someone who's going to grow old and die? And who doesn't want to be like you. Why bother? Especially if you're _you_. I mean really, I don't get it. I know it makes you mad when I tell you that. But I feel like you could tell me a million times and I _still_ wouldn't get it. And then there's the whole thing about how selfish it makes me that even if I love you, I won't ever want to be a vampire to stay with you if that's what you want. I don't know which sucks more. Being you, loving me, or being me, thinking of how much I must be ruining your enjoyment of your life potentially for decades. If I look at it from your point of view, I think I'm like one of the worst things that's ever happened to you. And you've had some seriously shitty things happen to you."

He didn't reply. No, instead he was clearly struggling to stay calm.

"Unbelievable," he said shaking his head. He looked at me as if in disbelief. "You make me happy, Sookie. Usually, anyway," he said with a snort. "Right now, not so much. But in general, I'm _happy_ that you are with me. Can you really think that I made the decision to go to Virginia and pursue getting you to come back here, to marry you, not having thought things through? Does that seem like my style? It's not like I don't know what it's like to lose someone I'm in a relationship with. After all, even if you were a vampire I could still lose you, right? We're only a stake away from being gone. I've already lost one wife. It's not like I don't know what that's like, even if it was a thousand years ago. So I asked you, with my eyes wide open, to marry me. I may not like _all_ the terms of my being with you, but clearly I was willing to accept them. No relationship is perfect. But ours works. It is _right_. Clearly, I've spent a lot longer thinking about it, about us, than you ever have and probably than you ever will, since I will no doubt live on long after you. In fact, I thought about your mortality long before I ever even laid a hand on you. And when I pledged myself to you I had already made my decision that it was still worth it. I dealt with it all over again, before I set foot in your apartment in Virginia. _I _don't live in a bubble of denial."

Well, that last bit was probably much-deserved. I lay very still next to him. I couldn't fathom my own poor timing in having this conversation at this particular moment. But it was like a runaway train. I couldn't stop it.

"I won't ever want to give up my human life, Eric. I'm sorry, but I just won't."

He shook his head while it was pressed hard into the pillows and let out a frustrated huff.

"Well, then it's a good thing that's _not_ what I was asking for then, now isn't it?"

"There are so many things that I just couldn't deal with."

"Yes, I recall clearly. Daylight. You need daylight. I will not forget _that_ one any time soon," he said in a mordant tone.

He was getting angrier but I still couldn't stop myself. Wasn't he the man who valued 'talking it out' so much? And in the past six months he had gotten me used to talking it out. Maybe _too_ used to it…

"Eric, it's more than losing daylight. It's more like all the violence that seems to just be taken for granted by vampires. It seems like it's such brutal existence. And vampires act like they never _want_ to love or have feelings for others. You told me that yourself. Well, I'd never be able to do it. I wouldn't _want_ to live that way. And seeing everyone you know who's human age and die, adjusting again and again to everything around you changing? No. And for what? I really can't see that we'd be staying together for _eternity_ no matter what you say. I have enough trouble imagining holding your interest for five or ten years. I'm not giving up my life for a short term arrangement of being yours or more accurately, being 'with you' as some sexualized 'child' for a time and then getting cut loose because you get bored or want someone warm again. And being controlled by you? I mean come on, you know how I am and we _both_ know how you are. I'd hate it. Maybe I'd end up hating _you_."

He pulled his hand away from mine.

"Are you done? Got that off your chest, have you?" he asked, in an acid tone.

He sat up. I looked at him in the dark, out of the corner of my eye, and, almost apprehensively, I nodded slowly. I wasn't sure whether it was the comments about his controlling me or the extent of his commitment, but I'd really upset him. I'd shot my mouth off, completely uncensored and unfiltered. My hand had flown to my lips when I'd finished. But there was no taking any of it back.

"Lover," he said sharply, looking down at me in the bed, "_wonderful_ insights. _Perfect_ for the occasion."

In a flash he was out of the bed and in the bathroom. I heard him turn the shower on. After a few minutes I rose and looked at him in the glass-walled shower. He was leaning into the water with both hands against the wall, on either side of the stream of water, which flowed over his head. I started to step inside the bathroom doorway.

"Not _yet_," he said, loud enough to be heard over the running water.

I stood watching him for several minutes more from the doorway. Finally, he turned off the water and opened the shower door. He got out and toweled off without even looking at me. He combed through his wet hair with a wide-tooth comb. He put the comb down and then shook his head as he looked at my reflection in the mirror with hard eyes. His fangs were still down. He must have been pretty damn angry.

"You are so lucky that really I love you. And that I know you really love me and are just hopelessly insecure, Sookie. Because the bullshit that comes out of you when you're like this is simply unbelievable. And let me tell you, if I just listened to the crap that you say to me sometimes, without the benefit of knowing how you really feel about me, this would be over so fast your head would spin."

In spite of the fact that he was still obviously mad, I moved closer and put my arms around his waist. I instantly felt him relax a bit. I pressed my face into his upper arm.

"I got scared, Eric," I whispered.

"_Stay out of my head_, Lover," he hissed. "We'll _both_ be happier if you stay out of my head. You don't even know what _I_ was thinking about that conversation. You get only half the information and are in a panic over nothing. And you really _believe_ the crap you said. It fell too easily from your lips for you not to believe it. You can't believe I'm _serious_? I turn my entire life and world upside down and you are not sure I'm serious? I _married_ you and you aren't sure I'm serious? I don't even know what it takes to get through to you. The only way I can deal with it is probably to just ignore this and continue as we have been and hope time itself wears you down_,_" he said bitterly.

With my forehead still pressed against his arm, I bit my lip hard.

"I just got scared. Think about how it sounded to me to hear that, Eric… And you know, it's not like I _try_ to read you. I don't even _want _to. Weeks go by sometimes and I don't. I was just lying there and suddenly I heard you thinking about turning me? I mean, what was I supposed to think…"

Cutting me off he said, "You're supposed to think that I promised you I would never turn you unless you wanted it, Sookie. That's what you're supposed to think. You're supposed to think I'm a man of my _word_."

I looked up at him, in to his cerulean blue eyes, which looked at me coldly. The fangs were gone and really I could see he wasn't angry. He was hurt. I couldn't feel much of anything from him, but looking at his expression I could tell I'd hurt him.

"I know you're a man of your word. I just got totally freaked out. I mean really, Eric. Think about it from my point of view. I live with an almost 1100 hundred year old vampire in a building with all these other vampires who will do anything to keep him pleased with them and suddenly I hear you thinking about turning me or that someone else was. What would _anyone_ in their right mind think?"

"I understand you're being afraid. What I don't understand is your not telling me outright that you heard my thoughts, or asking me about what I was thinking about it. Or how about the fact that you evidently still don't think my commitment to you is serious? _That_ one I really have a problem with, Lover."

"Look, I know I'm a mess. I really do know that I am, okay? And _you_ know that I am. I'm trying so hard to be the new and improved Sookie, Eric. Up until about an hour ago I was doing so well. Before I drove us off the cliff pressing the accelerator to the floor the whole time as we forged ahead. But it's not like there's a manual I can refer to about how to be 'us' successfully, you know? I have no frame of reference. And really neither do you, right?"

"You can start by trusting that this works instead of worrying about _how long_ it will work."

"You're asking me to change long established habits in less than six months. You're kidding yourself. Look at what you're dealing with Eric. It's _me_. Get real. You're expecting me to adjust to this whole situation in six months time and trust that we'll be happy and everything will be hunky-dory for all time? 'They got married and lived happily ever after' thoughts from _me_? Hello? If that's the case then it appears that I am not the only one with denial issues, after all."

He stared down at me with a raised eyebrow and a very dissatisfied expression.

"So let me get this straight. You think you have me beat on the adjustment issues? A vampire over a thousand years old loves and marries a human, a human who can't be glamoured, who is incredibly willful and who occasionally is literally reading his mind. And you think _you've_ had a hard time? Tell me about it. You just tell me about it, Sookie." He shook his head as I could see him running his tongue over his teeth. I wondered if the fangs were back.

"Eric, you're the hardened professional when it comes to adapting. Cut me some slack. I've had less than eight months since the day you broke into my apartment in Virginia. I mean _really_. What more do you want from me? You've gotten just about everything that you said you wanted, right?"

"I was _invited_ into your apartment. By a representative with access to your dwelling. Fair and square. I could _not_ break in."

"Okay, so you had a really slick way to break in. How long were you planning your little adventure to get me back?"

He made a face, since he could clearly see where I was going.

"For three and a half years, my two favorite topics of thought in my abundant free time were getting you back and torching the de Castro regime."

"See, you _have_ to cut me some slack, then. Lead time. You've had a lot more lead time to get used to this whole idea."

"I'm not ever going to get used to your inability to make a timely apology."

I squirmed where I stood.

He leaned against the wall and looked at me, tilting his head expectantly.

"You can stall as long as you want but I'm still waiting, Lover," he said almost wearily.

I glanced down and sighed, then looked up at him.

"Okay. I'm sorry I messed up our wedding night by getting a bit… irrational," I said clearly. "Of course, the fact that you were busy scaring the shit out of me also kind of spoiled the mood," I whispered.

He shook his head. "Your apologies continue to be _extremely_ flawed." He tipped my chin up and looked at me intently. "Focus, so you take this in. I'm sorry if I frightened you. Either with my thoughts or with my reaction to your being so upset." He paused, for effect. "No qualifying statements. I hope you noticed that? It's a style of apology that conveys the idea, '_I really mean it'_. I'm sure you can master it one of these days." Then he hesitated and said in a quieter voice, "I know that you do not like it when I overemphasize your being…" he paused a moment then looked me in the eyes. "I do not own you. I know that and did not mean that. You are mine by your choice. I only meant that you had made that choice. And very publicly so. The thought that you felt ambivalent about it so soon afterward was… upsetting. I'm assuming that you do want me to be able to trust you, and _your_ word?"

The look he gave me… I had really hurt him. I could feel it. Now, he let me feel it, though clearly he still wasn't going to admit it openly. I reached up and stroked his cheek.

"I _did_ make that choice, Eric. And I am _not_ changing my mind," I said softly. "I was only scared. I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I'm really sorry."

"Perhaps you can get the hang of apologizing after all."

He bent down and kissed me, then with his arm around my shoulders he tried to steer me back toward the bedroom. I didn't budge.

"So we're just accepting each other's apologies? That's it? We're square just like that?"

"I'm going to try very hard to forget the whole thing. Distraction might work pretty well. It is after all, our wedding night..."

He looked me up and down like a cat looks at a mouse and smiled.

"Sometimes I think you and I are built of totally different stuff, Eric."

He raised an eyebrow. "In what sense?"

"In the 'if you're mad or upset, how can you possibly be thinking about sex' sense?" And it was abundantly obvious that he was thinking about sex.

"I'm being quite magnanimous. I admit there might be a measure of self-interest. But I'm sure my plan will work for both of us. In fact, I have ample evidence from prior experience that it will. Let's forget the entire past hour, expunging it from our recollection of our wedding night. If I wasn't distracted, I could give Pam the short version of it all and you'd _never_ hear the end of it," he said playfully.

"You wouldn't _dare_…" I said wide-eyed, though resisting leaving the bathroom. He'd tell Pam we argued on our _wedding night_? He had to be teasing me. He swung his hip over into me to emphasize that he was.

"Are you agreeing to the plan, then? Or I can always go the Pam route if you prefer? I know how much you love your little chats with her about how much we argue," he said with an amused smile. He followed my gaze and laughed at me. "Although, it looks like you're _already_ getting distracted."

I _was_ getting a bit distracted, it was true.

He swept me off my feet and kissed me, then carried me back into the bedroom. He put me back in bed, and pulled the comforter over me so I could stay warm while he relit the candles he'd blown out earlier. Then he stood at the side of the bed, picked up the corner of the comforter and peered underneath at me playfully, giving me a merry appraising look. His eyes sparkled as he smiled at me and then he cast his eyes around the room and out the doorway to the library, as if considering at options.

Beyond the library there was my dayroom, the kitchen, the other bathroom. And within the library itself, there was the armchair and oh, no… I thought to myself, _not_ his desk. I hated his desk… It always made a mess, we ended up knocking things all over the place because the desk was always a mess. _Not the desk._ But that's just where he was looking. He _knew_ I hated the desk. He grabbed a pillow giving me a very wicked look that had _desk_ written all over it. But as he glanced back down at me, I stuck out my tongue at him. He replied with mock outrage, tossed the pillow aside and jumped on the bed to go after me as I squealed and tried, very half-heartedly, to get away. He caught my ankle and slid me back toward him on the bed. Before he could even try something like tickling me, I grabbed him gingerly, in a manner sure to get his full attention. He laughed and started to say something but I reached up and pulled his mouth to mine. Then I took my mouth elsewhere. When I stopped to catch my breath, he sighed as he rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him and slowly pushed himself into me. I sat back up a bit and he brushed my hair back with his hand and looked up at me with glowing eyes.

"You should stay on top," he said softly taking one of my hands in his.

Afterwards, I lay in his arms, against pillows that were slightly damp from his hair. They smelled faintly like lavender. I said quietly,

"Really, how will this work for us, _for you_, Eric?"

"It's already working for me, Lover. Like I said, I think it's really something that we're just going to have to live. However, since you're still in the mood to talk, in the remaining darkness I think I'd prefer to discuss a conversation that I've had with Ahmed. About you and some nightmares."

I stiffened and in response his arm stiffened around me.

"Mmmmmm. Yeah, sure..." Oh, I was going to give Ahmed a serious piece of my mind when I saw him later! I'd thought we had a _clear_ understanding.

"Well, I can see it's a topic that definitely seems to get a reaction from you, now isn't it?"

"When did you have this conversation, may I ask?"

"The other night when you were dancing with Sammy. Ahmed was kind enough to distract me with something much more upsetting than all of my vampires wondering why I was not getting angry at my future wife's dance partner having his hands all over her" he said sarcastically. "So, you have been having trouble sleeping because you keep having nightmares about what happened in Islamabad? He said that you call him frequently because you wake up in the middle of the morning and can't fall back asleep. He seems to think that some days you sleep only a few hours in a day."

"It's better than it was. Much better." Ahmed had told Eric several _days_ ago and hadn't told me that he had? I was really miffed now.

"Oh yes. _Much_ better. Only three or four times a week, now, according to Ahmed. And are you still having the nightmares about the fairies? I haven't asked you in a while."

"Um, no, not so… often."

"Hmmm. Not so often as three or four times a week? _Excellent._"

"No, that's not what I meant. I don't have them all that often."

"I wonder what that really means. But you do still have them, then? Is there anything else?"

I hesitated, for just the slightest instant and he leaned closer.

"Not really."

He was silent for a minute as if analyzing something and then said, tapping my nose,

"You're _such_ a lousy liar, Mrs. Northman. The bullshit answer won't work with me. So I'll ask you again… _Anything else_?"

"I am so going to tell Ahmed off," I muttered mostly to myself. Ahmed didn't know about _all_ my nightmares but the fact that he'd told Eric I was having problems with _any_ nightmares was like opening a can of worms. I sighed heavily. I glanced at the clock and saw it was at least another twenty minutes until dawn. After a pause of another few seconds I realized there was probably absolutely no way around it, I said sullenly, "Once in a while I have bad dreams about what happened to you and Bill because of me."

He was quiet for a moment and then said,

"Once in a while… I wonder what that really means?" he snorted as if he didn't believe that one either. "Why didn't you tell me you were still having trouble sleeping? You knew I was concerned about it when you first told me about it in June."

"Because it happens when _you're _asleep. So to me it was just something that would make you feel bad because you can't help me with it, which is why I _told_ Ahmed I didn't want to tell you about it in the first place. And now I'm totally pissed off at him."

"I'd want to know. Even if I couldn't 'help you with it', I'd still want to know, Sookie."

I was busy muttering to myself. "I am so going to tell him off. And badly. I've always been so closed-mouthed about him, but is he that way about me? Oh no. Too much to hope for..."

"He's worried about you, Sookie," Eric said cutting me off.

"Well, he ought to be more worried about _pissing me off_!"

"Oh, he knew you'd be mad," said Eric with a smile. "He told me that he has PTSD, too. But he said he thought yours was far worse than his. He said he's seen a doctor but that you won't. I gathered he doesn't know anything for certain about what happened to you before, however, and why you might be reluctant to see a doctor about it."

Since I didn't say anything else because I was still stewing, Eric pressed on.

"What is it that you dream about from the thing in Islamabad? What happens in your nightmares?"

I looked at the shadows and light on the wall from the flickering candles. I scowled. I knew there was absolutely no way Eric would let it slide. With some things Eric was incapable of letting it slide, as I knew quite well. He wanted to know? Fine.

"I die. We all die. I realize I should have quit the FBI sooner and that this time I'm really going to die and I won't ever see you again. You know, the usual 'I'm a total fuckup and get myself killed' kind of dream? Plus, _I'm_ killing people on top of it. And parts of the dreams are surreal, like the time on my watch just seems to move so much faster than it should. We run out of time so quickly but then dying takes so very long. _Never_ enough time to survive. And it's loud. Very loud. The machine guns are loud. The helicopters are loud. The missiles are even louder. When I wake up and it's like my ears are almost ringing with the sounds still. In the dream my heart is pounding so hard and every beat just makes me lose more blood and that's bad because it's partly your blood and I'm _wasting_ it. Wasting everything you tried to give me. Wasting the chance of really getting my life back, a chance at a life with you... I'm one big waste. Even though I'm still asleep, it's like I'm in a dream within a dream and I wake up thinking I was trying to do the right thing and be brave and strong but realize that I'm really all wrong. That everything about me is wrong. It's kind of like a repeating theme for me in all the nightmares. I'm all wrong. It's the central theme in _all_ my nightmares. I'm wrong and clueless about what I'm really doing, and especially who it affects. I think about Claudine, Tray and Clancy, or you and Bill. Or... whatever. I always realize I'm all wrong when it's too late to fix." I paused and drew a deep breath. "If one of the purposes of dreaming is your mind is trying to resolve problems, then I really am just a fucking disaster. Because it doesn't work for me at all. Sometimes, I wake up thinking that you should really be sorry you ever laid eyes on me."

He looked sad as he stroked my cheek. He propped himself up next to me with a sigh and brushed his fingers through my hair. He waited to see if I'd say anything else, before he spoke. After a minute or two he picked up my hand and kissed the back of it.

"It sounds awful. You seem to feel so… guilty about so many things, Sookie. Claudine and the others from the fight with the fairies… And I couldn't believe it last month when you told me you still think about that Pelt woman. But this? You were caught in a war. You made choices that you felt you had to make. You were true to yourself and your beliefs. You were very brave to go back at all. Especially because you knew, from your work, exactly what you were possibly going back to, right? If there is a war, you shouldn't feel guilty about shooting people who attacked you, attacked your people, or your government's building. I can assure you they didn't give _you_ a second thought."

"We don't really know what they were thinking or what they were told, Eric. That's the thing that haunts me. After years of interrogating some of them, you really can't blame them for what someone else indoctrinated into them. We only know what we've been taught and what we've lived. It's very sad."

"Sookie, I've fought in many, many battles. I know exactly what they were thinking when they were fighting. They wanted to survive, plain and simple. In those situations you're merely an obstacle in their path to that end. And if you're going to waste time thinking about who's right or misguided, you really _will _get yourself killed one of these days because you'll hesitate at the wrong moment. You have every right to just fight to survive. So, stop overanalyzing the choices that you made that day. You made the right choices because you're here, now. You did your job. You fought with honor. Even if it haunts you. That is the best you can ever hope for when you fight in a war. There is nothing to be gained by feeling so guilty over any of it when you did nothing wrong. Welling things up inside will not achieve anything. As you can see from having tried it."

"I'm sorry if my not telling you upset you. If you were upset that Ahmed told you. That I told him and not you. You get what I mean. I'm sorry. I just felt like it was sort of futile to dump on you when…" I stopped and with a gasp really took in what he'd just said. I closed my eyes and the tears poured forth. _I fought with honor. Even if it haunts me._

Eric was just silent while I cried but reached out and stroked my cheek and brushed my hair away from my face.

"You were brave to go back. So very brave," he said softly. "I'm proud of how brave you are. I just hope it doesn't get you killed one of these days. But I'm proud of it, of you."

"You didn't hate me for it? For what I put you through, I mean," I asked glancing over at him. Now there was a source of justifiable guilt. I'd never asked him about how he felt, watching it all play out that night, after I had mentioned it in the hospital in September. Having to enduring watching it, in front of other people, even if those people cared for him, and some for me. I didn't want to ask before. Only Pam had talked to me about it and only from her perspective and only in her playful Pam way of saying she was annoyed to care so much about a human and that it had been really hard on her and gave her rights to make ridiculous demands of silly things to compensate her for caring so much about a human, a human who wasn't even hers by rights. Something in the way she described it- something in her _not _teasing about how Eric was that night and the days that followed, made me wonder how bad it had really been for him. I guessed that it had been pretty bad.

"Sookie, don't be absurd. Of course not. I hated your _job_. I understood your going back. Honestly, had I been in your shoes, I would have made the same choices."

I was silent for a minute and then said,

"Until the moment I actually knew I _was_ going back and standing on that tarmac in Risalpur... It was only when I was going to get on that helicopter and I sent you the text message that I really thought about what I was doing in terms of the impact on you. I can't stop thinking about that flight to the embassy and my realizing that I might never come home and that I'd made that decision so… easily."

"You did what you thought was right, Sookie. You were doing your job, focusing on people you thought were your responsibility. This is something I understand completely. But I don't understand why you would not tell me about it. Why wouldn't you tell me about the nightmares? Sometimes I still feel as if you really don't trust me."

"I felt bad telling you I had problems sleeping because you would not be able to help me when I have them. And… I guess, when it came to those specific dreams, I didn't want to admit I felt guilty," I whispered. "Because I made decisions without even considering how they would affect you. I told you back in June that I'd try to stop doing that and when it came right down to it… I didn't. And I didn't think you'd understand about how badly I felt about killing those people…" My voice trailed off. I didn't want to finish the thought. I didn't want to sound judgmental or have him mistake it for taking a shot at vampires.

"Because I'm a vampire and sometimes vampires kill people?"

After a second or so I just nodded silently. Eric might be the man I loved but I'd _seen _him kill people. And not just already dead people. I'd never noticed that he felt particularly bad about it, either.

He shifted positions in the bed, sitting up more.

"You know, I do actually have the ability to realize that killing someone might mean something very different to you than it would to me. I can feel how very much it upsets you."

I could feel him looking at me intently but he didn't say anything further for a while. I didn't look up to meet his eyes. I just held his hand. We just sat there silently, leaning back against the headboard. Rosie jumped up on the bed and curled up at my feet.

"Sookie," he finally said quietly, "I would never even have encouraged you to come back if I didn't think we would be happy together. By the time you visited in June, I knew that 'second thing' was right. Maybe you can try to have a little more faith that it will work out, since we've gone to so much effort to get to this point? And maybe you can actually tell me if you have problems instead of covering them up or telling other people."

Even though I knew a good part of it might be my own doing, I thought to myself with amazement _And this is just our wedding night_.

"I should have told you about the dreams. You're right," I said hastily. "Before you fall sleep I want to be very clear that I'm happy I married you. Really… just focus on the fact that I clearly wanted this to work. I wanted it badly enough to ignore any fears or questions a reasonable person would have. I wanted _you_. And I'm determined to make it work, because I love you."

He leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips then sank down into his pillows.

"You'll see," he whispered. "We will be happy." After a weary sigh he added, "I'll never forget the sight of you in that dress. I was so surprised you wore red. You were so beautiful in it."

"I know you think I chose red for you. I was really just intent on creating a scandal," I said with a smile, poking at him with my elbow.

"Actually, now that you mention it, I did notice gasps. But I thought it was because of Jason. He was wearing a tux after all. And I don't think I've ever seen him in anything other than jeans and boots. So I'm so glad you set me straight because I really would have sworn you wore red for me. Creating a scandal, eh? A bold move, Lover."

I laughed as I sat there, still leaning back against the headboard while I gingerly rubbed my foot.

"Mrs. Northman, _what_ is wrong with your foot?"

With one leg crossed over the other, I pointed to the large blister on my heel.

"I've got a bad blister and a bunch of sore spots. The shoes were really bothering me. I'd only worn them for short periods when I tried on the dress. After a couple of hours of standing around, dancing in them and everything, it was pretty painful."

He abruptly sat straight up, rubbed his face, took my foot into his hands and examined the heel by the candlelight.

"You know, this is all because you were dancing with other men, right? You never get blisters when you dance with me."

"Yeah, right. You know, I'm generally barefoot when I dance with you, Eric. And a lot of the time I end up stark naked. So really, I think considering the company, we should be quite glad I kept my clothes on because I mostly danced with you."

"Well, Cadel was certainly satisfied to finally get to dance with you. How many times was it? _Three_? I was beginning to think there was a misunderstanding about who you'd married for a while since he didn't seem to want to give you back. At least Stefan kept it to once. And Bill, Sam, Jason and Ahmed? I'll let them all slide because your dance card is pretty full from now on. Your friend Sammy seemed quite reserved tonight I noticed. So deferential. I wonder why? What happened?"

I made a face. Sammy was treading very carefully around Eric after the other night. We only danced twice and it was good old-fashioned ballroom dancing with quite a distance between the two of us.

"Eric, just leave Sammy alone. I really think it's funny that Andor won't dance at all. Cadel's really a good dancer. And he was very polite, none of his usual teasing. I was so surprised that Pam danced with him so much, though she danced much more with Stefan. She really looked like she was enjoying dancing with him, don't you th… _Ouch!_ _Geez Eric!_ Some warning would have been nice!" He had basically opened up the blister on my heel. About the best I could say was that he did it really fast but it was now stinging like all get out. I was pretty sure he'd taken the entire top of the blister off.

"I had to open it, okay? The blood's not going to get to the wound if I don't. And you can't have blisters where we're going. You're going to want to do a _lot_ of walking."

He rubbed blood into the open blister and, after a moment of stinging and itching, it felt better.

"Will you please tell me where we're going?"

He smiled to himself as he shook his head. After checking a couple of other spots, none of which appeared to require such dire treatment, he kissed my foot and picked up my other foot, massaged it a bit and then set to work on it.

"No. But I have the feeling you'll have figured it out by the time we land. There are several strong visual points of reference. An official warning- I'm opening this one, too," he said tapping my other heel.

I hissed before he even did anything to it and tried not to pull my foot away. "So six days in total? How long does it take to get there?" I said grimacing as he sliced into it a bit with a nail. I tried unsuccessfully not to squirm. I would be thinking twice about complaining about blisters again.

"Six _nights_. Nights. You need to think about dealing in _nights_. It takes… a bit of time. Clearly a plane is involved," he said with a very amused smile. "You know for a person who gets shot and then runs all over the place with gaping bullet wounds, you're pretty damn fussy about your feet and a couple of blisters."

I made a face at him. "It still _hurts, _Eric. And there's nothing distracting me from the fact that" I sucked in my breath as he rubbed his blood into the raw blister, "it hurts. Anyway, so you really promise that it's safe for Pam to be on her own here for a week, right? I mean if Andor and Markus come with us, she'll be safe here if everyone knows you're away?"

"I guess humans are a lot tougher than I thought, because I've always thought getting shot hurts a lot. So you were _distracted_ when you were shot? Which clearly means being naked in bed with me isn't as distracting as I thought. And here just a short while ago I really thought I had you distracted. What a blow to my self-esteem…" he said with a wink and a chuckle. "Stefan and Cadel will make sure things are safe here Lover, just as they did at the end of September. We haven't announced the specific dates I'll be gone and Maxwell will also be here for three of those days working on several things with Stefan and Pam. Cadel is really sharp. Nothing will get by him if he's in charge of the security those days. That's why I'll send him with you to Tunica, if you go. Everyone in Salome's camp will focus on Andor. She doesn't know Cadel at all. They won't be prepared for how stealthy he is."

"You actually sound like you're feeling better about my going."

"I really don't like the idea of your going. It's a bad idea. She'll rob you blind and you'll get very upset. But if you want to go, I'll make it safe for you to go and get yourself robbed, Lover." He let go of my foot, turned onto his side, propping himself up and, pulling my left leg closer to him.

"And you'll be safe here without Andor? Pam seemed very surprised that you would send Andor with me."

"I'll be fine, Mrs. Northman. And it's really rather amusing that you're so concerned about _our_ safety when you're the one that can die."

"As you so eloquently pointed out earlier, even vampires get killed, Eric. I don't want any of my vampires getting killed, okay?"

"_Your_ vampires? Possessive pronouns and adjectives at last? To think it only took marrying you… Is Pam also yours now? She's going to be very pleased with this development. You have no idea. But there will be well-defined rules and limitations to her 'yourness', however. And you're not entitled to any other 'your' male vampires, okay? _Only me_," he said smiling and squeezing my foot.

"She's my _friend_. Not _mine_," I said playfully pushing on his shoulder. "You're really _sure_ you'll be safe if Andor and Cadel go to Tunica with me, right? I just think about those Area 2 people this fall and get nervous. I get scared it could happen again or something similar could happen. I mean think about it: three vampire rulers in five years in this state. Stefan took so long to recover from just a single wound with a silver blade. Geez Eric, did you realize it was dawn like about ten minutes ago? Why aren't you already getting your beauty sleep?"

He snorted with laughter at the beauty sleep comment. "I was enjoying your feet. I will be _fine_. I have a very good track record of being fine. Longer even than Andor's." He sank back into the pillows, pulling me onto my side and my thigh across his hips. After a moment he picked up my hand with his free hand and with his eyes already closed said softly, "So, tell me again?"

"I am forever yours," I whispered.

He sighed. "And I am forever yours. This is a good plan. I like it. And I'm not letting you out of it, either," he murmured as if he'd known just how haywire my thinking was earlier. "You promised me this before quite a few witnesses. I will not be forgetting your promise, min älskade." And then he was gone, his lips almost caught in the middle of speaking. His gentle hold on my thigh loosened slightly.

The abrupt absence sometimes made me ache inside. I looked at his profile as I stroked my fingers through his still slightly damp hair. I tried again to imagine that he was really _mine_. Eric really liked it when I was possessive of him. He told me it made him feel valued. It was still quite hard for me to say that he was really _mine_. When I had moved all my things back from Virginia he told me just that… he was mine, mine alone, he'd said. That he had been mine for quite some time. I still didn't understand why. But then when he'd ask me why I loved him, I could never even put it into words. Sometimes I felt as if, for all the fact that he was a supposedly cold vampire, that Eric had a much better handle on things involving emotions than I did.

I looked at his pale, still face and touched his cheek softly.

_I trusted him. _Call me crazy but I did. I picked up his hand again and held it in mine as I relaxed further into in the pillows. After a minute I moved closer to him and rested my cheek on his cool shoulder and sighed, closing my eyes, finally allowing myself to think about it.

_Andor_... I thought, with puzzlement. _How could Andor have told Eric to just turn me anyway?_ He'd acted as if he genuinely liked me, especially after Islamabad. He liked me because I was brave. He'd as much as told me so on several occasions. Liked me even if he seemed at times to think that I was too independent or not deferential enough with Eric. But he had been annoyed with me recently and I couldn't figure out why. Now, maybe I knew. On the one hand I was incredibly grateful for the care with which he watched over Eric. But clearly, my wishes didn't count for much with Andor.

And what about the others, even Pam? Did they all think it was okay to turn me whether I wanted to be or not? Didn't the American Vampire League have a policy of consent? No, not Pam, I thought to myself. Pam had always liked me however I wished to be, as long as I wasn't bad to Eric. I sighed. I thought probably Cadel and Stefan were safe. Stefan was always pretty kind with me. He liked philosophy and law. I trusted him. And for all his brashness, Cadel was really a kind person. If I went to Tunica, I was glad that Cadel would go if Eric really insisted that Andor go to protect me. Frankly, I'd have been scared to go now, with just Andor.

What was Andor's thinking, I wondered? Was I just like a child just to be directed or controlled? Someone whose wishes could conveniently be ignored, an inferior because I was human? When Eric had refused to tell me who had told him and I was still able to see that it was Andor, it was really chilling. The strongest and oldest here other than Eric? Eric had known Andor for what, more than a thousand years longer than he'd known me? It had to be hard to disagree with a friend who had known you that long. A friend who was, for all intents and purposes, really like your brother. I shuddered a bit as I thought to myself, sure I have Eric's word. He'd never broken his word to me. But I didn't have Andor's word. I felt uneasy with the whole thing. But there was not much I could do about any of it.

I sighed and eventually fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**II.**

I awoke shortly past 1:30 pm. No bad dreams, so I'd slept long and felt well-rested. I switched on the light and looked at my husband. _My husband_. I looked at him and remembered 5 am in the morning. Replaying in my mind some of what he said about how frustrating I was to deal with, I shook my head. I was supposed to be the new, improved Sookie. Well, I was still not quite right, I thought with a sigh… I'd have to get back on track. I sat there for a minute or two more looking at him. _Married_. I picked up his left hand and looked at the wedding band I'd put on it. I still remembered the look on his face when I told him last month that I'd only wear mine if he wore his and I smiled with amusement. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. I got up and walked around to his side of the bed, kissed his bare chest and pulled the comforter farther up, as if he could get cold or something. Even though, in theory, he was presently _extremely_ dead. I didn't care. I wanted him looking cozy and cared for.

I walked around the room and sighed as I picked up clothes from the floor, the chair, on top of the long, low chest of drawers, and remembered the tux tie out on the desk in the library and the tux jacket tossed on the chair at the desk. My wedding dress had only barely been hung in my closet after I insisted it was _not_ ending up on the floor. I thought back to how very slowly and carefully he'd gotten me out of it. The grin on his face in response to my mounting frustration after he'd gotten me all stirred up kissing me while I was pressed against his favorite wall, still totally in my dress, had been positively insufferable. All while _he _was stark naked and very obviously... well anyway... I didn't know it was possible for a zipper to move so slowly. I was definitely plotting revenge on that one. I wondered how many layers of thin shirts, camisoles, bra, panty, tights and short slip and skirts I could stand putting on. I'd have to wait until the very dead, har har, of winter.

I found dry cleaning items in the laundry basket that had no business being there and stuff that should have been in the basket tossed in its general direction, nearer the bathroom. I sorted the wash from the dry cleaning and put everything in its proper basket.

Really, Eric was not the neatest guy. He'd been on great behavior in June when I'd first visited but things deteriorated steadily over the following months. He'd totally cleaned up his rooms prior to that first visit and tried to organize things. Pam told jokes about it now. But, as I told Pam, he was still _way_ better than Jason had been when he'd lived at home. Whenever I got frustrated with Eric's tendency for leaving things wherever he took them off and his never hanging up his towels, I reminded myself that he was a _prize_ compared to my brother. At least he'd never be leaving food around to mold, either. I plugged his phone into the charger because he'd forgotten to and it was really low in battery. His keys had fallen on the floor so I put them with his wallet next to his phone.

I took my phone off its charger. I had fourteen text messages, two of which were from Ahmed. He said had stayed the night in the compound, in some empty room, after staying up late talking to, of all people, Pam. Wow, I couldn't imagine where Pam had stashed him. I kind of widened my telepathic net and got a fix on his approximate location. Here on the _third_ floor? The idea of another human on the third floor was rather amazing. I wondered if Eric would be annoyed about it. Eric seemed to get along well with Ahmed but having him in the compound, on the third floor, overnight was probably a stretch. Pam told me that I was the only human that had stayed on the third floor since they'd moved in. Until now. It was downright odd that she'd let him stay there. I looked at his message. He was hungry, wanted brunch, but was glad to know that I was actually sleeping soundly since I hadn't responded to the first message, which had been sent shortly before noon. He said he was reading a book on his phone and waiting to hear from me when I awoke and got this message. Yeah, he was going to hear from me really soon, I thought. And not just about lunch.

Meanwhile, Hunter, who had been our ring bearer, had texted me from Remy's phone and wanted to know when I was taking him for beignets. I texted Ahmed and told him we were going for beignets with Hunter. That was going to annoy him because he did not really like fried food, let alone fried sugary food. _Too bad._ Then I called Remy to make a plan. The other messages were all from friends offering congratulations and thanks for the reception. Bill grumbled about the fact that there was no fairy blood at our reception to toast with. I wrote back saying he'd made me laugh out loud.

After showering, I put on a dark pair of denims and a ruby red boatneck long-sleeve sweater. I glanced out the bathroom door at Eric before I turned off the bathroom light and looked at my watch. It was 2:30 pm. He'd gone to sleep well past dawn though, so I figured he probably wouldn't wake until sunset, which wasn't until after 5 pm. I was sure I'd be back by 5 pm. But, just in case, I quickly left a note for him on the outside chance he'd awaken early. Then, I went to see Ahmed, who had been stashed in a guest room in a far corner of the third floor. He had been reading since about 11 am but by his third text message he said was really famished and even beignets sounded doable. As soon as I entered his room, even before we got to the issue of food, I laid into him about telling Eric about my nightmares. He'd started to say something about my red wedding dress but I cut him off.

"How could you tell Eric about my nightmares? And you didn't even _warn_ me you did. How could you do such a thing?"

"Good afternoon. Lovely to see you, too. Well, I never got a chance to talk to you alone after the other night at Café Brazil. You were always either too busy or around other people and there was no privacy to tell you. I thought I could tell you today."

"There's a little thing called text messaging, Ahmed and I happen to know you're pretty adept at it," I said. "I told you _not _to tell him at all! You just didn't _want_ to tell me you told him."

"Too bad, so sad, Sasha. I told you I was thinking about an intervention and I intervened. He consumes any information about you or you life like a starved man. I told you that before. You should have told him yourself. If you're mad, you're partly mad that you didn't tell him because you know you should have told him yourself."

Some apology! I just looked at him open mouthed.

"_Excuse_ me?"

"Think about it. The man is crazy about you. He so obviously cares about you, about taking care of you. I should think you'd want to maintain that. Perhaps _participate_ in it? Cooperate with him rather than withholding things? Just an opinion."

Ahmed could be so incredibly sarcastic at times but this took my breath away. He wasn't sorry _at all_.

"So you're not even sorry? You broke my trust and you're not even a little sorry? I told you _not_ to tell him, Ahmed." I stared him straight in the eyes. "What didn't you get about that? I thought we had a clear understanding. He can't be there for me when I'm having nightmares if he's resting at the same time. He's effectively really dead when he rests. He can't wake up and make it all better. So why make him worry about me when he can't do anything to comfort me? What _didn't_ you understand?"

Ahmed looked at me with a skeptical eye

"First, I never said to you that I wouldn't tell him. And, _habibti_, I think that you were quite wrong not wanting to tell him. You said to me once a while back that you think he's too controlling and you know, I think it's partly because he feels like he doesn't quite get you. Because maybe you don't _want_ people to quite get you. You never want to tell any one person everything. And I understand that. Well I sort of do, although it's awfully unfair given who I'm talking to, but anyway, it's hard to be that open, I agree. But you married him and you've got a serious problem. He should know about it. You know it's true." He looked way from my hard glare and said, "He asked you about it then? Did you tell him how bad they were? Or have you covered that up, too?"

I gave him an even darker look.

"I told him enough. I'm not covering things up. You know, I just can't even believe you. You're not even a bit sorry, are you?"

"I'm sorry if you're upset but not sorry that I told him. I'm sorry it was necessary to tell him because you hadn't told him."

"Just charming, Ahmed. I'm just so thrilled. What a great sense of confidence I have in telling you things. And it wasn't _necessary, _that's my entire point."

"Sash, I disagree. Really, I _had_ to tell him. I'm worried about you. It wasn't one nightmare, it wasn't two, it's been _dozens_. This penchant you have for ignoring reality in favor of your own little construct of it is immensely frustrating to your friends and loved ones. I think you should get over yourself and face it that you've got a _serious_ problem. Sleeping three hours a night for weeks and months at a time isn't healthy, no matter what spin you try to put on it."

"Yeah, I'll tell you what my problem is Ahmed. It's about 6' 3", and betrays my trust, upsetting people I love."

"If he's upset, he's upset because you don't tell him shite about what's really going on with you, a lot of the time," he said staring me directly in the eyes. "I'm not backing down because I care too much to lie to you and say it's all fine. It _isn't_ all fine. But it stands a better chance of ending up fine because I was your friend and did the right thing."

I scowled and refused to respond. I was already tired of dealing with this. I was hungry and didn't want to be arguing when we had things to do.

"Enough of this crap. We have to meet Hunter and his dad for the beignets. We need to get moving. Do you want to go to your hotel and change? We're meeting at 3:30 pm so if you want to change we should leave now," I said sullenly.

He couldn't resist smiling at the fact that I was giving it up for the time being.

"Well, I can hardly go get something to eat looking like this, that's for certain. I'll make everyone ill. I look awful." He slipped his shoes back on and put on his jacket over a very wrinkled shirt. "It's okay to just leave the bedding like this I take it? Vampires have maids, too?" I just nodded and waved my hand. I was sure Pam would have it all taken care of, or I'd do it. He continued, as we exited the room "So, I really like your friend Pam. She's so well-read. I really enjoyed talking to her. She's quite interesting. And I liked that Cadel you're always with. He is very droll. He certainly seems extremely fond of you. Rasul is interesting. His Arabic is peppered with all kinds of archaic vocabulary or syntax. Quite fascinating. Moroccan, from the time of the Saadi dynasty. Amazing to think about, having studied it and then meeting someone who actually lived then. They're all so interesting. The history they've seen. They have such perspective on changing cultures and social mores. Vampires aren't like what I imagined at all."

"Well, just remember you don't know them at all. Don't be too trusting and you'll be safer." He was hopelessly naïve on the topic to my mind and had developed a peculiar fascination with them, even though he said he hadn't 'indulged' it yet. No matter how disgusted I was with him at the moment, I didn't much like the idea of Ahmed experimenting with 'getting to know' any vampire I didn't know or at least know something about. For every Eric or Pam there were many more Mickeys or Victor Maddens out there, in my mind. I firmly believed that Eric and Pam were really unusual and that Stefan, Andor, Cadel and Markus were, as well, if Eric brought them all the way from Europe to work here. It was a measure of his not wanting to have an inner circle composed of the vampires around him in Louisiana and the more I'd thought about it over the past six months, a measure of his caution about his peers or 'subjects'.

Ahmed and I headed downstairs, to go to his hotel and to meet Hunter and Remy at the Café du Monde. Remy was none too thrilled with me these days. I disappeared for years at a time (reminding him of Hadley) and now I was involved with vampires on top of it (further reminding him of Hadley). Plus, I told him that Hunter was doing just great and was such a wonderful child (which made him think I was a bit crazy, given his 'disability'). In spite of his less than stellar opinion of me, in order to make Hunter happy, he'd said they'd meet us at 3:30 pm. I'd heard Hunter's squeals of excitement in the background. They were staying an extra day and, over Remy's objections that it wasn't necessary, I'd put them up in a nice hotel as thanks for Hunter being part of the wedding party.

As we walked toward the front entrance of the compound, Ruben was coming out of the garage area with supplies and caught sight of me. He walked toward me smiling and I slowed to a stop with Ahmed. Ruben was genuinely friendly with me now, since I'd tried as much as possible to make sure that I wasn't at risk around the humans that lived in the compound so as not to cause anymore trouble like we'd had back in June with Charlotte. I had even avoided being downstairs when most people were milling around. I'd call down to him to let him know if I was coming down or he'd bring things up for me if I needed it. When I went shopping for myself, often I'd call Ruben and ask if he needed anything, especially if I was at the Farmer's Market. We'd developed an easy rapport and when we were alone he'd call me Sookie now instead of Mrs. Northman.

Ruben had recently confided in me that he had serious multiple sclerosis and that vampire blood was about the only thing that kept him healthy enough to live a normal life. I was stunned to learn that Pam was his regular blood donor. She liked Ruben and had told me months ago that her big concern about anyone tampering with food had never been Ruben himself, but someone else attempting to do so would get Ruben blamed for it. Ruben was a source of much information about the people living on the first floor to Pam, and to Cadel now, as well. He wasn't at all shy about letting them know if he thought someone wasn't on the up and up. Pam found him 'very useful' and even allowed that he was a 'very worthwhile human', but she had never told me that she was giving him her own blood to improve his health. Cadel just flat out owned up to liking him and frequently elicited Ruben's thoughts on humans living or visiting the compound, just to 'round out the background checks'. They were both very kind to Ruben, according to his accounts. Pam was odd about Ruben. She pretty much refused to discuss him. I'd even briefly wondered if she was involved with him, but she'd cut that idea off when I'd asked indirectly and mentioned "a string" of female donors. Sometimes Pam's lack of a lasting romantic relationship made me sad for her, even though she brushed off the idea that having a steady companion might be nicer for her.

"_Mrs. Northman_," Ruben said with a smile, "up so early after your big evening?"

I offered him my hand and squeezed his in a friendly way when he took it.

"Yes," I said with a smile. "Ruben, this is my friend Ahmed. Ahmed, Ruben works here."

"Ah, yes, you run the kitchen. Pam told me. I thought about coming down for something to eat earlier but was just too lazy," he said with a smile. _A little too on edge about telling me he'd told Eric_ was more like it, I gathered. Whether Ahmed was willing to admit it or not, he was really worried I was totally pissed off at him. He had been wondering how he'd tell me that he'd told Eric and how mad I'd be about it.

"I wish I had known. I could have sent food up. Are you going out?" Ruben asked, turning to me.

"Yes. I promised my little cousin beignets at Café du Monde. He's pretty excited."

"Well, that's a serious commitment, then. I'll let you be on your way…" He smiled at me. "I hope the little one enjoys them. And ah, just to give you a heads up, Pam has instructed me to start making desserts for you. I have a text message that reads like formal orders. We'll see what I can whip up."

"I'm sorry if it makes extra work for you, Ruben. I'm really hoping by the time I'm back from our trip, she'll be over it already. See you later," I said with a smile.

We were silent for a while as we walked toward the Ritz-Carlton. Ahmed looked quite tired, needed to shave and looked uncharacteristically rumpled. He now carried his jacket over his shoulder, looped over his index finger, since it was relatively warm for December. His sunglasses covered the shadows under his eyes. Ahmed was a person who really needed a lot of sleep. He'd always been amazed that for years at a time I'd gotten by on as few as three hours of sleep. He'd only recently found out that it was all because of my sleep being interrupted by nightmares or because in the past I was afraid to even try to sleep at times. At least that part had gotten much better since living with Eric. I was usually pretty exhausted by the time I was in bed with him at dawn and between Rosie being there and Eric being there, even if I couldn't really wake him, I felt more at ease at least trying to sleep.

Suddenly, Ahmed stopped mid-stride and turned to me, looking askance.

"Sasha, Where is Jamie? Weren't you supposed to have a bodyguard with you?"

"I'm skipping it. I've got my Glock in my purse. I've got you for backup. I seriously doubt many people are even around. People will be shopping sales and stuff like that or just hanging out at home. It's the day after Christmas, after all. And who would even know I'd be out and about?"

He hesitated as if wanting to reply but we continued on in silence. Finally, after several more minutes of walking, Ahmed said,

"You're not really mad at me that I told him, are you?"

"Oh, I'm totally pissed off at you," I said with a scowl. "I'm not so pissed off that I don't worry that you have lousy judgment in this whole curiosity thing about vampires, but I'm very, very pissed. You knew I didn't want you to tell him and you went right ahead and did it anyway."

"Sash, I _had_ to tell him. I really worry about you. I remember how sleep deprived you were when I first met you. I didn't know then what I know now and I still don't know exactly what really happened to you. But now I know some of what it did to you. If you're having trouble sleeping now the way you were then, then he should know. I'm sorry if you're upset. I'm sorry if you feel I've betrayed your trust, even though I never _said_ I wouldn't tell him. But you know, I think that people who care about you and live with you ought to know that you're having a difficult time with this. Especially, if they're not in a good position to see it for themselves. _Especially_ because of that."

"Fine," I said. "Fine. Let's just drop it already, shall we?" I said tersely. I was starting to get pissed off all over again.

Ahmed picked up my hand as we walked and finally said, after several minutes walking, "Sasha, darling, you will simply _have _to forgive me. I'm insistent on it."

"I said drop it, Ahmed. I'm getting pissed off all over again, so you're not making things better at all." I pulled my hand away from his.

"Telling him about it didn't help you at all, then?"

I was silent as we walked on. I could see the entrance to the Ritz Carlton Hotel in the distance. As we drew closer, I said quietly,

"Eric tried to convince me that I did everything right. He says I 'fought with honor'. Sometimes I feel so very bad about having killed people, Ahmed. I realize it's totally irrational considering they invaded the embassy and were shooting at us and hurt you and Alla and other people besides. But you know, I just feel bad killing anyone. I just do. I saw their eyes and shot them in the head. Think about that. People. People with families and maybe children. Children who are going to hate me, hate _us_ because I killed them. I became part of the whole cycle of hating. That's _everything _that I didn't want."

"I don't think it's irrational. If you told me you were happy that you had shot people, I'd say _that_ was irrational. I shot people, too, remember? You threw me a gun and told me where to shoot and I had at it. We did what we had to do, Sash. That doesn't mean it has to feel swell. Feeling bad about _having_ to do it seems like a pretty good moral position to me. I'm willing to run with it."

I felt my phone vibrate and took it out of my purse. It was a text message from Alla.

"Alla and Mercan say they can meet us there."

Ahmed grimaced silently as he held open the side entrance door of the hotel. He looked down at me as I passed through and said,

"Is she talking to you?"

I looked at him closely. "What do you mean?"

"About how she is. Is she talking to you? I mean you don't have to tell me anything specific if she's confided in you. I just am concerned for her. The job at State is just not Alla at all. When I was talking to her the other night I realized that it's almost a desk job. I hadn't seen her since October. We'd chat but it's all superficial. She's lost weight and even if she looked happy for _you,_ she's not doing well. I'm concerned for her. Mercan wouldn't say much of anything. So I can only assume that she has really bad PTSD and just doesn't want to tell me because it's too personal. But you don't have to say anything to confirm my take on things if you don't want to do so."

"I can't comment. I'll find a discreet way to tell her you're concerned about her."

He was thoughtful as we walked across the hotel lobby to the elevators. He had his own horrible memories of that night and early morning. I started to get into the elevator with him and then thought better of it.

"You know, I'm just going to wait down here in the lobby, Ahmed. I …"

He looked at me as if surprised. Then after a moment's thought, he nodded.

"Quite proper. Of course, you're a married lady now. Appearances…" He leaned over, kissed my cheek and then winked. "I'll be back in less than fifteen minutes, looking quite GQ. I'm sure you'll have forgiven me by then, right?"

I gave him a sneer and he laughed at me.

I settled myself on a comfortable chair in the lobby and looked at my email on my phone, and then called Alla to let her know that Ahmed had detected that she was far more stressed after Islamabad than she was letting on to him. She hadn't told Ahmed because some of her trauma happened in front of him and he'd been unable to help her but some of it had to do with things in her past that had nothing to do with the Embassy. A point that I totally related to, as she well knew. About ten minutes later I glanced up and noticed Jamie sitting across from me in the lobby. He nodded to me with a none-too-happy expression. I got up and walked over to him.

"Hey Jamie. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm just _fine, _thank you, Mrs. Northman. Harried. Rushed. Almost panicked. _Nice one_, Sookie. Really nice. Leonidas called me just as you exited the compound. I literally had to drop _everything_. And I see your phone is working just fine? Did you lose my number?"

"I didn't call you. I figured it's sort of a rest day, especially after working Christmas day. I just wanted to walk with my friend and go see Hunter and his dad, Jamie."

"Well, good thing for GPS tracking on your phone. And I'm just thanking my lucky stars that you didn't go upstairs with him to top it all off."

_I didn't go upstairs with him?_ What was he implying with that one? Because I clearly got the impression that he didn't mean it in the harder to locate me sense.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean, Jamie? Are you actually suggesting that I'd be doing anything inappropriate _with Ahmed_? The day after my wedding no less, but at all? With anyone? Why would you even say such a thing? What is _wrong_ with you?"

Suddenly, he blanched as if taking in the full measure of a misstep with me.

"I, ah… ah…"

"Are you implying what I think you're implying, Jamie? I'm a telepath and you're going to think insulting thoughts about me? _How dare you_? You know, you may be ticked off but if you're looking for a way to get fired, you just keep up mouthing off at me. I'm not going to take that kind of attitude and I'll be the first one to call Bennett and tell him I want a replacement. There is absolutely no excuse for that kind of statement to me or whatever thought that was behind it."

Jamie looked ashen at that point. He put up a hand.

"Look, I'm sorry. I apologize. I was just upset and I was rude. I'm sorry. It was very unprofessional. I didn't _really_ think what I said, okay?"

I glared at him. _Unprofessional?_ Yeah, he wasn't kidding. I tried to read him further, delving into those odd thought signatures of a Were mind. At least he was embarrassed to have been shooting off his mouth. But I guessed I could see he truly didn't think I'd be up to anything with anyone and was now pretty embarrassed at having said such a bad thing to his employer's wife, let alone a vampire's wife and this particular vampire's wife on top of it all. He was just giving me attitude and indulging himself in some sarcasm at my expense because he was angry to have been left scrambling and dropping everything to catch up with me. And that last part really was _my_ fault. But still…

"Unprofessional is an understatement. Something tells me that you're just not supposed to be insulting me, Jamie. I'm going to let it totally slide as a spectacular episode of bad humor with me because I didn't call you. Okay?"

"No, I'm definitely supposed to stay on your good side to keep you easy to manage unless there is risk," he said with the slightest smile.

I didn't respond right away. _Keep me easy to manage_…?

"You know, I've asked you before and you wouldn't tell me. Exactly what _are_ your instructions? In case of risk. I want to know."

"Ask your husband, Sookie."

"Why can't _you_ tell me?"

He stared up at me silently.

"You were told you _couldn't_ tell me?"

"I am not to engage in any discussion in depth with you about our services, their extent, your need for the services, or what your husband wanted us to do with anyone that posed a risk of harm to you. I am not to listen to you if you try to dismiss me from watching you. I have permission to physically restrain you or remove you from any situation if I judge you to be at risk of harm. As to the rest and all the specifics, you are to talk to your husband about if you have further questions."

He sounded like he was reading a carefully written statement from an internal cue card. _Physically restrain me or remove me?!_ If I'd been a vampire my eyes would have glowed with anger. Instead I simply flushed with anger. I started to speak but was startled by a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh good, you called Jamie. I'm so impressed, Sash," said Ahmed with a smile. "Shall we? It's 3:25 already."

I smiled my most saccharine smile at them both. Ahmed just nodded to Jamie. As promised, he looked amazingly spiffed up, compared the only fifteen minutes before. Really, Ahmed could polish up incredibly easily. I was always amazed. It was an almost vampire-like quality about him. Alla and I used to complain that we could be in the middle of a desert in a sandstorm and Ahmed would still look good and she and I would look about as fresh as a pair of mummies.

We left the Ritz-Carlton and walked down toward the Decatur Street riverfront. Once we got down to Decatur Street and close to the café, Hunter came running toward us and hugged me. Alla and Mercan were right on time. We had to put several tables together to seat the seven of us and leave room for the baby stroller. Remy seemed more relaxed seeing that I was hanging out with regular humans (of course, he didn't know about Jamie). He was impressed to find out that Alla, Ahmed and I had all worked for the FBI and that that was how we knew each other. He was more puzzled by me than ever. He was even willing to overlook the fact that they were clearly foreign. At least they were human.

_He doesn't get you at all, Aunt Sookie. Not at all._

_Keep it verbal, Squirt. My friends are very used to the telepathy and they'll catch on._

_I'm pretty sure Ahmed already knows. He caught on at the wedding. He's just keeping it quiet 'cause he thinks you're mad at him about something he told Eric about you. Something about your dreams? Are you still having the bad… _

"Hunter, do you want anything else? Don't you like them?" I asked sharply. I didn't want to listen to him rattling on about Eric or Ahmed and especially not about my dreams.

"No… I don't really like them. They're not like doughnuts at all. Didn't you say that your Grandma made beignets with fruit stuff inside? Maybe those would be better. I like jelly doughnuts."

"Yes, she made them with cinnamon apples or strawberry or apricot preserves inside. I'll make them for you sometime. You can do them with bananas, too."

_You can make them when I come to stay with you in the summer._

_Oh really? __Out__ loud__, Hunter._

_Yeah. Daddy's going to ask you. You'll see._

I ignored Hunter and started playing with Alexander, who was grabbing at my fingers. Alla and I chatted for a while about baby things, her beautiful wedding gift of Orrefors candleholders and their forthcoming visit to Mercan's family for his parent's thirty-fifth anniversary. We joked about Ahmed giving Eric and me a Kosta Boda serving set, after he'd evidently called her in total frustration about what to give us for our wedding. _Swedish glass?_ she'd offered up, amazed at the idea that Ahmed was having to ask her about such a thing. She was still chuckling about it, even as Ahmed was muttering things about her heritage in Arabic much to Mercan's amusement. Jamie amused Hunter with disappearing coin tricks while Ahmed and Mercan discussed Near East politics. Remy seemed absorbed in people watching and text messaging. After about forty minutes we were finished with our coffees and ready to leave.

The seven of us walked around the quarter for a while. I bought Hunter a t-shirt and some postcards. Considering it was late December it was quite a warm afternoon. I took off my sweater. Ahmed had rolled up his shirtsleeves and even Mercan and Alla looked warm, taking off their jackets and stuffing them in to Alexander's stroller. We were all used to snowy winters in Virginia. As we walked Remy and I chatted about the possibility that Hadley had really been related to Marie Laveau on the Delahoussaye side of her family. I could tell that Remy thought that Hadley's family, Stackhouse or Delahoussaye was pretty damn abnormal so, really, throwing in a voodoo queen was really not much of stretch at this point as far as he was concerned.

Alla, Mercan and Ahmed walked behind us a bit, chatting in Arabic. After a while I walked ahead of the others with Hunter, holding his hand. It was easy to carry on an internal conversation without the others being aware of it.

_Will you show me where my Mom lived?_

_Not this trip, sweetie._

_When I come in the summer? Amelia still owns the house she lived in, right?_

I glanced at him and when we stopped to look in a shop window I stroked my fingers through his hair. It made me so sad. I remembered going and seeing the bridge my parents' car had been on when it washed away. I shivered thinking of Dermot and of Bill and Eric killing him. I'd never know, now, if he really had had a direct hand in my parents' death. It didn't really matter, though. They were gone. Just like Hadley was gone.

_I just want to see where she lived. _

I glanced back at Jamie, who was chatting with Remy, and Alla and Ahmed and Mercan, who trailed behind them now with the baby stroller. Hunter and I stood looking through a gallery window at the drawings inside a gallery.

_We can't do it today and I leave tomorrow afternoon. I promise when you come back that we'll go see her apartment, okay? Amelia knew your mom. She can tell you a bit about her._

_She didn't like her._

_I'm not sure that's entirely a correct take on things Hunter. Your mom was going through some difficult times then. Sometimes things just aren't that black and white. I'm sure if you were to ask Amelia she wouldn't say that. We'll go next time._

_I didn't have to ask her. I could see. She didn't like her. But that's okay. I just want to see where she lived. Amelia says she has photos of her, too. Don't tell my dad I want to see them, though._

I bit my lip and just nodded slightly. I didn't want to say or think too much. Hadley had been such a complex and troubled person. I pushed it all far back in my mind.

A short time later, Eric called my cell phone. He'd awakened quite early, since it was still fifteen minutes before 5 pm and sunset was around 5:10 pm. I let go of Hunter's hand and stood off away from the others to talk to Eric briefly. He sounded slightly odd. I couldn't quite get a fix on how he felt.

"Are you okay? You sound odd, Eric."

"Just fine. So you are with Ahmed, Hunter and his father?"

"Yes, and Alla and Mercan joined us. We just went for beignets and coffee at the Café. I'd promised Hunter. We're walking on Royal now, near the cathedral."

"When will you be home?"

I suddenly felt bad that I'd lost track of the time. After all, it was less than a day since we'd been married and Eric liked waking up next to me and we'd sort of quarreled the night before.

"I'll be back soon. Less than half an hour? I'm not that far away from home. I'll just say goodbye to Hunter, his dad and Alla and Mercan and I'll come back. Ahmed leaves tomorrow, so…"

"It's fine, Lover. Enjoy your friends. Jamie is with you, right?"

"Yes. Don't worry. I'll be home soon. You got up so early after staying up so late. I should have come back sooner. Don't get dressed," I murmured into the phone.

"Min älskade, whatever do you have in mind?"

"_Min_ älskade… I really don't think I can go into that right now," I said in a low playful voice, glancing back at the others.

He chuckled. "_Din_ älskade? Hmmm, I like the sound of the emphasis. You sound pretty sure about this. Always a good sign after getting married. Take your time. Really. I've got enough left to do before we leave to keep busy for a while."

"I'll be back soon. I love you," I murmured.

"Jag älskar dig. Or maybe Ich liebe Dich?"

"Eric?"

"Sookie?"

"Ixnay on the German, remember? I start to get all confused. It's just too many languages. I'll be lucky if I really learn one."

"Hmmm. How about Je t'aime?"

"You know I _love_ the sound of French."

"Merveilleux. Je suis content de l'entendre."

I laughed.

"I have absolutely no idea what that means but it sounds beautiful."

I finished the call and walked back, the others looked at me expectantly.

"I should go back soon," I said, rejoining them.

"What's the matter, he's hungry?" said Remy in an extremely snide tone of voice.

I felt myself turn bright red. Hunter met my eyes and then looked at the ground, embarrassed. I couldn't even respond, since I couldn't exactly say anything bad to Hunter's dad.

"Who _wouldn't_ be hungry for time with my beautiful friend? And they're newlyweds, after all." said Ahmed, not missing a beat. He linked his arm in mine and started walking. He was bristling and mentally insulting Remy in multiple languages. We stopped in front of St. Louis Cathedral.

"Thanks," I said softly.

"I pity that child. Imagine living with his father and having to deal with that," he murmured in a low tone. "I can't imagine listening to the shite in a narrow mind like that."

Well, Hunter had been right. Ahmed had caught on. I glanced back at Hunter, who was angrily pulling away from his dad, who'd taken his hand. I glanced up at Ahmed's eyes, which were hard to see behind his sunglasses. If Ahmed had figured it out, the likelihood that Eric had was a virtual certainty. How scary was it to have _more_ people know about Hunter?

"Hush, Ahmed. You need to be very careful with that. Tell me what you want to do before we all leave tomorrow afternoon."

"I know… I will be. So I _am_ forgiven? You said you're leaving around 3? Do you still have to pack? Perhaps we can have brunch, but only if it won't leave you too pressed."

"I'm not even allowed to pack. Pam is packing for me. No... I'm really not kidding. I don't know where I'm going at all. Not even a clue. And evidently even _packing_ would reveal too much information."

"Ah," he said with a chuckle. "I can only imagine how maddening you must find that. It's so amusing that you can't read them, Sash."

I smiled. "I don't know that I'd call it amusing. And it's kind of like quintessential Eric, actually. He's having _way _too much fun with it all. Brunch is good. Maybe late brunch, say 11:30? I really have to be back at home by no later than 1:30 pm."

"Perfect." He leaned around to glance at the others and then said in a low voice, "Did you talk to Eric about the possibility of doing more consulting work?"

I had done a quick consulting job for the NYPD in November involving a Mafia case that was also being prosecuted federally. Manny had referred them to me directly. Jamie had accompanied me on the trip as a bodyguard and we'd stayed with Ahmed. Other than regularly scanning people who met with Eric, it was my first post-FBI telepathy work. I had the possibility of working on a similar organized crime case in Illinois, too. But Ahmed and I had also talked about doing some stateside counterterrorism work as consultants for the FBI and DHS. Manny had told me they were very interested in continuing to work with me even if I just wanted to do consulting work. He said I could get a lot of business from counterterrorism, organized crime and even, though I didn't think I'd feel as comfortable with the work, investigations into serial killings. He'd told me earlier in the month that several Investigative Specialists had asked if I was willing to interview serial killer suspects. I wasn't so sure that the trauma of something like that was exactly what I needed at present, though. I'd heard and seen enough bad stuff in my life already.

"I've touched on the idea with Eric. As far as the counterterrorism stuff, I'm not thinking it's going to go over very well for anything outside the States. And frankly, anything that Chuck is involved with is unlikely to meet my requirements at the outset. I'm not going to get involved in anything that reflects Chuck's usual style, that's for sure. So I don't know about it working with the FBI. DHS might be okay. I really don't know how they do business. Maybe with CIA it's different now, but they're not domestic and I can absolutely tell you that Eric would have a fit if I made plans to set foot outside this country for anything like that again, even as a consultant. I'm not sure he'd even let me do anything in the EU. I have visions of my passport being unexpectedly shredded."

"I'm not sure that doing organized crime is any safer, Sasha. Might even be worse, actually." He hesitated for a moment and then asked with a sigh, "What about the business consulting idea?"

"You mean for Saad? I don't know. I'll have to see. I really can't promise anything right now. I've got the business with my friend Amelia just getting off the ground. We've got lots of work here, and even a few jobs in Dallas and Austin. Maybe more in Jackson and a bigger job in Tunica, although that's a little sketchy, right now. And I do sit in on a lot of meetings now with Eric or with Pam. Maybe in the spring I'll be able to better consider the possibility of setting up to do more consulting. Things are just starting to fit together now workwise. But did Saad tell you what he wants a telepath consultant for, really? I mean, I'm pretty picky about what I'll get involved in. You know that…"

"I know. We can talk more about it tomorrow," he said with a sigh, as Mercan and Alla drew closer with the stroller. Ahmed didn't like to discuss his family even with most friends. And Saad in particular was an awkward case, because he'd married into the bin Laden family long before the name was associated with terrorism because of one particular bin Laden.

I nodded. For some reason I just happened to glance down at his arm, which was still linked in mine. Since he had rolled up his sleeves because it was warm, I could see his bare arms. His smooth skin, with it's fine dark hair, was noticeably darker than mine. And it was unscarred. When he had left the embassy in Islamabad, Ahmed had burns on his arms. _Cigarette_ burns, after being burned by Taliban fighters who hadn't quite gotten a handle on who they had, as in a Saudi prince. He was just the Americans' Saudi collaborator at that point. They had left him with multiple burns. Burns that should, by all expectations, have scarred.

"Ahmed, what happened to the burns?" I asked looking up at him as I ran my hand over the smooth skin of his forearm.

"Eric didn't tell you? He offered us his blood, to heal us. I was bruised and then I had the burns, which were healing badly. Alla refused. But I already had the interview scheduled at NYU remember? Since you said you were leaving at the end of November, I'd scheduled it before we left. I guess you were so out of it after you finally woke up that you didn't notice they were gone?"

I literally stopped in my tracks. _Eric had given Ahmed his blood?_ Eric hardly gave his blood to anyone _ever_ was my understanding. Although, he had offered to give it to Tara a long time ago as a favor to me. Eric might have been grateful to Ahmed and Alla for calling him and taking care of me, but it was awfully odd that he had given his own blood if Markus and Andor were at hand and could have given theirs. Not exactly something you'd expect a vampire _king_ to be doing… Not anything I'd exactly expect Eric to do even as a sheriff. Furthermore, and far more importantly, _he'd never said anything about it to me_.

"Eric? Eric personally gave you _his_ blood? Not Markus's? Not Andor's?"

He looked surprised at my reaction.

"Yes, _his._ He gave me his blood, from his wrist. He sliced it open with a pair of scissors in the room then put it in a cup, one of those little ones they bring medication in. I watched him do it. But you never noticed until now that I wasn't scarred?"

A chill ran down my spine. I was simply stunned. Distractedly, I said,

"You were wearing long sleeves all the time. When I was in New York last month for those three days… it was already cold, remember? And I hadn't seen you in person since the end of September. Just Skype before last month. Exactly what did Eric tell you about having his blood, Ahmed?"

"We were talking, in your room and he just offered it to me. He said it would heal my injuries. I knew I looked so bad. I didn't want to call them back at NYU and reschedule, even though the embassy thing was a good reason. I just wanted to know I had the position locked for the spring session and to enjoy telling Chuck I quit along with you, the way we planned. And I hated the burns. The idea of not being scarred at all was what really sold me on it. They were really going to scar and I'm not embarrassed to admit I didn't _want_ to be scarred, Sasha. So I took him up on the offer. You look almost upset, _habibti_. Why? I mean, you're not…" he looked at me as if he was worried that I was jealous in some way. He knew I'd had a fair amount of Eric's blood in the past. He was already processing the idea that clearly something was wrong.

"What did you talk about with Eric while I was so ill, Ahmed? You said he asked you a lot of questions. What did you talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know. Our work, what had happened at the embassy, you. We talked a lot about you, of course. But it was all very basic stuff, Sash. Look, why are you so apprehensive?"

I looked at his expression as closely as I could with his wearing sunglasses. I read his thoughts about the whole thing, trying to see if I could detect that he had been glamoured but I didn't really see anything indicative of it. I knew Ahmed's mind so well. But Eric was incredibly clever for some things. I was quite sure that if Eric had been trying to glamour Ahmed that he would be stealthier than a cat.

"Ahmed, if a vampire gives you blood then they can read quite a bit about you. They know how you feel and as a result almost what you're thinking. It's a fast way of getting into a person's head, inside their emotions. And it can make it much easier to glamour the person or enthrall them. You need to be really careful not to do something like that ever again unless you know why they're giving you the blood and a lot about who's giving it to you. Glamouring obviously doesn't work on me but it would almost certainly work on you. There's a price for most things that most vampires do for you, whether you know it at the time or not."

"But Sasha, he did it because he was grateful. I mean, it was obvious, right? I got his contact info from Mercan, we called him about you, I stayed with you during the day until Alla could. He said he was _grateful_ to us."

Um, yeah. Grateful would have been having _Markus_ give you blood, I thought to myself. Up to something and killing two birds with one stone would be Eric giving you his _own_ blood.

"It made me feel fantastic," Ahmed said with a smile. "It itched while my skin healed, but then in a matter of minutes I felt better than new."

I just sighed. What the hell had Eric been up to with my friend? Asking him all sorts of questions, giving him blood? It certainly gave me new pause for thought about Ahmed telling Eric about my dreams. I didn't see any signs of glamouring in Ahmed's mind, but Eric knew me, knew how I worked and knew what I saw and heard in peoples' heads pretty well by now. I'd have to lock onto something specific in order to know a person had been glamoured and the glamouring itself would likely have to be fairly clumsy. I reflected on his saying several times that he _had_ to tell Eric about my nightmares. Now wasn't that an interesting way to phrase it. _Had _he? Sometimes glamouring could be little more than a strong suggestion, like hypnosis, after capturing the person's attention. I'd seen Cadel do it several times with state troopers to get out of speeding tickets. He was really skillful and yet I knew that Pam said that Eric was more skillful at glamouring people than any vampire she'd ever seen. He wasn't someone clumsy like Long Shadow had been five years ago, just burning people's memories of things. I could imagine Eric entirely rewriting people's memories of things if he needed to do so. He was after all, other than Ahmed, the best-read person I'd ever met. Who better to construct a clever version of reality?

Ahmed looked as if he thought now he'd upset me even further than just telling Eric about my dreams. But now I wasn't upset with him, it was more like being upset _for_ him. How would I ever talk to Eric about it? Especially considering the dismal discussions the previous night? How could I ask him about it without implying I distrusted his having given blood to my friend? How bad a start did I want to have to my marriage? I cringed at the thought of more disagreement.

"I'm glad you're healed. The scars would have been awful reminders… But I'm really not kidding. You need to be more cautious. It's not a joke, Ahmed. You don't have _any_ idea what you're getting into with vampires. You need to be very, very cautious. Vampires are usually not exactly altruistic, okay? I mean loyalty is big with them and if one really cares about you it might be fine. But they're not used to caring about humans and a lot of them aren't used to caring about _anyone_. You really need to be more cautious."

"But Sasha," he said in a low voice, "he was _your_ vampire. You're telling me I can't even trust him? Then what have you bought into here?"

"Ahmed, I've been in this world for more than five years. I can't be glamoured by them. I found myself in love with one I can trust _with me_. I'm telling you that you have absolutely no business getting fascinated with them. Heed my warning. I love you and you're pretty much the smartest person I've ever met. But not about this. You have absolutely no skill set for dealing with this situation and you had better remember it or something really bad could come out of your mistakes."

He felt uneasy now. Well he _should_, I thought to myself. He'd become a little bit too fascinated by the whole vampire thing. Now I wondered if having almost 1100 year old blood had merely added to the fascination. Vampire blood, even Eric's blood had always just healed me. I had no idea what Eric's blood would really do to a regular human mind. But whatever it _had_ done was obviously an already done deal.

I said my farewells to Alla and Mercan, and thanked them again for coming. They were leaving early in the morning to go back to Virginia. Then I turned to Hunter who was also going to leave early in the morning with Remy. I hugged him and it felt as if he just didn't want to let go of me.

_So in June?_

_We'll see, sweetheart. He has to ask first, you know._

_I'm sorry for what he said._

_Don't you worry about it._

_I like Eric._

_I know, don't worry. We'll see, okay? He hasn't asked or anything. Sometimes things change, they evolve, Hunter. The future isn't a fixed thing._

_I'll be here by the end of June._

I sighed as I let go of him and then said a cool goodbye to Remy, who didn't seem in the least sorry for his offensive remark or the even more offensive attitude fueling it. Then I kissed Ahmed goodbye and said I'd see him tomorrow for brunch. He was going to stay with Alla and Mercan for while, have dinner and then meet up with Sammy and Richard.

Jamie and I walked back to the compound at a brisk pace. We walked up Orleans and cut across to St. Ann by walking on Dauphine.

"So can you do brunch tomorrow, picking me up at about 11:15?" I asked Jamie.

"Sure. With advance notice, almost anything is possible," he said with a bit of an edge to his voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you, Jamie. It was really kind of spur of the moment. I'm armed, Ahmed's trained in Krav Maga, too. I just didn't think it was an issue, you know? It's the day after Christmas and you had to work on Christmas day for the wedding. And sometimes, I just get tired of the lack of spontaneity, really."

"I agreed to do the job of guarding you, Sookie. Holidays included. There's a reason Bennett and Eric chose me. I really don't think you have any friends that can keep you as safe during the day as I can and Eric would not be pleased to know you went out without calling me. But beyond that, whether you want to believe it or not, it's really _not_ going to be safe for you to be on your own anymore, since now everyone knows you're married to Louisiana's vampire king. It just isn't. And if anything happens to you when I was supposed to be responsible for watching you, it's my head, and maybe Bennett's and my entire pack's responsibility, as well. My guarding you is about you. But it's not _just_ about you. And you better start realizing that. You married him. And you married the lifestyle."

His face looked serious and his blue eyes flashed with no small amount of anger still.

Tough words. Tough to hear. And the truth was, I couldn't even begin to imagine what Eric would do if Jamie was supposed to be watching me and something happened to me. I'd already heard him tell Jamie off back in October when he was supposed to be watching me at work and I'd been left alone with some new clients. He'd been downright scary with Jamie. Thinking about it from Jamie's perspective, I was a spoiled pain in the ass who could get him killed by vampires. I knew Bennett's pack _had _ to work with Eric because that's just the way things worked in the supernatural world. And if Eric wanted me guarded by a Were or Weres during the day, they'd basically have to do it. I met his eyes and said, nodding,

"You're right. I should have called you. I apologize Jamie. I won't do it again. I'm sorry."

"I'll be very appreciative of anything you can do to _help me_ keep you safe. Bennett and my pack will, too."

I entered the compound through the front entrance, since I wasn't sure if anyone was at the side. I said goodnight to Jamie. The evening guards, all vampires, were already on duty since it was just past sunset. They bowed to me as I passed. I was just not ever going to get used to that. I just nodded and headed for the stairs.

As I headed toward the back stairs and onto the first landing, I felt a sudden swoosh of air sweep past me and I froze momentarily to see Andor looking down at me, from the second floor landing.

"Sookie," he said nodding his head with a smile. "God kväll." Good evening…

I shuddered, sort of frozen, midstep. Then, I kept moving up the stairs.

"Andor," I said nodding my head as I passed him. "God kväll." In spite of my efforts to stay focused and calm, my voice sounded strained.

I registered the puzzlement on his face as I passed him. He had immediately picked up on my edginess. I didn't know if he had a really keen sense of smell like Eric did. I wondered if he could tell I was fearful of him.

"Are you alright?" he asked. " You are upset. Shall I see you up to the third floor?"

Well that answered that question... upset, scared... all adrenaline.

"No, thanks" I said, the words barely squeaking their way out.

He looked at me, puzzled. Suddenly he was beside me, taking my arm.

"You seem very unsettled. Are you really okay? Let me escort you." He took my arm and placed my hand on his forearm with his hand over mine, in an almost courtly fashion, and walked up the stairs with me to the third floor, making a bit of idle conversation. I quaked internally. The fact that I'd said 'no thanks' and he'd gone on and done as he wished was not exactly comforting I noted to myself. But maybe I was being unfair because I regularly ignored Pam's or Amelia's protests when they said nothing was wrong and I thought something was.

When we got to my destination, I opened the door into the library and Eric was in his robe, sitting at his desk, his book set aside, and doing email on his laptop, which was his usual activity before going downstairs. He glanced up at us and his eyes seemed to linger on my face. Andor said something briefly to him in Norse and Eric replied and Andor smiled and then tapped my hand gently as he released my arm, said he'd see me later, and then departed.

I closed the door behind him and turned to find Eric already beside me. Everyone moved so fast around me now, it seemed. No more pretending not to be vampires and moving slowly for me. He tipped my chin upward and studied my face carefully. Finally he said,

"You seem rather agitated, Lover."

The way he said it made me certain that he knew precisely why I was agitated.

"I'm fine," I said.

He continued to study my face. He bent to kiss me on the lips and then turned and walked away.

"Jamie says that Hunter's father is a real asshole," he said somewhat lightly.

Geez Louise, I thought to myself. In the time it had taken me to walk up to the third floor, Jamie had already phoned in a report to Eric? So that was _two_ things he knew I was upset about, then?

"Um, yeah. He was not very polite earlier."

Eric turned back to look at me intently.

"Hunter must mean a lot to you for you to put up with the father, then."

I met his gaze. Was he really onto Hunter? Eric excelled at this type of thing. What I needed here were carefully measured words. I just wasn't ready to face the idea of telling him anything about Hunter.

"Yes, of course. I'm very attached to Hunter."

He studied me closely.

"Were you very close to your cousin Hadley?" he asked. "I've never really asked you about your relationship with her. You seldom mention her. Not the way you do your grandmother, or even Claudine."

"When we were little we were close, yes. She changed when she was a teenager and we didn't get along as well. She got involved in things I didn't like." I walked toward my rooms to put my purse down and put away my sweater in the big wardrobe. He followed right after me.

"Like with vampires?" he asked amusedly, keeping his eyes on mine as I turned back toward him and found him right in front of me.

"No, like drugs and stuff, Eric. Then I guess she straightened out for a while and had Hunter with Remy. I didn't know she'd left him or that she'd even had Hunter, or that she moved to New Orleans and got turned. We fell out of touch. Our lives were real different. We had different values. She really wasn't very nice a lot of the time and she really hurt my Aunt Linda by not seeing her when she was dying." I walked to the kitchen.

Eric still followed after me.

"So if you didn't like Hadley and you don't like her ex-husband, it is curious that you have taken such an interest in their son," he said, probingly.

"Not really, Eric," I said without looking at him. I took out my phone out of my purse after setting the purse down on the table. "I have hardly any family left and am not going to be having children. It's hardly surprising at all that I take an interest in Hunter when you look at from that perspective."

"I see. He also seems to be an unusual child. He's very quiet and seems so very… observant," he said looking me directly in the eyes to gauge my reaction.

_Omigod,_ _he really knows_ and is just looking for me to confirm it somehow, I said to myself. I tried to stay relaxed. Eric would know instantly if I started to get upset or if I wasn't telling him the truth or if I was even leaving out the most important part of a truth. I might feel bad about not wanting to tell him, but I just wasn't ready to reveal stuff about Hunter without further thought about it. It was obvious I needed an all-out diversion. Poker-faced, I completely changed gears.

"So you know, Ahmed's asked me if I would be interested in doing some consulting work for his brother. He said he'll tell me more about it tomorrow at brunch."

Eric did indeed look caught off-guard.

"Which brother? He has quite a few from what you've said."

"Saad, one of the older ones. He's married to a bin Laden. They have an international engineering and construction business."

"Work as a_ telepath_?"

I nodded to him.

"Why? And where would the consulting work be?"

"Not in Saudi Arabia. I think in Geneva, from what Ahmed's said. They live in Geneva."

Eric looked away for a minute and then finally looked back at me, circumspectly. He crossed his arms before speaking and that already told me what his thoughts were on the matter before he even said,

"I appreciate the fact that you really enjoy the travel and that working for some Saudi prince probably seems like an interesting prospect. But I do not like the idea of doing work that takes you so far away. It would be much harder to safeguard you. And I do not even see what it is that they would want you to do? How is it different, really, from what Felipe wanted? It doesn't really sound like the kind of thing you like, unless someone is really doing something underhanded to him, and even then I'd wonder if they'll stick to your terms of handling whoever's responsible for any problems, since it's such a powerful family, right? They may not play by your rules. They probably are very fond of their own."

Well, it might have been intended as a diversion but, as usual, Eric got right to the heart of it. Saad was running a business and if using me as a consultant was for the purpose of turning a better profit, it really was little different from what Felipe had planned. I really wouldn't be interested in such a job, no matter how well it might pay or where I'd get to go. And if it was because of something underhanded going on, I really didn't know how that would play out for whoever was responsible, either. Ahmed had described his family's world as somewhat shadowy at times. I'd met his brother, Abdullah, who was an oncology resident at Cornell, and who I liked very much. And I'd also, rather awkwardly, met several sisters in London, but never Saad, who was an older half-brother. There were so many in the family. I'd lost count at twenty siblings, so many because of the different wives. Really, now that I was talking about it with Eric, the whole idea sounded like a corporate espionage issue or something. I'd been puzzled by the interest from the start. I wrinkled my nose in displeasure. Maybe Ahmed had been pressured to ask and felt he had to just follow through and send my regrets? I wasn't in his head regularly anymore and really hadn't thought to check it out. I'd know tomorrow. It wouldn't surprise me. I'd been none too thrilled to find out that his family had learned I was a telepath after the whole embassy rescue thing, although I'd been amazed that even his doctor brother Abby seemed totally unsurprised that such abilities existed. People thought so differently in the Eastern world.

"That's true, isn't it? Well, I told Ahmed I'd have to talk to you about it, anyway. And I already told him that I didn't think that you'd like my being out side the US for work again."

I saw him betray his thoughts on that account with the slightest of smiles.

I kicked off my shoes as I plugged my phone into my laptop to sync it then walked over and hugged him, slipping my arms inside his robe and encircling his waist. I sighed as I leaned my face against his cool, bare chest.

"It was pretty bad that I wasn't here when you woke up. I don't know what I was thinking going out so late in the afternoon. I missed waking up with you the very first day we're married." I kissed his chest and he held me, resting his chin on my head.

"You're here now and we will be waking up next to each other for many, many years, Lover," he murmured above my ear as he dropped his head lower and nuzzled his face in my hair.

"Well, I'll hope this was not setting the tone then," I kissed his bare chest. "I love you, Mr. Northman. Jag älskar dig."

With his arms around me, all the questions I had about Andor, or about Eric giving his blood to Ahmed seemed to fade into the background for the moment. I felt so happy. Well, I should say they faded for _me. _Some things _didn't_ fade for Eric, however, no matter how happy he appeared to feel. Multitasking was never a problem for Eric and he was not exactly the kind of person to get lost in the sentiment of the moment.

"I love you, Mrs. Northman. But don't think that I'm going to let the subject of your interest in Hunter or the reason that you're now so afraid of Andor just drop. Take your pick, Lover. Pick your poison, as they say," he murmured as he brushed his lips over my ear, making me shiver slightly.

His arms were firm around me as I leaned my head back to look him in the eyes. He had _that_ look. The look that meant he wasn't going to let any of it drop.

"What do you mean? About Andor?"

He stared down at me and frowned. "You know exactly what I mean. Why are you apprehensive about Andor all of the sudden? Or even, what was that just a few minutes ago? _Afraid_, here, in my own compound. Afraid of _Andor_ was it? Now what has changed since you sat next to him last night? Hmm? I can think of only one thing."

I didn't even flinch. "I find your conversation with Andor more than a little unsettling. Especially considering that he'll be traveling with us on the honeymoon and you plan to send him to Tunica if I do that job."

He jutted out his chin. "What conversation, Sookie? What conversation are you referring to? Hmmm?"

"You're the one with the words of encouragement about my right to survive, aren't you? Did you really think I wouldn't try to see whose idea it was? Even just an image in your mind? Well, I guess I can't help but feel that it would be very easy for Andor to decide to make you a very nice gift, one that would get around the obstacle of your promise to me, except for the part about no one else turning me either. I could envision him doing it just because he… loves you, or whatever you two want to call the ties that bind you to each other," I said, shuddering at the thought of my being turned as a 'gift' to Eric. All I could think about was what sires usually seemed to do with their children. And even if I thought Andor would probably never dare try something like that with me if he went and did something dastardly like turn me for Eric. But what if he turned me and something happened to Eric? I'd be open game, subject to his completely dominating will. As Eric had pointed out early in the morning, even vampires can get killed and people had tried to kill Eric in the not too distant past and, in fact, several times just since I'd known him. Envisioning Andor turning me and Eric dying and my being left with Andor as my sire was pretty terrifying. I could look at Markus and then think about being female on top of it and well… It was _way_ beyond scary.

Eric studied me. I felt like his eyes were boring into me with that laser look of his. I finally looked away. It was so hard when he looked at me that way. Sometimes I felt like he was sifting through my thoughts one by one, even though I knew that wasn't possible. He guided my face back to his and tipped my chin upward so that I had little choice but to look at him.

"So you think you are getting much better at this business of getting information out of my head, hmm? Well, my wishes, and my will, have been _very_ clearly expressed to Andor. I seriously doubt he would have any such intention, Sookie. At our age we are rather vested in our continued existence."

He had to be kidding. I couldn't see him doing anything to harm Andor. Or Stefan or Cadel or even Markus. Sending them away and never speaking to them again? Maybe. Killing them? No. And would he even send Andor away? They were like brothers, even though they were very different. His oldest friend? He was kidding _himself,_ not me.

"Well, I'm sure that Andor thinks you would forgive _him_. Especially given his likely intention of pleasing you by finding a way around what you promised me. It seems unlikely that you'd kill a friend you've had for a thousand years because he turned a human woman you've known for five, even if you were married to her. Especially if he turned her _for you_. And he's a friend who is, in every practical sense, like your younger brother, Eric. The four of you are like brothers. You're not going to tell me that you'd haul off and kill Andor if he did something like that. I could see him intending it as a gift for you and thinking you'd forgive him just fine. That's what I think, and I'm betting it's what _he_ thinks, too."

"Then Andor would be very mistaken about the forgiveness all the way around. Yours and mine. You still do not understand us. There's more to it than just the length of the association and the fondness of the attachment, Sookie. There is his _word_. He has sworn to follow my will and so he'll follow it. I can assure you. If he were to break his word to me once, why would I assume he would not do so again? And about something I hold so important? Andor knows exactly how I feel about the promise I have made to you. And for _anyone_ who serves me to draw blood from someone who is mine, from my wife? I think not. I would not worry myself, if I were you. Again, the problem with your getting into my head is that you're getting only part of the information. It would be better for you to stay out of my head entirely because you don't seem to be able to get enough information to do anything other than upset yourself. So what's the point? If you want to know something, _ask me_. It's not as if I lie to you. And if I did lie you'd _feel _it. Don't mess with trying to skim a bit of information out of my mind. Being sneaky, clever or sly by trying to read me is doing nothing more than creating more problems. I reiterate to you, _Andor is no threat to you_. He has sworn fealty to me, to follow my will and my will is that my people protect you. Not turn you. I am the only person that will ever turn you and only if you wish it. Are we clear?"

I nodded my head. I was still not exactly convinced, but fine.

"Fine. I will try to act as I did before."

He looked at me with hard eyes. He wasn't buying it, I could tell.

"He will _not_ harm you, Sookie. It is important that you believe this because I rely on him to safeguard you as well as me. I cannot have you distrusting those whom I trust to protect you. You're not setting foot in Salome's Area unless Andor is with you. If you won't trust him, and trust his word, then you are not going and that's that."

I nodded and was just silent then. Perhaps he didn't want to upset me more, because he said quietly,

"We will save the discussion about the child for another day. Besides, I think I already have my answers. Your attempts at evasion give me all answers I need." Without even looking me in the eyes, he released me and took my hand. "Come Lover. Let's shower. And then you should eat. Ruben has made you dessert on Pam's instruction. I don't want to imagine what she'll do with the three of us if you don't eat it." With that, we walked off toward the other side of our rooms. Since he was cutting me slack about Hunter and we were still dealing with the issue from the previous night, I decided I'd definitely wait on asking about Ahmed. I didn't want anymore of these tense discussions for a while. He sensed that I was still tense and upset and turned back to me. He looked at me almost sadly and said softly,

"Relax," he said kissing me. "My beautiful bride and wary love…"

I said nothing in reply. Then his face broke into an amused smile.

"How are your feet today?"

"Ha, like I'd tell you?" but then I added, "Okay, I admit they really are fine, actually. Which is surprising considering the barbaric treatment they endured."

He laughed at me.

"I may have to inspect them again later, to be on the safe side. In fact, I think I'm going to have to check you out carefully. You need to be in good shape for tomorrow, because… Oh wait, you can't know yet." He gave me a taunting smile.

I groaned and rolled my eyes while he laughed. As he walked slightly ahead of me toward the bedroom, I grabbed his butt and joked that for a _much_ older man he was still looking mighty fine. We didn't make it to the shower for a while. After we finally did shower, we sat over on my daybed, our legs tangled together, reading for a while, while we waited for Ruben to bring something upstairs for my dinner. I didn't want to be cooking and leave leftovers if I was going away the following day. I was surprised to find a short time later that Cadel and Stefan joined Ruben at the door.

"I need to talk to Eric," said Cadel. His eyes sparkled a bit as he took in the fact that I was still in my bathrobe. It was almost 8:30 pm. "Only briefly, of course. Since it appears that we have disturbed you. I mean, you really don't look like you were prepared for company. Well, not _our_ company. Maybe each other's com..."

"Cadel, is there any chance you can shut it before yourself get in trouble?" said Stefan, while leaning on Cadel's shoulder. "Any chance at all?"

"I wouldn't bet on it. No, probably not. The dancing was grand by the way. Eric looked rather put out in the end, didn't he? The way he cut in was really kind of tetchy, wasn't it?" He grinned with those dimples of his and then abruptly looked quite serious.

Eric was already behind me, making a stern face at Cadel. Total pretense, from what I could see. I laughed at the three of them. I really thought that Cadel was as bad as Pam.

Ruben and I walked over to my rooms, leaving Cadel and Stefan deep in quiet discussion about something just inside the library door. Ruben had made me a chateaubriand, veggies and some sort of chocolate and orange torte that looked as if it had about a million calories. We chatted for a few minutes and then he took stock of the True Blood in the refrigerator and departed. Stefan and Cadel still seemed deep in conversation with Eric, so with a sigh I sat down and just started eating. I wondered what would bring them up to talk to him. I'd never even seen them enter our rooms.

There really was rarely such a thing as a day off for Eric. The business of running a vampire state seemed to be much more complex and involved than I had ever realized before I'd moved back. Whereas before he'd been in charge of dozens of vampires as Sheriff, now it seemed it was likely perhaps hundreds as king of the state. I didn't even know for sure. And there were always issues. With the longer nights and therefore more active hours, it meant that there was not just more time for work, but more work to be done. Whereas Pam and Stefan presented the more business-like face of his administration, Cadel, Markus and Andor were the grittier behind the scenes component. So who knew what was going on if Stefan _and_ Cadel were both there talking to him?

Eric came in and sat down while I was eating. I set down my book.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"We were just firming up some things. But I've also just heard from Cadel that you left the building without calling Jamie? Jamie did not tell me this."

I bit my lip.

"I was with Ahmed, I was armed, and I've already been told off, thank you very much. By the time we were at Ahmed's hotel, Jamie was already with me. He really told me off and told me you'd be furious, so you don't have to bother with being furious now, okay? He told me I can't do stuff like that because now everyone knows I'm married to you. He was totally pissed off with me and I apologized to him, so I guess that's why he didn't feel like he had to tell you."

He looked at me soberly but surprised me by just nodding and saying no more. He seemed almost preoccupied as he heated some True Blood and then sat next to me as I ate my torte. He put his arm around the back of my chair and sighed slightly.

"Is everything really okay?" I asked after swallowing a bite.

"More of the usual. No worries, Lover," he said, stroking my shoulder gently with his thumb.

I looked at him and tilted my head to the side as I savored the chocolate. He wasn't being upfront with me about something. It was like I felt it in my bones. He was worried, or at least preoccupied, by something.

"So, is _this_ what you feel like when I'm not totally coming clean with you?"

He looked at me with cool appraisal and then nodded with a smile.

"Caught me, eh?" He hesitated for a moment and then said, "Stefan's committing to a few things for January and February. We'll talk more about it when we're back from our trip. I just don't want to think about it right now."

"What kind of commitments? I don't understand."

He hesitated again, just momentarily. It was so unlike him.

"Social commitments. I curtailed my commitments in the fall. But I need to get back to some of them. Don't worry. We'll talk about it all when we return. So, what are you going to do while Pam finishes packing?" he asked with an amused face. "Because whatever it is, we'll need you out of this room. Perhaps Cadel can take you for a drive?" he asked with a wicked smile.

I just shook my head with a sigh.


	3. Chapter 3

**III.**

The following afternoon we left for our honeymoon. At least I hadn't tried to read Eric's thoughts on where we were headed. I did have a sense of honor, after all. I had pointed this out to him the night before and ended up being tickled until I could hardly breathe. Eric then proceeded to tease me by listing some of the more inhospitable places on the face of the earth as potential destinations for our trip. Antarctica and the Kalahari desert did not appear to be reasonable choices as far as I was concerned. Baffin Island also seemed rather unpleasant as a honeymoon location, as did Svalbard. _Especially_ in late December.

I'd lain stretched out, naked in bed, propped up on my elbows regarding an atlas that was so old it had the Soviet Union, Yugoslavia and Czechoslovakia on it. Eric had laughed heartily over the idea that the atlas was 'old' in my mind. He joked about my lax standards for 'old', reminding me that when he'd lived human that people still thought the earth was flat, the sun revolved around the earth and there was no New World. He leaned over me, with one leg draped over my butt and pointed out additional and very helpful options. Easter Island and Fiji appeared to be a very long trip. And beach locations in the summer of the Southern Hemisphere just seemed an odd choice for a vampire if the sun could turn you to ash in a matter of a few painful minutes. Madagascar, while delightfully exotic sounding, was also probably too hot and humid in December, he pointed out with amusement, even if it was a bit shadier. Calcutta was just too crowded and he'd heard that Japan was really hard on very tall people and three of four going on the trip were over 6' 2".

I promptly informed him that he was a terrible, and terribly annoying, person. His reply was the very remorseful,

"Too late. And you agreed in front of _so_ _many_ witnesses that you were happy with the situation… You've really locked yourself in for a lifetime of teasing now."

"Wasn't there something about love, honor and cherish? I really could have sworn that you promised you would. I'm _so_ not feeling it."

"Well, I'm thoroughly cherishing giving you a hard time. I honor you with my love and love would have to be the only possible reason for my incredible permissiveness with you, min älskade. You really can't really believe I _like_ your arguing with me? Clearly there's love." He rocked his leg on my hips.

I closed the atlas and looked over my shoulder at him.

"Yeah, you're loving it. If I started doing what you wanted all the time, you'd be so bored, so fast, that the ink would hardly have dried on the license before you'd be drafting the divorce papers."

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"I would _not_ be bored. And I do _not_ believe in divorce. I really hope you're clear on that latter point."

I stayed there with my head turned back to him, just looking at him silently, lips pursed. He kissed my shoulder and said,

"You promised forever. You should have known by now what that means to a vampire. Locked in. Signed up. I do hope that you can adapt to the situation, Mrs. Northman."

"You're really so self-satisfied, aren't you?"

He smiled.

"Lover, I'm just satisfied. But if you're still hungry for more, I'll be happy to oblige you."

I groaned. "You can oblige me by letting me know where I'm going tomorrow, Eric."

"Okay. You're going to a place I thought you would find romantic. I'm absolutely certain you'll like it. You must be really tired because normally your questions are better designed to elicit information."

"I'm tired. I'm tired of being jerked around by you and Pam and all the people who appear to know where I'm going when I don't."

He looked at me with a very playful leer and rocked my hips again with his thigh.

"You're not being _jerked_, Lover, but like I offered, I'd be happy to arrange your being _fu_…"

I pushed his leg off me and rolled him over and climbed on top of him, pressing down on his shoulders with my hands. I tried but failed to glare at him as I smiled. He blew on my hair, which was hanging close to his face.

"Why, Mrs. Northman, what a pleasure to see you make your own arrangements," he said with a grin as he grabbed my waist and head, pulling me closer to kiss me.

An hour before dawn a huge coffin was delivered to our rooms. It was not a pleasant feeling when he climbed into it to sleep. Before closing and locking himself in, he stroked my hair and kissed me reassuringly. In spite of all the things I'd heard and seen in the months since I'd come back home, first to visit and then to live, nothing drove home the fact that I loved a dead man like seeing him climb into that coffin. I couldn't understand why it affected me so with Eric. I'd seen Bill do it. But this was just different. I loved him and was married to him. It especially made me feel so keenly how vulnerable he was while he rested. He seemed to feel how it really impacted me. He pressed his lips to mine and said that he'd see me earlier than I thought. And then he was locked away.

I felt so odd in the big bed without him. Even though we'd been apart several nights when I'd traveled since I'd moved back home, I'd not be here, alone, without him. And now I felt as alone as I had back in Virginia, before he'd come to find me. Even though he was still right there in the room. I couldn't understand myself on that point. After giving up on sleeping, I turned my nightstand lamp back on and stared at his coffin. Finally, I just picked up my book from the nightstand and started reading again.

I read well past dawn and only slept for an hour or two before going to brunch with Ahmed and returning to the compound to wait for them to transport the three coffins. Jamie and four Weres accompanied us to the airport where the coffins were loaded into the back of the cabin of a charter jet. Jamie picked up on the fact that I was edgy but couldn't draw me out on what the problem was. How could I explain it all? On the one hand part of me was just lodged on this thought that I was headed off to some unknown to me place, far from home, with someone who admitted he wished I'd eventually agree to be turned vampire and another one who thought I'd forgive it if I was just turned without permission. (Yes, I was one trusting soul, I thought to myself.) On the other hand, the thought that other than a flight crew I didn't know anything about, I was the only thing keeping the three of them safe from harm while they rested was a little daunting. Jamie checked the entire plane, including the flight crew, with his people, and told me everything looked fine. They were trusting _me_ to keep them safe. I kept a close and wary eye on the coffins with my three vampires and didn't feel at ease until they rose as we flew into the night.

I was informed by the cabin crew that the trip would take nine and a half hours. I immediately tried to imagine where we could go in nine and a half hours in a Boeing 737. Once he rose Eric seemed to be very amused as he watched me trying to figure out where we were going. After our initial takeoff, I was able to determine that we were flying to the northeast. We were over the ocean, and in total darkness, for a long time. I tried to relax during the flight, to read, to listen to music, to nap, but I was too excited once they were awake. I kept looking out the window, remembering Eric's comments about landmarks but it was dark and we were over water. The flight attendant served me a drink, and True Blood for Eric and Andor but seemed to have served herself to Markus, who went several seats back for a while. When she came back she had a not very well concealed bite mark on her neck. Andor told Markus off and when she was back later it looked completely gone. Eric didn't even comment, but as I already knew from my own experience, he really wasn't big on leaving bite marks on anyone. I reflected on the fact that Andor's mysterious friend Sheila, with whom I'd never even shared a word, never had a mark on her either. Eric had told me he thought it was really tacky to take a partner or donor and leave them scarred. He hated it whenever he found even small marks on me that had probably been left by Bill. Evidently, Andor was of the same mind. I wondered if he'd got that habit from Eric. Eventually, after a time, I fell asleep against Eric's shoulder while he chatted in German with Andor and Markus. I awoke a couple of hours later to the sensation of Eric changing the time on my watch, which now read 7 am.

"Where are we? It's 7 am and it's still so dark? We must be pretty far north, right?"

"Ja, Greenland. I warned you. Brrrr."

Markus let out a burst of laughter across the aisle from us and said something to Andor that made him chuckle. He leaned forward to look at me and in a rare moment of really kidding around said to me,

"You brought the ice boots, right?"

Eric cackled and I elbowed him just as the pilot announced that we'd be landing in less than thirty minutes. I felt the plane start to steadily decrease its altitude. Below us, as the clouds thinned, I could start to make out lights. I leaned into the window straining to look around outside. Eric leaned close to me and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"It really looks like it might snow, it's so cloudy, and I know it's been pretty cold" he said sounding a bit excited. He glanced over at Andor and Markus with a smile.

As we dropped lower still, I began to make out in the distance what looked like a river. Gradually as the plane banked more to the left, I could see the river and… the Eiffel Tower, rising high above the skyline.

"Oh my gosh! Paris? How did you… _Pam_! Pam told you I'd never been to Paris in all the time I was working and traveling! That I'd thought about going to Paris last spring."

I was _so_ excited. Eric broke into a huge smile as I hugged him and literally bounced in my seat like an excited child. He kissed me, laughing at how excited I was. Even Andor and Markus were smiling as they looked at me. The Louvre! The Musée d'Orsay, the Tuileries, the National Library (one of the oldest in Europe, if not the world!), the Sorbonne… The _shopping_! I squeezed Eric's hand as he continued to laugh warmly at how very excited I was. I watched the Eiffel Tower fade behind us as we flew along a highway for a few minutes and then turned South toward the airport."

"What time does the sun rise?" I asked, looking at my watch. It was already 7:23 am.

"Around 8:45 am. It's pretty far north. Don't worry. We have plenty of time to get to where we're staying. A car and driver are already waiting for us. Sunrise is late but the sunset is about what it is in New Orleans. Around 5 pm."

He smiled and kissed me again.

We stayed in a huge apartment in Montparnasse that was owned by a vampire that Eric had known for almost six hundred years. He was off somewhere in the Far East according to Eric, and happy to loan the apartment to an old friend. It was gorgeous, with large rooms and high ceilings and huge French doors that lead to balconies overlooking the Seine, the Luxembourg Gardens. There was a housekeeper who was to cook and bake for me and had fresh brioches for me when I awoke in the late afternoon. I'd texted Pam when we landed telling her I was so very excited. She replied, grumbling about a job without exciting travel to cities known for chic shopping and how it was rather unfair that I was having so much fun while she was left dealing with Cadel. Then she reminded me of her great fondness for the color peach and said she wondered how Eric selected this particular destination, since it seemed such an 'inspired' choice.

I wasn't able to go out during the day in Paris, since I had no bodyguard for the daytime like I had at home. Eric had said that making the arrangements with French Weres had been all but impossible and that they'd all decided it was better for me to just stay put during the day. But it was light only about 8 hours a day anyway and I mostly slept or if I had trouble sleeping I just read. When I awoke in the afternoon, I would sit out on the balcony with coffee and fresh brioches or croissants and enjoy the view. It snowed fairly heavily the first day we were there, which evidently doesn't happen all that often in Paris. When we rose that first evening it was pretty cold but so white and beautiful. Eric, Andor and Markus were like children in the snow. Eric was really the happiest I'd ever seen him.

I was most thrilled to see the Louvre. I managed to ignore the people looking at the four of us and in particular Eric, Andor and Markus, as if _we_ were on exhibit. Nordic vampires looking at art was evidently rather striking. But I didn't stay distracted by others' reactions for long. It was the most incredible museum. The National Library was just as impressive. Since the advent of the Revelation, a huge collection of historical documents about vampires, Weres, shifters of all kinds and the Fae had come out into the open. An entire alcove was filled with books and documents on the subject of the supernatural realm and its history. They had all kinds of archives in that area. Eric and Andor were amazed by the age of some of the documents. You could see records that were hundreds of years old, filled with information about things like wars between vampires and fairies.

We went all over Paris and walked every night until I thought my feet would fall off. Everywhere we went was exciting to me. Eric, Andor and Markus seemed very delighted with the Moulin Rouge, though. Markus even asked if we could go again. It was the first time I'd really traveled with Eric. He was really fun and easy to travel with, something I'd come to appreciate over the past few years as being a real testament as to how well you got along with someone. We went so many places and did so many things. For five nights we enjoyed every hour of darkness.

On our last night I stood with Eric's arms wrapped around me, looking out over the city lights from the Eiffel Tower one last time. It took my breath away.

There were two things that I would always remember about Paris. How very happy I had been there, and the feeling that I simply couldn't believe how much my life had changed in only five and a half years time.


	4. Chapter 4

**IV.**

**January 2010**

I was very busy when I came back from Paris. Amelia and I had traveled to Texas for a few days. I also continued my consulting work as a telepath. The second week in January I went to Leavenworth for two days to question a purported double agent and terror suspect. Chuck Powell had lowered himself to ask me to work as a consultant for the FBI in interrogating the man. Manny refused to do it for him and told Chuck that it was up to him to repair the burnt bridges with me. The suspect was a naturalized US citizen of Somali descent, fluent in English, Somali and Arabic. I hired Ahmed to work with me. The FBI met my requirements that the man had been formally charged with treason, had an attorney representing him, hadn't been tortured and wouldn't be tortured. And Chuck would not be in the room when I talked to him. Eric had not been thrilled since it seemed a step back into the world of counterterrorism, but I talked to him before even discussing the job further with Chuck, which pleased him to no end. I was amazed at how much I could make as a consultant, although I no longer had all the government benefits.

Manny was encouraging about my ability to continue to work not just for the FBI or DHS but even for other governments. I was a little sketchier about those jobs, which he clearly suggested might come my way. He said he'd had inquiries about my services from the German, Spanish and Moroccan governments. I didn't know what I'd do if they really followed through and contacted me. It was, after all, important work for a cause that would really protect people. I figured I'd cross that hurdle when I got to it and didn't bother to mention those possibilities to Eric or even to Ahmed. In spite of myself, and in spite of all my love for my friend, I found that I'd become more cautious in what I told Ahmed.

I had declined working for Ahmed's brother Saad once the job description was made clearer. Ahmed didn't seem at all bothered by that and said he had sensed my ambivalence about it from the beginning. Saad had found out about my gift from their brother Abby and had inquired about hiring me. He said he had just told Saad that he would ask and he had.

I'd finally asked Eric about the business of giving Ahmed blood in early January the day after we were home from Paris. It was _not_ a happy discussion. Not by a long shot. He was utterly unapologetic and told me flat out that he had pumped Ahmed for information about me after giving him blood and that on top of it, he had indeed glamoured him into telling Eric anything he thought might be important about me. _On an ongoing basis_, no less.

I was absolutely incredulous.

"_What?_ You did _what? _Why on earth would you do such a thing?"

Eric finally put down his book (_A Hundred Years of Solitude_ by García Márquez) after several answers that evidently weren't even to questions important enough to him to require his full attention. But now he looked me right in the eyes and said,

"He knows you in a different way than I do. He knew you for more than three years and clearly you will tell him things that you won't tell me. I want to know those things. And I wanted to know what his interest in you was."

"His _interest_ in me? We're friends, Eric, that's his interest! He was kind to me, protective of me and tried to teach me a lot of things that I felt naïve and stupid and ill-educated about in working my job. Remember that in my identity as Sasha Gordon I was supposed to have a college degree? He encouraged me and made me feel smarter. In fact, he _made_ me smarter. He managed to teach me so many things without ever making me feel embarrassed about my ignorance. I've learned so much about literature, politics, language and culture from Ahmed. Meanwhile, from his perspective, I never asked or was nosy about his family because I could read it all from him and I knew how important privacy about it was to him. I never mentioned any of it to anyone because I'm good at keeping things quiet. We genuinely like each other. We _understand_ each other. In spite of all the cultural, educational and socioeconomic differences. _What_ don't you get about that?"

"I wanted to be sure about the situation, that's all."

"Sure of _what_ Eric? The only men I was hanging out with, other than Alla's husband, were _gay_. What was there for you to 'be sure' about? So sure that you had to mess with my friend?"

"Let's just say that I'm sticking with Shakespeare on the business of naming. Labels, especially when it comes to emotions, are completely irrelevant."

I looked at him, puzzled.

"What does that mean? Do you think you could make the effort to dumb it down a bit so I can discern your meaning better?"

Eric propped himself up in bed and looked at me.

"I think you know exactly what I mean by that statement. Ahmed loves you. You are his friend, but he loves you and in a much more complicated way than just friendship. For instance, he really enjoys showing you off, which to my mind makes him rather odd if he's just into men, now doesn't it? He told me, when he was glamoured, that he'd even introduced you to members of his family as if there might be something between you but that it made you very uncomfortable and that you had told him not to do that again. He said he knew that you loved me. That was good to know. But he loves you as well. I don't care about how he labels himself. I saw what I saw in his regard for you. I wanted to know what his real thoughts were because you spent so much time with him. You even wanted to stay with him in New York back in November, after all. And you still want to spend time with him. I would never have agreed to your staying with him, even with Jamie accompanying you, had I not been already able to 'talk' to Ahmed. He cares for you a great deal. He is concerned for your welfare, your safety. He knows your heart is elsewhere. I just wanted to see the lay of the land, as they say. I wanted to have some measure of control and to secure my interests. I saw my opportunity and so _I took it_."

He smiled in a self-satisfied way after this explanation. It was clear that he thought he'd been very clever seizing an opportunity that was beneficial both for himself and for Ahmed. I could also see that some of these ideas might have been _instilled_ in Ahmed. _My heart was elsewhere_…. It was the truth but meanwhile, my mind was _boiling. _I was just speechless.

After a silence of at least a full minute, I said,

"So let me get this straight, Eric. You gave your blood to my gay _friend_, interrogated him, and glamoured him into keeping you posted on me and apparently, just to be on the safe side have made sure he'll never lay a hand on me? Am I getting that right? And this is right after I got the big rescue from that embassy, while he was left behind, beaten up and burned, saw Alla beaten up and almost raped in front of him and had to endure watching that and being able to do absolutely nothing to help her. Then he still stayed with me in Germany, called you as I begged him to, in spite of having to really to go to a lot of trouble through another agency, breaking _all_ _kinds_ of rules to do so I might add, waited to fly back to the US with me comatose and then stayed with me during some of the days when I was in Walter Reed because you could only be there at night. _That _was how you thanked him? You gave him your blood to better read him while you interrogated him and glamoured him? And I suppose, while Andor and Markus watched this little charade, on top of it?"

He looked me straight in the eyes.

"Yes, that's exactly what I did. Andor and Markus weren't in the room. Only two people at a time in the room, remember? I healed all his injuries and left him with no scars so I'm sure he's not exactly displeased. He seems to be very proud of his appearance, no? A very good-looking human and he knows it. But, unless you told him, he knows nothing other than the fact that he was in great shape for his interview for his coveted university job. We each got what we wanted. I really don't see what your problem is."

I was absolutely indignant.

"My problem? _My problem?_ You've got a helluva lot of nerve, Eric! Of course I told him that having a vampire's blood makes that vampire able to read things about the person or more susceptible to glamouring. You _bet_ I did! He's like a babe in the woods where vampires are concerned. He's all fascinated now, no matter how much I warn him to be careful. I'm left wondering if it was some hefty dose of thousand year old vampire blood that got him that way. And do you honestly think I don't know _exactly_ how Ahmed feels about me after I was in the man's brain just about daily for three years straight? Do I _really_ look so stupid and naïve to you? How can you be so _insulting_! Ahmed and I understand each other perfectly on the matter without any need for discussion. If Ahmed loves me and feels any attraction to me it's only because I _understand _him. Because I'm a telepath, Eric. He craves being _understood_. Which you would have known and understood yourself, if you'd come clean and just _asked me_ instead of playing your stupid vampire mind games on him. There was never anything for you to worry about. There never will be. With him or really with anyone. What have I _ever_ done to you that would make you intrude into someone else's mind like that? How can you possibly justify that?"

"Well, you ran away for three and a half years, and you still get flighty and panicked. You still don't tell me things. And for the record, I was more interested in knowing more about who you were to him than I've ever been concerned about who he was to you. I was quite sure where I stood with you by September."

"Have you done the same thing to Alla?"

"No."

"What about Amelia?"

He hesitated as if finally taking in what the problem was to me. "No."

"Why the hell not Amelia? She _lived _with me for a while. She's in business with me now, we share a room when we travel. And she was involved for a time with Pam. She likes women and men. How is _she_ not a threat to you, hmm? What so different about Amelia?" I was really getting mad.

"You are fond of Amelia in a different way. And as I just said, I was not concerned about _your_ fidelity to me at all. I am not concerned about your choices as any 'threat' to my interests."

"Eric, you know you really piss me off. First of all, I am not _fond_ of Amelia, any more than I am of Pam or Alla or Ahmed. They are all my friends and I genuinely _love_ them. I'm not _in love_ with any of them, though. You're _not_ concerned? Then why did you only do it to the guy friend? Maybe really you _are_ suggesting that I love Ahmed a little too much for your taste? Are you going to start to get fussed about Cadel next? Because I really care about Cadel. Are you going to get jealous of him, too? What about Jamie? He's with me all day when I'm out. And hey, what about Pam? Are you really treading that line with me after you know full well that I didn't even think of dating anyone for three and a half years because I was so hung up on you? Are you?!" I was outraged.

He paused for a moment before answering, looking almost as if he was struggling with himself. "No. I told you, I was _not_ concerned that you were interested in him," he said very coolly. "Not at all."

I sat up in the bed and turned to him with my eyes blazing.

"Why? Why the hell not be concerned? If you were so concerned he might have a thing for me, why _not _be concerned I could be interested in him?"

"First, because I'm confident of your commitment. But also, because I think the bond between us does not work that way for either one of us."

I sort of froze. The professional interrogator had finally gotten the vampire to say too much.

"_The bond?_ So we're back to the frigging _blood bond_? Why? I thought we both agreed the bond ultimately had nothing to do with how we felt for each other? That we felt that way before and the bond just sort of… cemented things or made it easier to understand one another?"

"We do agree on that. Although it took quite a bit of work to get _one_ of us to agree on that. But as I told you a number of times, the bond has worked in ways I had not anticipated."

"Do you take come kind of twisted pleasure in being cryptic with me, Eric? Is there eventually going to come a point where you drop the vampire bullshit and just talk to me without the mystery element about the fucking bond?"

He actually twitched slightly. He had obviously been caught out on something. I just didn't know what.

"You already know that it's allowed you to read my thoughts occasionally. Did it never strike you as odd that you weren't interested in anyone else for all that time we were apart?"

I bristled at his words. _What? _What was he suggesting? I was now, officially, _extremely_ pissed off.

"No. No it didn't, Eric. It didn't strike me as odd at all, first because I had terrible PTSD, had been tortured and I'd totally ripped my life apart at the seams in order to get away from everything that had happened to me. I was a little bit too busy to start thinking about _romance_, you know? I had all these big adjustments to make to my job. And then there were those little details- that I was in love with you and everybody else seemed drab and colorless in comparison to you, that I was horribly depressed that I'd left things as I did with you, because I missed you. So if you're telling me that you thought the stupid bond was acting like some kind of magical chastity belt, you're kidding yourself and you're insulting me. After I left, I realized I loved you and I was stuck. If I didn't get involved with anyone else, it was because I didn't _want_ to. And if you didn't, it was because _you_ didn't want to. So don't you dare give me any bullshit explanation that it was the bond, because I'm not buying it. I refuse to give up my personal will to my magical connection to you. Sorry. And why would you even _want_ to think such a thing. Weren't you all 'I'm so flattered by your personal choice'? Well, you can't have it both ways, buddy."

He looked at me with distaste over my sarcasm. I frankly didn't care.

"The bond is stronger than you realize, Sookie. Really, under normal circumstances, given the separation, in all likelihood it might have faded a great deal or even entirely. But it _didn't_ fade. Not at all. And every time we've really shared blood, it's only gotten stronger."

_It might have faded?_ What? I was totally confused. "But you talked about weakening it. As if it was permanently the way it is and that there was no other way to diminish it." And we'd just _renewed it_ on top of everything else? _How_ would it have faded? "That doesn't make sense to me."

"I assume that because of the strong mutual feelings it will _not_ just fade. Ever. It didn't fade in three years, even though we were so far apart. When I went to see you in Virginia after Bill located you I was surprised to find that it was almost exactly the same as the last time I'd see you when we'd been together that night in Bon Temps, before the fairies got you. I spent time thinking about it, the fact that it hadn't faded for either of us and what that meant about us, about _you_. I don't know whether it's because _you're_ so different or that we felt so strongly about each other before the bond was made. Maybe it's both. Even from the beginning it was a very strong bond. I have never been bound with a person about whom I cared so much. And with all the subsequent exchanges of blood, and the times you've just had my blood, to heal, it's made the bond even stronger. Stronger, perhaps, than I wanted you to realize," he said with some soberness, making a face that for Eric almost looked like he was disgusted with himself. "I offered to diminish it to make you more comfortable with it. But I do not think it will ever fade."

"Stronger like what? What are you even implying?"

"Well, obviously you can sometimes read me. And sometimes I feel as if…" he looked at me but didn't finish.

"As if what? Would you just spit it out. _What_?" I thought maybe he thought that he could actually read me right back because sometimes, I honestly felt like maybe he could. But he surprised me with his answer.

"Sometimes now the connection is so strong that I feel as if I _could_ control you, to some extent."

I chortled as I pulled back from him, shaking my head. He was totally kidding himself.

"Oh yeah, really? Right. Give me a fucking break, Eric. Prove it. Show me how strongly it influences me or could influence me, because I just don't believe it. Compel me to do something. Scare me with your big bad blood bond. _Whatever._ I just don't believe it can make me do a damn thing. Whether it's being faithful to you or anything else. I think you're kidding yourself if you believe that you can make me do anything through the bond. What I do is my personal _choice_. And you used to be _glad_ that it was."

"I don't _want_ to control you, Sookie. I want you to have choices. I usually like your choices but even if I don't, I'm willing to let you have those choices. I like you _as_ you. I have never consciously tried to control you since we've been together. Just because I might be _able_ to control you doesn't mean I would."

"You_ can't _control me, Eric. You can't make me do a damn thing. You're delusional if you think you can," I said with a scowl. "Deeee-lusional." I was so angry at him. And I finally had gotten him to the point where he was starting to get really mad at me, too. I felt almost as if there was a red hot cord vibrating between us.

He set aside his book and sat up in bed next to me and his eyes glowed as they met mine.

"Hit me," he said quietly, with his jaws clenched.

"_What_?" I asked, looking at him like he was crazy.

"Hit me," he repeated staring at me with glowing eyes.

That was what he was going to compel me to do? He had to be kidding. Yeah, like I was really going to hit him. For sure.

"No. No way. I don't just hit people."

Suddenly he was grabbing me by the throat and saying in an entirely different voice,

"I said _hit me_."

His voice hit _me_ like a sledgehammer. But if I felt tempted to hit him it was only because he was so in my face and had his hand at my throat. There was no way I'd hit Eric. Not the least of it was that it was foolhardy to think about hitting a thousand year old vampire, or really _any_ vampire. But besides that, I loved him and couldn't envision hitting him even if he told me to. I guess that was why he was asking me to. He was trying to get me to do something I wouldn't ever normally do to prove a point? I felt vaguely like I was in a vise, but it was an odd, mental thing because even if his hand was suddenly at my throat his hold on me was actually gentle. My head ached vaguely with his echoing voice. Maybe it made me stop and think. It was certainly annoying. But it sure wasn't enough to make me act.

"No, I won't! Absolutely _not_ happening."

And then, simply staring at me, he said it again, mentally, in a much subtler way. It was like a whisper, an internal voice that I could imagine one could easily mistake as one's own, if it hadn't been asking me to do something so totally out of character. I had to admit that it was a little chilling, however, to think that maybe if I hadn't known what he was doing, I might not have paid as much attention to whether that internal voice was really _my _voice. It was really just like a voice inside my head. I'd think about that later. Right now I was too pissed off to think about the finer details. And I was totally not going to do it.

"Screw you and your creepy whisper voice. Still _no_, Eric. I won't hit you. And let go of my throat."

Eric looked somewhat impressed as he regarded me with those cold, glowing eyes. He didn't let go of my throat, though. Suddenly he slammed me with some other internal voice that was much harsher and before I knew it I caught myself with my hand starting to rise involuntarily, ever so slightly out of my lap. What I really thought about, rather than hitting him, was pushing him away from me, because it was such an unpleasant sensation. I refocused my thoughts and relaxed my fingers, letting them rest flat on my thigh.

Now he looked at me with real surprise in his eyes. After another moment or two, I reached up and put my hand on his forearm.

"Just give it up, Eric. I'm so _not_ going to hit you, although, right now I almost think you'd deserve it if I was that kind of person to dish it out. But forget about it and get your fucking hand off my throat. It's not scaring me if that's what you were going for. It's seriously pissing me off, and that's even further reducing your chance of getting me to do _anything_ you want me to do, including sleeping in this bed with you if you don't cut it out right now. Let go of me _this instant_!"

He instantly released my throat and I also felt some sort of vague sensation in my head sort of evaporate as well. I touched my throat but it wasn't even tender. He'd been very careful not to hurt me… And yet I felt slightly weary from resisting him.

"Okay," he said nodding with his head at an angle and looking at me, eyes wide, as if quite puzzled. "More of a challenge than I thought, but the bond has more influence than you believe it does. You can hear me, after all, when I'm telling you to do it mentally."

"_No._ No, the bond doesn't have anything to do with it Eric. I can hear you because I'm a _fucking telepath_. And you were pretty much shouting your thoughts at _maximum_ volume, especially that last time. You still couldn't make me do anything I didn't want to do. Hitting you would offend all my sensibilities. There is nothing that you could do to make me do it if I didn't really want to. So much for the big, bad blood bond being the reason I wasn't interested in any other guys, okay? And that was before I'd had still more of your blood. And it's practically brand new again since the wedding. It should be as strong as you can get it, right? Give me a flipping break. You can't make me do _anything_ with the bond. I _ought_ to hit you for not telling me that you thought my having more of your blood might make you more able to control me. That's just beyond the pale. That was totally duplicitous of you."

"But I don't _want_ to control you, Sookie. Certainly not for anything short of some desperate situation in which I would need you to do something to keep yourself safe." He gritted his teeth in a frown, his fangs down. "I should never even have said anything about it." He looked angry at himself and turned away.

I was feeling totally exasperated. So the upshot was that he was _still_ saying that he really thought he could control me if he wanted to do so, even though he had implied in the past that the compulsion effects of the bond didn't work because I couldn't be glamoured? I suddenly felt this internal chill wondering if this was because I was close to being turned from having had too much of his blood. That was a scary thought. Sometimes during sex he would either ask me to bite him or he would bite his tongue when kissing me. I was always getting his blood even if it was small amounts of it. There often was no practical way to avoid having his blood if we had sex. And we had a _lot_ of sex. Every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He not only liked having me have his blood, now _I _liked having his blood. All my worries about being turned that inadvertently had hovered in the back of my mind were edging their way back into prominence again. Suddenly though, I seized upon the thought that this was all just a great big distraction from the very real issue of what he'd done to my friend. I wasn't about to forget what we were _really_ arguing about.

"You know… what the fuck does any of this have to do with what you did to Ahmed, Eric? Don't think for a minute that you're sidetracking me. Forget the vampire mind games. We'll come back to that later. Let's stay on track here- Ahmed was no threat to you. He did nothing to you, and nothing to me other than take care of me, talk to me like I was intelligent and teach me a lot about the world when I need to learn really fast. Why did you need to mess with him? It was a really lousy thing to do to my friend, who trusted you because of me. It's totally beneath you, and beneath what _I_ think of you, to have done such a thing."

Though he wasn't looking directly at me, I saw some aspect in his face change at those words. And I pressed right on while I had the momentum.

"You know what _I_ think? I think it's just like you were in June. You're jealous of Ahmed. _Still._ He made you jealous and you just acted out. And I guess, not surprisingly, you acted out like a vampire. But no matter who or what you are, it's still deplorable that you did that to my friend. Absolutely deplorable. You acted like a jealous man when you had no reason to be, _as you yourself_, acknowledge. But even more than that, when he was here you had an opportunity to fix it, to come clean with me, and you were _still_ too jealous to do it, weren't you?"

In a whoosh he was off the bed and out the door into the library with his book. For once, instead of just going after him, I gave him some space without having to be told to do so. Jealousy was the only possible conclusion here as far as I was concerned. Ahmed and I did love each other, platonically. Really, he'd not even known what to do with his puzzling feelings for me, anyway. It had amazed him to find over time that he was attracted to me. I supposed in that, Eric had real insight. Ahmed might be gay but he was definitely attracted, but it wasn't really a sexual thing. I knew the attraction was mostly just because he so longed to have someone who really understood him. It was more emotional than anything physical. I could read his mind and respond, with needed space or humor or comfort or really whatever he needed. Who didn't dream of having someone who understood them without having to explain themselves? It was _a fantasy_ on his part. But it was not anything more than that to him, and really ultimately, even Ahmed knew it wasn't more than that.

Still, it seemed so unlike Eric to even waste time on being jealous. It wasn't his style. Then I realized he hadn't wasted time- he'd acted on it in typical Eric fashion. He'd taken charge of the situation and eliminated the perceived competition. Very carefully. So carefully that I couldn't tell he'd glamoured Ahmed, even though I suspected it. One part of me was thoroughly outraged and disgusted. Another part of me knew that he'd done it precisely because of what he'd said to me- I would tell Ahmed things I wouldn't tell him. About my nightmares, for instance. Or my thoughts about quitting my job, which I wouldn't tell Eric because he'd hated my job a little too vocally. I might have been coming around to doing exactly what Eric wanted last August and September but I didn't not want to hear him say a thing further about it. So I could see now that the _real_ issue was that my not telling Eric these things had hurt his feelings, though the chances of Eric ever admitting hurt feelings on this topic were down around nil. He could own up to being angry, but still only rarely to being hurt. Like maybe twice in all the time I'd known him. As he himself said, he didn't have any concerns about my being interested in anyone else. So he was hurt that I was telling Ahmed things I wouldn't tell him.

After about ten minutes I slipped on my robe and walked out into the library. He was reading while sitting at his desk. Since he didn't say anything, I figured it meant he'd cooled off. I put my arms around his shoulders and pressed my lips against his cheek as I hugged him from behind.

"I love you," I whispered.

As mad as I was, I didn't want him to feel jealous of my friend and I felt bad to think that maybe I'd really hurt his feelings by not telling him things.

"I will not apologize for doing it," he said in a stubborn tone.

"I didn't think you would," I replied. "But I'd hope that you wouldn't do anything like that again to anyone I know."

He turned to me and looked at me with cold eyes.

"I will get whatever information I want, from anyone I want, however I have to get it, in order to assure your welfare."

I felt a catch in my breath._ Excuse me?_ Okay, fine. We were officially still arguing…

"How was that assuring _my _welfare Eric? It seems more wrapped up in _your_ welfare than mine," I said quietly with my jaw clenched and arms crossed, after pulling away from him.

"I wish to be sure that your friends and associates will protect you as needed and yet that they are not a threat to my interests, either. And I _will_ be sure."

"Giving high-handed new meaning, Eric…." I said bitterly. "I just… I can't even put it into words. I think it's wrong and distrustful of _me_. I think it incredibly intrusive and abusive to anyone to do such a thing and I think it's only because of your jealous and controlling nature that you can try to justify doing vampire mind surgery on my friend's mind. You did it because you didn't like how he felt about me and _not_ for my welfare. Do you think I'm stupid enough to buy that line? Sometimes, no matter what you say, you _act_ like you want to control _everything_. It's maddening! And in this case, it's _morally wrong_."

"I don't distrust you at all, Lover. The whole point is that I'm not trusting anyone else, at least not with you."

"That's still akin to saying you don't trust me, though, now isn't it? Since I can read Ahmed, or anyone else even remotely human, that you might be tempted to mess with on my account. You don't trust _my _judgment of them, their intentions or their feelings about me or us. That's what it means."

"You're much more trusting than I am, Sookie. You always have been."

"Has it occurred to you that I _can_ be more trusting of humans whose minds I can read? Hmm? So have you messed with anyone else I know on account of me, Eric?"

He didn't respond. Omigod! I thought to myself. What has he been doing?

"Who else?"

Still no response.

"Eric?"

Nothing.

I walked around to stand in front of him and leaned on the desk. My robe fell open as I leaned forward.

"_Who?_ Who else are you doing this to? I want to know."

He looked me over with glowing eyes and his pupils dilated slightly. Then, he cast his eyes around the desk, which was noticeably less cluttered these days. I couldn't say he didn't listen to _some_ things that I say. Just not the ones that were important to me currently. He closed the book and started pushing some of his papers aside while smiling slightly to himself. He'd recently started keeping a pillow at the back of his desk chair and he shifted it onto his lap.

"_No_," I said. "Absolutely not happening. Don't you _dare_ even suggest such a thing. We're having a conversation here. You're the man who loves to talk, right? So talk to me. Who else have you messed with Eric?"

"This conversation is over, Lover. I've said what I'm going to say. You're looking very attractive, though," he said, opening the drawer and putting a folder inside.

I simply walked away. As far as I was concerned this was _not_ a discussion that would be bettered by sex. I went off to my dayroom and unless things improved, planned to be sleeping there. I was angrier than I'd ever been at him.

I grabbed my laptop from my desk and sat on my daybed next to Rosie, doing email and feeling totally furious. Eric came in wearing his robe and started to sit down and I said,

"To quote _you_, I'm still mad, leave me alone. And for the record, I won't have sex with a man I'm mad at, even if I love him. So don't even bother trying."

He sat right down on the couch anyway. He made me even madder by moving Rosie, so he could sit closer to me.

"It won't be dawn for a while," he said confidently. "I'll just sit with you and read until we go to bed." He opened his book.

"You are waiting in vain unless you tell me who else you've tampered with."

"No further discussion, Lover. I've said what I have to say. Subject closed."

"Get off my couch, then. I'm mad. I have to leave you alone when you're mad, so you should leave me alone when I'm mad. Fair is fair."

He sighed heavily.

"Sookie, I'm not doing this out of malice, I assure you. There was no malice in my intent, no harm done. I _healed_ him, after all. But, I'm not discussing it further."

"Then you have no business sitting on my Gran's quilt. I mean it. _Off._"

He rose, putting his book on the coffee table. He picked up the quilt, folded it and draped it over the back of the couch. Then he went off to the kitchen and I heard him opening the refrigerator and then opening a bottle of True Blood. He started heating it in the microwave.

"Do you want anything?" he called out.

"An answer to my question and for you to leave my friends out of your agenda. How's that?"

"Milk? Ice cream? Chocolate? A very large gin and tonic?"

I ignored him.

He came back out and sat down with his warm bottle of True Blood and took up his book again. He was now no longer sitting on my grandmother's quilt. He looked me in the eye after sitting down and glancing back to make sure he wouldn't even lean on it. _Maddening._

He read and then after a few minutes rested his arm behind my shoulders, across the top of the daybed. I ignored him and went on doing email. After another ten minutes, I said,

"I'm having dinner with Amelia and Bert on Tuesday. Amelia and I have to discuss the specifics of the job for Russell in Jackson and we need Bert's advice on something she wants to do for the grounds of his estate. Russell said we could start to discuss the Tunica job then with Salome's people. He says she's sending Alex, her second. I'll make sure that Jamie sets the date and…" I froze and drew a deep breath.

I made a sudden connection with things from the day I found out about Eric having given Ahmed his blood. Ahmed reporting to Eric about my dreams. Jamie reporting to Eric even something as trivial as Remy's nasty comments. Coincidence? Surely this whole thing was now going to drive me mad. I felt like I was going to start wondering if Eric had glamoured everyone around me. He hadn't done it to Amelia, but Pam could probably wheedle anything out of Amelia that Eric wanted to know. Maybe Amelia had even had Pam's blood for all I knew. He surely wouldn't mess with Bert. That might go over badly, for a vampire to start trying to glamour a sorcerer or whatever the heck Bert really was, if he even could. What could Eric glamour? Could he even glamour a Were? Hmmmm. Jamie, my personal bodyguard for the past two and a half months…

"What, Lover?"

"Can you glamour a Were?"

"Sookie, as Pam is so fond of saying, I could glamour a rock or the bricks in a wall. Other than other vampires, about the only people I've ever encountered that I can't glamour are you and a few fairies who have been close enough for me to try. Everyone else, I can glamour effortlessly. You simply have no idea how weak the average mind is. Weres are a little more challenging, I do admit. They put up more resistance. But if you get close enough quarters with one, it's really not a problem."

He sounded so insufferably proud of himself. I frowned at him and he smiled with the most annoying expression on his face,

"Any Weres you want me to glamour, just ask Lover. Don't be shy. I'm at your service."

Omigod! He was _so_ infuriating! I didn't even want to give him the satisfaction of my asking about Jamie.

He'd made quick work of the bottle of True Blood. He leaned over and kissed my neck.

"You know, your resistance to being glamoured is part of what makes you truly extraordinary," he said, as his lips caressed my neck. "But it is only the smallest part of what I love about you. You're beautiful and truly unique."

Beautiful and unique? Was this like the pickup lines I'd heard long ago working at Merlotte's? Well, if he thought he was going to have sex with me when I was still mad, he had a different thing coming. Or maybe he was just still hungry? His lips were still at my neck. I held out my wrist.

"Go ahead. Help yourself."

He pulled back from me and looked at me wide-eyed, open-mouthed, fangs down as he took my hand and lowered my wrist. I felt this surge of anger. But he laced his fingers into mine, holding my hand in his lap and said with a cool, controlled voice,

"First, that would really hurt. Second, it's insulting. I have _never_ treated you that way and you had better not treat _me_ that way, either."

I could remember that it hurt because once he'd bitten my wrist when he'd been injured, after I offered it to him because Mickey threw a rock at his head. But I was so annoyed I didn't care if it would hurt. Better there than the usual places which were just not currently available. The way he looked at me though… Here I'd thought I was being generous offering my blood. Perhaps my manner was a little... Okay, so I was totally pissed off and probably being extremely rude. I made a face. I hadn't really intended to be so rude. I was just mad because I wondered if he'd glamoured Jamie. I glanced away, fuming. Finally, I couldn't restrain myself any longer.

"Have you glamoured Jamie Farren, Eric? He seems to be reporting awfully minor stuff to you, like Remy Savoy being rude to me that day I figured out about Ahmed. Or when I argued with that guy at our office building about the a/c repairs taking so long. Why does he even bother telling you that stuff? It's so minor, so trivial. Did you glamour him, too?"

Eric looked at me with his fangs now only half way down. He glowered at me as he said,

"Did I glamour the guy who is my wife's personal bodyguard, who watches over her while I am dead to the world during the day? Who travels with her out of New Orleans regularly and stays with her overnight in her friend's apartment or in hotels? Who I'm trusting to keep my wife safe from harm? What do you think, Sookie? You tell me."

I narrowed my eyes. That was a classic Eric Northman 'yes, but I'm going to answer your question with a question rather than actually _saying_ yes' response. My God, he'd done it him, too? Poor Jamie…

"Do you have any idea how upsetting this whole thing is to me, Eric? Do you have a clue?" I tried to pull my hand away from his but he wouldn't let me.

"Do you have any idea how necessary it is? Do _you_ have a clue? What do you think it's like trying to safeguard my fragile, oh so mortal, human wife, who could be exploited, kidnapped, or just killed outright for being associated with me, and with all of us? You just think about that. And then, after you've done some serious thinking, maybe you'll agree that I have the right to glamour whoever the hell I want into telling me everything they see around you and about you, in order to make sure you, and all of us, are safe. Most of the people that work for me think _you _are our biggest liability at this point, Sookie. The biggest potential bargaining chip someone could snatch and use against me and therefore against all of us because they'd be called on by me, to defend you. The greatest risk to someone gaining access to this compound. You want to be free to come and go and work all over the place? Well, this is the price. And let me tell you, it's a small price. I have to be sure that you are safe from harm and if you're traveling I'd want to know that you are safe even if your bodyguard slept in the same bed with you. You had better grow up and see things as they are on the matter, instead of seeing them in some idealistic, childish view of right and wrong. I'll keep you safe, and keep all of us safe, however I see fit to do so. I'll glamour everyone that is supposed to keep you safe if I have to and there is absolutely _nothing_ you can say to me to make me think or do otherwise. You married me, you married the circumstances."

He looked at me stone-faced as if daring me to argue with him any further on the subject.

I was silent. It was infuriating, but, from his perspective, I knew it was all totally true. I _was_ a liability and always had been. Look at what had happened to him, and to Bill, only four years before because of me. And his means for mitigating that liability? Eric was a much better and fairer person than Chuck Powell, my former boss's boss at the FBI. But in some ways he was a lot like Chuck. Eric would do whatever it took to keep things safe in his world. Without hesitation. Without apology.

I looked away and just stewed silently for a few minutes. Between the earful I'd gotten from Jamie back in December and now what I was hearing from Eric, there was little I could say to argue. As Jamie had said to me last month, it wasn't just about me. It was how I affected everyone else. There was basically no response I could offer because Eric was _right_, whether I liked it, or not. I'd married the circumstances in order to marry the man I loved. We were silent for several minutes and finally my mind drifted back to the other subject.

"So about the other thing. Why do think you could compel me when you used to say you couldn't?"

"You have had so much of my blood… I've never given so much of my blood to a human. To anyone, really. Your resistance is still absolutely incredible. It's simply extraordinary. If I really wanted to control you I guess it would take serious effort and really, now, after seeing you earlier, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know if I could or not. It's like dealing with a fairy, frankly. And you've got so little fairy blood. It's just unfathomable. But I definitely feel the bond differently from the way I did back in the very beginning or even back the way I did in June. But, after seeing how you still can resist, I really don't know what it means. Maybe it's just because you can get into _my_ head. I honestly don't know. I still think the bond exerts more influence on _both_ of us, and that we exert more influence on each other, than either of us would like to think. And no, I didn't think the bond was a 'magical chastity belt' even if maybe that's part of what I honestly wanted it to be. I didn't _want_ you to be with anyone else. _I _didn't want to be with anyone else. My connectedness to you diminished any potential interest I had in anyone else. And I honestly think that it influenced our choices when we were apart. I wasn't telling you any of this to upset you, or to frighten you. I don't _want_ to control you. Perhaps you're right and I really can't. But it doesn't even matter if I don't want to, now does it?"

Halfway through his speaking his mind on the issue, I'd felt an internal alarm and stiffened as his words really registered. _You have had so much of my blood._ _I've never given so much.._. My whole throat went tight and I shivered. Maybe I really _was_ close to being turned? Maybe that's why it felt different to him? Maybe I… My heart pounded as my mind raced.

He looked at me and could see exactly where my thoughts where going.

"You won't 'just turn', Sookie. Don't worry. I promise you. I am absolutely sure. I could tell if you were on the verge of turning. I have in the past and I told you no more blood for a time, as you recall. And I knew I couldn't give you blood right away when you were in Walter Reed, because you'd lost too much blood and giving you blood was too great a risk. Turning someone is something you feel as a sire and I _don't_ feel it. I would not give you blood if I thought you could turn, unless you understood the possible consequence and agreed to it. I will never break my word to you in this. Ever."

I met his eyes and grasped the clear thought, _Will she ever just let the idea go?_ along with some rather unpleasant visuals of what he thought of Bill having told me something that Eric thought was little more than folklore, evidently. He really meant what he said and was so frustrated by my lack of trust. I let out a breath I wasn't even aware I'd been holding and looked away. He was still holding my hand and he stroked it, reassuringly. We were silent for a few more minutes. My laptop had gone to the screensaver from sitting untouched in my lap. I glanced back up at him and he was shaking his head.

"What?" I asked softly.

"I just can't believe you just handing me your wrist like it was fast food. That was really incredibly crass. That's got to make the top ten list of the most insulting things you've ever said or done. Maybe top five. You say that I'm so obnoxious but you don't see how you are yourself sometimes. That was really _offensive_."

"Well, you were the one nuzzling my neck. Are you going to tell me that you didn't want blood? Like you say, I'll know if you lie, right?" I said making a face. He gave me a very dark look, so I added, "Okay, so maybe you didn't. I didn't mean it the way you took it, anyway. I guess it came out wrong. I didn't intend to be offensive."

"Oh, I am getting _far_ too used to hearing that one. I had no idea that my kissing your neck was now reduced by arguing with you to little more than an attempt at feeding off you. Just charming. I have _never_ treated you that way. You need a new apology. Maybe in this case, one that includes the words 'I'm sorry I was so offensive' would be good."

He stared at me, waiting for it.

I frowned and swallowed hard. Okay, fine. But let's remember how I _got _to be this mad and offensive, shall we? I thought to myself.

"I'm _sorry_ that I offended you, but you star…"

He clapped his hand gently over my mouth and wore a gratingly annoying smile.

"Perfect. Simple, succinct. _I like it._ You should practice that one, Lover."

Why couldn't he ask me to hit him _now_ I wondered to myself? I was sure that someplace, somewhere, there was a more obnoxious man on this planet, but I was having a _really _hard time envisioning it.

Before I could even respond he kissed me after removing his hand and then got up. He picked up the empty bottle and went back to the kitchen. I heard him run the tap as he rinsed the bottle out and then I heard it hit my recycling bin with a clink. He made himself a second bottle and drank it in the kitchen. After disposing of it, too, he came back out and put aside my laptop and pulled me up off the daybed.

"It's almost dawn. And you are going to bed, Mrs. Northman." He glanced back at me, sensing that I was resisting his forward pull. "I know. You're mad. But you're still getting in that bed. We will rest. You need to rest so you can go make your plans to work in dangerous locations under circumstances that I cannot yet fully control to my satisfaction," he said with a teasing expression on his face. "And I need to rest so I can _cope_ with you.

He put his arm around my waist and we walked back across to the bedroom. He shut the door, peeled off my robe tossed it off toward the bed and gently smacked my bottom.

"Did I glamour her poor Were bodyguard… un-fucking-believable…." he muttered.

"I'm still pissed off, Eric."

"_Spare me_, Sunshine. We're going to _sleep_."

I glared at him and he shook his head and let out a low laugh as he chased me toward the bed.

We got into bed. I lay in bed on my side facing the door to the library. He wrapped himself around me and we listened to the rain. I was still stewing. I didn't like what he had done with Ahmed or Jamie or whomever else he'd been glamouring because of me. But at least in the case of Jamie, I had to say I had enough bad memories of four years before to appreciate the fact that in part he just wanted me to be safe, even if I wasn't too thrilled with his methods. But Ahmed… That was different. That was jealousy, not worry about my safety. Eric had never given me a reason to be jealous of anyone. He was actually, now that I thought about it, very careful about that. I realized I was probably too insecure to have taken his showing interest in anyone else. I might have just backed away and thought there was no point in even being with him. Maybe he just knew that about me. I'd never deliberately tried to make him jealous, either. But I guess I had made him jealous, whether it was my intention to do so or not. And whether he'd admit it or not, I realized I'd hurt him without ever intending to do so.

As I lay there, he pressed his face into my hair and quietly took my hand. Even mad at each other we could still keep it together and be affectionate. He really loves me, I thought to myself with amazement. I reflected on the long three years we'd been apart. It was definitely true that the commitment I'd made to him four years before had lasted over time and distance. I had never really even looked at anyone else while I was on my own. I knew in my heart that what was between us wasn't the bond itself. And _he_ hadn't even committed to anything, other than by implication that one night, the way I had. I'd probably never have taken him seriously even if he had sworn his undying fidelity to me that night anyway. Even _now_ I had trouble taking it seriously. But somehow, as I found out from Pam and later from Eric himself, he'd stuck by that implied commitment. Even though he had no way of knowing until Bill found me, or really until he had me in his lap that night in June and simply asked me, that I had, too. There really _was_ some kind of magic between us, _but it has nothing to do with any damn blood bond_. Maybe it was just too much of a stretch for a vampire to believe that it wasn't a case of the vampire dictating things? As opposed to our emotions dictating things, for instance. How ironic was it that now _I_ was the one saying the bond didn't make a difference, I thought to myself? And how ironic was it that _Eric_ was the one being jealous of anyone, all things considered.

I rubbed my cheek on his biceps. "Eric, I'm not trying to go on fighting, but I really don't understand why you would be jealous of Ahmed." Jealous enough to get into his head and do who knows what there. Frankly, it still seemed almost unspeakably petty, though I'd only get him angry again by saying so. "You'd have to know if you spent any time with him that he's really gay, right? I mean, I just don't get it."

"I'm not jealous. He's annoying. Because of his ability to hang out with you during the day and do things with you that I can't. Because you tell him things that you don't tell me. I have no problem with his being your friend, mind you, but he annoys me."

"Well, um… frankly, that sounds like jealousy to me, Eric."

"I have nothing to be jealous of. You'll have a hard time finding anyone who will compete with me for your affections, Lover. Who can make you feel as I do?" he said close to my ear. His voice sent shivers up my spine. "And are you suggesting that _I'd _be jealous of a human? What was your word? Delusional? Yes, that will do nicely."

Sometimes I wondered if he really meant this bullshit he could come up with? Annoyed but not jealous? No reason to ever be jealous of a human? How could you even argue with someone like this?

"Eric, you _are_ jealous. You're extremely possessive. And I just can't believe that you actually got into my _gay_ friend's head even when you were totally confident of how I felt about you. I just… I just can't believe you!"

"Sookie," he said with his lips close to my ear. "_I'm a_ _vampire_."

I jabbed my elbow back into his ribs.

"You're an obnoxious and controlling bullshitter is what you are. I don't _care_ if 'you're a vampire' is the reason you are. Being a vampire is not like a 'Get out of Jail for Free' card with me, Eric. You better undo whatever you did the next time Ahmed is here, do you hear me? I am _not_ kidding. He's coming to visit in the spring and you're _fixing_ it."

"Do I have to fix all of them, or just Ahmed? This could be time-consuming."

I gasped. "Who else? Who else did you do this to besides Ahmed and Jamie?"

He chuckled softly.

"I really hope you will have recovered your sense of humor by sunset, Lover…" he murmured with a chuckle. "I'm really missing it terribly."

"Right," I murmured in reply. "Let's think about how I lost my sense of humor on this subject, shall we?"

We just lay there for several minutes and I said nothing more. Finally, Eric said,

"Okay, I am sorry I have upset you. The next time he visits, I give you my word that I will undo it. Not that I did much. I think you have blown the whole thing out of proportion for what it was, but I'll undo it. Will that satisfy you? But _only_ Ahmed. Anyone that guards you is fair game. I know that you find my methods objectionable. Where Ahmed is concerned, the solution is for you to be more forthcoming and not leave me with the impression that you'll tell him important things that you won't tell me. It made me very unhappy, especially when I saw how you were… you _are_… very close to him. It is not exactly pleasant to find out you were telling him important things about yourself, about your life, that you would not share with me. And to find them out in the midst of being upset and worried about you, and having to put up with the charming hospital staff and your boss initially acting like maybe I didn't have the right to be there with you? And then again, three months later, the same thing with the nightmares. On the eve of our marriage, no less, I find out you're _still_ doing it? Delightful. But I am sorry that I have upset you."

He was sorry he upset me, but not that he had done it? That was probably as close to an apology for having glamoured Ahmed as I was ever going to get. I sighed heavily. It was a little too close to what you say when you're a child and you are basically sorry you _got_ _caught_. Maybe this was one of those times when his being a vampire was an important point to reflect upon. He was clearly not _at all_ sorry that he had used his abilities to secure what was his, was basically the way I looked at it from his point of view. But he was sorry that his way of doing it had upset me.

"You promise me you'll undo what you did?" I asked softly.

He paused a moment. I could tell he wasn't exactly happy about it.

"Do you promise _me_?" he asked.

"Yes. I'll stop telling Ahmed… or anyone… things that I will not tell you."

"Sookie, that makes it sound like you're just planning to stop telling _anyone_ things that bother you. That doesn't work for me either," he said sounding quite weary.

I groaned. "_Fine._ If I'm upset about anything, anything at all, and I feel like telling someone, I'll tell you first, okay? Will that satisfy you? Geez. Tell me you promise."

"I _already_ promised you," he whispered. He kissed my shoulder. After a pause he said softly, "I love you."

I finally relaxed more in his arms. I was still upset. Not exactly appalled anymore. Dismayed, maybe. I was definitely thinking I didn't want him close enough to lock those eyes of his on any other male friends. Ever.

"I love you, too," I grumbled. "But you better not do anything like this ever again to any of my friends. You say I should ask you stuff instead of trying to read things from your mind and yet it turns out that you go and pull shit like this? You could have asked me if I was having the nightmares still at any time in the past few months and I would have told you I was. You never _thought_ to ask. Because you always think that if I'm _with you_ that everything has to be so perfect with me, or something along those lines. I'm really not kidding. You better never do it again, are we clear?"

There was no reply. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that he was already gone. I groaned, but pulled his arm closer to me and squeezed his hand.

I reflected on his words. _Sookie, I'm a vampire._ I shook my head. Yes indeedy, he sure was. And as long as he'd fix what he'd done to my friend, I hoped I could live with the ongoing compromise we had with each other about our differing philosophies.


	5. Chapter 5

**V.**

**January 23, 2010**

It was the first 'event' that I attended with Eric as his wife. As I had quickly learned after we returned from Paris, I had been meticulously insulated from any events or social appearances that Eric had made as the Viking vampire King of Louisiana. Any time we had been out of the compound together, in and around in New Orleans, had been couched in secrecy. The only time that I could even recall attending an event in public with Eric, was when we went to a Nnenna Freelon concert back in June. Although he'd insisted I sit next to him, and even that I was actually _with_ him, he'd later gone back to the compound right away and left me hanging out with Pam, Andor, Cadel and Rasul. The more regularly I'd visited, the less we went out. Anywhere. I was carefully kept 'under the radar' as Eric later explained. They counted on the idea of anonymity. Because I was seldom seen with Eric, I could just be any donor living in the compound. By the time I actually moved to New Orleans, we never went out together to a public location unless Eric had had Stefan arrange for a totally private party, like dancing at Café Brazil. Even for our wedding, the location had been kept secret from our guests, who met at a central location and were transported to the wedding site, which was actually in a renovated section of Sophie-Anne's old private residence and which had been very heavily guarded. They'd rented and decorated a decoy location, just to distract any potential hangers on. I'd been told it was required security since all of us would be in one place.

Well, now I was getting a feel for why he had been so very cautious about the whole thing and why Pam said sometimes she thought I was like an ostrich with my head in the sand.

To be fair, after we had returned from Paris, Eric really had tried to warn me- _prepare_ me- for the fact that he had certain social commitments that he wanted me to attend with him. I was really puzzled by the fact that he hadn't mentioned any this before. And I wondered what he'd been doing since the beginning of October not going to any of these gatherings he mentioned. ln the days before this particular gathering he'd mentioned twice to me that he was concerned I was going to be upset. I guess I thought he was kidding with me. He told me that his appearances, whether announced or spread by word of mouth, could sometimes be 'unpleasant'. As a result he went to few events. Sometimes it was even 'unpleasant' when he went to things like City Council meetings. At first I thought he meant the Fellowship demonstrated against him and that they were rude and threatening. He said the Fellowship demonstrators were only a part of the problem. The other, larger part of the problem was what he described was a situation akin to all the fangbangers you'd see in an entire week at Fangtasia gathered with the sole focus of trying to capture the interests of Eric and his little elite circle. He said the women were really rather aggressive at times and that they just tried to keep away from them. When I asked why they were never in evidence around the compound he told me that Amelia had warded the entire compound against such people hanging around hoping to catch sight of vampires. The fringe element was deterred by her wards and Cadel was more careful than ever screening the donors downstairs after the whole business with that Charlotte woman.

Once we were actually there… the reality of the situation was a shock. I guess I'd never even thought about it. Not really. I didn't really watch TV much. I didn't read gossip magazines. I read the New York Times and several European papers like the Guardian, Le Monde and Spiegel online and The Economist, just like I had when I was at the FBI. Mostly, I read books. Sure I knew there were vampire reality TV shows. I knew that paparazzi sometimes stalked popular vampires, including a burgeoning number of vampire film stars. But this wasn't the kind of stuff I paid attention to, was it? The whole concept hadn't even really occurred to me, since it was so far removed from my day to day life. I mean, I was never the 'throwing yourself at people' kind of person. I was, for almost all of my adult life, a 'nose to the grindstone, working' kind of person. Now, here we were sitting in a town car, at the red-carpeted entrance to one of New Orleans' fanciest hotels, getting ready to attend a splashy party.

I was _dreading_ getting out of the car. There were people and photographers everywhere and when the door had opened for the others to get out, the wall of sound along with all the thoughts attached to those screams and squeals was incredible. Eric felt my reaction and pulled the door closed again, turning to look at me. I asked him why he hadn't told me before what one of these events or 'commitments' was _really_ like, and why he had never taken me to one of these things before now. His explanation was simple:

"I'd have lost you over it. You barely take me seriously _after_ _I married you_, Sookie. You even said so on our wedding night. What would you have done if I had treated you to one of these little events last October, November or December? Hmm? You're telling me you'd have been sure I was 'serious' if you were seeing stuff like this back then? Trying to explain and convince you that this," he gestured to the car window, "means even less than nothing to me would have been futile. I refused all invitations for three months. I wasn't letting you get away again after we'd already lost so much time together. I told you that, remember? I told you that in June. I was getting my grip and not letting go. So this is it. We have to get out, Lover and you're holding my hand and just try your best to smile."

He offered me his hand because I plainly, sitting there with my arms crossed across my chest and looking away, did not want to get out of the car. The person attached to the pair of bare breasts that were pressed against the tinted window of the town car was yanked away by someone in a uniform. Eric let out a heavy sigh.

"Sookie, I _have_ to do this shit. I took the state, I took the job and according to the AVL we _have _to do it. It's vampire PR. Please, I want you, I _need_ you to, do it with me. Please?"

"It's so unfair that you did not explain this clearly before, Eric."

He looked me in the eye, steadfastly ignoring the woman who'd broken away from the uniformed officer and thrown herself back at the car again causing the vehicle to bounce slightly. He shook his head and said,

"I tried to explain it. But I admit I wasn't about to explain it before the 25th, if that's what you mean. I'll apologize as profusely as you wish. I simply was not going to let one or two events a month determine the course of our entire relationship. You get so skittish and insecure at times with anything that makes you uncomfortable. Look at you," he said shaking his head with a rueful smile. "I could hand you an assault rifle and tell you to help me defend the compound and you'd be taking it so much better than my asking you to put on a beautiful dress, and once again, you're looking quite beautiful tonight, and deal with this shit. I'm sorry, but we need to get out of this car and go inside. I know you will get the hang of it and that you'll be very good at it, even if you never learn to like it. It's can be our own shared _Mill on the Floss_. We'll hate it together. I promise not more than twice a month. Hopefully less."

"Is there anything else?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is there any _further_ hithertofore undisclosed shit you're going to dump on me beyond glamouring my friends and bodyguards and undisclosed social obligations? Is there anything else that you've just happened to neglect telling me before we got married, Eric?"

He looked at me soberly and shook his head 'no'. "I wasn't trying to deceive you."

"Yeah, well you weren't trying to be too upfront, either, were you?"

"I didn't want to _lose_ you, Sookie. Especially not over this bullshit."

"Eric, even a vampire has got to have the insight that you can lose someone just on the basis of subterfuge right?"

"You mean subterfuge like making job and life decisions without telling your significant other because you don't like his attitude about your job? Or having a serious mental health issue that keeps you from sleeping and not telling your significant other before you marry? _That_ kind of subterfuge?"

I swallowed hard as I swallowed my words.

His hand was still held out to me. I frowned, took his hand and nodded to him, conceding his point. He smiled with sparkling eyes and didn't overdo the fact that we were basically even on the lack of being forthcoming issue. He kissed my hand.

"No more surprises comes to mind, Lover. Neither of us is perfect. But… _I love you_, if that helps," he said, kissing me lightly on the lips before exiting.

We got out, thankfully, on the other side of the car, away from the loony tunes lady. Andor, Markus and Cadel and the others who had preceded us were standing and waiting while Eric had tried to calm me down in the car. The wall of sound as Eric exited the vehicle was unsettling but I kept my focus and tried to shut my mind to the sea of voices and thoughts around me. I held Eric's hand tightly to exit the car and then he put his arm around my shoulders protectively. Andor walked at our backs, since he could see over my head. Markus was at my left side, Eric at my right and Cadel to the front. There were three other vampires with us, spread out keeping an eye on the crowd as well. A pair of women's underwear hit the carpet in front of us. I managed to step over it without hesitation.

As we walked, I tried to think back to December 25th. I had married a _vampire_, right? _Not_ a rock star? Not some actor? Not a popular athlete? Just a… vampire, for gosh sakes. Okay, maybe a now locally well-_known_ vampire. Sure, a vampire king. And sure, he was a very good-looking man. But, still… I mean there were literally easily more than a hundred screaming women, held back by barricades. Maybe more than two hundred. And they were shouting at the _vampires_? At _my_ vampire? Frankly, the scene made those days back at Fangtasia look like a party for preschoolers. I tried to remind myself of what Eric said as we walked what seemed the infinite one hundred meters to the entrance of the hotel. _Mill on the Floss,_ the book Pam got me to read so she'd have someone to hate it with. This was something that I could share hating, with Eric? Well, he sure wasn't kidding.

So this was simply a party, given by New Orleans' Mayor Roy Nogan, celebrating his reelection and swearing in yet again. One of the various parties or events that Eric was invited to, so it seemed. He had been refusing invitations for months. Because of me. And he was going to have to resume attending these events. Because of the charming American Vampire League, which wanted their kings and queens to be well-integrated into the human social and political structure of their states.

I was in a gorgeous burgundy dress that Pam had helped me select on Eric's instructions. It was a compromise between the newer Sookie-modest and same old Eric- 'if you've got it, flaunt it'. It showed off my figure, but tastefully. Pam had thought it was a real feat on her part to find this dress with me. Frankly, looking at some of the women lining the red carpet as closely as they were permitted by the barricades, I felt as if I was in a burqa. Let's just say I was _way_ more dressed than a lot of the bystanders were. Scantily clad and making their assets quite obvious? Proudly showing off bite marks to make sure that it was clear they were offering the whole package? It really _was_ like all the fangbangers from Fangtasia had shown up in force to squeal hello and offer themselves to… my husband or really whichever of his siblings was interested. Okay, I could ignore that part, but the _noise_? By the time we'd covered the hundred meters and were inside the entry hall of the hotel, I was literally swaying from the din. Eric drew us off to the side in the lower lobby and turned my face up to his.

"You're okay?" he said firmly. "Bad, but doable, right? I need you to try to smile and look like we're happy to be here, Sookie. Cheer up. You should have seen Mardi Gras last year." He shook his head as if troubled just remembering it. "Ah, Mardi Gras. And to think, February is right around the corner…" he said, making a face as if he'd smelled something very, very bad.

I drew a deep breath and nodded. I seriously wondered what the people inside the Ritz-Carlton ballroom were going to be like. I was sure no matter how curious they might be about vampires that they were more… restrained, though. They probably kept their clothes on, or at the very least, didn't bring spare undergarments to offer up.

Eric took my hand and nodded to Andor, Cadel and Markus. As we moved forward as he said to Cadel,

"Just like me, no one touches her. Unless _she_ initiates it."

In a receiving line, I was presented to the Mayor and his wife. I tried to smile and look pleased to be there as they offered us congratulations on our recent marriage. I shook their hands though, of course, Eric didn't. He just nodded to each person. It was a disorienting sea of voices and thoughts around me. The main thing that surprised me was that people seemed very, very curious about _me_. After about forty-five minutes, Eric finally had Cadel sit with me at a table and order me a drink while he stood talking to two city councilman.

"You're looking a little peaked," Cadel said with a chuckle. "You should definitely have your drink," he said as it was delivered.

I just nodded. I was still absorbed by a conversation I'd had with the very elegant City Attorney. She seemed very curious not just about what kind of person marries a vampire king, but she was also thinking about why a vampire king would actually _marry_ a human. Was it some sort of political move? _How clever_, she'd thought to herself. She'd heard that vampires were very political but this bit of mainstreaming really had her impressed with its skill. I'd never even thought about it before. I glanced over at Eric who was talking with several City Council members. It was _odd_ he'd married me? I didn't even really know if it was all that unusual. It had been legal for humans and vampires to marry in Louisiana for about four years at this point. I hardly knew anything about any other vampire kings or queens other than the few I'd met years before at the Rhodes summit, or had dealt with since. Namely Stan and Russell. Russell was married to a vampire and Stan was just… Stan. Really, when I thought about it, I didn't know _any_ other vampires who were married to their humans. Louisiana was one of only seven states in which it was even legal for a vampire and human to marry.

"Cadel, do you know if any of the other kings or queens in the US are married to humans?"

"I believe not. Actually, I don't personally know any other vampires married to humans, although I know I've heard there are some here in Louisiana, since it was made legal a few years back. As I understand it, the American Vampire League thinks of Eric as their poster boy for mainstreaming right now because of your marriage."

I turned to Cadel open mouthed. "Just because he married a human?"

"Well, I guess there maybe other things. You know, he's big on being all fair play, above board with business and stuff. But, yes, I guess mostly because he married you. Not that I think being a role model vampire has ever been high on Eric's to-do list, mind you. This is Eric we're talking about, after all. He's always been rather… an iconoclast. A rogue spirit? Irreverent? Doesn't enjoy people telling him what to do? Anyway, don't start taking it the wrong way and…"

He suddenly zoomed out of his seat and put himself in between several women and me.

"May I help you?" he said with a warning tone to his voice as he stared down at them with hard, cold eyes.

A tall brunette woman said in a sultry voice,

"We wanted to meet her. Mrs. Northman? We wanted to say hello."

They appeared to be socialite types. I listened to their thoughts, which were uniformly less than kind, both because I'd married a vampire and because they'd heard that I was from some small northern Louisiana town and that meant I was probably poor white trash and that I was trying to get attention somehow and this, marrying a vampire king, was the best I could do. They were also curious about what kind of woman could marry a dead man, even _that_ dead man. Evidently many people here seemed to think that it was likely that our marriage was either an adroit political ploy on Eric's part or that I was little more than a curvaceous and tasty 'pet'. It was really hard to decide which take was more demeaning. Steeling myself, I rose and shifted around Cadel, extending my hand with a smile.

"I'm Sookie Northman. Pleased to meet you."

It was a scene repeated again and again for several hours, thankfully most of it with Eric by my side. By 11:30 pm we were done, back in the town car, and on our way back to the compound. I was so exhausted that I felt limp. With his arm around my shoulders, Eric reached up and pulled my head to his lips.

"I'm sorry to see you're enjoying it about as much as I do, Lover," he said softly. "But you'll get used to it. We'll do it only as often as necessary."

I sort of wanly murmured my agreement.

"What do they really think of us, Sookie?" Cadel asked with interest.

"The usual. Intrigued, repelled, intrigued, repelled."

"What about you?" asked Andor.

"I'm neither intrigued _nor_ repelled," I said with a chortle, refusing to answer his intended question.

Eric, eyebrow raised, just studied me without saying anything. Yep. It had been that bad. I was a woman willing not just to have sex with, but marry, a very attractive dead man. I was not just playing around to see what it was like. I was… ungodly. Or a gold digger, willing to be bought for political purpose. Or maybe I was little more than a pet. A pet for sex and food. Frankly, interrogating terrorists was looking like it hadn't been _that_ bad. Their insulting thoughts hadn't been so… personal. Or so personally offensive to me.

When we got back to the compound, I just went upstairs, changed into a nightgown and sat reading in my dayroom. Pam came to check on me. She tried to be nice but I figured her veneer of being patient with me was already worn thinner than usual by the previous week when I'd asked her if she knew that Eric was glamouring humans and Weres around me. She'd listened to my question then laughed at me to my face and told me to "grow up already". It was clear she knew and clear that's why Ahmed was allowed on the third floor back in December. Admittedly, she'd been pretty nice to me later on in the conversation, talking about going shopping for the dress I'd worn for tonight. She'd offered to do my hair and go with me when I got my nails done. But she had no patience for anything involving my complaining about Eric's methods. At one point when I raised the subject again while shopping the following day, she pulled me to face her, pointed to her fangs and said,

"See these? Vampire. _Not_ the AVL media spin. Not sweet or forgiving or understanding. _Lethal." _She smiled and raised her eyebrows as she spoke. "Be glad we glamour them into doing things the way we want from the start Sookie, instead of killing them when they screw up. Stop complaining about it. Grow up and be grateful."

Then she'd turned right around and continued sorting through dresses on the evening wear racks. She kept on chatting as if it was nothing and wasn't satisfied until she'd found the perfect dress for my figure and coloring and wouldn't even let me look at the price, on Eric's instructions. She made me try on fourteen different pairs of shoes and walk in them, before she was satisfied. I might be going on thirty-one but I knew I looked better than good in that outfit by the time she was done with me. She had loaned me a gorgeous pair of ruby earrings, the only jewelry I wore other than my wedding band and engagement ring.

Now Pam sat next to me on my daybed, after taking a disapproving glance at my book (_A Year in Provence_ by Peter Mayle).

"Eric says you are stressed, my friend," she said, making an obvious effort not to sound sharp with me.

I just met her eyes and chewed my lip for a moment and said, "I'm fine," shaking my head slightly.

She looked at me and laughed.

"Eric's so right. You're such a lousy liar. That's comforting, actually. I always know where I stand with you. So it was pretty bad, eh?"

"I'm fine, Pam. Really."

"Eric said the human women were almost as pleasant as they were at Mardi Gras last year. They were very bad then? Offering 'gifts' again? Perhaps this has upset you."

"Pam, really, I'm fine and I'm not complaining, okay?"

"I can see you are not complaining. I am proud of you. And I can assure you that Eric has no interest in them."

"Yeah, I really don't quite think that they were all that appealing, you know? Even Cadel was making faces like he thought it was a quite over the top. And he and Markus were making a lot of very rude remarks about biting them and getting a mouthful of silicone or saline."

"So then what is the issue?"

"Pam, I really don't have any 'issues' right now."

"Sookie, if you don't tell me promptly, I will be very cross. I am running late. I have an assignation with a very tasty donor. Now either it's the human women that have bothered you or it's something else. I have an excellent track record of revealing your psyche to Eric after much thought. I was requested to make sure you are fine and discern how to make things better. But tonight I am actually short on time. So… don't make me get rough with you," she said with a playful snarl.

I laughed at her snarl.

"Well, you know, we could always talk later, Pam. I don't want to make you late for your date."

"It is _not_ a date. It is downstairs, where I live. That is not a date. I do not date donors. I do not date. I am, however, quite hungry." She raised her eyebrows briefly then smiled showing very nice fangs.

"Hungry, oh well, go to it then."

She leaned forward toward me playfully. "Are _you_ offering? Oh, Eric will be _extremely_ put out," she said barely keeping a straight face. "I'm afraid I must sadly refuse. Eric is so jealous and you're so old-fashioned, I really don't foresee that it would work."

"Right, Pam. Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. You should go meet your… friend or… Why _don't_ you date? You keep saying that and I keep asking you and you never respond. Why should I answer you when you won't answer me? Why don't you date? Seriously. The longest I've seen you stay with someone was back with Amelia and that was years ago and just… odd. Expedient maybe, since Eric had you watching me, so far as I could tell."

She examined her nails, appearing to steadfastly ignore my comments. When I was done, she looked up.

"Are you going to tell me what I want to know or not?"

"No, Pam, because you don't answer _my _question. If I'm really your friend we should be able to talk frankly. You expect me to talk frankly with you all the time but you don't talk to me. That's not working for me. Especially right now. You always are so free with the lectures, but you're so seldom frank when it comes to talking to me about _you_."

"You're really such a difficult human. I am getting put out. This should worry you."

"Yes, Pam. I know, we all know. Everyone knows. I'm horrible. I just don't know how you cope. Go on. Go meet your… _donor_," I said with distaste.

"I liked Amelia. I like this one," she said quietly.

"I'm glad you do. And I hope you're nice to 'this one'. Go on. Git."

She shifted her position ever so slightly, which in Pam always conveyed immense discomfort.

"It is hard," she said quietly. "To 'date' is hard. I have often been disappointed. Most humans are not very nice. Male or female ones. They do not… accept us. Not really. Not as you do. I have known a few nice female vampires but it is difficult to establish a long-term relationship. Many revert to desiring men. And most male vampires are just… offensive. With a few exceptions. I have known several nice ones. But even so. How long can you stay with one person? It is a big investment of effort to end up being let down."

I stared at her, slightly shocked. She was afraid of getting hurt? Of counting on a relationship that might not work out? Of having a long relationship and then… having the partner lose interest? Just like… _me_?

"You know, really, I guess I have the same fears, Pam." I watched her jerk her head toward me, appalled. "_Concerns_. I have the same _concerns_. You know, that you could put so much energy into a relationship and then maybe it wouldn't work and you could be…" I scrambled for a word that didn't seem too emotion-laden and arrived at her own choice, "let down."

"If that is your concern, you have a very odd way of dealing with it. Getting married seems like an unusual tactic. It's really putting yourself out there. At least it appears that you have employed this solution with someone who is extremely tenacious."

I studied her face, which looked placid as always.

"Pam, you told me long ago that you didn't love Eric. Was that… true?"

She looked surprised at the question.

"You are not bothered by me?" she asked softly, almost warily.

"No, Pam. I'm not _bothered_ by you. I am _worried_ about you. I just don't understand. I don't understand your saying that you don't or didn't love Eric and I don't understand your not wanting, seemingly, to love _anyone_."

She looked at me, almost as if puzzled.

"You are not jealous then, of the prior relationship?" She actually sounded concerned.

"Well, I mean, I guess on the face of it, it's kind of weird. But no, I'm not jealous. It would be really stupid to be jealous of something that seems to have been over more than a hundred years ago, right? Am I supposed to also be jealous of … I don't know, Andor or something? I mean after all, some of what Eric told me about Ocella. I've never asked, but… anyway, what's the point? And Eric is mine _now_, right? So, really, I'm not jealous at all, but I guess I really am worried about you sometimes. Friends are wonderful but it's not the same kind of love. And you don't even want to admit loving your friends, so you tell me? How is that okay?"

"Vampires are not built for love, Sookie."

"Well gee, what does that say about my husband then, Pam? That's just giving me the warm fuzzies. Wish I'd known _that_ one a month ago… That's way worse than undisclosed social obligations."

She gave me and exasperated expression.

"This isn't what I was here to talk about."

"Well, it's what we ended up talking about."

She frowned. After a moment's reflection she said, almost disapprovingly,

"I did not love Eric. Not in a romantic sense. He was a very good and engaging partner. I did _not_ love him. I bear great affection for and loyalty to him, however."

"Did you ever love anyone since you were turned at all?"

She looked away and did not respond. Suddenly, I understood.

"Oh, Pam… You loved someone and they hurt you… I'm so sorry." I shifted closer to her on the couch and took her hand. "I didn't know. I'm so clumsy…" Her hand started to pull away. She did not want to be pitied. By me or by anyone. I understood. I corrected myself again. "I dislike whoever it was. I hope they regretted their behavior. Whoever it was, whatever they did, they were foolish to lose you, Pam."

She sat there without saying a word, looking away, for more than a minute.

"What upset you? About the event. What was it?" she asked finally, turning back to look at me.

"Wel, I guess it was just the whole entire thing. The fact that Eric didn't tell me _clearly_ about this all before we married and that you all just… played along with it and covered the whole thing up. Which, don't get me wrong, I know he told you to and you had to do it that way. But it kind of makes me wonder what else you all just conveniently left out of the abridged version of the 'Northman Lifestyle Manual' I received before walking down the aisle. And then, there's the situation itself. The fangbangers, the way most people attending acted with us compared to what they're actually thinking… And you know, I feel like I'm not even sure that I can do whatever it is that Eric wants or expects me to do. I feel… unskilled. I didn't know that I was going to have to be doing this kind of thing, Pam. I love a party, but this… I mean, whatever I do, right or wrong, it's like it has other implications and I… I _hate_ stuff like that. Sometimes I can be so… I'm not exactly the most polished person, you know? And I never thought about the fact that it was such an unusual thing in the eyes of everyone else that Eric, a vampire, _wanted_ to marry me, either. Or that I wanted to marry _him_. Some of the people are so demeaning I don't even want to get into it. It's just going to make you and Eric mad. But you know, I never thought of it as so… political that we married. I mean, I'm not questioning Eric's motives, okay, but I guess it does seem like a kind of unusual thing to do, at least in retrospect. I know why I married him and I think I know why he married me, but I was just looking at it like it was something between the two of us, and now it seems like it has many more implications than just that. And I guess that now I'm not really sure what to make of this whole situation. Sometimes I'm so simplistic, it's really embarrassing," I said, crossing and hugging my arms together.

Pam seemed to regard me very carefully as I spoke. After a moment, she said,

"Your artlessness is part of your charm, Sookie. And the fact that you didn't look at it as anything other than just something between the two of you is one of the things that I like best about you and why we _all_ like you. You are very genuine in your feelings. But yes, it can be perceived as rather daring that Eric has done this. It could also be perceived as politically expedient that he has married his human. It is the ultimate mainstream move. It might bring him power within the AVL because he is so publicly mainstreamed. It may keep you safer because no other vampire in their right mind would really try to seriously harm you, turn you, do anything to take you away from Eric. Legally, he has standing in your life and a right to defend you in our world and now in to some extent in yours. But if you ask me, perhaps it put _you_ at greater risk from humans, who may regard your choice badly. Mine is not a popular view. Popular or not, we must still watch for that, however. And…" she hesitated for a moment, then met my eye with frankness in hers. "Eric does enjoy making well-calculated political moves. But this one was way out there, even for Eric. Perhaps it is not as effective to have his child assure you that his intentions are genuine. But they are. Yes, the marriage achieves many purposes. But I think there was only a personal emotional motivation behind it because you're really quite a lot of trouble, if you know what I mean. Guarding you alone is quite the challenge and then the rest of it? I really can't imagine that you think he would have chosen to marry you for political gain? With all the arguing you do? You are easily the least docile person Eric has ever allowed to remain in his sphere." She hesitated and looked suddenly as if she was really genuinely concerned. "You do not really believe he was using you?"

Not even looking at her, I shook my head 'no'. I mean, I really didn't. But after the whole thing with Ahmed and Jamie and now this social obligations revelation, I wasn't exactly feeling like he'd been upfront with me. Though like he said, I hadn't been exactly upfront with him, either. But I guess I thought the things he'd kept from me were somehow worse, though clearly, he didn't agree. I thought about what he said in the car, that he was really afraid I'd just have said 'no way' if I'd seen stuff like tonight _before_ we got married. Or that he knew I could do this and do it well. On our wedding night he had assured me that he never would have asked me to marry him if he wasn't sure we'd be happy. It all made me so mad and yet… and yet… If I was really honest with myself, I couldn't argue with Eric's thoughts on the matter. He knew me. And I knew myself. I _would_ have been put off by the whole thing and would have even felt more insecure. I _was_ skittish. He was right. I still didn't like it that he hadn't told me before, though, even if he _was_ right. But this was Eric. The man who had gotten me to marry him in some vampire marriage ritual, without my understanding what it was I was getting into at the time. Had he now done it _twice_?

Pam paused and tilted her head as she looked at me.

"You will be very good at this, Sookie. At the business of being the 'socially graceful wife'? You were always able to be so sociable at Merlottes, and always managed to be pleasant no matter what morons you had to deal with, correct? And now you are more sophisticated… in a good sense… than you were then. I'm sure that you will be able to do this quite well, even if you do not enjoy it. It is part of your work expertise to work with people who are unpleasant. Did you always enjoy your work then? No, of course not. And what about the FBI? This Chuck person? You say you detested him and yet you worked there for three and a half years and can even see his good points, right? This is much the same, except that the people are probably even less genuine than they were in Bon Temps and even the FBI."

"Is there a _bad_ sense of the word 'sophisticated'?" I asked, still lost in the first half her statement.

"I meant not in the older meaning, less natural, given to sophistry, corrupt. You are sophisticated in the worldly sense now but you still retain your ingenuous manner. I am sure that you will adapt and be able to do this quite well. I am sure you will be… an asset to Eric and to all of us. I know you hate the word. I am sorry. Perhaps… a blessing? A word I no longer relate well to, but I guess it conveys my meaning in a fashion less objectionable to you. You can only benefit us. We will make every effort to benefit you."

"And to think I thought you were just my friend. Being friends with benefits kind of has a really different connotation, Pam, so it maybe best to scroll it back a bit on that one, okay? As you pointed out, I'm really old-fashioned," I said winking at her.

She raised an eyebrow as she sat thinking about that idea.

I couldn't even begin to sort out what I thought about Eric's tactics, so instead I sat there thinking silently for a few moments about the actual stuff I was expected to do. Maybe she was right. Maybe I just needed to reframe it. Maybe I'd already done that tonight. I'd certainly listened to plenty of _un_pleasantries through the years and had gotten adept at filtering out everything other than what I needed, in particular when I had been an interrogator. Take what you need had been my philosophy, disregard and even, if necessary, discard the rest. Otherwise you just got lost in it. And that was what I'd done tonight with most of the people I'd talked to, out of force of habit. They were basic survival skills for someone who was a telepath, as far as I was concerned.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. My head ached, it was almost 4 am and I was tired and seriously thinking about just going to bed. I didn't even want to begin to think about the rest of it, like the whole political thing or whether there was still more stuff that Eric was leaving out or whether he'd really actually now married me twice without explaining what was involved. Pam sensed my restlessness.

"I do not wish to keep my…" Pam seemed to struggle for terms, "current companion waiting," she said as she rose.

"What is your companion's name?"

"Marissa. Her name is Marissa."

I nodded. She surprised me by bending down and kissing me on the cheek.

"You are an excellent friend, Sookie. If you ever get tired of Eric, I will vie with Cadel for your affections. I am quite sure I'm the better bet."

I gave her a furrowed brow look. "Um, that really is _not_ going to happen. Either thing. I mean, any of those things. You do remember our vows, right? I don't even think that's an option. Eric actually seems very intense on the subject. In addition to the fact that it would be so _very_ tacky, Pam. We're both so _not_ tacky. And no matter what you say, I know that Cadel thinks of me in a very brotherly fashion. He says I remind him of his sister, actually. It seems she had a rather sharp tongue."

Pam snorted in laughter. "Cadel is so dreadful. Trustworthy, yes, but dreadful. And Eric is so devious. He really _has_ you, doesn't he? Oh well. You've had _him_ for years, so I suppose it's only fair. This whole thing is going to work so well. I'm sure we will see lovely photos of you in the newspaper on Sunday. Lauding the Vampire King and his pretty human bride. I hope you don't eat before you see them. You really need to keep every morsel down. Good night, my little friend," she said with a mischievous smile.

I shook my head. Both at the society news comment and at the fact that I was at least three inches taller than Pam but she still always called me the _little_ one. Clearly, age was all that mattered in her book when it came to stature. Though she was right- I cringed at the idea of the society page things.

I went back to my reading and eventually fell asleep. When I awoke it was about half past 5 am. I must have been asleep for a while. Eric's book was open on the coffee table, next to mine, which I guess had fallen out of my hands or something. An empty bottle of True Blood was on the coaster. He must have been sitting there next to me for a while reading, I realized. I picked up the bottle, went to the kitchen, rinsed it out then put it in the recycling bin. I wearily walked back over to the coffee table, picked up the books and went into the library.

Eric was at his desk, wearing a t-shirt and boxer briefs, typing away at his usual lightning speed on his laptop. Something in his posture when I entered the room made me think he was edgy or apprehensive, which was definitely not a feeling that I was used to associating with Eric. I was really kind of taking aback by it.

Without even trying to read him, as I approached him, I suddenly got first a sense of dread and then the clear thought _What would it take to get her to understand I just _wanted_ her… she was mine and I _wanted_ her._

I drew closer and put the books down on the desk. Without looking up at me, he reached out and put his arm around my waist, leaned over and buried his face in my breasts. I just held him there, running my fingers through his hair. There was something so moving to me about the gesture. Like a plea not to fight. Closing my eyes, I rested my cheek on top of his head.

"I love you," I said softly.

I felt him relax against me and felt warmth just suffuse me as he pulled me even closer. He had been so tense at first but now I felt his sense of relief flood coursing through both of us at the realization that we were not going to argue. I knew that he must have talked to Pam. Maybe after that talk he'd thought I'd mistaken his intentions or his reasons for our marriage? Maybe he worried that we'd have yet another argument or I'd be back to saying I didn't believe we'd stay together or his affection wasn't genuine and that he was using me? He'd been so upset on our wedding night back in December. He'd told me one night in Paris that I'd really hurt him. It was the only the second time he'd ever admitted such a thing to me. I could imagine the apprehension at the thought of yet another argument, let alone one that included the suggestion he'd had an ulterior motive for finding me in Virginia and wanting to marry me. _Well, at least I've finally started to realize the bond really _is_ useful_, I thought to myself amusedly. There could be no mistaking Eric's feelings about me, about us. Between reading him outright and feeling him, I had no doubts. However 'political' it might look in the eyes of anyone on the outside, our relationship was anything _but_ political from the inside. I was not a pet human and thanks to my great-grandfather I was certainly no gold digger. What can other people ever really see about a relationship between two people, I wondered? Really, ours was about as _in_expedient as a relationship could be. We didn't even need to discuss it.

I wasn't sure about how I felt about the rest. Our relationship was so odd, I thought to myself. Whatever the first marriage or pledge thing was, we'd barely really known each other. The whole thing had been based on a bunch of confused, though very genuine feelings, a pleasant memory and strongly forged loyalties. Sure we'd loved each other, but really _known_ each other? No. Our real relationship was what, maybe 8 months old? I could only reflect on what I knew of other people's relationships, which really basically were those between humans. And yeah, there was a really strong tendency to gloss over those sticky details you didn't think your partner was going to cotton to very well. Like your messing with their friends and your… not very pleasant social life. He _wanted_ me. Had I really been any different? I wanted him. I'd completely ignored the specifics of how our relationship would work and tried not to reveal my problems. Yeah, it wasn't much better… We _got_ what we wanted. And we'd obviously found we mostly liked what we had. _This will work_ Eric had said and thought so many times since June. _This will work_ echoed in my mind.

I pulled back from him and smiled as I looked into his eyes as I stroked a few strands of loose hair behind his ear. I bent down and kissed him.

"I'm so tired," I whispered softly. "Let's go to bed, min älskade. Let's go to bed."


	6. Interlude 1

**Interlude**

"You're not cold?" he murmured, his arm around my waist. "You want the covers?"

"MmmNnnn." I turned the page of my book and then reached out and took another sip of the champagne. "This is _really_ good champagne, Eric. It's such a shame you can't have any."

"I could taste it. But I probably wouldn't like it. I'm used to much finer stuff anyway," he said nuzzling my neck.

"I feel bad. It's probably ridiculously expensive and most of it's gonna go flat."

"It's a gift. Gifts should not make you feel bad."

He stroked a few strands of hair back behind my ear and looked at the cabochon ruby and diamond earrings again.

"They look beautiful on you," he said, kissing my ear.

"I love them. They are beautiful. But you know, I like time alone with my husband better than any tangible gift. Tonight was the perfect gift."

"I like time alone with my wife better than my gift, too. Especially since I don't even want to imagine how much those cufflinks cost."

"If you start stressing, think of them as a gift purchased with my emotional distress settlement money from Niall."

He laughed and the rumbling at my back made me feel warm inside. I sighed and relaxed back further against him. I turned my head to face my left shoulder and he rested his chin gently on the bridge of my nose. The book in his left hand gradually was lowered to the bed. I closed my eyes.

"I'm so glad it's Sunday and we could do this," I whispered.

"You really didn't want to go anywhere?"

"No, I prefer this. Much nicer, more romantic, more private, and much less hassle. I don't even have to worry about what to wear," I murmured, smiling.

"You are looking very good in simple skin. It really suits you. I have always loved your skin," he said with pleasure in his voice as he ran his hand from my shoulder to my breast and onto my waist and hip, curving his fingers gently over my hip. "Next year, I'll take the whole night off. We'll do this again if you like. Whatever you like."

"It's the perfect gift. Just time, alone with you."

"Even with the sauna?"

"MmmHmm. Even. I'm getting used to it."

"Ah," he said softly, rocking me back and forth against him.

"Eric?" I whispered.

"Mmm?"

"I've decided I really like the second thing."

"Mmm… I told you it was a good plan, Lover," he whispered in my ear.

I put my book on top of his and pulled his arms tight around me. He shifted slightly and then crossed his right leg over mine. We were silent for a few minutes.

"How's the Pamuk? It looks interesting," he said softly.

"Eric?" I whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Hush."

He buried his face in the crook of my neck and we just lay there…


	7. Chapter 6

**VI.**

**February 16, 2010  
**

After working for Russell in late January into early February, Amelia and I were deep in negotiations with Salome about warding and upgrading security at her three casinos in Tunica in March. I was still negotiating with Eric about the number of people he planned on sending with us to Tunica. Our total number was also a sticking point for Salome, who didn't like the idea of my showing up with a whole lot of people. Eric said the fact that Salome didn't like the plan made his plan a good plan. This got a lot of laughter from Andor. I was still no closer to knowing what dark history there was between Salome, Eric and Andor. But I really thought that sending us with Andor, Cadel, Jamie and another two or three Weres to look after us during the day was a bit over the top. I was taking two technicians for the installation of the security upgrades as well. And already had another two who had been there examining the existing system. It seemed like a lot of people traveling for one job. Frankly, there were still times when I thought having Jamie with me every time I went out during the day was a bit much. He seemed content with being a perpetually on-call bodyguard but I felt that it had drained a lot of the spontaneity from my life. But that was before Mardi Gras.

We had a wonderful Valentines Day. Mardi Gras was two days later. Eric was invited to a big party, given by a well-known local author with excellent relations with vampires, so he said we really had to go. The Quarter itself was already going to be a rabble according to everyone's description of the previous year. The party was being given just outside the Quarter, near the Riverwalk. I'd never been to New Orleans on Mardi Gras, so I really didn't know what to expect. It was a bigger crowd and likely less controlled a venue than the mayor's party had been. Eric assigned Cadel and Rasul to watch me and took Andor and Markus with him, along with four other vampires, leaving Pam, and Stefan back in the compound. Just even getting to the party was a challenge since, basically, there was no way that a car could make the drive. Some of our group flew and were met there by the others who'd left earlier by car.

We were all dressed up, really almost formal dress. The guys even still work jackets, but dark ones with colorful shirts. I was wearing an emerald green bias cut silk dress that Pam had managed to talk me into. It was very figure-defining and a bit too low cut for my taste. She pointed out that considering what many women were known for doing on Mardi Gras that I was a comparative prude. My dress was not flashing material. Thank goodness. When Cadel had asked me about it he'd almost fallen off the seat in the car laughing because of the look I'd given him.

Waiting to enter, I felt edgy. The mass of people, all their voices, and the wall of thoughts washing over me were totally disorienting. It was a madhouse. Women, little more than the usual fangbangers or groupies, called out to Eric and squealed after he set us down on the entry carpet. It was so loud that it was disorienting to me. I wasn't the only one who was edgy. Andor and Markus didn't like the idea of standing out in the open for a long time. I saw them looking around vigilantly keeping track of anyone and everyone who seemed close to Eric.

Eric smiled and tried to be polite. Eric liked _giving_ parties but not attending those of others. Still, he chatted briefly with a few other arriving guests while we waited in the entry line. It moved so slowly and we'd drifted apart slightly. We weren't even holding hands anymore. Suddenly, with Cadel at my side and Rasul standing at my back, I was caught totally off guard by Andor suddenly lunging away from Eric and knocking me into Cadel and seeming to collapse onto Rasul. There was a crack of sound that accompanied his almost lightning fast movement. A wide-eyed Eric literally scooped him up, while Cadel, equally wide-eyed picked me up in a way that shielded me, with me pressed against him vertically and the remaining vampires closed ranks behind us as we pushed, in a not too friendly fashion, inside. At first I had no idea what had even happened. Then I was truly shocked.

Andor had been shot. He'd taken a bullet for _me._ And it was not lost on me that the bullet that hit Andor had hit him in the upper chest. I was a foot shorter than he was. I eyeballed the height of the wound. The shooter had meant business.

Cadel started going on about how incredulous he was that first, _Andor_ had been fast enough, then that he himself hadn't seen the shooter, and therefore had basically _failed_ to safeguard me. Andor said to him, in a pained voice, that he'd _heard_ the chambering of the bullet and followed the sound and sightline. Cadel let out a string of curses in Welsh. He was very upset because he took his job protecting me seriously and I knew he, like Pam, was really attached to me. I couldn't even really say much. I was too busy crying as I looked at Andor.

Andor bled but not a very great deal. He was known to be a really fast healer and the bullet began to extrude almost immediately. It had ruined his nice shirt and jacket (and at his size I was betting that very nice shirts and jackets were in short supply) but most of all, it was very obviously painful, even though he strained to make it seem otherwise to me, saying he was just fine. His tightly clenched jaw told me otherwise. In spite of how afraid I'd been of him for the past couple of months, I felt horrible at the idea that he was in pain because of me. He seemed surprised both by my tears and by my taking his hand while Eric steadied him and asked someone to get him a chair.

The police had already been called and when they showed up, I was stunned to find out that though one of Eric's vampires had actually apprehended the shooter, they had arrested her on charges of _unlawful discharge of a weapon in a public place_. I immediately stopped crying and started getting very, very angry.

"You mean attempted murder or assault?" I asked sharply.

"Ma'am, all I've heard about is that a shot was fired."

"But you'll get the bullet. _He_," I said pointing to Andor, "was shot. The bullet's working its way out."

The police sergeant looked at me like I was a simpleton.

"If he's a vampire he's already dead, ma'am. She just fired a weapon in a public place."

I gasped, wide-eyed.

"Jesus Christ, Shepherd of Judea, what is _wrong_ with you? Someone _shot him!_ Getting shot still hurts when you're a vampire, just as much as it would to you or me. Do you grasp that? Don't you want to photograph the wound to document it? You can recover the bullet for forensics. Whoever the shooter is, she should be properly charged. It's at a _minimum_ felony assault!"

Eric moved to stand behind me and grasped my shoulders and spoke in a low voice into my right ear,

"Sookie, it's fine… calm down."

I turned back to him wild-eyed.

"_Calm down?_ Someone shot Andor, Eric. He took a bullet that was meant for me, meant for _my_ head and they don't even want to properly charge the shooter who shot him? Look at him. _Look _at him_!"_ I glared at the police officer who seemed wholly indifferent and barely even glanced in Andor's direction as I pointed to him.

The last time I'd been so upset was in Risalpur, Pakistan, after I'd been pulled, along with the US Ambassador and his immediate staff from the embassy in Islamabad, leaving Ahmed and Alla, my treasured friends, behind along with about twenty civilians. I was told I couldn't go back along with a pack of lies about how they were going to rescue those still in the embassy. There are many things that I can accept but deliberate unfairness is not one of them.

Eric turned me around and pulled me closer to him and glared down at me.

"Calm down. Calm down _right now,_ Sookie. Immediately," he said in a low cold voice. He turned slightly and said, "Danielle, you and Cadel see her to the Ladies room to get her cleaned up. You will be back here in less than five minutes and _calm_," he said glaring at me. He pushed me toward them and then turned to talk to the police officer.

I stared at him incredulous and then glanced down at Andor, who was now sitting a straight-backed chair someone had brought over. He just waved his hand while grimacing, as if to say he was fine, even if he clearly didn't look fine at all. The bullet had hit him in the left pectoral. Close to where his heart would have been beating if he was still alive, but at a sharp angle. It had to be so painful.

I turned away and stifled a sob and Cadel grabbed me and headed off toward what appeared to be the likely location of rest rooms, with Danielle.

My mascara had run a bit. At lightning speed, Danielle cleaned up my face, took some makeup out of my evening bag and applied it to me mercilessly. Then she asked me matter of factly if I had to use the toilet. I felt like being sick but said no. She put her arm around me and said softly,

"But he'll be fine, Sookie. Really."

"That's totally _not_ the point, Dani! He was shot and the police don't even give a damn!"

Cadel pushed the door open and walked into the ladies room. He gestured that Danielle should leave.

"Listen to me, Sookie. The way you react is just encouraging them. If you act upset, act afraid, act angry, it will just encourage them to do more. Which is a really bad plan because _you _were their target. You're encouraging them to frighten or harm you further if it was an organized plan. And complaining to the police that Andor was shot? You're kidding yourself. We're dead and they don't care if it hurts, they only see that we keep moving and they are _very_ afraid of us. Save your outrage, your energy and your anger for some place that really works. This isn't it. So pull yourself together. The best way that you can make it up to Andor is to be undaunted. Put your courage back on, go out there and pretend like nothing ever happened to upset you. Act like a vampire. Really." He paused a moment and then looked me in the eye. "I'm very sorry. I should have done a better job."

I just stared at him and swallowed. I looked down shaking my head.

"If you'd pulled me out of the way, someone in the crowd would have been shot instead, Cadel. Andor did more than just save me. And they don't even care. It is so unfair. So very unfair."

"Welcome to our world, love. Isn't it grand? And frankly, better them than you, me or Andor because then the police _would_ have done something, now wouldn't they?"

He looked at his watch.

"Four minutes and thirty-two seconds. Time to move or the big brothers will get pissed. Eric was looking very worried about you. And I'm betting that Andor's going to be put out with me because I didn't protect you properly. I can't believe he heard it even in that din. Those ears of his…" Shaking his head, he put his arm around my shoulders and guided me toward the door. "Come on, _chwaer_. You know, Andor's quite amazed that you were so upset he was shot. Fastest I've ever seen him move, actually. Who'd have thought it would be to protect a _human_?" he said with a wink and smiling hard enough to make those dimple look like craters.

I took a deep breath and found some place calm inside as we exited. This part, I could do. I'd seen much worse than people shooting at me. I thought about Najaf, Miran Shah. Here was better. Way better. A cakewalk. There were no landmines, no RPGs. Only a single already-apprehended sniper, right? Yeah, _this _part, the getting back to my 'job' part, I could do just fine. We walked out to find Eric, Andor, Markus, Danielle and the others waiting nearby. Andor was drinking a True Blood. Eric met my eyes looking calm but I could feel this level of stress from him that I'd seldom ever felt. Maybe over the fairies, or perhaps with Sigebert… Cadel seemed to sense it from the way I tensed up. He guided me over to Eric and said,

"She'll be fine, Eric. She'll be fine. I guess this means that, for a while, I can't hit Andor and run, doesn't it? Might even be able to catch me. Well, maybe not… Interesting how fast he can move to save a _girl,_ now isn't it? Remember that time in Strasbourg? So slow when it's _not_ a girl, Andor. So very, very slow."

Andor said something bad in German and lunged at him playfully, obviously feeling much recovered. Cadel dodged him but put his hand on Andor's shoulder and laughed. Markus made some remark to the two of them, quickly earning a dark look from Andor who then laughed at Markus when he seemed taken aback.

Eric ignored them and focused on me. He raised my chin to make me meet his eyes. Oh, he was so _very_ upset. He looked perfectly calm, but what I felt as I met his eyes? I really frankly had never felt him so distraught. They had protected me, but clearly the idea that I was so very vulnerable because of him was almost more than he could bear. He was _totally_ faking it that he was fine. I really had to keep myself pulled myself together, if for no other reason that to assure him I was really okay. I took his hand, nodded at him and then glanced over at Andor with a smile. Andor, the man who offered to turn me against my wishes, who had now saved me from dying… He nodded to me that he was just fine. He was wearing Eric's jacket, which was hopelessly tight, but it replaced his own jacket and covered the bloodstain on his shirt. Eric held the ruined jacket draped over his arm as if he'd just taken it off to be more comfortable. We were all much better dressed than most of the guests, who were clad in typical Mardi Gras attire. Eric squeezed my hand gently and we finally joined the party.

We talked and laughed with other guests for about three hours and acted as if nothing had happened at all. Eric did not let go of my hand the entire night. At one point when there was a lull in the activity I looked up at him and still saw the immense strain in his face that probably only a few of us could see and probably only I could feel.

"It's okay, Eric."

"_Bullshit_," he said glancing away with jaw clenched.

By the time we left it was much less crowded. Eric asked for two cars so we could all just go back together. We rode in silence. Eric put his arm around me. With my head on his shoulder and his chin resting on my head, my eyes glanced around the interior of the car. We were a somber lot. The only one who could manage a smile, albeit it a somewhat sorrowful one, was Cadel. He glanced at me, smiled and then sighed as he looked at Eric, shaking his head slightly. No one spoke at all.

I had really hoped that the shooter was just Charlotte McCann and that there were not more people out there gunning for me. But it wasn't Charlotte. It was just some vampire-obsessed stalker type, Bennett Tucker later told me. She had seen my photograph in the newspaper announcement of the wedding and the photos from the mayor's party on the society pages in January. She was angry Eric had married his human, thinking in some weird sense that it diminished her chance of meeting him. Like killing his wife was going to up her odds? It was simply astonishing to me how unbalanced some people could be. I remembered what Pam had said to me back in January. That maybe marrying Eric would put me at greater risk of harm at human hands. It certainly seemed that she was right. I thought of the irony of Eric becoming King of Louisiana to try to make it safer for "his people," who now included me. He had promised to keep me safe and, inadvertently, in marrying we'd done something that now seemed to have made that potentially even harder.

I would never get over the fact that the shooter was not charged with having shot Andor. She really was only charged with unlawful discharge of a weapon. Andor had prevented others from getting hurt, but I realized after thinking about Cadel's comments that his sole intent was to protect me. I took in the fact that even if Andor thought I should be turned for Eric's sake, he'd taken a bullet for me, reacting to protect me without even the slightest hesitation. I realized it was partly to protect Eric from having to deal with losing me, but still… He'd kept me safe instead of leaving Eric in a position to lose me or make hard decisions about whether or not to break my trust. Most of all I ruminated on the fact that no matter what the public position was on vampire equality, anything that they might suffer at a human's hands was just fine in the eyes of the law.

In the weeks and months that followed Andor and Cadel completely changed the rules for attending events with me in tow. Running their own security, where, when and how we would arrive and whether we would ever have to wait in a line again and even whether we entered through the main entrance. It all changed and was probably much safer, really for everyone, Cadel said. But I knew the real reason was because of me.

When we got home that night Eric canceled the rest of his plans for the night. We went upstairs and sat in bed reading, as we had on Valentines Day, two nights before. We didn't talk about it. He was too upset. He just held me and we read.

I never resisted someone guarding me again. I finally understood that my bodyguard wasn't just for _me_.

It was also for Eric.


	8. Chapter 7

**VII.**

**March 2010**

Okay, I was now willing to admit it. He was totally right, as usual. And I was wrong. Totally. I was just being stubborn, thought I knew what I was doing and now I was in over my head. _Way_ over. And I'd taken Amelia with me, too, which was unconscionable. Because we were working for vampires on this one and Amelia trusted _my _judgment about what was safe with vampires. I was hoping that this epiphany was a watershed moment in my marriage. I'd gladly share it with Eric. It was a moment where I'd finally learned that when Eric told me something dealing with the supernatural world was really _not_ a good idea, I'd just believe it and walk the other way.

We were done, packed, ready to leave. We gave our statement of funds due and I was so very, _very_ ready to go home. But we were not heading home. Not anytime soon from the looks of it. Amelia simply couldn't believe that we were locked in Salome's private rooms. But that was exactly where we were, and I wasn't liking Salome's comments about 'enjoying our company too much to let us go so soon'. She had been looking at me like I was a tasty morsel ever since we arrived in Tunica. And Salome was _very_ touchy-feely. She basically made my flesh crawl. Andor frequently had to literally stand next to me to get her to lay off it. On one occasion he even snarled at her and physically removed her arm from my waist, reminding her that I was someone _else's_.

But now, since Andor had conveniently been arrested along with the Weres, there was no obstacle course for Salome to get through. I had no idea where Cadel was but I was certain that he was trying to fix things. At least we were alone in the rooms and Cadel must have called Eric, I told myself. Cadel _must _have a plan. He'd taken off the minute the police had shown up, practically evaporating. (He'd later tell me with a smirk that 'old habits die hard', whatever that meant.) I felt massively guilty and worried about Amelia, who'd made the mistake of trusting me, her friend that might get her enthralled and bitten and God knows what else because of bad judgment. In spite of the fact that I was legally and vampire married to a vampire king, I was under no illusions at this point that Salome wasn't a law onto herself in her little fiefdom. I thought about calling Russell and complaining but thought that it was better to leave those decisions to Eric, Cadel and Andor, assuming he could call anyone at all wherever he was being held. Besides, I had no cell phone signal. I was… scared. For me, for Amelia, and even for Andor and Cadel and the Weres. But mostly I was really angry. Angry at myself. What had I done accepting this job? The woman was _impossible_.

Amelia was trying to spell open the doors, the windows in Salome's rooms. Spells were followed by cursing so loud and so totally vile that if I hadn't been so upset and distracted I would have sat down to watch the show. I was busy trying to get a cell phone signal someplace in the room. Neither of us had any luck. I was not being to be too proud to call my husband and tell him that he was right and Amelia and I were now in a serious jam, that Andor and the Weres were in jail and that Cadel was missing in action and that I was… sort of scared. And that it was _all _my fault. I had learned my lesson after the thing with the fairies. When it was bad, I would tell Eric it was bad. So off course, this time I had no cell phone signal. Even the moment of my comeuppance was not going to be made easy for me!

I glanced around at the large open room with its huge sunken tub, and the king-sized bed and all the… paraphrenelia. Basically, looking at what she had in here, I felt a brief burst of panic. I had to get my feelings under control, I told myself. My being panicked, and being angry at myself, was not going to do me, or Amelia, any good at all. As much as I wanted to get out of here, I wanted to get _Amelia_ out of here even more.

Amelia looked at me and said, "Would you snap out of it? I said I wanted to do it, too! Just shut up already with the self-deprecation."

I looked at her wide eyed. "I didn't _say_ anything!"

"You know what I mean. It's all over your face. We were in total agreement to do this, you and I, and we were fucking _naïve_."

Part of me just kept telling myself that Cadel could fix things. Or that he'd somehow help to fix things. It had to be okay. I mean, I really had a hard time thinking that Eric would have let me come here if he thought something like this could happen. Eric always had plans and backup plans. And so did Cadel. No, it had to be okay. Didn't it? But what if Eric didn't _know_ she had us? I felt this momentary surge of fear.

"We have to get out of here. There has to be a way to get out of here, Amelia. Out of this room and out of this entire situation."

"No shit, Sherlock! Except it seems like we can't and I can't get anything to open or break. Where the _fuck_ did Cadel go, Sookie? They did _not _arrest Cadel. So where the fucking hell is he when we need him? The fucking asshole party-hardying motherfucker! Where the fuck _is _he when you need him, Sookie!? And what the hell does she want with us?"

I looked around at some of the stuff in this room and didn't want to contemplate the answer to that last one. I drew a breath and reached out mentally as far as I could. There were vampires all around us on this floor and above and below. But I simply couldn't tell one from another. The only vampire I could really sense with any accuracy was Eric. My eyes teared up slightly. Eric, the man I had _not _listened to, who'd sent us with Andor and Cadel. But Salome was so awful that even _that_ wasn't going to be enough.

"I don't know. I'm sure he's doing what he can, okay? Cadel is really… stealthy. I don't know where he is but I'm sure he's trying to fix things and get us help. And no matter what you say, it's my fault we took the job. It's a vampire job and so it's _my_ thing not _your _thing. I'm so sorry, Amelia."

Amelia looked at me and shook her head with disgust,

"Would you snap out of it already?! I'm telling you there is no fucking way that Eric and Bertie are going to let freak woman do a thing to us, okay? Jesus Christ, Sookie, the woman is a nightmare. And she had damn well better pay us. For putting up with the shit I had to put up with to ward those casinos she is going to pay me _with a fucking smile_."

I nodded and drew a breath. I no longer cared if we got paid. I could absorb the loss and write it off, if necessary. Salome was two thousand years old and my husband was only eleven hundred. Sure, he was a vampire king but he was king in _another state_ and even if Russell, who was vaguely around five hundred years old, was something of a personal friend, Jackson was a good four hours a way by car and Salome presented… difficulties, as I saw it. I'd learned since getting here that she had already been in Tunica when Russell took the state 18 years before. He had decided to "work with Salome" according to what I had heard from Jamie, who had heard it from a pack member in Baton Rouge who had a cousin who was second to the Jackson pack leader.

Well, Salome was _impossible_ to work with. She was still here because no one could get rid of her and she was two thousand years old and could obviously put up a significant fight.

I really wanted to sit down. I glanced at the bed, cringed at the thought of what she might be planning to do with us and instead sat down cross-legged on the floor. I looked at my cell phone and sighed. No service. All I could think of were the odds. Eric would have to come here and get us out of her clutches even though she was in her own Area with all her own people. I wondered how long it would take, would Russell help or just let him do it and… was it even safe? Now that I was really Eric's wife, he pretty much _had_ to do it, to save face and not appear weak. He couldn't let someone kidnap and abuse his _wife_. What had I done? I was an _imbecile_ I thought myself. Why hadn't I trusted his assessment? Even to the last, he'd mildly told me that I could expect to be robbed blind.

While Amelia went on uttering spells and words of her keys and just about everything she could think of doing, including kicking things, I sat cross-legged on the floor and thought about our situation. I reflected on the past week and shook my head.

It had been a _very_ long week. We'd overseen the security upgrade on three casinos, Salome's private compound and the Mississippi Area 4 administrative offices. All while I was fending off multiple advances. Salome liked women. And men. Salome _liked_. Andor and Cadel had had their hands full. And she was even after Cadel for several days, too. Cadel had been born Christian and seemed to remember that passage in the Bible that made one kind of cautious about Salome. The one about King Herod and John the Baptist? Yeah, Cadel was supremely _not_ interested. As soon as we were off her property that first night, Cadel told jokes about having too good a head on his shoulders to be interested in any of 'that'. Andor said that he didn't need any Christian book to remind him that she'd been a witch before she was turned and he didn't mean a nice one like Amelia. I still didn't know what the bad history between Salome, Eric and Andor was. I'd even asked Andor about it while we drove to Tunica, but he told me to talk to Eric. And Eric still wasn't saying. Then Andor got arrested and I didn't even know what he, Jamie, Daniel and Bennett's nephew Harry were even charged with having done. We were planning to pick up our check and drive to the Courthouse and Tunica County Jail and try to bail all of them out.

It was just a job, I'd told myself. A job we could list on our brochure and website. A job that could get us business in other casinos. Casinos need a lot of security. Vampire casinos need even more because vampire-owned anything is a prime target for Fellowship-type hate groups. How bad could this job be anyway I had asked myself? Sure, I knew that Eric never exaggerated about anything relating to business. But Eric didn't seem to like Salome _personally_ from what I gathered. I didn't have to like her personally. I just had to do a job for her, not like her. I had worked for three solid years under Chuck Powell, after all, and done a very good job. I'd left with commendations from both the Justice and State Departments for my work. Meetings with Chuck were like fingernails on my mental chalkboard. But if you wanted someone keeping your citizens safe, Chuck was your man, even though I couldn't stand Chuck most of the time. Chuck was great at his job. He kept people safe, whether I liked his methods or not. For that reason I could compromise and work for Chuck for three and a half long years. If I could balance working for someone I really didn't like with doing a good job for that long, I could work for Salome. I was sure of it. I'd had plenty of practice working under duress. Hell, I'd worked in warzones for _years_. How bad could Salome be for only a week?

Eric had assured me that Andor would keep me safe and that really, they knew what they were doing and he had mentioned plans in case things went awry. Erring on the side of caution, since Salome was so unhappy with our number, we stayed in a hotel that was not one of her properties, in a vampire two bedroom suite with extra rollaways. It was very crowded with three Weres, two vampires and two humans, but we managed. (Fire codes didn't even consider vampires in the guest count because they weren't alive!) Amelia and I shared one of the rooms, the coffins were in the other and the Weres were on the rollaways and a sofa sleeper. My two technicians supervising the equipment installation shared another room on a different floor. Salome was not at all pleased to learn of this plan when we arrived. She tried to insist that we should shift to one of her properties and Andor just stared her down.

By the first full night that we were there in Tunica, the day after the introduction and meeting with Salome, Andor was already looking thoroughly disgusted. And not just with Salome. We'd talked to Salome about a few details and she'd extended an invitation to us. I accepted before Andor could say no. Back at the hotel, Andor and I had a huge fight though I could honestly say that he started it. And even fueled it. First, Andor took the opportunity to inform me, in front of Amelia, Cadel and the Weres, that Eric was _far too indulgent_ of me. He called me a 'trouble magnet' and said that I really needed to be dealt with by a firmer hand. That was all because I had accepted Salome's 'gracious invitation' to attend the party later in the week. Cadel kind of defended me, but Andor immediately pointed out that he was an even worse troublemaker and had absolutely no concept of what Salome's idea of a party was likely to be. Cadel replied that he'd always liked parties and how bad could it be? Would Andor like to share a bit of information instead of making empty statements? Andor snapped at Cadel in German, pulled him off into one of the bedrooms and slammed him up onto the wall while continuing to give his opinion on Cadel's thoughts and comments in German, a language which I really didn't understand much of at all, but didn't need to understand in order to see Cadel was really getting told off and threatened. Cadel was pretty quiet at that point, other than some grunting while Andor pressed hard on his chest, and looked amazed that I followed right after them into the room and started yanking on Andor's shirtsleeve.

"Cut it out, Andor. You put him down and cut it out, _right now_."

Andor turned to me with narrow eyes and quite literally dropped Cadel. He loomed over me menacingly, as if deliberately trying to intimidate me with his size.

"Who exactly do you think is in charge here?" he asked me coldly.

"Well, it's not going to be _you_ if you're going to be beating on Cadel for his kidding around, Andor."

"I wasn't 'beating on' him. You have no idea what 'beating on' him would involve. I don't think you or he would like it very much. I was merely having a conversation with Cadel, while I had his attention quite focused."

"I've seen enough already. I won't have it! And you had better quit," I literally pushed him away from me with a scowling face, "standing over me and getting in my face. If you're trying to intimidate me it's not going to work. It's going to piss me off even more."

"I'm pissing you off? _I'm_ pissing _you_ off? Oh really?"

He moved closer to me until I stepped back and kept it up until I was backed against the wall, next to Cadel. Then he put up his arm so that I felt blocked in and put his other arm on the other side of Cadel, almost pinching the two of us together. Geez, I thought to myself for the umpteenth time. He was _so huge_. I was barefoot and he just towered over me by a foot. Well, I didn't care. He was totally pissing me off and it wasn't like I thought he'd start hitting me or anything.

In a low tone of voice, with his eyes glowing slightly as he looked at me, he said,

"_I_ am in charge here, and you _both_ are shutting up. We are telling the she-devil Sheriff that you're indisposed and won't be attending any party and the witch is staying with you to take care of you. Or maybe you both are ill. Yes, that is better. You are both too ill to attend."

"Andor, that won't work because we'll have to work that day and the day after. How indisposed can I be that I can work but not show up for an hour to be polite to my client? Hmm?"

"You're going to be as indisposed as I want you to be. You and the witch will both be ill from something you ate at your dinner. You will _not_ attend. We will send our regrets. If you don't start shutting up and letting me call the shots, this is going to be a mess. And _I'm_ not going to be explaining to Eric why you got hurt, bitten, or that something even worse than that happened to you. That just won't work for me, and I know it won't work for Eric." Lowering his voice further, but certainly not enough as far as I was concerned, he continued, "_It will be my way_. You're doing it my way, or we leave. That simple. _I_ don't have to be all soft and nice to keep you cooperative in my bed the way he does."

At those last words, Cadel groaned softly, cringed and buried his face in his hand.

"What?! _What did you just say to me!?_ If you think that you are going to talk to me that way, you have a different thing coming, buddy," I said poking him in the chest. "You are _not_ the boss of me and you are not going to speak to me that way. And you leave Eric out of it, are we clear? _Are we_? Don't you _dare_ even mention my husband if you have a problem with _me_. You're trying to get me _really_ pissed off? Well, it's working. Even if you saved my life, it wasn't a license to boss me around, Andor. Not at all, and I don't care _WHAT_ you _think_ your role in this situation is. I'm telling you right now that you're leaving Cadel alone, and you're not saying another thing to me that's insulting. I don't know who the hell you think you are to Eric, but I can tell you who you are to me. You're the person who's _shutting up_. Or I'm kicking you out of the suite that's in my name. _I'll rescind your invitation._ Whose name is on the reservation? That's right, it's _mine. _You had better change your attitude and manner or you'll be spending the rest of the week playing 'catch up to Sookie'. And I can tell you right now, we're going to her stupid gathering for an hour to be polite and then we're begging off, saying that Amelia and I have an early day the next day. The Weres stay here, and the four of us go for an hour. That's what we're doing. You have two days to accept the idea and figure out how to make it safe. Now move your fucking arm," I said, putting my hand on his forearm and glaring at him.

He lowered his head farther and stared down at me as if trying to get inside my head. I could even feel him pushing and trying to get into my mind. And he wasn't subtle about it the way Eric had always been.

"It doesn't _work_, Andor! You already know it doesn't work. If Eric can't glamour me you don't even stand a chance. So just give it up already. And unless you're planning to start roughing me up the way you have Cadel, then get out of my way."

He dropped his arm and shook his head looking at me with his pale blue eyes wide as if amazed. His fangs weren't down, though.

"I don't know how he puts up with this."

"You're going to learn to put up with it. Preferably _silently_."

"This plan is never going to work. You are _impossibly_ unruly," he hissed, glaring at me.

"Well you're going to make it work because you already agreed to do it. The plan was that I would work and you would keep me safe, Andor. Not _tell_ me how to work, or put restrictions on my interacting with my client. If we went to events that Russell invited us to with only Jamie guarding us, then I think she's going to be very offended if we refuse to attend something she invites us to, with you _and_ Cadel watching over us. There is no _polite_ way to refuse. And her second, Alex, was in Jackson when we were there so she _knows_ we attended Russell's gatherings. I'm not giving her one damn reason not to pay us or for her people to be even ruder to my technicians or to Amelia. Eric thought the plan of you protecting me was a good plan and you agreed to do it. This is my job and you're my security so consider yourself to be working for _me. _You're going to _get_ it to work. We're talking about one night, and an hour of your time. You're the expert in vampire security. _Figure it out_."

Andor looked at me as if I was _so_ all wrong that there was no putting me right. I brushed by him. Cadel stayed against the wall. The last glance I'd taken at him, he'd been looking at me as if he simply couldn't believe that I was arguing _with_ _Andor._

Amelia and the Weres had evidently sat silent and wide-eyed on the couches in the outer room during the entire argument. Everyone had heard it. In fact, I thought it was quite possible that people on _other floors_ might have heard it, since I was so angry and had ended up shouting. I felt like I did long ago, back at home arguing with Jason, except now I was arguing with my huge vampire brother-in-law and he and I both knew he couldn't lay a hand on me which was a damn sight better than arguing with Jason had been at times growing up.

About twenty minutes later, I received a text message from Eric telling me that it was gratifying to hear from Cadel that Andor and I hadn't killed each other yet. When we talked later he said that Andor admitted to having offended me. Well, I wasn't going to give Andor the satisfaction of whining to Eric. I refused to comment or confirm the point even though Eric said he wanted to know what Andor said to me. Andor clearly hadn't owned up to it. And Cadel hadn't told Eric, either. I was _not_ going to be the whiner to report on Andor's insulting me and insulting Eric on top of it. Meanwhile, I seriously thought about better soundproofing of our rooms at home. I wondered if Andor's comment meant that he'd heard my argument with Eric about Ahmed back in January. The whole idea of what else he might be hearing every night seriously creeped me out. The man was like a bat, a regularly joked about point with Cadel.

By the third night, two casinos down on warding and security tech upgrades, I could honestly say that I was sorry I had ever accepted the job. Her daytime staff was unpleasant, unhelpful and unprofessional. They were nasty to my technicians, who had arrived before us and had already been complaining about lack of cooperation. They interfered with Amelia's warding and kept underfoot constantly, making her frustrated. It was even worse at night when we dealt with the vampire staff. Amelia was really stressed around them and she was quite used to working around Weres and vampires.

The night of the party that Salome had playfully described as a 'bacchanal' was basically Andor's moment of triumph, though. It looked as if it was about one step short of an all-out orgy and we got there less than an hour after it started. Andor and Cadel had Amelia and me out of that place so fast that Amelia made jokes about whiplash. We barely even had time to say hello to Salome. Even Cadel looked a bit harrowed and told me sternly that there was no way in hell he was going to risk having to explain anything 'happening' to me to Eric, not even a broken fingernail. How was _I_ supposed to know what her idea of a party was, I asked them as we drove back? With Cadel driving, Andor turned to look glacially at me, as I was sitting in the back with Amelia. But he was totally silent, just as requested. He turned back to the front and he talked tersely to Cadel in German for several minutes as we rode back to our hotel. Cadel looked totally chastened at that point. Before Amelia and I went to bed I came out and looked at Andor, and apologized briefly about insisting on attending the party. Cadel looked up at me in surprise then glanced at Andor, who was busy carving a stake with a very long and very sharp knife. Andor didn't meet my eye but finally curtly nodded, with his mouth set in a very harsh expression. As usual, the Weres were silent, as they sat pretending to focus on the TV but taking in the whole scene. Cadel and Jamie were actually playing poker while Jamie kept an eye on a preseason baseball game. Nobody said anything further so I just went to bed.

Well, all I could say was, when we figured out how to bail Andor out of jail, I was going to tell him he didn't have to be silent when he did his job around me. Telling me off was fine by me. Maybe even helpful, as a means of getting me to reassess things. Maybe our natures clashed but I had to admit he and Eric had been right about Salome. I'd suck it up and we could just agree to argue. As long as he didn't say anything about Eric.

Around about the time that we got dragged (and I do mean dragged, at least in my case) off to Salome's rooms in the hotel that was her sometime residence, I began to get the feeling that there was this whole elaborate subtext to the situation that I had not foreseen or understood as it evolved. It was clear that Eric was right about our getting robbed. Salome did not like spending money. Salome thought that we charged too much. After agreeing on our prices for some very sophisticated equipment she proceeded to argue continuously about the costs _after the equipment was installed. _And then there were her frequent mentions of the fact that she liked fairies. She said she missed them, and I didn't think she meant she missed talking to them. She was curious about my part fairy blood, which she kept remarking about, as she inhaled deeply, while standing way too close to me. The entire last night we'd worked, she followed me around. I'd practically been joined at the hip with Andor, as he tried to keep her away from me. Then there was Eric. Salome liked Eric. The way she said it left no doubt in my mind about what she meant she liked about him. She'd gone on and on about his various 'attributes' for days. It was rather… grating. The first time she started, Andor shot down any implications she'd made the minute we left her earshot, as if he had been specifically instructed to do so as soon as the problem arose and as if there was total certainty the problem _would _arise. Eric, I was firmly informed, had successfully managed to elude Salome _for_ _centuries_, just as Andor had, and neither had any interest in 'deepening' the acquaintance. Cadel opined that both of them were actually smarter than he had realized. Andor smacked him in the head then stiffened looking at me as if he thought I'd start up again on him about roughing up Cadel.

Now Salome had Eric's tasty little human. And had that human locked safely away in her personal rooms, which looked as if they were a professional sex parlor for a dominatrix. I got the feeling that Salome looked at me in particular, but really at both Amelia and me, as a wonderful multifaceted opportunity. A little free work, some part fairy blood, some Eric. And a whole lot of sex that looked like stuff even Amelia, in her wildest moments, wouldn't be into. Hey, Salome had a scheming kind of mind. But she made a major miscalculation. Actually, in a way, maybe even Eric did. But from Eric's perspective, it was always good to find out that your allies are a little more powerful that you assumed.

Around 11:30 pm, after having been locked up for around three hours and starting to feel pretty desperate, some of Salome's minions came to fetch us. We were escorted (read dragged yet again, since I had no clue where we were being taken, I was as uncooperative as I thought I could safely be and I had the bruises to prove it) back downstairs to a ballroom in the casino's hotel. I was spitting mad at that point and the two vampires escorting us had been kicked and scratched enough to have noticed that fact.

As I entered the ballroom, it was with enormous relief that I saw not just Andor, but as he turned, Eric. Well, I thought it was a relief, but I didn't want to imagine what Salome might be trying to extract from Eric, who seemed to feel rather on edge with the situation, in spite of his easy, smiling manner with Salome. Everything I felt from him was quite otherwise to his outward appearance. The Weres, all looking rather banged up, were off to the side. I looked worriedly at Jamie who had a bad bruise on his cheek, but he waved it off as if he was fine when he saw my eyes light on it. Cadel was still nowhere to be seen. Markus held Amelia and me back from the center of the room where Eric and Salome appeared to be engaged in a measured conversation. She was dressed in a low-cut seafoam green chiffon dress that left distressingly little to the imagination since it was mostly sheer. It went well with her dark hair and fair skin, however, in all fairness. Eric, hair in a single braid, dressed in black slacks and a red silk shirt, stood with his hands clasped behind his back. Salome was looking him the way a cat would look at a canary moments before putting a paw into its cage and batting it about. Eric began to feel slightly tenser to me and I looked around. He'd brought at least ten people with him, including Markus and Maxwell Lee. He'd clearly left Stefan and Rasul guarding Pam back in New Orleans. I felt keenly that this was all my fault, my stubbornness that had brought about all this trouble.

I could only catch bits and pieces of their conversation. Eric appeared to be refusing some of Salome's hospitality but in a cordial, jocular manner. He was so smooth sounding, his voice so controlled. I could only imagine what that she was offering from the way she was looking at Eric and occasionally over at me, the part fairy one. She was not looking pleased, however, which led me to believe that he was saying 'thanks but no thanks' no matter how cordial he sounded. I was afraid to even try to get a fix on Eric's thoughts. I mean, after all, this brilliant venture had been my idea. Since I was sure there was going to be censure enough later, I didn't need to start trying to listen for it now.

As they conversed longer and it felt to me as if Eric was getting even tenser, Markus shifted to place himself between me and their little circle, and for good measure pushed Amelia closer to me and behind him as well. That was not a good sign and I knew that since Markus could hear their every word things must really be going downhill. I was worried about what the odds would be if there was a fight here on Salome's home turf, when the real action ensued. My money might be on Eric and Andor in _any_ fight but they were outnumbered at least three or four to one. Salome was way older than Eric and Andor, and Amelia and I were fragile humans in the room. Plus, if Markus had to protect _us,_ it was one less pair of capable hands and fangs to fight. And I was beginning to join Amelia's sentiment in thinking, where the heck was Cadel?

At that moment, after a scuffle outside the ballroom, the doors to the room literally flew open, with the booming sound of their impacting the wall echoing through the suddenly silent room. In the doorway stood Bertram Gower, Amelia's boyfriend, although to call him that sounded rather inadequate at the moment. Lover, mentor, partner, protector? Extremely frightening looking sorcerer? Even Amelia drew in a sharp breath looking at him. They were living together now. Amelia said they'd been talking of marriage. Bertram was not looking like he usually did while casually lounging around Amelia's house, playing with her cats or having the occasional meal while she and I discussed business and asked for occasional advice. He was dressed in black leather and wore a long black coat. He had some sort of torque around his neck that looked as if it was polished silver with a life of it's own. His sleeves were pushed back and he wore silver cuffs of similar brightness on his wrists. His hands closed over the top of a long ebony black staff, onto which he leaned slightly.

"Good evening," he said dryly.

Bertram was fairly tall, dark haired, fair skinned and had piercing, deep set blue eyes which sparkled as he took in the scene. I could see Cadel behind him and Cadel looked… unsettled. I didn't know what was going on but if _Cadel_ was unsettled _I_ was scared. Stefan told jokes about how utterly implacable Cadel was, and that little ever fazed him. I'd never seen Cadel unsettled about anything. But he looked positively alarmed the longer I took in his expression.

I knew very little about Bert, even after having known him for about eight months. I knew he was more powerful than a witch. From the moment I'd met him I'd felt he was more than what he seemed. I wasn't even certain what it was that he seemed to be. I knew he was supposedly part Fae. And that whatever or however much that part was, it wasn't fairy. I knew, vaguely, that he was of Welsh extraction. I knew sometimes I could even feel a sort of energy or power emanating from him. I knew he loved Amelia, he liked me, and he thought Eric and some of his vampires were quite alright for dead people. And in that minute, looking at him in the doorway of Salome's hotel ballroom, I knew two other things. I really didn't know the half of it about Bertram Gower. And Salome had finally pissed off the wrong man. I glanced from Bert to Amelia, who was standing right next me.

"Oh, shit," was her eloquent comment in a soft whisper.

In the intricate web of vampire political relations, I guessed it was awkward to have the King of one state march into another state to claim back humans belonging to him or under his responsibility, because they had been stolen by a rogue Sheriff of the other state. I wasn't sure about reclaiming vampires or Weres sworn to you, either. In looking around I noticed that Russell Eddington had not sent anyone to try to help smooth out the dispute, which clearly meant that either Eric hadn't called him and told him what he was doing or that if he had told him, Russell was giving Eric free rein to do what he needed to get Amelia, me, his vampires and Weres out of Tunica as he saw fit. I was seriously hoping it was the latter. Even the latter had risks, however. Maybe it wouldn't go over well for instance if Eric killed Salome or too many of her people. It was Russell's state after all, and they were his assets. Rather than potentially create a strain between your state and another state, it might be nice if you had an ace in the hole, someone entirely outside the entire vampire political system enforcing your polite request. It was abundantly obvious to me that Eric's ace in the hole was Bertram Gower. But looking at Eric's expression and feeling this sudden lurch from him, I got the feeling that even Eric hadn't expected what it was that he'd gotten to provide him with some assistance.

Salome glared at Bert and responded. "Who the fuck are you and what are you doing here?"

Amelia's hand covered her mouth. "Shit, shit, _shit_!" she said softly, glancing back at Bert with her hand partially covering her face.

"Have I said enough times yet that I'm so sorry I said we should do this job?" I whispered to her.

Bert's eyes quickly seemed to take in the entire room. I had the feeling that he could even see the pores on my skin from all the way across the room with that gaze. It was all encompassing and there was something positively… _predatory_ in it. He raised an eyebrow as he regarded Salome.

"Well, aren't you a charming one, daughter of Herodias. Death definitely doesn't become _you_," he said sardonically. He paused to let her absorb the thought. "I am here," he continued dryly, "because I'm rather concerned about how you're treating my mate. And because I don't like how you're treating her business partner and friends. And basically," here he glanced around the room then fixed an absolutely frightening gaze on her, "because I don't _like_ you, your companions, or the way you apparently do business."

Uncowed, Salome's eyes glowed and she snarled with fangs down. With the snap of her fingers four of her crew lunged at Bert. Cadel started to move to help protect him but before the four vampires could even get within a few feet of Bert he waved his hand at them and they were repelled away from him in some sort of arc of light. Neat trick, I thought to myself, while seriously wondering what kind of witchcraft knocked down _four_ vampires at once. Then they went at him again and he set them on fire. _Literally_ _on fire_. After a full minute of their screaming, and being engulfed in some sort of blue-green flames, Bert snapped his fingers and the flames ceased. They were literally burnt, blackened by the flames, although it did look as if they could still heal judging on their movement after a minute. Cadel had taken a step backward now and blanched. Bert said something to him over his shoulder in what I surmised was Welsh. Cadel then just stood behind him, nodding, wide-eyed, covering his back.

Salome tipped her head to one side and seemed, with nostrils flared, to inhale deeply and her eyes widened slightly.

"What are you?" she asked, forgoing the usual cursing I'd grown all too accustomed to over the past week whenever she was displeased. And so much displeased Salome. So much of the time.

"I am descended from the likes of which walked this earth long before your kind was even known. And I'm suggesting that you listen to me carefully. You will let everyone in this room who would like to leave it go peacefully. With no more fun and games, and no more interesting plans. A simple request, really. All things considered."

I drew a long breath and looked at Amelia, who was now white as a sheet, then I glanced over at Eric, who looked rather… caught off guard, in a very un-Eric-like fashion. Clearly, this was _quite _a bit more than he had expected. I glanced back at Bert. He still looked as if he was still willing to be pleasant. But the menace I sensed from him was really scary. Whatever he was really, I had the distinct impression now that it was a sort of predator. He was not looking like a 'willing to take prisoners' kind of person. My eyes flitted briefly to the four crispy vampires on the floor, who moaned softly, and then back to Bert. No, he looked like something quite other than that.

Salome, seemingly oblivious, erupted into cackling laughter.

"What are you? Some foolish Druid? Some pathetic witch with some fairy blood? I've done nothing to anyone in this room," and then she glanced over at the Weres and at Andor, "that can be construed as permanently damaging. Why should I listen to you?"

Amelia bit her lip and cringed.

"Wrong answer, dear lady," he thundered. With that he banged the staff down on the floor and the entire room went dark. I knew the vampires and Weres could see clearly still. And I could see them, with all their preternatural glow. But I knew Amelia was pretty much in the dark with her totally human eyes. I reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Can you see anything?" she whispered.

"MmmHmmm," I murmured, holding her hand tightly. "Don't move, okay?"

After a moment I realized that it wasn't just this room that had lost power. I didn't hear a single sound anywhere. No elevators, no gaming machines, it was as if everything had gone silent in the entire building. A side door opened and Salome's second, Alex, said quietly,

"My liege, the power is out everywhere. Even the backup power."

Salome turned to Bert and snarled,

"What have you done?"

"I have obtained your full attention, it seems. Now, about my request."

"Grab the females!" screamed Salome.

Moving as fast as lightning, Eric reached out and grabbed her by the throat and held her. She was a foot shorter but almost twice Eric's age and she began to struggle mightily, kicking and snarling and clawing at his arm. He pressed her down slightly, making her bend her knees so it was harder for her to kick him. Meanwhile, Amelia made a sound that I'd never heard from her before- almost a whimper. Several of Salome's vampires had started to lunge at us. Markus had spun around and grabbed us while Andor was almost instantly at Eric's side, looking as if he might grab Salome as well. It would have been very frightening to have all this going on in almost total darkness, except the room wasn't so dark anymore. But that was because the light source was… _Bert_.

He spoke some words in a language unlike anything I'd ever heard before (which frankly, at this point in my life, was really saying something) along with her name and pointed at her with his staff and Salome was literally bounced out of Eric's grip which caused deep scratches at her throat where Eric had been gripping her. Eric's forearm was practically shredded. I winced just looking at it because I swear I think she had ripped his skin off down to muscle. He glowed enough so that I could see more than I could bear of it… Meanwhile Salome was smashed back into the wall by the force of whatever magic or energy Bert had thrown at her. And Bert himself glowed, _glowed blue-green_, and gradually within that glow appeared to be much larger than life. I guessed it was a glamour? Or maybe his everyday appearance was a glamour? I really couldn't say anymore. What I could say, however, was that Bertram Gower was a truly fearsome looking being. He still held a human looking form but his face was pulled somehow longer. He bared his _teeth_… He was definitely some sort of predator, whatever he was, and he did not look like he liked Salome one bit. The torque and cuffs he wore appeared alive and seemed to swirl almost like a whirlpool of swirling water. And his eyes… they looked like a storm, flashing like lightening. Even with the one and only time I'd seen my great grandfather unglamoured, I'd never seen anything that looked like Bertram Gower. He was not blindingly beautiful in the way a fairy was. He was… terrifying.

"I would like to suggest that you take the opportunity upon rising to look out the window. Do look around. Enjoy the view," he remarked snidely.

Two of Salome's people helped her rise up off the floor. One looked out and gasped.

"They're all dark. The other two hotels and casinos. Only ours. They're all dark."

"Shut up!" said Salome, striking him and sending him smashing to the floor.

Meanwhile I'd noticed that the three vampires that had moved toward Amelia and me looked as if they were simply frozen.

"Amelia, Sookie, perhaps you and your guard would like to step over toward the door," said Bert calmly.

Markus steered us toward Bert. Amelia leaned over and said something to Bert.

"My dear, of course. Sookie, you two haven't _still_ been paid?"

I silently shook my head no, looking into his hurricane eyes.

"Tsk, tsk," said Bert with a flash of humor in his eyes. "A serious oversight. I suppose you'd like cash, too, over a cheque?"

I swallowed and just nodded silently, looking up at him. He was still blue-green and so very, very tall. He smiled at me with teeth that looked like razors.

"Princess Salome, I believe that you owe Amelia and Sookie, what was the total, my dears" he said leaning down toward Amelia and me.

"One hundred and two thousand dollars," I said in a shaky voice as I looked up at Bert. It had been a fortune in equipment alone.

"Impossible!" said Salome with a snarl, eyes flashing. "I can't give you that kind of money in cash."

What? She was going to stand there and lie in the middle of this situation, on top of everything else? I turned to her and gave her a dark look.

"Your biggest concern was how much cash you always have on hand. And it was like fifty times what we're owed!"

"We shall wait for the funds," said Bert with a sigh. "What shall I do to keep myself busy, I wonder?" He cast his eyes down at the now still quite singed vampires and tipped his head at an angle, almost birdlike, as if seriously considering toying with them some more. They cowered, still unable to move very much.

Salome glowered at me but nodded at Alex who disappeared out the side door again. She finally regarded Bert somewhat cautiously.

Eric looked over at me and barely restrained his laughter. He looked down at his tattered shirt sleeve, smiling as he played with it a bit. Oh, that arm looked so awful, I thought to myself. He glanced over at me again as if sensing my fussing about it internally and let out a snort and shook his head. I guess he thought it was funny that in the midst of this big scene that I was worried about an arm that was already healing?

Salome snarled as she saw his amusement and lunged for Eric and was… frozen in midair. I doubt she really could have caught him but, just in case, it was nice that he didn't have to get anymore cut up because of her nasty nails.

Bert let out a sigh. Almost everyone else was silent, although Eric and Andor had some fun walking around Salome, admiring Bert's handiwork and commenting with amusement in Norse about her. After another five minutes, Alex returned with two large sacks of cash. I had absolutely no idea what we would do with a hundred thousand dollars in cash. But Alex nervously walked by Salome, still frozen in mid-lunge, and brought us the money.

"Well, I'm almost bored," said Bert. "I'm sure we were all hopeful for a good fight… Alas, times have changed and some of us are _so_ sadly outmatched." Then he nodded agreeably to Eric, "May I suggest we head back to New Orleans? It's late, it's going to take several hours to get there by conventional means. I am sure you will be concerned about arriving timely."

I looked up at him. _Conventional means_? What the heck? How did he _usually_ travel, I wondered?

Eric and all the Louisiana vampires and Weres headed for the doorway. Bert began to condense back to his regular 'form' and by the time Eric was at the door he and Eric just smiled at each other and Eric nodded graciously to him. Eric leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. I blushed as I looked back at Salome, still frozen in mid-lunge. I glanced over at Andor who looked at me as if "I told you so" was flashing neon from his brow. When we were all out of the room Bert turned back and with a gesture of his hand, Salome and her other vampires became animated. She glanced around and at the door and then looked wild-eyed with anger. The lights were still off. She rushed the door.

"Oh, yes… I almost forgot and that wouldn't do, now would it?"

He tapped the floor with a nod at Salome and everything came on again. The room bristled with energy and a peculiar scent like fresh ocean air wafted through the air. Bertram tossed aside with distaste what appeared to be some strands of dark hair, that I assumed were hers, though where he had gotten them I'd no idea. Cadel watched them drop to the floor as if still amazed by something. I had the strongest sense that he had gotten some of her hair for Bert. Perhaps out of her rooms after we'd left them? Bert had her name and her hair. Evidently it was pretty much all he needed to have _her._

The return of electrical power wasn't enough to satisfy Salome. She still flew at the door. Bert made a sweep with his staff and everything glass and light in the room shattered, windows, fixtures, chandeliers, all of it, raining shards of glass down on and _toward_ her. She stopped cold, fine slices all over her. I winced just looking at her.

"What _are_ you?" she snarled as she stood there dripping blood.

Bert smiled at her with amusement.

"A child of Llŷr. And I'd think twice about pressing things further if I were you. Really, I would."

He turned confidently and walked away after taking Amelia's hand.

Eric had my hand and as we walked I leaned toward him and whispered,

"What's a child of Llŷr?"

"Llŷr was a Welsh god," Eric said quietly.

I glanced up at him with a furrowed brow.

"A _god_?" I mouthed silently.

He looked at me and shrugged.

They'd come in a private plane. We all squeezed in. Every seat was full and the Weres were left behind to drive our two cars back to Louisiana from the hotel. Thankfully, we'd already pretty much packed up everything before our evening unraveled.

I kept waiting for Eric to talk to me but he was sitting off in the back having a serious conversation with Bert. Amelia sat next to me and was very quiet. I held her hand and said,

"I'm really sorry Amelia. Again, I just… I should have listened to Eric."

She didn't reply. After about five minutes, she said,

"There weren't any other humans there, right? I mean, just you and me?"

"Yeah, just us, I think."

"I don't think what he did was a good idea," she said softly. "People could talk…"

I looked out the window into the darkness and saw the twinkling clusters of lights from small towns below us and a larger cluster of what I guessed was Monroe off in the distance. I thought of Claudine and Claude, and naturally of Niall. Bert seemed to be potentially more frightening than fairies when it came right down to it. He'd set people on fire. Fairies used weapons to hurt people. Bert… didn't need weapons.

"Did you know?" I asked softly, still looking out the window.

"I knew he could do a lot of things that didn't seem like regular magic and craft to me. He was so far beyond what we call the keys of magic, I wouldn't even know how to explain it. He only said he was descended from a long line of Welsh sorcerers or wizards. He has some old pieces that he says are relics from Merlin, you know like King Arthur? I guess I always thought it sounded sort of cheesy," she said in a whisper.

Cadel stood up and leaned over our seats.

"In Welsh, the Merlin, Myrddin, came from the name of a fortress _Mori-dunon_, it means 'sea fort'. Llŷr is an entity associated with the Sea. In some stories Llŷr is a god. In some stories, he was a man, kind of like a druid many thousands of years before the kinds of druids you see in the Celtic times. But personally," he lowered his voice, "I think whatever he is smells like a Fae. So, did you know you were living with a guy that can just blast people apart or set them on fire with a wave of his hand, Amelia?" asked Cadel casually in a whisper.

Amelia looked up at Cadel, and then over at me, bit her lip and shook her head 'no' silently.

"I think his bite is much worse than ours and he's no bark to speak of. I'm thinking I'll be on my best behavior around him. Not liking to be crispy or in pieces much," Cadel said with a wry look.

I glanced up at Cadel and shook my head, gesturing with my eyes that she needed some space. He took the hint and sat back down. She was silent for the rest of the flight. I held her hand until we landed.

In the meantime I thought about Bert. I'd always thought he was Fae, too, because that's what his thoughts were most like. They reminded me of the smooth strong pattern of my great grandfather and of Claudine. Some really powerful kind of Fae. I wondered how old he really was, because I was thinking it was in his sixties plus a few thousand at this point. Like you could say you were sixty and leave out the five thousand part or something. Still some truth to it, I guess? Just not the whole of it.

I could tell that Amelia was more than a little unsettled. I tried to stay out of her head, though. It was her private business. But I certainly knew what it was like to love someone who the power to do a lot of violence, even if it didn't appear to be on quite the same scale. It was kind of unsettling to find yourself loving someone like that unless you focused on the fact that being _capable_ of it wasn't _doing_ it. And he hadn't done any permanent harm to anyone there in that room that I'd seen, although Cadel made it sound like he'd probably killed the vampires who had blocked their entrance into the ballroom. He'd given Salome several chances before getting rough with her and I assumed he'd done the same with the guards at the door to that room. It was hard to imagine the Bert I knew from fun dinners in Amelia's house as the man I'd seen an hour before. But to her credit, when she got off that plane she took his offered hand without hesitation. In some ways, Amelia was so much smarter than I was, I thought to myself. She had the real gift of trusting herself at the right times and knowing when to defer to someone else's judgment. Unlike, well… me.

Eric put his arm around me as we walked to the cars parked in the hangar. In the bright cool light in the hangar I could see that he was very pink. He must have fed off of someone and quite a bit, I thought to myself. Just in case there was a serious fight, he'd be at peak strength. There was no way that True Blood got him that color and I'd been gone for five nights. I was in no position to complain, or even to comment, since commenting might be construed as a complaint and it was really all my fault to begin with. I'd insisted and argued and wheedled until Eric had finally agreed with the idea of my going. With Andor, Cadel and the Weres. But even that hadn't been sufficient. When he'd said I didn't know a thing about Salome, he wasn't kidding.

We rode in the back of Pam's Jaguar with Cadel driving and Andor in front. I held Eric's hand and looked at his forearm. It was completely healed by now, of course. Just skin to regrow, not bones, joints and sinew. I still shivered, remembering that Salome's nails had done to it, though. He'd already had enough happen to that entire arm now, and all because of me, I thought to myself.

As if he could read my mind, Eric pushed the bloodstained and torn sleeve of his shirt back down his arm and proceeded to carefully look under _my_ shirtsleeves, where my arms were bruised from struggling with Salome's minions. He shook his head and then put his arm around me.

"Sometimes," he said, kissing my temple, "the only way to learn it is to live it, Lover. But those bruises are not making me happy about how your learning curve is going. You were so angry, when they were bringing you down" he said with a chuckle. "What's Cadel's term for you? The Spitfire?"

Andor snorted in the front seat and made a remark in Norse that made Eric lash out and kick Andor's seat retorting something that could only be construed as cursing at him. Andor snapped back at him in Norse and Eric let go of me and leaned forward to smack Andor in the back of the head.

"I should have left you in the jail another few days."

"Andor," I asked, "what did they even arrest you guys for?"

"The Weres for public drunkenness, and me for soliciting," he said tersely.

"For _prostitution_?" I asked incredulous.

"Not _myself_, selling others. They said it was a case of mistaken identity when they released me. And a mistake on the amount of alcohol in the blood of the Weres. So many convenient mistakes. Mistakes almost as bad as not wanting to take advice from people who know a little more than you do about…"

Eric smacked him again and said something in a low growling voice in Norse. Meanwhile, I was wondering how you could possibly claim to mistake a 6' 6" tall, platinum blonde, thousand year old man who looked all of about 17 or 18 years old for _anyone_ else…

Andor turned around and said, in plain old English for my benefit,

"Ja, Eric, it _would _have been fun to be there, pissing her off like old times, trying to outfox her yet again, but you send me with _this one_ who is worth twice her weight in trouble, and that one" he said gesturing at Cadel driving the car, "who is usually even more trouble, especially now, since he's always encouraging her. This after telling us that we know what will happen to us if we let anything happen to her," he said pointing back at me. "And what does this one do? She accepts Salome's every invitation and acts like _I'm_ the one with the problem. It was _not_ like old times. And it was a little too much antidote for general boredom to be in the room with whatever that was that's living with her friend. Cadel says he blasted apart a whole group of Salome's people just to get into the room. They turned to ash just as if they'd been staked. And what do we owe him for that little display, I wonder?"

Cadel, seemingly in one of his wiser moments, was totally silent as he drove. Me, too.

"It was just an alliance of interests, Andor. He did not extract any promise beforehand and merely offered to provide a diversion. Remember that Amelia is his, so his interest is equal to mine. It was definitely rather more dramatic than I had anticipated, though. I'm sure Salome's already complained bitterly to Russell. Of course Russell isn't going to be very sympathetic. I think we provided exactly what he wanted us to provide her."

"Well, you have to admit that Bert _was _excessively diverting," I said with a wry smile.

Eric looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, Lover, and I was also 'excessively diverted' by saving you from being her meal for a while, myself from her clutches after centuries of avoiding her and sparing you Salome's idea of a good time, which I'm sure is _nowhere _on your moral compass. Not to mention a fight where we were easily outnumbered ten to one."

Andor twisted around in his seat and looked at Eric in shock.

"Have you gone _soft_? You used to love shit like that! I was surprised you brought so many! She was the only one that was really old. Almost a third of them were girls and they had no serious weapons at all. Remember that time in Heidelberg when…"

They then proceeded to chatter on happily about all the fights they'd won in spite of absolutely impossible odds. Even Cadel joined in with recollections of an adventure in Strasbourg in the 1800's. With Eric's arm back around me I just fell asleep, decompressing from the stress of the past five days. When we arrived back at the compound he tried to carry me upstairs but I'd have none of it. Pam came to see us briefly looking relieved. I told her Amelia was fine, as well. After looking me over she seemed to think I was shaken enough so that she didn't even have to be cutting in her commentary about what I'd gotten myself into. She left it at,

"I really hope you learned your lesson this time. You should at least listen to me, even if you don't listen to them."

I just laughed wearily. A short time later Cadel and Andor stood with us in the hallway in front of the third floor stairwell. Andor stood silently, looking down at me. We nodded to each other.

"I'm sorry, Andor. I'm sorry I told you not to speak to me."

He nodded, but said nothing. I felt Eric stiffen next to me and I looked up over my shoulder at him, to find him regarding Andor with a cold glare. He put his hands on my shoulders as he continued to stare at Andor over my head. Finally Andor sighed heavily and shook his head. He looked at me with his ice blue eyes.

"I will not miss arguing with you," he said in a tight voice. It was obviously very hard for him to apologize to me. "However I apologize if my manner was offensive to you." He lifted his eyes to look at Eric and I could see the muscle in his jaw working. It was still not, evidently, enough to meet Eric's expectations. He looked back down at me. "I already knew you were hot-tempered and I was not good at diffusing the situation. I said things I should not have said." He clenched his jaw. "For that, I am sorry."

Was that an apology? It was really hard to tell from the manner in which he said it, frankly. There was an awkward silence. Eric was still not pleased, I could tell. Cadel broke the tension.

"This apology stuff is just marvelous. Everybody can apologize to me next. I'm over here, Andor. I hope you'll do better with mine than with hers. Of course you've known her for less than a year and me for what? Three hundred and fifty? There's a lot more material with me, isn't there? There's so much it's really hard to know where to start. How about that time in Strasbourg since we were just reminiscing about it? You remember that time right? The time you were so lumbering and slow while I was fighting three guys twice my age without a weapon? Yeah, we can start there. That was what, around 1870? Then there was the time in Munich in 1913, when you hit me, and I wasn't even the one who did it. Yeah, that time. The time you didn't _ask_ who did it but just started hitting? That one actually _was_ beating on me, now wasn't it? Then there was 1916, oh and you still owe me the money from 1862. Ten pounds, was it? That's a _lot_ of money now with the present day value. You broke my sword in 1790, that time you showed up in Scotland with that witch girl who got us in a fight? My best sword, mind you. So perfectly balanced. Never had one as spiffy since. You know, I'm going to make a list. And then there's you," he said pointing the Eric, but quickly dropping his hand. I glanced up at Eric and saw him glare at Cadel with a raised eyebrow. "Well, maybe it's more prudent to do her first. Yeah, that looks a bit safer. Now you," he said pointing to me, "There was telling Stefan I was glamouring state troopers out of speeding tickets I got in his car that I wasn't to drive anymore because of all the parking tickets… That was trouble aplenty. Oh yeah, and how about being defended by the human girl who takes on some huge old vampire, in front of three Weres and a witch. Talk about embarrassing. It's really a reputation killer, that is. I'll be listening to the Were go on and on about that one for a while. And the whole beating on me thing?" he turned back to Andor. "Why'd you have to tell her that? You wanted to remind me of beating on me in 1913 in front of a woman? You never even really apologized properly that time. And the _other stuff_ you said to her? You were always so _bad _with women Andor. _Really bad._ As smooth as sandpaper, and all the finesse of a brick. How _anyone_ could hang out with Eric for so long and be so inept with women is just beyond me."

Andor was puffed up and looking angry but he couldn't hold it. He suddenly cracked a smile and laughed out loud shaking his head at Cadel at the sandpaper and brick analogy. He started to say something but Eric, who'd still had his hands on my shoulders, suddenly took a swipe at him. Andor ducked and laughed and then slapped Eric playfully on the shoulder before punching Cadel in the upper arm a little too hard. He turned back to Eric as Cadel doubled over a bit.

"You're getting too slow to hit me, Eric? How is this possible? You were certainly faster earlier." Then he threw back his head as he burst out laughing. "The _look_ on her face when you grabbed her by the throat! Ha! I wish I had a photograph of it. Next time, we ask whatever he is to let us fight longer before he gets involved. It was over way too quickly, ja?"

Eric's eyes sparkled and he rumbled in laughter.

"Yes, Andor. Definitely, yes. It was over far too fast."

I gasped.

"Eric! She ripped the flesh on your arm down to muscle. _Muscle_!"

Eric nodded his head from side to side a bit, smiling at Andor. He put his arm around me and started to steer me toward our rooms.

"But it was worth it to see her eyes bulge. You simply have no idea. She's just horrible, Lover. Horrible, conniving, she'll cheat you left and right. Horrible. Long history, Salome and I. The princess from hell. She thought she had me at long last. And planning to feed on _my wife _on top of it? 'Just a taste'? Unbelievable! But I got her. Fast as she is, as bad as she is, I got her, got away from her, _again_… And Bert really scared the hell out of her. It was fabulous all the way around."

Andor went on laughing as he started to walk the other way.

Cadel stood stock still shaking his head and then raised a hand, gesturing that everyone should just stop.

"Now, wait just one minute. Am I to get this right, that you really aren't going to tell her?"

Eric turned and made eye contact with Andor then gave Cadel a rather dark warning look.

"Because, really, I don't think the lack of full disclosure is right. She was really scared, Eric. And Amelia was really scared. You should tell her."

"_Cadel_," said Eric sharply.

"Tell me what?" I asked, puzzled.

Cadel looked over at Andor and then at Eric again.

"Tell me what," I repeated.

"Cadel, sometimes you are the biggest fucking pain in the ass, you know it?" said Eric. He let out a snort of sorts. "Now you tell me what she's going to think. Thank you so very much. I _would_ have explained but was planning to do it when we were alone and… the way _I _wanted to explain it. And she may have been scared a bit but she was mostly angry, I can absolutely assure you of that."

I pulled away from Eric, crossed my arms and said "_She_ is getting totally pissed off! Explain what? You better tell me what is going on."

Cadel shook his head. "We have been a bit bored, Sookie. We're not the placid type like Stefan. No, we crave a bit of adventure. Don't we, Eric?"

Eric nodded but still looked at Cadel like he was very put out. Finally, with one eyebrow raised, he gestured to Cadel. "Just go ahead Cadel. Ruin the end of my wonderful evening."

Cadel grinned, dimples in full show.

"So, you know Sookie, Eric and I talked Andor into going to Tunica with me, to keep you and Amelia safe from the redoubtable Salome. We had a plan. We had a backup plan. We had a backup, backup plan. We were in constant communication. And we knew that it was all going to go to hell eventually because that's just Salome, according to Eric. He was ready to go as soon as it all fell apart. Nothing important on the schedule. Jet fueled up, ready to go on a moment's notice. Yes, Eric, Andor and I have been looking forward to having a bit of excitement for weeks. Though Mr. Wizard spoiled some of it. Don't get me wrong, it was certainly rather interesting to watch. And good to know to never get on _his_ wrong side."

"You were _looking forward to it_?" I gasped. I looked at Eric who then closed his eyes and started shaking his head at my words.

"Cadel, I'm going to pay you back for this. I will find some way… to annoy the hell out of you," he said as he opened his eyes and glared at Cadel. "My night was going so well, and now she's going to be totally bent out of shape."

Andor broke into a smile and started laughing at Eric.

"And I'm just going to be so sympathetic, Eric," he said with a snicker.

Andor then said something in German that had the word verheiratet, married, in it and Cadel burst out into open laughter. Eric looked gave him a dark look while Cadel's eyes shone with merriment.

"_She's_ getting totally pissed off at the three of you," I said in a tight tone of voice.

"You have to understand," Cadel said, still chuckling, "ever since the Revelation, things are so… sedate. I mean, for certain, many things are better. But, really…overall… a little on the dull side. No wars, few takeovers, no more fairies to fight, and even taunting the Weres with discovery is out now. I mean, where is the _excitement_ these days? We haven't had anything really exciting in over a year. There was October but Stefan got hurt, and Pam shot them. No real fight in that. Andor getting shot last month was really someone shooting at you. That was just plain upsetting. And we really couldn't go after the human that shot him, now could we? But a 'rescue' from the likes of the infamous Salome? It was a _grand_ plan. But you should know that I was close at hand the entire time you and Amelia were in those rooms. She can really curse up a storm that one, can't she? I've really got to admire a woman who can curse like that. She leaves you not just in the shade but in the _dark,_ Sookie. But if worse came to worse, I'd have had you both out of the room through the walls if I had to. I was just waiting on Eric and Bert to be in place. I only left when I heard them taking you downstairs and I had the hair, and then I connected with Bertram, just to have his back. But you and Amelia were _never _at risk of harm. Were they?" he smiled at Eric.

"So this was part of a plan? A _plan_? She had the Weres arrested and _that_ was part of your plan? Because I'm not buying it. They could have been harmed. Andor could have been harmed. Are you guys _nuts_?" I said in an exasperated tone.

"We didn't, per se, _plan_ on Andor and the Weres being arrested, but we were ready in the event that they were. She's pulled something like that before, getting the security part of your group arrested or detained. We have a long catalog of things she pulled before and so we were well prepared," said Eric.

Andor walked over to me and stood up straight and tall with his arms crossed, looked at me, shaking his head.

"Do you actually think those human police could have done a _thing_ to me, Sookie? Or that I would have let them harm Tucker's Weres?"

Was he trying to convey the idea that no human in their right mind, other than maybe me, would even mess with him? Because all I could see what that really, they had _no_ idea what human law enforcement could do to vampires or Weres or maybe even fairies if they ever came back.

"You know, the three of you are just ignorant. Really _ignorant_. Do you know what types of weapons are floating around in the criminal justice system for use against vampires? Ever heard of silver-laced tear gas? It's silver, suspended in a liquid under pressure and it disperses as a silver gas. It can _kill_ you if you get enough exposure. It's an FBI special and I've seen cannisters of it, and the studies of its effects, myself. You can even get it in the regular police departments in metropolitan areas with larger vampire populations nowadays." This _did_ appear to catch their attention. "Silver dispersing bullets? Or how about _ash_ bullets? Kind of like rubber bullets except they're wood and you can fire a succession at a vampire until you get their heart but good? And did you know that they have chemicals that can induce a more rapid change in Weres and wereanimals who are stressed and upset? That they can use them in gaseous form and then shoot the animal with silver, claiming hazardous duty issues because the wereanimal changed and attacked them? The three of you are absolutely _asinine_ if you think it's safe to let Andor get arrested by gosh knows what law enforcement and subject the Weres to who knows what on top of it. And this was because you were _bored_? Are you guys morons?"

I wheeled around and looked at Eric, who just smiled apologetically.

"We were really quite sure they would all be safe. Russell was keeping track of the whole thing. He said he'd be happy to teach Salome a lesson if she misbehaved. He was assured us that Andor and the Weres would be safe. The State Liaison officer was keeping track of their welfare. Russell even told me he was covering your actual costs if she tried to withhold payment. Not your profit, but definitely your costs. He's so sick of all the complaints about her, Sookie. But she's hard to get rid of. Killing her outright would be a challenge and she's so high profile because of her businesses and her history. Russell doesn't want any negative publicity. But Russell was not happy with what Salome was up to after having you come and do the work for her. It makes him look bad. Look at what her plans were… Some sort of bloodfueled sexual bacchanal, and no payment? Russell's running a business operation. He may love a party but he doesn't have time for stuff like this going on in his state. Who would? But you and Amelia were always safe. Cadel could have gotten you out if it went south, as you like to say. Remember I told you, she had no idea how stealthy he was. He was nearby all the time, knew exactly where you both were."

I glared, in succession, at the three of them. Cadel just grinned at me like a naughty child.

"I was in the air duct above the room for a while. Before that, the room next door after picking the locks. I followed you when they grabbed you after they arrested Andor and the Weres. I was right nearby the whole time. I just kept moving so they, and you, didn't see me. We really were well prepared. Surely that's something to our credit. Nasty piece of work, Salome, isn't she? Something's long gone wrong in that one, hasn't it?" said Cadel playfully.

"You knew it would go south. You _knew_?" I said looking up at Eric.

"From the moment you first mentioned the job in November, I knew. Things _always_ goes south with Salome, Sookie. But you were so determined to go, to do a casino job. And you did. You should be thanking us," Eric said, "for making it possible."

"And you should be thanking me, especially, Miss All About the Work. Having to put up with Andor and all his whining. You don't even know what we had to do to get him to agree to the whole thing. Wanton bribery," said Cadel shaking his head.

I glanced over at Andor, who was laughing with them. He really wasn't looking all that put out, frankly. I reflected on the fact that the only time he'd been difficult was the issue of my going to her 'bacchanal', where, after being locked in her private rooms, it was plain to me something really could have happened to Amelia and to me.

"She's never gotten us yet," Andor said, grinning broadly. "Twice our age, but not able to take us. Ha!" Then he nodded to me and said, "You should have better confidence in us, even with the human law enforcement. We've been doing this for a while now and really, we do it so well. The party, though, was a very _bad_ idea. You really have no idea how bad a Salome party can get. Especially for someone like you, with your… ladylike standards." He looked at Eric and said something in Norse, laughing and shaking his head. Eric pursed his lips but didn't reply.

I looked at him with a frown. "I already apologized about the party, Andor."

He nodded. "You did. And I was too angry still to accept your apology properly." Then, looking at me in a more open expression, he said, "I am… sorry… for what I said to you that first night. It was inappropriate. As Cadel says, I am smooth as sandpaper."

I just nodded with a dour face. "Accepted."

Andor looked at me soberly as he spoke the last bit, then bowed his head to Eric. He and Cadel headed off down the hall together laughing quietly, chatting in what sounded like German. He had his hand on Cadel's shoulder in a friendly fashion.

Eric pulled me closer and I winced as my hip bumped into his thigh.

"What did you do to your hip?" he asked softly. "You're hurt there, too?

"I _fought_ Eric. I got smacked into a wall really hard and I'm bruised. I wasn't going quietly."

"You fought? With vampires. Not a plan, Sookie. Didn't you know that Cadel was around?"

"How? I can only 'sense' _you _with any specificity, Eric. You know that! Cadel's mind is as void to me as any other vampire's mind. I can't even really tell it's Pam on the other side of a door. I had no idea where he was. I was sure he'd call you as soon as Andor was arrested but I didn't know where he was or if he knew where we were."

"I should have had him find some way to tell you that you two were safe. You can't possibly think I'd let you go into a situation where you really could get hurt?"

I stopped walking toward our rooms.

"Eric, we were with two vampires and three Weres and there were still problems. If she is really as bad as what you guys are saying, then I don't see how we were so safe?"

"Russell has totally infiltrated her operations. The AVL is seriously put out with Salome. They have been giving Russell hell about her for the last two years. His people are all over the place there trying to mitigate all the crap she pulls. You and Amelia _were_ safe. Really. I'd never have let you go if I wasn't certain that she could not harm you. It's been five months of planning since you first insisted that you wanted to do the job."

_Five months of planning?_ I suddenly just felt weak.

Eric picked me up once we were in the library and carried me into the bedroom. He set me down on the edge of the bed and turned on the light. He carefully took off my long sleeve shirt and sighed shaking his head. I was very bruised, especially on my forearms, from futilely struggling with the vampires that had stuffed us into Salome's rooms. He unzipped my jeans and carefully pulled them off and looked at a nasty bruise on my hip with a grimace.

"Maybe I really _shouldn't_ have let you go," he sighed, shaking his head with displeasure. "Just fight, fight, fight. I should have known better. My own personal shieldmaiden, this wife of mine," he muttered to himself.

Without saying anything further he got undressed, finished undressing me, got into bed and then gently sat me between his legs with my back to his chest. As he had so many times in the past, he bit his wrist and pressed it to my lips. I didn't have much but I guess I didn't really need much just to clear up bruising. When I was finished I leaned back against his chest with my head against his neck and shoulder. His arm crossed over my breasts and caught my waist, holding me firmly. I sighed heavily. It felt so good to be safe, to be home.

I relaxed as I felt his blood work its magic, and the aching I felt from all the bruises receded. After about ten minutes he held up one of my forearms, which looked as good as new. He traced his hand out to mine and then brought it to his lips. I twisted around in his arms slightly and kissed him. He smiled at me and kissed me again and then again, gradually becoming more and more passionate. Finally he pulled away from me slightly and said,

"Maybe we should wait, Sookie. Even if the bruises are gone, you're pretty tired."

My answer was that I pulled him closer again and kept kissing him. He smiled and rolled me onto the bed as his hands and mouth caressed me, going lower and lower. I moaned with the pleasure of it. "Bite me, bite me…" I urged him. He bit me just as I came and I cried out. He moaned as he fed just a bit then pulled me up onto him and thrust into me. He lay me down on the bed, pulling me to the edge and stood thrusting into me until I cried out again and floated away on another wave of pleasure. Before he came, he shifted himself over me, looking down at me with soft glowing eyes, holding my gaze and my hands, until he was carried away on his own wave of pleasure. As he relaxed, he kissed my ankle and gently grazed his teeth across my calf.

"Absolutely _no more_ until you are rested, Lover." Then he picked me up and shifted me farther into the bed and sighed as he lay down next to me. He picked up my hand and kissed it.

Probably a good plan, since I now felt like a limp ragdoll. Even having just had his blood wasn't enough to have reenergized me. My mind wasn't tired, though. Because, as we lay there and I replayed the night's events in my mind, I kept coming back to one question.

"Do you have any idea what Bert really is, Eric?"

"Not exactly, no. He will only say he is a child of Llŷr. I'm not sure exactly what that is, frankly. I've never seen anything like him and probably more significantly, clearly neither had Salome, and she's much older than I am. Maybe he's some other, non-fairy, sort of Fae? Maybe Llŷr had a relationship with a Fae? Does it even matter? He took risks by revealing himself in such a fashion. But he's made it very clear that he will not do such things to help us on a regular basis. He was concerned about getting you and Amelia out safely if there was a fight. He had not revealed himself in many, many years but thought it was the safest option. She just kept upping the ante. Salome was never one to back down easily. But she definitely got hers." He paused a moment to reflect. "I think he is _very_ old. I almost wonder if he is one of the last of his kind?"

Then he sat up and looked at the bite on my inner thigh.

"I had to have blood from a donor," he said matter-of-factly while he tended to my bite marks.

"I noticed. I definitely think he's Fae. His thought signature is sort of like my great-grandfather's, Claudine's or Claude's. All fast and smooth. It was one of the first things I noticed when I met him back in June. But he's definitely not a fairy. I think he's way scarier than a fairy, actually."

"I noticed that you noticed. I fed from a _male_ donor. In the kitchen. Just so you're completely clear on that point. Bert's definitely remarkable, even to vampires."

"I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, I thought even you were caught off-guard, right? You know, she really loves him. Even though she was kind of afraid of him, you can still see that she really loves him."

"Well, _I_ wanted to talk about it so you wouldn't start worrying or brooding or wondering who, where and how. Actually, I think if I'm in a situation where I will be fighting I will do that again. I prefer your blood over any other, but I would not want to take blood from you that way. We share blood for pleasure. And I wish to keep it like that. Are you in agreement with that idea? We have never really talked about it. So… she loves him even though she's kind of afraid of him? It's a shame you and Amelia have so little in common," he said with a snort.

"I really don't think I'm in much of a position to say anything about that first part. About the second part, I'm not afraid of you. Well, not most of the time. You know, I can't believe you're not going to say it. I'm just amazed at your self-restraint. If it were me, I'm sure I'd be totally obnoxious about having been right."

"You aren't in a position to comment? Really? You not commenting? Now there's something I haven't seen. Really Lover, when it comes to such a thing you are always in a position to comment. I want to be sure that you understand my thoughts clearly on the issue of the blood. My point is that you are _not_ a meal. You are my wife, my partner, my pleasure. I desire your blood above all others, but I will not be drawing it in order to be strong to fight unless there is no other option. I have to be strong enough to keep us both safe, but not at your expense." He kissed me and smiled. "By the way, I finally got it out of Andor about what he said that made you so angry. When Maxwell and I bailed him out of the jail I gave him the chance to tell me himself or told him that I'd get it out of Jamie or one of the others. I really don't think he'll be making any such comments again. It was insulting. To _both_ of us. I can't even imagine what you said back to him. He wouldn't tell me. Neither, actually, would Cadel. It would have been worth glamouring the Weres just to hear the replay."

I didn't reply. Even if they'd gotten into a fight over it, it was already clearly made up by the time they were in Salome's ballroom so there was no point in revisiting it.

"You know he was not going to harm Cadel, right?"

"Bullshit, Eric. He _was_ hurting Cadel. I'm betting that getting slammed into a wall by a thousand year old vampire hurts no matter who you are. He totally pissed me off. Cadel was just joking around, trying to find a middle ground and diffuse the situation. He was just being Cadel."

Eric checked the area where the bite had been to make sure it was healed to his satisfaction, kissed my belly and then sank back into his pillows.

"And Andor was just being Andor, Sookie. I bet I've done worse to Cadel when I'm angry. Sometimes, Cadel's just… a handful. Even Stefan gets mad at him. And we're just… like that with each other. We're mostly roughhousing, I guess you'd call it. We've never really hurt each other badly."

"Never _badly_? You guys are stupid is what you are. You're not one bit better than stupid human boys. The four of you together are really something. No wonder Pam said she was on the verge of insanity before I moved back home. But just so you know the honest truth, I tried to call you. You know, when she had us locked up? I was trying to call you to admit the whole thing was an incredible disaster. I had no cell signal. And even if I didn't say anything about it, two days ago I was already really sorry I went against your advice and accepted the job."

He was totally silent. I looked over at him and he was completely expressionless. But I also couldn't get a fix at all on what he was feeling. He wouldn't let me.

"I think Andor and Cadel couldn't believe I apologized to them, either" I continued. "So you're really not going to say anything, then? What, am I going to owe you in some other way? You're really passing on your big opportunity? No comments at all?"

"I'm very unhappy that her people even bruised you. I think I'm going to complain about it to Russell, even if Bert did wreck her ballroom and kill some of her guards. That was not supposed to happen. You and Amelia were to be untouched."

"I actually can't believe that I'm still not hearing it." No 'I told you so?

He just picked up my hand, kissed it and thumped it down gently in his, twice, on the covers between us. I glanced over at him and could just make out a broad smile on his face in the dark. I could just about feel that he was actually in a pretty good mood. Maybe he was covering it up because I'd been mad at the three of them. Looking at him, it really did seem as if he was glad for a bit of a fight. To get out of the compound and go… rumble?

Another minute or two went by and I could feel him start to relax the way he did at dawn. It was still a bit early, but maybe he was actually tired. Mere seconds before he was gone, he snorted and then murmured in a playful tone,

"Since you really seem to want to hear it so very much, Lover… I told you so."

Then he was gone.

Really, I totally deserved it.

I was not happy to find myself so firmly back in situations in which I was relying on others to rescue me. It was no longer a comfortable role to feel myself in. Having a bodyguard was one thing. Needing one, or several, to get me out of a bad situation of my own making was completely another issue. Maybe if I took Eric's advice at the outset, I wouldn't even be in the position of requiring rescue. I'd have to see if I could work on that.


	9. Chapter 8

**VIII.**

**April 2010**

I pulled the tape of the wall and Pam, Amelia and I stood back looking at our handiwork. The pattern looked great, with it's overlapping blocks of color. Cadel and Jamie were still working on the opposite wall and Bertram was mixing the paints into various muted shades of greens and ochres and soft reddish-browns to go onto the gray-green walls.

"It really looks cool, Amelia," I said. "It looks like something you'd see in a design magazine, frankly. I think it's amazing you did it yourself."

"No, I did it with _you_ guys…" Amelia said with a chipper smile.

"I think it's amazing that I am doing this at all," said Pam, dryly. I cannot believe I am spending my night off doing manual labor humans could be paid to do. And I _really_ cannot believe I have flecks of paint on my fingernails. The entire situation is extremely disconcerting. I'm thinking of calling Ludwig. I think something's very wrong with me." Pam was currently wearing some of my old clothes because _her_ old clothes were still too good to get paint on them. Even though I was still the thinnest I'd ever been in my entire life (size 6/7) they hung long and loose on Pam, who was so much smaller than I was.

Amelia and I turned to Pam and burst out laughing at her comments.

"You think _you're_ having a hard time? I can't believe I'm painting a wall with a _Were_," said Cadel snidely. He was wearing old jeans, a stained white T-shirt and a sarcastic smile.

"I guess you're only doing it because you're so afraid of Sookie, Cadel," said Jamie with a sardonic smile on his face as he painted. "I can't say I blame you. She beats up on Andor, after all, and against all odds, appears to win. I try to stay on her good side. I'm sure you're doing the same, old man, after she saved your skin from the Viking Prince."

Cadel leaned over toward Jamie and said, "Yeah, she's almost as scary as the _real_ old man…" with a chortle as he glanced over at Bert.

"Cadel," said Pam sharply, "as usual you have been negligent. You have missed a spot. No doubt because you were so busy mouthing off. Honestly, such shabby work and an even worse mouth. I don't even know why they said you could come, let alone paint."

Cadel looked puzzled and stood back looking carefully at the wall. He was the kind of person that you could count on to notice the one and only thing that had been moved in an entire roomful of objects. He had that kind of mind. And right now he was straining to see where he had missed a spot on the overlapping circles on the wall. He was silent as he stood back further and then drew closer to the wall again. All the while, Amelia and I watched Pam, who had the most utterly delighted expression on her face. She was rapt watching him try to figure out what was wrong. As he started to whip around to question her, she turned to me and said,

"You really owe me for talking me into this. I expect to be well compensated. You may even have to make me look good at the shooting range. I'm talking serious 'sucking up'. Books won't do it for me. Vampires doing manual labor are just not cool."

"Pamela, there is absolutely _nothing_ wrong with this wall. James and I have done a beautiful job. It is perfect. I do not see _any_ missed spots," said Cadel in an annoyed tone of voice.

"It _is_ perfect. But I got you to be quiet. Which was also perfect, if you ask me." She grinned with fangs down.

Cadel gave Pam a very dark look, which she ignored as we turned to one of the other walls.

Bertram had finished mixing paint for the remaining walls and stepped out of the great room, only to return a few minutes later carrying two bottles of Royalty Blended and a just opened bottle of champagne along with six champagne flutes. Amelia smiled.

"Wow," I said with a chuckle. "I've never been to a painting party with champagne. Pretty fancy. Royalty Blended? We must be some pretty high class painters."

Bert poured the blood into glasses and then poured out four glasses of Kristal champagne.

"We are toasting the completion of the renovations of the duplex into one home and, much more importantly… you are offering us your congratulations. Amelia and I married yesterday. Before her father and my mother could have a word to say about it."

I turned to Amelia in stunned surprise. She caught my expression and looked remorseful.

"The courthouse. _Totally_ spur of the moment. My dad said he was coming to see us tomorrow and I'm so afraid of Bert's mother. She's rather… Well, I don't want to get into it. We just wanted to be able to say it was a done deal and tell them we didn't want to hear their opinions."

I reached out and hugged her, even if I was just totally stunned.

"Well, congratulations!" I said with a smile.

"I texted you at 9:30 am yesterday to see if you were awake. When you didn't reply I didn't want to call you and wake you. I didn't want to disturb your sleep, " she said softly, giving me a knowing look. "It was totally spur of the moment, after my dad had called, and we ended up with Courthouse employees as our witnesses at around 11 am."

"What's the deal with your dad?" asked Jamie.

"Copley," said Amelia acerbically, "does _not_ approve of my lifestyle. Or my occupation. Or Bert. Or Bert's lack of overt occupation. Or our friends. Or our enemies. Or… really _anything_ you can think of. He loves me and hates my life. A verbatim quote. So I didn't want to hear anymore about it. He'll just have to suck it up."

We drank a toast to their happiness and future and after about half an hour of chatting resumed painting. Amelia had just finished the renovation of her duplex, enclosing the outer stairwell and rearranging the interior space to make a single-family residence. Bert had moved in a while back and they were enjoying having the larger space.

Amelia took a break from painting while Pam and I continued. I was enjoying painting, while we sang and danced around to the likes of Neko Case, the Beatles and various Motown groups. Even Pam sang, so we seemed to be having a good evening. That is until Amelia stood there looking at our wall, with another glass of champagne in her hand and asked,

"When are you hoping to leave for Pakistan again? We really need to start scheduling for May."

I froze and closed my eyes. Disaster….

Pam literally zoomed over to me, paint brush in hand and looked at me with practically surgical assessment.

"What?" said Pam sharply. "_What_ is she talking about? I thought it was decided that you were not going to go?"

I didn't meet Pam's eyes and just kept painting.

"It was not _decided_, it was discussed. My decision was _not_ made. If I go, it would be with a bodyguard of course, and as part of a humanitarian group, Pam. I don't have all the details about it yet and decided not to discuss it further until I had more information. It would be a humanitarian mission. An opportunity to see first hand what the damage from the earthquake is and what is most needed. I want to see what is needed and to look into any damage at the schools I helped EAI build. And the schools are all well and good, but drinking water is a necessity. And I wonder about clinics and vaccines. "

"Eric is going to be furious. Absolutely _furious_. You cannot _possibly_ think about going back to that place. How _could_ you?" she said, eyes starting to glow.

"Pam, I'm not _sure_ I'm going. And Eric already knows I'm still thinking about it. You didn't listen to what I just said. It would be traveling with a group that's affiliated with one of the UN Relief organizations. I think Alla is going to go, too. And you know, I think that I'm in a better position of knowing what I'm going back to than any of you and if I'd be comfortable going then you can bet that I'm sure I'd be safe going there, okay?"

"I can't even believe that you'd want to have anything to do with those people. Honestly. I just can't even believe we are having this conversation."

I just looked at her for a moment, open mouthed, shaking my head.

"_Those people?_ You know Pam, a lot of people might say the same about my hanging out with vampires, Weres, witches and Fae, okay? _You're_ one of 'those' people to a lot of people. I've had some pretty bad stuff happen to me hanging out with supes and witches, right? And I had only a few bad things happen, and only one to me in particular, 'hanging out' in Pakistan. _Those_ people were in large part very kind to me for several years, and I've got people that I would consider friends there, who were very welcoming when I worked there. As a country, they've really suffered and they need help. I want to see the schools. And I've heard that a lot of wells are damaged. They need clean water and you know safe wells are like my new big thing along with schools and literacy. I'd like to see what's needed. I'm _not_ into being apathetic or hearing about it at a distance."

"Get them to send you a report. Find out what is needed and give without going there. Because I'll personally shred your passport if you try to go. There's no way Eric will let you go. I can't even believe you'd want to risk putting us through anything even resembling what we went through last summer."

"I'm not planning to put you 'through' anything, Pam. I'm not working for the government and not making myself that kind of target. And for the record, neither you nor Eric can do anything to my passport because I could have seen that little strategy coming a mile away and have it in my safety deposit box. You know, I really don't appreciate the tone or the implication that I am no longer able to make my own decisions. You may be my friend, but when you start with stuff like this you're really crossing a line. I am getting mighty tired of all of you acting as if I am no longer in charge of my own life. I'm not making any decisions until I have all the information and then I'll discuss it with _Eric_ and not with anyone else. I love you, but you better quit telling me what to do. I appreciate where you're coming from but not how you're getting here."

She looked at me angrily, eyes now glowing with open anger.

"How dare you!"

"How dare _you_? _You're_ the one telling me off in front of everyone. Another thing that I'm getting tired of- being told off in front of Amelia and Jamie is getting mighty old. So let's just agree to let it drop, okay?"

"Okay you two, just cut it out already. No blood on my freshly painted walls," said Amelia. She pushed her way in between the two of us and both Pam and I glared at her. Undaunted she continued, "Don't make me get Bert to lock you guys in the closets or something. The two of you need to chill. And for the record, if you go and end up getting shot at anymore Sookie, _everyone_ in the room is gonna be totally pissed off, so if you go, there had better be no action and extensive wearing of protective gear. That's all I'm saying on the topic. You," she said to Pam, "the circles in the squares here. You," she said to me, "the opposite wall. Swap with Jamie."

She cranked up the music, and I painted to the strains of Norah Jones and the Dixie Chicks. I could feel Pam's angry gaze continue to follow my every movement. About an hour later I took a break and carried a few glasses and a couple of empty beer bottles into the kitchen. As I turned from getting a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, I was startled by Bert, who'd silently entered the kitchen with some clean brushes and paint stirrers. He hadn't been there a moment before and I didn't hear him enter. I wondered if Amelia ever felt as slow and lumbering as I did compared to all these Fae, vampires and Weres. I really had to remember to ask her.

"You seem hearty in your congratulations to us, in spite of being left out of the actual moment," said Bert. "Amelia was very torn about whether or not to go ahead without you being there. But her anxiety over her father's impending visit was the deciding factor. I'm very grateful that you have not felt slighted. She would have felt very bad."

I met Bert's eyes with a smile. Whatever he was, he made Amelia happy, shared his knowledge with her, protected her and so far as I could see, truly loved her. If they'd decided on the spur of the moment to get married, more power to them. I knew I was probably the best friend Amelia had other than Bert and I wasn't going to get bent out of shape about their getting married so suddenly and my not being there.

"I'm very happy for you both, Bert."

He smiled at me and for just a moment I saw a flash of someone, something, else. Something wild and strange and quite beautiful. He leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek and I felt enveloped by this wild energy. He looked at me and seemed quite pleased with my lack of fearful reaction, and said,

"Thank you, Sookie. We're delighted you share our happiness. It means much to Amelia, which means that it means much to me. And now I have to talk to Pam for a while. Maybe I can try to glamour her into being calm about your possible trip," he said with a wink.

I gave him a startled look.

"I really don't think…"

He laughed at me with merry eyes.

"I'm just joking. Don't worry. I know she is quite dear to you. And her love of you is most evident. It seems to make her feel that she is rather vulnerable, however, does it not? You might actually want to consider that. What would her life be without you in it? From her perspective, I'm sure that even though she also has Amelia, it would be rather barren. She seems to have few women to whom she can relate as friends in her sphere. Her role as Eric's second rather precludes her easy attachment to any peers. Her relationship with you is all the more valuable and easy for that fact. You should take it under consideration. It is a difficult thing for anyone relatively immortal to consider taking up with an individual more fragile than themselves. There is of course, the obvious and inevitable loss. But if that individual is… reckless on top of it… at least in their eyes, it is so much harder to bear. It appears, perhaps, even callous in the disregard for the affection conferred."

I stood there silently, my mouth open, and took in his words. I drew a deep breath and by the time I could think of replying he was gone.

He'd gone off to his office with Pam, to discuss something Eric was up to at the moment. Jamie had gone home, since Cadel and Pam would be with me. Amelia insisted on finishing up by herself so Cadel and I sat chatting out on the patio while Pam and Bert were talking. Cadel had recently broken things off with his girlfriend of almost a year, Samantha. He seemed firm in his choices about it, but he still acted a bit down about the whole business. We sat talking about relationships.

"I just wasn't going to do that, you know?"

One of the reasons that Cadel had broken things off with her (although he readily admitted to having glamoured her into thinking she'd broken off with him, out of kindness) was that Samantha didn't understand why he was reluctant to stay in her apartment during the day, and why he would never invite her to come stay with him during the day in the compound if he felt safer staying there.

I'd come to see in recent months how incredibly trusting of me Eric was. For instance, Pam had told me that I was the only human that she'd ever stayed the day with who wasn't glamoured into oblivion. In general it seemed like most of them felt as if one of the main reasons they'd lived as long as they had was because they _didn't_ trust humans. The fact that they trusted me, for instance, just thinking about flying to Paris with Eric, Andor and Markus in coffins, was really something that had a deep significance, to them and now that I understood more about it form their perspective, to me. Cadel had told me openly that I was the only human that he would ever consider allowing into a room in which he rested. And that was only because he knew I slept with Eric and had stayed the day with Pam on an open bed.

Cadel made a lot of references to the fact that he didn't see Andor ever trusting a human to sleep near him. Sheila, Andor's steady companion, lived downstairs in a veritable dorm room. He also said that even if he trusted a human (me) that Stefan, for instance, would never have a real relationship with one.

"But what do you mean about Stefan? He doesn't _like_ humans?"

"No, no… I don't mean that at all. I just… I really shouldn't have gotten started on the topic, Sookie. It's really Stefan's business. But he will never have a relationship, a _real_ relationship, with some who is so mortal. I really can't get into his reasons. I think he's only going to fare well with one of our own kind."

I frowned and said, "But Eric told me once long ago that vampires can't really have long term relationships with one another. That it was… dangerous or something, like because of having power over one another."

Cadel looked thoughtful. "Well, I suppose it really depends on the nature of the underlying relationship. I mean, I was with someone for about twenty years. I turned her. But I was a cad. I mean really, I was. And she left me. I've no idea where she is now. But in terms of the idea of holding power over each other? It was my blood that turned her so I had that over her. Her real power over me was how I felt about her."

"Had you known her before you turned her?"

"Oh yeah. For about a year or two."

"You mean she _loved_ you? She loved you and trusted you? But… what happened?"

Cadel looked down and nodded.

"I guess she loved me before. I mean she was glamoured some of the time, so who knows really. But yeah, I really think she did. And I told you. I was a cad. Won't ever do that again. I turned her and she caught me with someone else. Someone… warm. Things got out of hand, I guess you could say. Anyway, I still feel bad about it." He looked up at me and said, "Listen, they actually don't know. About her I mean. It was during a few of those silent decades when I turned her. We hadn't all gotten called together in a while. I didn't really know Stefan as well, back then. I mean we knew each other, but we were turned much farther apart time-wise than Eric and Andor were. I got released and went on my way. Kept getting called back to check in, of course, but I kept her well away from Ocella. That's how I got to know Stefan better- all our cheerful little reunions. Ocella was really getting unhinged by then. Oh, I kept her far away from that scene. Too dangerous by halves. But yeah, Maggie… I guess she loved and trusted me. I was such a bastard. Several times, actually. She left around 1817. I've looked in the database but don't see her listed. Maybe she went into Eastern Europe or something. I don't know."

"Where was she from?"

"Glasgow. We lived mostly on the continent, though. One of these days I'll have to ask Bill Compton if he can find out where she is or if… if something happened to her. I wonder about that. You know, it's easy to get careless when you're feeling hurt and down. I like to think she changed her name so I couldn't find her. I haven't found her picture in the database, though." He grimaced. "But yeah, Stefan's not into humans for that kind of thing. It's funny that Stefan and I are opposites in so many ways and such good friends, in'it? I'd never get involved with another vampire. It would just be a ticket to unhappiness- my own or causing someone else's. I know myself too well to think it would ever work out."

"So Stefan is quite different? You said that he was like Eric? But I don't think Eric would stay with a vampire, at least not based on what he told me a long time ago."

"Stefan _is_ like Eric. He genuinely wants a companion. Really, no matter what you understood, I think that's all that Er… Ah, here's Pamela. My lovely niece with her ever gentle manner."

"Don't call me that. I've _told_ you not to call me that. Let's go. The two of you are just impossible. I'm horribly annoyed. I wish I could just drain someone."

Cadel let out a snort.

"Like you're so used to draining people?"

She turned on Cadel with a snarl and he grimaced at her in mock fear but still laughing and standing stock still as she lunged at him. She was almost a foot shorter than he was and almost two hundred years younger. And almost anybody who knew him said that Cadel was the fastest vampire they'd ever seen. He was the kind of vampire that made you believe they could appear and disappear instantaneously. Almost like teleportation. He didn't even budge with Pam going at him.

"Stefan is the only one of you that I can tolerate. I swear I don't know what Eric was thinking bringing the rest of you here!" She turned to me with narrow eyes. "And you. You, I just find you infuriating. If you really go on that trip in spite of all sense and _anything_ happens to you, I'll be furious at Eric. I'll quit. The idea that I could agree with Andor about _anything_ is simply astonishing. But this time, I'm with _him_ on the idea that Eric had better find some way to get you to be more sensible and rule you in."

She stormed off to the car.

"You know, Sookie, if anything happened to you, I actually think that Pamela would be quite…" Cadel paused to choose his words carefully, "devastated." He grinned with dimples deep as craters. He obviously knew, as did we all, that conveying such intense emotion was really anathema to Pam.

Pam turned around and practically flew at him. He immediately appeared on the driver's side door of her car and waved to her, smiling. She wheeled around and looked at me with eyes glowing angrily.

"And you'd leave me alone, dealing with _them_, to go off on some crazy trip to a place where they shoot at you? You're intolerable and selfish. What have I even bothered with telling Eric all about you for? I wanted you to be happy and you're a selfish crea…"

I hugged her into silence and leaned my head against hers. All very dangerous stuff with an angry vampire if Eric was to be believed and these days, really, I was trusting Eric's advice on just about everything. But Pam knew I loved her. She'd never hurt me.

"Pam," I said softly, "I promise I won't go to Pakistan unless I'm really sure it's safe and Eric is comfortable with it, okay? Nothing's going to happen to me. Really."

"Remember when working with the FBI was supposed to make you safe? Remember that? Funny thing about that. I remember the serious bullet wound, losing organs and almost dying."

"I was pretty safe. For years. But," I took her hand as we walked to the car, "the rotten facts are that I missed my friends and loved ones and the relative safety wasn't worth it. No, I decided to live with very cross and demanding friends, instead."

She let out a low growl of disapproval.

Alla and I left at the end of April and I was only gone for six days. Jamie went with me. It was a good trip. In spite of all the possibilities for worsening my PTSD, I actually thought it improved a bit. I made a bit of peace with my memories of the embassy attack. Alla and I stood looking at the ruins of the embassy with helmets and bullet proof vests on. We were surrounded by UN troops and NGO aide workers as we looked. We sighed and then Alla said in her pragmatic way,

"We're here to do good works, Insha'Allah. Let us let go of the past."

"You know, Alla, the odd thing is that I don't even have bad memories of Islamabad, actually. Just the embassy, which when you think about it, is actually really US soil. It's like everything really bad that ever happened to me was on US soil. Funny isn't it? Most of the other memories that I have of Pakistan are good. That time in Miran-Shah is the only other bad thing. But here? No way. Just that one moment in time was bad. But when I look at where I am now, maybe I wouldn't have had all the good things in my life that I have now if I hadn't almost died here. So I've got no complaints."

Alla turned to me with a smile.

"Ah, Sash… As Ahmed would say, you're priceless. Such a goody-two shoes. But I know you really mean it. Looking back at the bad makes us see the good all the more clearly. So let's go be the _nice_ Americans. Such shock value… Americans who came back! Americans who actually care," she said with a smile. "Even Iranian-Americans. Yeah, we can really get some enjoyment out of the irony. And doing some real good."

And off we went. To five full days of good works and long lists of where things and what things were really needed. I filled my planned financial commitments for the remainder of the year right there on Pakistani soil.

Everyone was pleased when I arrived safely back home in New Orleans. Well, almost everybody. Mr. Cataliades always gave me dark looks at my plans for funds dispersals. But the entire portfolio continued to really make money, even in a bad economy, thanks to Eric's investment advice. I guess a thousand years of living gave you real perspectives about the world financial trends. It seemed that even with what I'd already spent, that I'd made more money in a short time. But that was really Eric's doing. He liked to joke that he _very _much enjoyed helping me manage the account. Vampires making profits for humans with fairy funds seemed to really amuse him.


	10. Chapter 9

**IX.**

**July 2010**

I had settled down to a quiet and muggy summer in New Orleans. Ahmed stayed in New Orleans for a week in late May, after the end of the semester at NYU. He was staying on at NYU for at least another year and there was talk of a more permanent position. We had lots of fun, but the first day he was there I made Eric keep his promise to unglamour him. Actually, the afternoon he arrived I told Ahmed about what Eric had done and that he'd undo it. To my amazement, Ahmed said,

"Oh, that? Yeah, I realized about thatafter you told me about the blood thing, but you know, he was really right and you should be telling him the stuff you were telling me. You know that, right?"

Yeah, he knew he'd been glamoured. The problem was the Eric was so damn devious, he'd even managed to glamour Ahmed in a way that made it seem _reasonable_ to have been glamoured. Rocks, and bricks in the walls. Indeed. If I hadn't been so annoyed still over what he'd done, I guess I would have been filled with admiration at how incredibly clever Eric was. To be pulling the wool over the eyes of someone as booksmart and educated as Ahmed was no mean feat. Eric however, was _Eric._

Anyway, after Eric released Ahmed from any suggestions whatsoever (I insisted that I had to be present when he did so because I want to know exactly what he was telling him), I was finally relaxed about Ahmed's stay. He was going to visit his father in Jeddah in June, and steeling himself for the annual round of twenty questions from the family. But in general, he was at a happy point in his life. He was really enjoying teaching, living in New York, and he was seeing someone he cared about. I was happy for him. Like me, he'd just seen Alla in the late Spring, visited with her family, and found that she was doing better, just as I thought she was. It was a relief to both of us. I was hoping to visit her at home in the fall. Plus we were planning another, longer, trip to Pakistan and possibly Afghanistan in the winter, after Christmas. I wanted to keep an eye on all my 'projects', including the restart of some of the microfinance stuff that had been sidelined by the earthquake. In the meantime, closer to home, I was involved in a variety of projects in rural areas in the Appalachias and Ozarks. I would make short trips with Jamie to see the actual work coming out of my contributions. Ahmed had gotten interested in my various literacy projects in the US as well, and went with me to see a project in a rural area in Arkansas which focused on teaching adults to read in the privacy of their homes. He ended up contributing to the program. It was the first time that he had made contributions for anything within the US. We had a great visit. Eric said that Ahmed was as annoying as ever, though.

My life had settled into a smooth flow in the spring. Once or twice a month Eric and I went to some social event and we tried not to get shot at, not to get too offended, and to be as pleasant as possible about being on display. I still wasn't liking it one bit. Eric, from what the others said, seemed to enjoy things more because of having me with him for the events. I was starting to come to the conclusion that what Cadel had told me that night at Amelia's house was true. Eric really enjoyed companionship. Sometimes I tried to reconcile the bad boy image I had in my mind from the days when I'd first met him back in Shreveport with the man I presently lived with. Where was that man who had been so aggressively flirtatious? The guy who once told me he didn't care why I had sex with him, as long as I did? He'd certainly changed his tune about that one within the past year or so. But Pam had told me long ago that Eric had turned her because he was lonely. For all Eric's confidence, even arrogance, and his ladies man reputation, I could now really see that side of him. He really did get lonely. And he genuinely appeared to like having a partner or companion. When I was away and would call him several times a night, or we'd exchange funny emails and text messages, I could tell within just a few nights that he'd really miss me. We'd talk sometimes just before dawn until he was out cold. Of course, when I was away from him, no matter how busy I was, I missed him terribly. It left me kind of amazed though, that he might feel the same way about me.

On the work front, Amelia and I did mostly local work, within Louisiana, after Tunica. For my own private work, in early May I went to Chicago to interview suspects for the Illinois State Attorney's office for an organized crime case involving the Russian mob. I was disguised for the interviews, wearing a short dark haired wig, brown contact lenses and clothes that disguised my figure a bit. The SA was pretty cautious about anyone that I interviewed being able to track me down. I didn't tell Eric, or really anyone, about their concerns. It weighed on me though, and I was spending time wrestling with whether or not I should continue to work for their investigation when they called me again. It was frustrating that most of the work I did with my telepathy, outside of that for Eric, seemed to put me at risk again and again. I was very mindful of that brief conversation with Bert, about what it felt like to be relatively immortal and to love a human. I didn't want to be the 'callous, hurtful, and disregarding your risked affection human'. I wanted to be the 'I revere your love and trust human'. I wasn't always successful in conveying the message but I was really trying to improve myself.

Hunter came to stay with us the last day of June. He was staying for almost three weeks while Remy vacationed with 'friends', which Hunter glumly said meant 'a lady'. In January, Eric had finally pressed me into at least nodding in agreement that Hunter was 'like me' but I wouldn't say anything more on the subject at all. I guess he could tell from my response that I _really_ didn't want to talk about it and for once he didn't press me into talking. He seemed to understand that Hunter was off limits.

Hunter was very, very happy to spend the time with me. He was excited to really spend time with vampires. He knew his mom had become a vampire. He got to see where she had lived, though it had been totally remodeled, and got to see photos of her that Amelia had. He was very curious about vampires and about why Hadley had wanted to become one. It was kind of awkward to explain about Sophie-Anne, but since he could read our minds, it wasn't exactly like we could give him the Disney version. He seemed fine with his mom having been with a woman and said that he could tell I had really liked Sophie-Anne, even though he could also see that she had hurt his mom's feelings. When I really thought about talking about this stuff with a nine year old because he could read your mind anyway, I kind of felt for Remy. It had to be really hard to have a regular relationship life with a telepathic child. At least my grandmother had been older, widowed, and had not had such concerns. Remy was just five years older than I was, though.

It had been a challenge to decide how to work things out for his visit. He was only nine years old and I couldn't see leaving him on his own in some corner of the third floor with no easy access to an adult he felt knew and trusted. Plus, he was in a building with many vampires and he was just a little boy. I thought it would be scary for him to be on his own, no matter how curious or interested he was in vampires. And frankly, I was a little apprehensive. Not that I thought anyone would dare treat a child visiting me like snack food, but… still. I was just apprehensive about having him on his own.

I ended up deciding that he should sleep on the daybed in my rooms. Eric was not exactly thrilled. First, it was a big security thing for him. To have another person in our rooms at all was a very big deal to him, let alone another human, even a child. He'd gone from decades of having no one other than Pam have access to where he slept to having me sleep next to him and now a child only two rooms and two doors away. I put a scanner lock on the door to enter the bedroom. Hunter wasn't allowed to touch any of Eric's stuff in the library. I put an extra computer, and a TV over in my dayroom. I got a Wii. He had the dayroom, my home office, a bathroom, the kitchen, and we would go out during the day. We spent time together playing in the mornings and afternoons and he came to work with me. He really liked Bert and Jamie a lot.

Another big issue was precisely that daytime schedule. Of course, Hunter was awake during the daytime and that meant that _I_ had to be awake during a good fraction of the daytime, so that meant that I had to get more sleep at night. I tried to sleep while Eric worked and then I'd wake up when he came back to the rooms around 4 am. I got another couple of hours of sleep after dawn but was usually up making breakfast for Hunter by around 9 am. And then there was the privacy issue. It wasn't like Eric and I could be frolicking all over our rooms the way Eric usually liked to be. It was funny how lack of availability suddenly made a dining table or kitchen counters seem alluring. Even Eric's upstairs desk suddenly looked more attractive. His second floor office was a possibility, but not one I was fond of, however. He'd yet to get me to agree to that one. Clearly, if Hunter was going to end up living with us, as he envisioned, it was going to take some serious strategizing, I thought to myself.

The most dramatic thing that came about because of Hunter's visit and my altered sleeping schedule was that Eric finally got a first hand look at my nightmares. He was simply aghast. I awoke at around 2 am the night after my birthday, crying out, in Eric's arms and with Hunter staring at me worriedly from the open doorway. My cries had awakened him two rooms away and alerted Eric on the floor below. Since I normally had these dreams during the day, when all the vampires on the third floor were effectively dead to the world, I really didn't quite have a good sense of how bad they looked to the outside world. I'd lived alone before and when staying with Alla or Ahmed had seldom slept well enough to really dream. When Amelia and I would go away, I usually didn't get much sleep either. So I only knew how they felt, not how it looked to everyone else. I knew sometimes I cried out in some of the torture dreams because sometimes I'd awaken with the clear sense that I had been screaming or crying out in my sleep. It was unfortunate that the nightmare that jolted Eric out of his office one floor below was precisely one of the now fairly rare Neave and Lochlan dreams that segued into a dream where Eric and a very ill Bill were having their hands amputated at Felipe's command. In the dream with Neave and Lochlan, Eric was there instead of my grandfather. But then, just as in life, both of them were punished for helping me. The part with Eric and Bill was what really got me crying, and crying out. I was very plugged into this particular bad dream and Eric had a hard waking me.

When I did start to become alert, I found I was in Eric's arms, his hand firmly holding my face. He'd even turned the light on the nightstand on.

"Sookie. Sookie, wake up," his voice had seemed to be far away and then gradually, it was closer, louder. "_Wake up._"

I suddenly snapped awake and took in the scene- his serious and troubled face, Hunter in the doorway looking scared and this odd sound of Eric's voice echoing in my mind. Even Rosie was sitting there looking at me.

"I'm awake," I said firmly. "I'm awake. It's fine." I started to rise but Eric restrained me, staring down at me with those laser blue eyes.

"This is _not_ fine. This is worse than you told me it was. You were screaming and I couldn't wake you." He shook his head and then glanced over at Hunter and said, "Go back to bed. Sookie will be fine."

Hunter stood rooted in the doorway staring at me.

_I knew you had bad dreams. I didn't really understand. He's right. You should let him fix it._

_Go to bed Hunter. I'll be fine. There's nothing to fix. Go to bed._

He ignored Eric, and me, and walked into the room and, after stroking Rosie, he squeezed right next to me, climbing on the bedframe to give me a hug. Eric looked a little annoyed but didn't say anything. I brushed my fingers through Hunter's hair and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead.

"Go back to bed, I'm really fine," I said softly to him.

Hunter looked me right in the eyes, jutted out his lower lip in a pout and shook his head.

"Now whenever you say you're fine I'll wonder if you really _aren't_ okay."

Eric raised his eyebrows at that comment. From the mouth of babes… Hunter quietly padded off, back to the dayroom and Rosie jumped down and went after him.

I tried to get up again, but Eric held onto me.

"Not so fast. Are they all this bad? And don't even bother lying to me."

I stiffened and glared at him.

"I don't _lie_ to you, Eric."

"Telling me you're fine and that they aren't so bad was a flat out lie. It's not fine, _you_ are not fine and this isn't just like having an occasional bad night's sleep with you being haunted by troubling thoughts. These are night terrors. I could hardly even wake you." He paused a minute and then said, "Would you _please_ let me glamour you? So your memories are less intense, or…"

I tried again to pull away from him.

"No, absolutely _NO_. And don't you dare try to go all vampire voice on me, either."

He gnashed his jaw and looked down at me coldly.

"We already know going all vampire voice doesn't work. Don't be evasive. Answer my question. Are they all this bad?"

"No. I guess…" I tried to remember what I had been dreaming. Neave biting my breast. Lochlan slowly slicing that strip of skin off my thigh with his sharp blade and his look of pleasure as I screamed. Eric and Bill's hands turning to ash and their losing so much blood from the wounds. I shivered involuntarily. Well, still, I'd had worse dreams in the past, much worse by far. There was no rape by the fairies. Eric didn't die. I didn't see Claudine die with her unborn child right in front of me. No this was just... typical. I sighed.

"Um… I've had worse. But not in a while. Some aren't this bad. The other ones..." I didn't want to talk about the other ones. Those were even harder on my in some ways because they made me feel worse about myself. "Before you get all worked up, I honestly am not having them as much as I used to. I keep telling you that, telling Ahmed that, and no one seems to believe me. The first few years were really bad. I can openly admit it. I was often afraid to fall asleep. But I am getting better and no one, _no one_, is going to mess with my memories or my mind in order to fix what really happened to me. So you had just damn well better get that into your head. Spinning a bunch of stories about what happened to me is not going to work for me, Eric. You're not fixing anything because there is nothing to 'fix'. It's my life and it all really happened."

"I can make the memories less intense. I can make it so you have less anxiety. Or maybe just so that you don't have the nightmares themselves but still have your memories as they are," he said firmly.

"And that is going to make me safer and happier how? I am the way I am. These experiences made me who I am and taught me to fight to be safe and to survive, which _you_ keep telling me is so important and so right and good. You knew when you got me to come back that I was like this. I told you the first night I stayed with you here that I had these nightmares. You're the one with the problem because my reactions to what happened to me make _you_ uncomfortable. Maybe this is still all bound up in your guilt that you couldn't rescue me. But I'm fine the way I am. And you're not getting any invitation to start messing around in my head, fixing me up to your specifications."

His eyes widened and flared up into an angry red glow. He literally tossed me away from him, into the center of the bed. He got off the bed and stood looking at me. His eyes narrowed as he glared down at me and he paused for a full minute before replying with bared teeth.

"I am _not_ trying to help you for my own satisfaction or to relieve myself of any guilt or discomfort _I_ feel in seeing you suffer from something that I could help alleviate. Sometimes you are so fucking distrustful of me that I wonder that you even sleep in my bed. It's _insulting_."

He turned on his heel and stamped out of the room. I was surprised that the door from the library to the hall even stayed on its hinges since he slammed it so hard as he left.

I burst into tears.

**

* * *

**

Two days later we were still barely talking. We'd had arguments in the past but this one was very different. Eric would talk to me but was just very distant, almost cold. He was friendly with Hunter and would even play with him a bit when he first rose. They built a house of cards on my kitchen table with two decks of cards. Rosie demolished it and they just laughed and started all over. Eric taught him how to play chess and mentioned the idea of going bowling on Sunday evening.

Meanwhile, Eric wouldn't even get close to me in bed and drank True Blood. I would wait in bed at sunset and he'd wake, get up without even touching me, take a shower and get dressed and go see Hunter. Finally, on the third evening when he rose, showered and silently started getting dressed, I broke down and _asked_ him if he wanted blood. He turned and looked at me soberly.

"Are we apologizing?" he asked quietly. "Because if not, I'm not interested." As he spoke his face softened slightly.

I bit my lip. I couldn't very well apologize for not wanting him to mess with my memories. I'd have to be careful how I phrased what I was sorry about.

"I'm sorry that what I said upset you so much. The way I said it… I was…"

He waited, looking at me rather darkly.

I winced looking at his expression. He was _not_ going to make it easy.

"The way I said 'no, thank you' was not nice. But I didn't intend it to be insulting. I'm sorry if you took it that way. I was very upset."

That was about the best I could manage at the moment.

He sat down near the foot of the bed, a good distance away from where I was sitting. He looked away for a moment and then looked back at me. He had the most peculiar, strained expression on his face. He nodded, as if to himself. I felt like he was still deliberately being remote as he spoke.

"I do feel guilty," he finally said quietly. "I feel guilty that the fairies got you, that I couldn't rescue you and that even though you survived… that so much of you survived still never fails to amaze me… they _damaged_ you. Damage that neither I, nor your grandfather, could heal at the time or even now, it seems. Damage that you seem to think you need hang onto in order to survive or… whatever it is that you think you need from those memories in order to be you. I do feel guilty."

He rose again from the bed. And then turned back to look at me and continued,

"But the guilt is nothing compared to how it feels to think that you still don't trust me. You trust me to keep you safe, physically. You trust me with your body, for sex, to feed from you. But not with your mind, and sometimes I think, barely with your heart. You didn't trust me enough to tell me about Hunter. I had to pretty much force you to tell me. You didn't trust me enough to tell me how bad your dreams really were, didn't even want me to know about them at all. You didn't trust me enough to just ask me about the conversation I had with Andor about turning you instead of reading pieces of it from my mind and still being fearful of him for many months afterwards." He paused again and then looked at me with softly glowing eyes. "I'm sorry I got so angry when you were already upset. I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm _not_ sorry that I don't like your distrust. I find it intolerable. Painful, even."

"Eric that's ridiculous. I _do_ trust you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't trust you. I wouldn't have _married_ you if I didn't trust you. And I certainly wouldn't have Hunter here if I didn't trust you."

"Really? Well, a lot of your behavior speaks to the contrary. It is ironic that in a thousand years you are basically the first human I have trusted completely. I sleep at your side feeling completely at ease. Even now, when we argue. Even when we argue for days. I trust _you_ and yet you do not really fully trust me. No matter what you say, you don't. I resent it. I hate it," he said bitterly, looking away from me.

"Well, you know, I'm doing the best I can, Eric. It's not like you haven't given me reason at times to wonder about trusting you, okay? You're not exactly the most upfront person, even if you are very careful never to lie. And I'm not saying that I think I'm so much better that you, either. But I do trust you and I'm trying to do the best I can here." I felt my eyes well up with tears. "I really am trying so hard…" I gasped while still looking him in the eye. "I'm trying so hard and sometimes I think you just don't see it. I changed so much of my life, my hopes and myself to be here with you but I can't change _my __mind, _my memories, on top of all that. I can't and it would be wrong of you to suggest that I even should."

He stood there just looking at me with cold eyes as I spoke. I looked away. I felt this awful tightness inside. I just ached inside. I felt totally disconnected from him, in a way disconnected from everything. I'd taken sleeping pills for the past two nights and I hated the way they made me feel. It was as if I was seeing the world through a fog. But the real problem was how distant I felt from Eric. He hadn't even so much as touched me for almost three days. He was so angry, so hurt by me and that was _all_ he was letting me feel from him. And I hadn't intended to hurt him. As usual. Even I was tired of hearing that one. My lip trembled. I wanted to say more but I couldn't even speak.

Finally he sighed and walked around to my side of the bed. He pulled me closer to the edge of the bed and kissed me. Then he sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around me. I felt a massive amount of tension just seem to drain away from him. And I felt like I could breathe easier again. I climbed over onto his lap and rested my head on his bare shoulder.

"I could make it better, Sookie," he said softly, rubbing his face in my hair. "But you won't trust me to do it in a way that would be what you could live with. And I don't understand why you won't. You did once before and I did nothing to harm you, when I had far less attachment to you."

I sat up and looked into his eyes and said what I'd thought of over the past few days.

"Well, who made it all better for you, Eric? Hmm? You've had all kinds of terrible things happen to you from the moment you were made vampire. And even before, with your first wife's death. _Who made it better for you?_ Who glamoured you into forgetting your orphaned children? Who made you forget Appius Livius Ocella and what he did to you, and to Andor and so many others? Or what he made you do to each other for his amusement? Who made you forget what Felipe did to you, because of me?"

He suddenly looked ashen as he gazed down at me.

"I am not human. I am vampire."

"_What!?_ What kind of a bullshit answer is that Eric? You're not going to tell me that you have fewer feelings than I do. You're just not, okay? Because I can tell you right now that my conclusion after living here for ten months is that the problem is that vampires feel _too much_ for too long and have to shut it away and filter it out so they don't go nuts. You tell yourselves all kinds of lies to make your existence even bearable. Sometimes I think all the violence is because vampires shut so much away they forget to feel anything at all other than the most extreme things like anger and hatred. But it's all still in there. All your senses, all so heightened. The first person who ever taught me how to filter out other people and not be affected by them was a vampire. Bill showed me how to make life more bearable. Well why would a vampire even _need_ to learn how to shut other people out unless they felt _everything_. 'You're vampire' is your reason why no one needs to take care of you or heal you emotionally or psychologically? Right. Great theory. Unfortunately, I'm not buying it."

I looked at him shaking my head in disbelief. He didn't respond. So I continued.

"Well, I'm not going to insult you by saying you're lying to me. But at the very least you're lying to yourself. If you can survive what happened to you, why can't I do the same? If you got to, or _had to_, work it out your way and on your own, why can't you let me work it out on my own? I admit that sometimes I avoid dealing with things. But when I have to, I _do_ deal with them. So just cut me more slack, Eric. I am trying, as hard as I can, to make this work. I really am. Stop blaming me for things I couldn't help, that happened to me and changed me and made me behave in ways that drive me, _and_ you, nuts at times. We can't fake who I am. If we did, it wouldn't be me anymore. And really, you don't want a 'me' who hasn't lived through all of those things, living here in this compound with you, like some naïve creature who doesn't know what fairies or other supes or humans are _really_ capable of. You really don't. So stop kidding yourself or trying to 'fix' me. Remember that I'm the person who drove a car over someone for you. Who came and slapped you awake in a building that would have crumbled around you and gravely damaged or killed you. I would think you'd _want_ me to be as I am because I know all these things and feel them keenly. Because you know what I'm willing to do to keep you and those around you safe. I'm awake when you aren't and having me able to sense danger instead of being lulled into some beautiful idyllic fantasy life will help keep _you_ safe, as well as keeping me safe. Because what I know is _vital_, to my welfare and yours. You always say that there's a price? Well, this is my price that I have to pay. If I never sleep easy again, it's still worth it to know what I know. Because it's our reality."

He was very still. He just stared at me without speaking. It felt like minutes passed with both of us just locked into silence as my words sank in. Finally I said,

"Speak, Eric. You're the fan of talking it out." I twisted around in his lap straddling his legs, so that I could look at him practically at eye level. "So, talk to me," I said, shaking his shoulders.

For once it was Eric closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"I don't want to lull you into an idyllic frame of mind, Sookie. I would never do such a thing. I only wanted to alleviate what you go through with your memories, your dreams. To lessen their effect on you. Because I _can_. I want you to let me do something that I _can_ do to help you. To help you now. It could be as simple as making you see things as if they were at a distance, or not feel the pain. Because you _were_ feeling the pain of what happened to you. There has to be some way to remedy this."

"I don't need you to. I don't want you to. I want to stay just as I am."

He lowered his head for a minute and rubbed his cheek against mine. With a heavy sigh he asked,

"Would you let Pam do it?"

I pulled back from him and looked at him in shock. His eyes were closed and I felt him somehow holding himself a little distant from me. He almost looked as if ready to recoil from being hit.

"No, no I wouldn't let _anyone_ mess with my memories, Eric. This isn't about you. It isn't about trusting _you_. It's about what makes me, me. And I don't trust Pam more than I trust you. I'm just…" Totally stunned was what I was.

He appeared to sense just how stunned I was and relax slightly. I leaned back against him again.

"You think I want to control you," he murmured softly near my ear. "That I want to control you or change you. And sometimes, I _do_ wish I could make you do things differently. But I'd rather talk to you to make you see things differently and make the decisions on your own. Because then it's really your decision. You think that Pam likes you, accepts you as you are, in a way I do not."

I was silent for a moment, wondering just how much it would have cost him in pride to ask if I'd let Pam do it instead. It was also a measure of how much he must really have wanted me to not suffer from the nightmares.

"Eric, I could never trust Pam more than I trust you. I just… Sometimes I feel like we're speaking to each other in different languages and our meanings, my true meaning is just not conveyed. I will never trust _anyone_ more than I trust you. It simply isn't possible. And you know that I can feel how you mean your offer. I simply can't take it because of _me_. It's not because of you at all. I just... It's _me_, okay? Maybe I just can't believe that I can't fix it myself. I don't know. It's not about lack of trust for you, min äskade."

He said nothing and closed his eyes. I stroked his cheek gently. Then I felt a jolting shift in his mood. His eyes flew open and his fangs ran down. He seemed to stiffen slightly but leaned forward and kissed me, then rose holding me with my legs around his hips. He turned and put me back on the bed. He walked away and continued to dress. I was shocked… No snuggling? He didn't even want my _blood_?

"But I thought we made up? We apologized to each other," I said, shocked.

He nodded but with a frown. Then he held his hand about four feet above the ground and gestured toward the door. Hunter.

_Hunter Savoy?!_

There was a moment of silence but, sure enough, I'd already locked onto him, right outside the door to the bedroom.

_Hunter! What are you doing lurking outside our door?_

_Um, I got worried because you were upset. And I'm hungry. Can I play with Eric while you make spaghetti? I'd really like spaghetti for dinner._

After he'd finished buttoning his shirt, Eric walked toward the door with an odd look on his face, whipped it open and in a lightning fast movement hoisted Hunter into the air and onto his shoulder. He carried him, pretty much upside down, off to my dayroom while I looked through the doorway after them. I wasn't sure whether he was being playful or cross. He felt like both to me.

There was a shriek and I scooted after them, even though I was just in my nightgown, which was slightly sheer. But Hunter was already laughing. Eric tossed him in the air several times and then put him down. I stood looking at them, my arms crossed across my breasts. He pointed at Hunter and said in a stern voice,

"You stay away from my things, Hunter. And don't lurk around outside our door. You know perfectly well how to get Sookie's attention if you need it. I don't like your sneaking around and it's not smart to sneak around vampires."

His fangs were down and his gaze was intense. Hunter looked a little bit taken aback even though Eric had started out being playful. He silently nodded wide-eyed at Eric.

_You better listen to him Hunter, or I won't be able to have you come back and stay in the dayroom. You'd have to stay someplace else, more on your own. Are we clear?_

Hunter turned to me and continued nodding.

"I'm going to get dressed," I said. "No more tossing him, okay?" I said to Eric. That got me a frown from him.

_It was fun. He's really strong._

_I've noticed that, Hunter. Find me the vampire that isn't._

My goodness… I thought to myself as I walked back toward the bedroom. For a minute I'd really been scared. Sometimes, I frankly couldn't even begin to fathom what Remy was thinking leaving his nine year old child with me in a vampire compound.

When I came back over to my rooms I found them playing chess in the kitchen. Eric would let Hunter take back only one move per turn, but he explained to him why his moves were a bad choice. They played three games as I cooked and Hunter was frustrated because he lost each time in fewer than ten moves.

_Even if you don't realize it, you're used to playing games against people you can read Hunter. But now you can't read Eric. Unless it's a game of luck, you really have to focus on your own strategy and try to think about what his strategy might be._

Hunter pouted. Eric looked over at me, shrugged and started to get up.

"I want to play one more time," said Hunter stubbornly. "Please, Eric?"

Eric sat back down with a sigh and they reset the board. I was distracted with cooking but then noticed that Hunter's manner was a bit different in this game. First he was playing much more slowly. Suddenly I went slightly cold and felt something almost like pins and needles in my head when I glanced at Hunter. He had his hand hovering over his pieces on the board. I couldn't get a lock on his thoughts. It was like almost _he_ was a void, but not exactly a void like a vampire, either. Then I had this flash of an image like his mind was a movie screen that was blank and gradually came into focus. He saw the chessboard, but it was different. The pieces had moved. I felt a chill run down my spine. His hand came down on a piece and he moved it. Eric, who had been scrolling through things on his phone, looked back at the board and seemed caught off-guard. He made a move, and for a moment or two seemed more attentive to the board and then went back to typing on his phone. I finished the Bolognese sauce and drained the noodles. As I was serving the spaghetti into bowls I had the odd sensation again. Another vision of the chessboard, but with some of the pieces in different positions yet again. I suddenly realized that what I was seeing- what Hunter was seeing- was a future point, further along in the game… because there were _fewer_ pieces on the board. _He was looking at a_ _future board_. I froze watching them. Hunter hovered for a moment, then made his move. Again, Eric was caught off-guard and this time he gave Hunter an odd look. He made a bold move with his Queen. Now Hunter looked totally exasperated and started thinking in a more agitated fashion. I drew in a sharp breath because as I read Hunter's thoughts, Eric glanced over at me, probingly. I tried to steady myself under his gaze but began to feel agitated myself and, of course, Eric could tell.

Hunter was trying to focus on an image of how the board would look several moves ahead. But every time he moved a piece he was changing that outcome because then Eric would change _his_ plan in response. It was steadily changing the outcomes every time Hunter made a move based on a potential future position instead of what was in front of him at the moment. By seeing the future and acting on it, he changed it, instead of seeing the future and having the benefit of knowing how it would evolve and gauging _when_ it might be best to intervene. He didn't see the real advantage or understand how to better use what he saw.

"You boys need to wrap it up. I need that table for dinner," I said quickly.

Eric shook Hunter's hand and put away the pieces. He rose and put the bowls on the table for me. Then he stood right in front of me and met my eyes. I bit my lip and silently shook my head. I handed him a warm bottle of True Blood and Hunter sat down at the table after putting the game away. Eric stood looking at me for a moment.

_What's wrong Aunt Sookie?_

_Hunter, you had better think twice about pulling that stuff, okay? You're _not_ outsmarting Eric. In fact, I think he's caught on to you._

I shifted my place setting and sat down next to Eric. I had very little appetite. Between being worried about how angry Eric had been with me and worrying about what Eric was figuring out about Hunter and stressing over whether I should just _tell_ Eric, I simply couldn't think about food.

While Hunter chattered about chess and bowling, I sat with my fork just poised over my food and rested my left hand on Eric's thigh. I just tuned out, while pondering what to do. Suddenly I became aware of the fact that it was silent and that Hunter was staring at me.

_You're going to tell him?_

_I don't know. I think he already figured it out something else is going on because of your little stunt, though._

"Eat your salad, Hunter," I said out loud, softly. He made a face at it. He didn't like vegetables very much.

"Are you planning to eat at all?" said Eric, turning to me. He raised an eyebrow as he spoke and I had the feeling that he was really enjoying himself. He already knows there's a lot more to this whole thing, I thought to myself. He just wants to see what, or even whether, I'll tell him. I didn't even need to bother getting into his head to see that.

"I'm just not very hungry right now," I said quietly.

Eric frowned. He despised my skipping meals and had actually commented when Hunter first arrived that he was pleased that I appeared to be eating more with him here.

"Eric, is it true that vampires just don't like garlic and that it can't hurt them?" asked Hunter, curiously. He looked up at Eric with a very earnest expression on his face.

"Looking for ways to fight vampires, Hunter?" said Eric with amusement.

Hunter shook his head 'no' with a very serious expression on his face.

"I'm just curious. When Aunt Sookie visits with me in Red Ditch, she makes garlic bread. But she says she never makes garlic bread here. I thought maybe it was bad for vampires, like stories say. But Pam said that's made up."

Eric nodded and said, "It _is_ bad. It _smells_ bad," with a chuckle. "Holy water doesn't work either. Nor do crosses. It's basically stakes and silver. And maybe fire. Although fire could get anyone, right?"

Hunter had put his fork down while he listened and just nodded, looking very serious.

"Any other questions?"

"Can you really fly? Pam says you can fly."

"Pam was not teasing you," said Eric with a smile. "A pretty rare event in this building."

"Can I see you fly?" Hunter asked even more wide-eyed.

"Not tonight. I would like to talk to Sookie for a while. Can you amuse yourself?"

"Yeah," he said, sounding a bit disappointed.

"My love? Since you're not going to eat, let's go _talk_." He smiled an irritating smile at me.

We walked over toward the other side of our rooms but instead of going to the bedroom, Eric guided me out of the library and across the hall to the sauna room. I was puzzled when he turned the shower on. I sat on the wooden bench across from the sauna.

"Um, you know that's not going to work with Hunter, right?" I asked after a full two minutes of his silently looking at me.

"Really? Oh yes, you mentioned something about that in the winter, didn't you? It's not just nosy nine-year-old ears that he hears with, is it? Well luckily, it also blocks sound a bit more for others around in the building, too."

He looked quite satisfied with himself as he sat down next to me on the bench and put his arm around me. I stiffened wondering what it was he really wanted.

"What is it, Eric? What did you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about the truth. About Hunter. Which I guess is back to talking about your trusting me."

I looked down and took a deep breath.

"I trust you. I trust you just fine. But, if I talk to you about Hunter, it's between you and me. _Only_. Not you, me, and Andor. Or you, me and Pam."

"As you wish," he said nodding.

"And I want your word on something. Nothing will happen to Remy Savoy either by your hands, or by anyone you hire or ask a favor from or _in any way_ through you."

"Well, as much as I would be offended by it, I hardly think merely insulting my wife would be a reason to actually kill someone. Perhaps you've been more insulted by Savoy than Jamie led me to believe?" he said with a wry smile.

"Eric, I'm not joking around. I want your word," I said.

"I give you my word. I will not do anything to the little dwarf's father. Though I don't know why you would even be concerned that I might."

I still hesitated.

"He's definitely a telepath? Like you and Barry, right? We already agreed on that," he pressed.

I nodded slightly as I had five months before. Eric leaned closer, in an almost conspiratorial fashion.

"But there's more?" he queried in a seductive tone of voice.

I listened to the sound of the water and stalled.

"You swear to me you won't tell anyone, Eric? Unless it's absolutely dire and the only possible way to help protect him from some greater harm?"

He looked at me darkly and said, "I gave you my word. Why do we keep having this problem with me having to repeat myself? My word is _my word_."

In spite of his annoyance, I could feel a swell of anticipation from him. The feeling you get when you go on a scavenger hunt and think you found the big prize. I let out a low breath and turned slightly away. Hunter was not a prize to be discovered. He was a child. Maybe a very smart, telepathic and psychic child, but a _child_.

Eric gripped my shoulder and pulled me closer.

I glanced up at him, trying to remind myself of how I trusted him so many times myself, with my abilities. His eyes bore into me, searchingly, as I averted my gaze.

"Do you really trust my word or _not_, Sookie?"

I looked up and met his eyes.

"For myself, yes, Eric. But this isn't about me. I'm trusting you with someone else. And he's just a child."

He continued to stare down at me, but looking colder and more remote. He was getting upset, I could feel it. Apart from all the worries about Hunter, I had this realization that the idea that I might not trust him was truly just intolerable to Eric. I had this flash into his mind and saw… anger. I didn't want to be in there… but I didn't want him to be there either. And I needed him to be someplace else mentally.

"You loved your children, right? You mourned losing them, having them orphaned when you were turned?" I asked quietly.

As he thought about his reply he looked uncomfortable, like he was accessing something very far away, something perhaps even deliberately kept remote.

"Yes," he said finally. "Of course. I was proud of them. I enjoyed them. I… liked them, loved them," he said in a voice drifting to a whisper. He paused again and after half a minute said almost as if puzzled at the self-revelation, "I liked children."

I guess that was going to be about as much as he'd allow himself to feel about something that must have been so painful. I didn't want to make him dwell on his mourning losing his connection to his children, but I needed him to remember what it was like to feel protective of a child.

"You would have protected them from any harm?"

"Of course," he nodded.

"Would you protect a child that was mine? Or for instance, if we had been able to have children… You would protect any child that was ours, or even a child that was just mine? Because you love me?"

He nodded more slowly, "Yes, if any child was important to you, I would protect the child as much as possible."

"Hunter is important," I said looking at him. "To me," I added as an afterthought.

His grip on my shoulder was slightly tighter now. Almost as soon as I had registered the sensation, he seemed to loosen it and then he let go of me entirely. He glanced away from me and said,

"_Why_ is Hunter important, Lover? It is clearly not just that you love the child. What is it?" He turned back to me with his eyes boring back into me.

"He's… psychic. Not just a telepath. He sees… things. He _fore_sees things, and he sees things from the past as well."

There, I'd said it. My heart accelerated a bit.

"He is not reading vampire minds, then?"

I looked puzzled. The chess game… perhaps Eric had thought that Hunter was reading his thoughts?

"No, Eric. In the chess game he was seeing what moves might have been made, before you had made them but not by reading you. I have to think of how to describe it to you. It is odd, very odd, what he was doing. It is very different from the telepathy. But he was _not_ reading your thoughts, if that's what you thought was happening. He was trying to see what moves had been made as if peeking at some future point in the game. Like examining a future point in time and reacting on the basis of what that would be then. I could see his thoughts and images in his mind. There were fewer pieces on the board. He saw a _future _board. I don't know how else to describe it. In a way he was predicting what you would do, but when he moved as if _knowing_ what you would do, you changed your mind, changed your moves to preserve your advantage. He didn't see the real advantage would be in knowing what you would do and planning around those moves you would make to make his own plan. Or deciding to let it play out for a while and then intervene when the time was right. He doesn't understand what he's doing and how dynamic it is. That if you intervene to change the present, on the basis of what you think the future will be, you're changing that future and need to keep re-envisioning it. He totally doesn't get the fact that if you interfere with the future you can change the future. I mean, he's nine, after all. He doesn't understand the real advantage is being able to see ahead."

"Hmmm. Interesting." Eric was silent for a moment. "Useful. A great skill." He paused again then nodded his head, lost in thought for a moment. "I will tell no one. The fewer people to know, the safer he is, and the more useful his ability is."

I cringed. I didn't want Hunter to be 'useful'. And I didn't think he really quite took what I was saying seriously, either.

"Eric, he's a child. He isn't _useful._ He isn't a tool. He's just a little boy."

"So this is why you made me promise about the father. You think I would get rid of the father to keep the child? That then I could have another telepath or a even psychic at my side."

I just looked at him. I could totally imagine _some_ vampires doing just that. I was really hopeful that _my_ vampire didn't think that way. I shook my head 'no'.

"No. I'm _not_ saying you'd do that. But I'm saying that a lot of the other vampires I've know surely might consider it. Maybe not you, or Pam but… anyone else? I really don't know. It is a secret that needs to be closely kept Eric. And Hunter isn't useful."

"It is a useful _skill, _Sookie. But it's in the hands of a child who is too young to use it. It would be very archaic to make use of a child in such a fashion and foolhardy, because he doesn't have any finesse in using it. But more importantly to me, it would be wrong. Just to clarify for you that the moral issues are not lost on me. Since you seem to have concern that I don't have any where children are concerned." He gave me a look that showed his distaste on the issue. "Although, I'm sure that, yes, there are many who would consider it. Including many humans. I don't think you have much to worry about from me, however. While the child is engaging, he's also cutting into our private time when we've been together, really together, for less than a year. Unless he's foreseeing immediate plots against us, I really think I prefer visits, rather than _stealing_ him," he said snidely.

"I didn't think you'd steal him, Eric. Sometimes you really read me wrong. I just don't want anyone else to know, that's all."

"If you didn't think I would steal him why did I have give you my word not to harm the father? What doesn't quite add up with that, I wonder? Is this your new 'trust but verify' policy?" He chuckled at me but didn't really seem annoyed. "And what will my silence cost you, Lover? Hmmm?" he asked playfully. He leaned over and kissed me in a very interested fashion. "You have my word, but what could I get for giving it?" He smiled at me and slowly raised an eyebrow while licking his lips.

I looked at him flirtatiously. "You tell me?"

"I'm looking forward to later, when the little dwarf is asleep. I've missed waking up and… enjoying your company." He kissed me again and gently traced his finger on my neck and collarbone. Then quietly, after a moment's thought, he asked "What makes you think that his ability is so much broader than yours? What has he seen that convinced you that he is psychic?"

I said quietly,

"He knew I'd been tortured by the fairies, Eric. He saw them, described them to me in detail. He even saw Neave's silver teeth. He knew that our great-grandfather was a fairy too, and that he had killed them with Bill. He knew that I had the nightmares. He knew that my job with the FBI was getting very risky me and warned me to be careful. He knew I would marry you. He's seen so many things that convinced me. I'd be inclined to take anything that he sees quite seriously."

Eric didn't look quite so playful anymore.

"He saw what the fairies did to you? He described this to you?" He actually cringed. The thought of a little boy having a vision of such things was pretty horrible. "How long have you known about this?"

"I've known that he was a telepath since right after the Nevada vamps' takeover. But I found it was more than just that last June, when I first came back to Louisiana to visit you and then went up to visit with him. He knew it was the reason I went away. He understood it, he said. Understood that I had to heal."

Eric nodded, as he seemed lost in thought.

"His father wouldn't try to exploit it, right? That could be quite dangerous."

"No, Remy has really tried to protect him, but it's just very hard to deal with a child like this. It's hard on his personal relationships and hard to parent a child who can read your mind. But he wouldn't go hiring out his services or selling him off to someone if that's what you mean. He really loves Hunter."

"Good. Then the child will be safe."

"We need to help keep him safe, Eric."

"I have given you my word. That is all you need." He rose and pulled me to standing. "Now you can eat, right? No more worries, Lover?" He looked down at me with a smile.

I just nodded. "I have your word. And that's all I need," I reiterated.

"On the positive side of having him here, he certainly has you eating more. That," he said pressing himself firmly against me, "can only be a good thing." Then he kissed me.

He turned off the water in the shower and we walked back across the hall. Hunter was playing with the Wii. He hadn't finished his salad. Eric kissed my forehead and said he was going to check his email then go downstairs. He murmured close to my ear that he would be back upstairs by 4 am. He tousled Hunter's hair as he left the room.

_So it's okay, right? I knew it would be okay._

_It's okay. _ I certainly hoped it was. I was pretty sure it was. In the meantime, Hunter needed to come back and finish eating, just like I did. _You didn't finish eating._

_I'm _not_ eating tomatoes. _

_Wanna bet? No tomatoes means no dessert. Remember Ruben made you brownies. You can have more chocolate milk to get you through it, okay? At least three._

_I bet you're meaner than the vampires. Bet they don't care if I eat tomatoes._

"Yeah, but they also don't have your brownies held hostage, like I do."

Later that night, after an hour in which I was at least not feeling any doubts about whether we'd made up, Eric quietly asked me again.

"You are sure that you will not let me help you with the nightmares?"

I felt an inner twist as I shook my head.

"It's different from Jackson, Eric," I said softly. "It's not the same kind of pain at all. There's really no fixing what they broke in me. I know you really wish that you could help me with it, but I really think it would be a mistake. I think I need all my memories left as they are… to be me."

"What about changing the dreams themselves?"

"How are we gonna do that Eric? Look, I really think this is something that I need to just work out on my own. I appreciate that you want to do something, but I just don't see what we can do to fix something so deep in my mind. It will work out in its own time, I guess. I promise if it gets worse or that I want help that I'll tell you, okay? I promise you. And really, this is so much better compared to what it was a few years back, you really have no idea. I'm fine now. And I feel safer, being with you, than I ever have really in my entire life other than when I was little and with my Grandmother, okay? You have to believe me that I trust you and that I just need to be left to work this out on my own."

He looked at me soberly, sighed heavily, but did not argue.

A day or two later, one afternoon when he was playing on the Wii, Hunter looked at me and said,

"You know the mean vampire? The one you worked for?"

"Yeah," I said, looking up from my laptop.

"She's still angry. I don't like her."

"I don't much like her either, Hunter."

"She does very bad things."

I looked at him oddly but he went back to playing his game.

I mentioned it to Eric and he said that Salome had been sending some of her vampires into Louisiana and having them conduct raids on some of the businesses in Monroe. Maxwell Lee had been getting very frustrated with losses to some of their businesses in Area 5. What an odd thing for Hunter to have seen, I thought to myself. Eric thought it was a little odd too, and spent time looking at Hunter with curiosity at dinner. I thought nothing more of it. We enjoyed the rest of his visit seeing the reopened Ripley's Believe It or Not, the Children's Museum, the Audubon Park and Zoo. He seemed so very happy. I had to say that I really thought in the end that Eric, too, seemed to have enjoyed getting to know Hunter.

On Hunter's last night with us, I went to check on him shortly before dawn and pull the covers over him again. He was a restless sleeper and given to knocking the covers off. When I turned to walk back, I found Eric, in his robe, watching me. His face looked almost old and as I got closer I felt this wave of sorrow from him. When we got into bed, with the lights out and holding my hand in the dark, he said quietly,

"I wonder what became of my children. If they were happy, in spite of losing both parents. If they lived to adulthood, even." He paused in speaking then said, "I am sorry I cannot give you children. It is ironic that now that it is so much safer to have them, I cannot give them." He paused again and finally said, "I liked them. I liked children. I loved my children."

I moved closer and pressed my cheek against his chest. I didn't say anything. There were simply no words I could envision that could assuage such a loss...


	11. Interlude 2

**Interlude 2**

"Let me make a mental note of this, you seem to be enjoying it. Though, you're awfully quiet. What about like this…" he let out a soft grunt as he shifted the balance of his desk chair, his hands on my hips, making me rock back a bit, "perhaps like this better. Yeah, I really, think like this is…" he groaned louder and I clapped my hands over his mouth.

"You said _quietly,_ Mr. Northman. _Quietly_. Remember that?" I whispered sharply.

With speech muffled by my hand he said,

"Lover, I'm just taking notes here. I didn't want point it out, but you're very picky about the whole business of the office. I'm just trying to make sure I remember it right for next time. Because if you're enjoying it, I'll be enjoying it."

He leaned even back further in the chair, which was balanced precariously, and then rocked a bit. He let out another appreciative groan. I leaned forward more, shaking his bare shoulders, my hands under his unbuttoned shirt.

"Eric, I'm not kidding!" I hissed as I started to abruptly rise.

We almost fell out of the chair.

"Whoa… Move_ slow_ly," he said with a grin, rebalancing the chair as he pulled me back onto him and pushed himself very firmly back into me. He slipped his striped silk tie around my neck and let it drape over my breasts. "Better. _Much_ better. We're both very professional looking now."

_Right_. He was wearing only a shirt and I was wearing only a tie.

I sat there, immobile, glaring at him. "I can't believe I let you talk me into this. And I can't believe I trusted you to _be quiet_. The entire second floor is gonna hear you if you go on like that, Eric," I whispered. Here I had steadfastly refused to do anything in the office for more than a year because I thought it was embarrassing and now look at us...

He slowly rocked the chair back and forth, looking at me with wicked eyes and a mischievous smile, his tongue dancing over his teeth and fangs.

"Exactly how is it such a problem, Mrs. Northman? First, it's really late and everyone is gone. And I'm a King, in my locked office, with my wife. We can be as loud as we want. Anyone left around I'll just order them to forget whatever they heard," he said, winking at me. "What are we going to do when we go to St. Louis for the Summit? Andor and Markus are staying in the same suite. It's going to be a very long week if we're not going to do anything for fear they might hear us. And for the record, I was being pretty quiet. All things considered." He rocked the chair again. "Do you want to hear noisy?"

I kissed him hard on the mouth to keep him quiet but jumped when he tickled me. We fell over backwards in the chair, which made a dramatic crashing sound as it hit the hardwood floor. He seemed to levitate, to cushion our fall.

"This way really works for me, too" he said laughing, looking up at me as he relaxed into the chair on floor, now rocking it from side to side a bit. "Working for you?" he asked as he quickly shifted me so that he was back inside me. He crossed his eyes and then made a face, mimicking my straining not make a sound.

I couldn't help it- I burst out laughing. He silently wagged his finger then pointed at _me _for laughing, making a very disapproving face.

"You're a bad, bad man, Eric. Totally _not_ quiet!" I said in a sharp whisper and pounding playfully on his chest.

There was a tap on the office door.

"Everything okay in there?" asked Markus cautiously, through the locked door.

He looked up at me and grinned at my flaming red cheeks.

"Spectacular," he called out, as he alternated pulling on the ends of the tie, making a very amused face.

We both burst out laughing.


	12. Chapter 10

**October 2010**

**Central States Summit, St. Louis**

With the sound of the TV blaring loudly, I stood pressed against the wall and tried to regroup. So I was to be raped, then murdered, then… I felt a chill fill me as I reviewed what I had 'heard'. It was seriously not going to work for me. One of the Weres had overheard a conversation between Salome and someone else, Alex, I thought, about their 'softening me up' for her to... I felt another jolt of terror but tried to focus on what to do. Three of them had left the room to go get beer, leaving me with the two who were definitely going to start… I swallowed hard_. FOCUS, Sookie_. Two was better odds than five. But I still didn't think I could get away from them. I'd have to _really_ fight. Even if I thought that was what I was doing before, it wasn't enough. If I wasn't able to get away, then I had to prepare myself. How much fight did I have left in me? My throat and the entire left side my face hurt. I think I had cracked ribs and my knuckles were swollen and my right elbow was painful and already swollen. My knee was badly scraped and felt stiff. I'd fought them, and not just for myself. I was hoping against hope that Jamie was still alive. He'd looked pretty badly beaten the last I'd seen of him. Five of them against him in the beginning. He'd told me to run but instead, of course, I fought. And now…? How much fight was there left in me against the two Weres? Well, I was going to have to find it. I tried again to root every possible connection to Eric out of my head, pushing him into the farthest reaches of my mind. _This_ he would not feel, I said to myself again.

In the end, in spite of the pain I was in, I just fell back on my training. On everything that Uri had, at various times, literally beaten into my mind. The larger Were fell from my kick, taking part of my blouse with him and scraping across my already bruised breast painfully. But I got him very hard in groin and throat and he was slowed for the moment as I felt a spark of real fury from him. The other lunged at me, grabbing my painful arm and making me cry out, even as I kicked him hard in the kneecap and drove my fist to his throat. Blows to the throat like these would have really taken out a human man of the same size. But these were Weres. The larger Were was already up and moving toward me again, eyes filled with rage. I kicked him in the groin again, in the same spot, and hit him in the throat, too, then slammed him in the nose as he jerked instinctively forward, and I heard the sound of bone breaking. He growled in pain. He grabbed onto my sore arm, slammed me into the wall with a snarl as he loomed over me. I tried to kick him in the kneecap but he grabbed my leg, holding onto it with one hand as he grabbed onto my throat with the other and started squeezing, choking me. I left out a whimper as I struggled. This could work, I thought in a flash. Centering myself, I thought of that motto I used to have on my old laptop, when I was still working with the FBI. _Necessity conquers fear._ Let's hope so. I pressed myself into him instead of away and jammed my nails into his larynx as hard as I could, pinching hard. He banged my head back into the wall hard, his hand constricting around my throat, I almost hung against the wall, my feet barely touching the floor. The other Were rose again from the floor with the intent to help grab me and pull me toward the bed. He looked alarmed, though, at the clear anger of the large Were. So close… It was already hard to breathe. I had to be sure and quickly. Passing out would do me no good at all. I swung my arm out and hit him in the broken nose again and he banged my head back into the wall, growling at me with wild eyes. He'd finally lost it. He was pretty much holding me off the floor by my throat, my head pinned. If I twisted enough with enough force...

Suddenly, Cadel appeared silently out of nowhere, and I mean _nowhere_. Like he wasn't there and then suddenly was. With lightning speed he snapped the smaller Were's neck, tossed him aside and took hold of the one who was choking my throat, trying to pin my leg with his. I looked at Cadel wide-eyed. He forced the Were to lower me then yanked him away from me, as he grabbed his forearm hard enough to force him to release his grip on my throat, snapping the Were's forearm. Eyes glowing red, face in a snarl, I'd never seen Cadel look so frightening, as he sank his fangs into the big Were and drew blood and then spat it out into his face and head-butted him.

"How bad is it if I won't even want your blood, you fucking low-life piece of shit?" He said as he dragged the Were away from me by the throat and looked back over at me. Starting with my bruised face, bloodied nose, and cut lip, his eyes traced down, to my bruised and painful throat, over my torn shirt, the bruises and scratches on my chest and partly exposed breast, my cradling of my painful arm and the twisted and pulled up skirt. I trembled almost uncontrollably and looked away from him, my teeth starting to chatter as if I was cold. I tugged my panties back into center and pulled down my skirt.

"Tell me you didn't? Fucking hell," Cadel said as he slammed the Were, who struggled in vain, repeatedly against the wall. He glanced back at me and said with a face filled with fury, "Did they rape you? Nod your head if you don't even want to say it out loud, just show me yes or no, Sookie."

Tears streaked down my face as I shook my head, meeting his eyes. Even though I said no, Cadel still punched the Were hard in the chest as he continued to struggle on the wall, kicking at him. I heard the sound of breaking bones. Cadel's hand tight at the Were's throat and jaw muffled his cry. Cadel tipped his head at an angle and looked at me.

"You tellin' me the truth, love? Because one way or another he's dead as the other one. As soon as I figured out who hired them," he looked over at the pained face in front of him, "oh and I _will_ find out," he said with a menacing tone to the Were, "he's a dead man. It's only _how_ I do it that's going to make the difference." He looked back at me. "So tell me the truth, did he or didn't he? Did any of them? Because I've been sent not just to find you but to _avenge_ you. And I'm thinking from the look of you that rape was precisely what they were up to."

With tears streaking down my face at a faster pace, I shook my head no and managed to gasp out, "They didn't have enough time." I tried to stop trembling but just couldn't. "You got here in time," I managed to chatter out, with a whole-body shiver, as I looked at the large Were pinned to the wall. Then I really started crying and Cadel hoisted the Were off into the bathroom and then I heard the muffled screams as he started to question him. Shaking even harder, I moved toward the doorway and said softly,

"It was Salome, Cadel. I saw Salome in one of the other Were's minds and he overheard her talking to Alex. She wanted revenge. She wanted to…" I couldn't even say it as a jolt of fear still shook me.

The Were glared at me and I saw with horror that his right hand was _missing fingers_. He'd started to change but then it seemed he'd stalled mid-change. Maybe from pain? He snarled at me with an ugly look and then Cadel seemed to completely lose his self-control. He banged the Were's head back against the white marble tile and then gouged his fingers into the Were's eyes, hissing the words, "You don't even get to look at her anymore you fucking bastard."

I let out a scream of horror and lunged forward to stop him but too late. "Omigod Cadel, stop it! Stop it! _Please!_ If you're going to kill him just do it for pity's sake. Please stop torturing him… _Please!_" I cried out, pulling on Cadel's leather jacket sleeve.

The Were lay moaning, whimpering. I felt faint as I looked away, feeling total revulsion, shaking uncontrollably.

"Salome hired you?" growled Cadel, grabbing onto another finger.

The Were seemed to make some type of weak agreement while making the most awful sounds of being in pain. I couldn't even look back at them. I really thought I might be sick.

"How many of you?"

He seemed to say seven, but I'd only seen five. He moaned as if in real agony.

"There were five that I saw, Cadel. Three went out. We need to get out of here. Please… _please_ stop hurting him," I whispered, tears streaming down my face. I still couldn't look at them again. I tried to keep my mind away from the Were's thoughts. It was all just so horrible. "Just do whatever you're going to do. No more torture. _Please Cadel!_"

"Goodbye, you miserable waste of pelt," Cadel said and then he snapped the Were's neck. He rose and without looking at me washed his hands in the sink, dried them on a hand towel, then strode out of the bathroom and picked up the first Were and shoved him into the closet. He took out his phone and sent a text message.

I stood in the center of the bedroom, looking at the relatively small spatters of blood on the carpet. Some of it was probably mine, some of it the Were's from when I broke his nose. But so little, really. In direct contrast to what was in the bathroom, which was a microcosm of bloodshed and horror. I felt numb. Cadel came and put his arm around my waist, as he glanced around the room looking for anything that might give additional information. Then he unzipped his jacket dropped it onto the bed and took off his shirt and handed it to me. He put his jacket back on and zipped it back up. I just stood there holding his shirt, looking down at it and shuddering. Cadel looked at my right arm and cursed in a low murmur as he examined the already swollen joint. He slipped the shirt on me, threading my painful arm through the sleeve very carefully. My hands trembled too much to button the shirt myself, so he did it for me and kissed my forehead. I jerked away from his touch. He'd gouged out the Were's _eyes_ because of me, I thought to myself. Ripped fingers off of him. I just felt sick to my stomach.

"You're safe, it's okay," he said softly.

I cringed as I looked up at him and swallowed hard. I said in a hoarse voice, "I can't believe you did that to him, Cadel. I just can't believe it. Especially after I told you who was behind it. There was simply no reason to do that. It was horrifying and cruel," I said shuddering.

"He kidnapped you, beat you up and tried to rape you. I really think whatever I did to him was just fine, Sookie," he said with an edge to his voice as he continued to survey the surroundings, which sadly seemed empty of any information.

"You were going to kill him anyway. Why do that? Why do such a cruel thing? It's just horrible!" I croaked with my painful throat.

"This isn't a year ago June, when I hardly knew you, okay? This is _now_. You're effectively my brother's wife. Like a sister to me. You _remind_ me of my sister, remember? Someone does that to my sister, anything I want to do to them is fair game. Look at yourself even now. And I saw what you looked like when he had you against that wall and you're not going to pretend to me. They were going to rape you? Well, it was going to get a lot more horrible when the rest of them got back, I assure you. No one is going to harm you or harm _Eric_ by harming you. I couldn't tear them into small enough pieces, as far as I'm concerned."

I just stared at him, trying not to flash back on the… I felt ill even thinking about it.

"Cadel, I'm telling you- not asking you- telling you, _never_ be cruel on my account. Ever."

He shook his head and said, "Listen love, if you've got such a soft heart even for them, then you better hope that Stefan and I find the rest of them before Eric does because you've no idea at all what awaits them if Eric gets hold of them and he finds out about their little plan for you. None of us in this little circle is much fond of the rape thing, you know? Kind of pushes a few buttons for us, it does."

I looked away and cringed. I didn't want or need to think of Eric being cruel to anyone, either. But, for sure, I knew it was a painful issue for all four of them.

The sound of the hall door opening out in the outer room of the suite suddenly caught both our ears. In the blink of an eye, after assessing our options Cadel had quietly locked the bedroom door, had me off in the closet with the first and less gruesome Were while he quietly locked and closed the bathroom door to hide the dead Were inside. An instant later he was back in the closet with me, pulling the door quietly closed after him.

I shuddered at being in the closet with the dead Were, so Cadel pressed me against himself, and silently turned me away from the corpse. With his lips close to my ear he said in a faint whisper,

"How many do you count? More than three? I think I hear more than three."

I tuned in and counted five Weres and… a void spot.

"Five Weres and … a vampire is with them," I said, still hoarsely and trembling. What if it was Salome? Cadel would never be able to protect me from five Weres and Salome on his own. He'd die doing it. "What if it's Salome?" I whispered, with a ripple of terror coursing through me.

"It's not her. They're all male voices. I think it's Sauner. Not sure. Bloody hell," Cadel said under his breath. "Where is University boy? What's keeping him?" He took out his phone and, lightning fast, typed a message to Stefan, letting me read it as he typed with his arms around me,

_*****__anytime__* you can show up now ub… 5 w's and unk v. do you really want me to get all the credit?_

Stefan replied,

_momentarily_

We could hear more talking in the outer room and Cadel turned me into the corner of the closet and stood in front of me in case they came in. He seemed on edge, ready to burst out of the closet, if his poised balance on the balls of his feet were any indication. Someone tried the door to the bedroom and then knocked on it. He reached around and poked at my ribs so I cried out involuntarily and there was laughter on the other side of the door and some type of commentary. He started cursing in the lowest possible whisper in Welsh.

"Make sounds like you're crying or something, Sookie," he said in the lowest possible whisper.

Well, that wasn't hard to do. As I let out some not some not so faked sobs, I peered around his arm as he speedily typed another message,

_stefan are you coming or not?_

Stefan replied seconds later,

_if you would stop making me check the phone i'd be a lot faster dummkopf!_

Cadel listened carefully and then only a few seconds more and he was nodding to me, indicating that he must have heard Stefan somehow. He handed me his phone. He looked me right in the eyes and said in a low whisper,

"Do _not_ leave this closet until either Stefan or I come for you, are we clear? No brave girl routine this time. This is serious business, and you're already very banged up. If you leave the closet and try to fight, I'll personally knock you out so you don't get hurt more and the time wasted on you will be at Stefan's expense. _No leaving the closet._ Are we clear?"

My lip trembled as I nodded silently. I grasped his phone to my chest as we heard a knock at the door. He drew a dagger out of his jacket pocket and unsheathed it.

"Room service!" we heard Stefan call out. The outer door sounded as if it opened. Cadel kissed my forehead and in a flash was out of the closet, slamming the door closed behind him.

It was over in only two minutes according to my watching the time on Cadel's iPhone. The light from the phone illuminated the closet a little too much. I glanced over at the dead Were jammed in a corner of the closet and shivered. At least it was better than being in the bathroom. I still felt so sick thinking about the other Were.

I looked forward as the closet door opened and Stefan's clear, pale blue eyes met mine. He reached out and stroked my unbruised cheek. There was a fast healing cut on his face but other than that, not an obvious mark on him.

"Sookie," he said softly. "Your face… you _really_ fought them, didn't you?" He dropped his hand to my shoulder and drew me slowly out of the closet. "Come. You should sit down, you're very pale." He looked me over and shook his head. He guided me to a chair. I looked off into the outer room and saw Cadel kicking over one of the dead Weres. He didn't look as if he'd been injured either. I guess the element of surprise had really helped.

Stefan sifted around the room and then kicked open the bathroom door, glancing inside. He made a disgusted face and exclaimed,

"Cadel! Tell me you didn't just do this in front of her?"

He added something further in German that I didn't catch. But I probably wouldn't have really understood it anyway. My German was still terrible. I leaned forward and put my head on my knees. I felt like I was going to pass out or be sick or both.

Cadel walked back into the room and walked over to glance at his handiwork in the bathroom.

"They were going to rape her, Stefan. With that, planning's as good as doing in my book. I got rather angry."

They continued to murmur in a low tone but I tuned them out. Finally, I sat back up to draw a deep breath and heard Cadel say,

"You should give her yours. Right now, she's afraid of me. She probably wouldn't take it."

"Why do you think she'd be afraid of you, I wonder, Cadel? I just can't believe you at times. Eric's going to be furious. He gets so bent out of shape if she even hears about any of this stuff let alone doing it right in front of her."

"Like you think Eric wouldn't have done worse than that? Do you remember what he did to the Neva…

Stefan made a gesture like cutting his throat and Cadel went silent with a frown. Stefan walked back into the bathroom and I heard the water faucet running. He came back out with a tumbler and his own clean knife. He sliced open his wrist and allowed blood to flow into the tumbler. As soon as the wound healed, he handed me the glass, with several tablespoons of blood in it.

"You need to drink it. You'll feel better and we need to heal your injuries immediately."

I stared at the two of the apprehensively. "Maybe I should wait for Eric," I said in a choked voice. I didn't like the idea of having another vampire's blood. Not even Stefan's.

Stefan knelt down in front of me. "You need to have it _now_, Sookie. Eric won't mind," he reassured me. "His blood will mask any effects of mine. He's so much older. You had Pam's a while back, remember? You didn't feel much of anything and neither did she, right? It'll be fine. You need to heal. We can't have you going back like this, looking like you've been beaten up. It's bad enough as it is but you don't want Eric seeing you like this and he won't want anyone else seeing you look like this, either."

"Where is Eric?" I asked, still apprehensive.

"At the other hotel, on one of those judicial panels, ruling on cases," Cadel said quietly. "We didn't know who had you and we didn't know if it was a trap. Andor and I wouldn't let him come. And if he canceled his appearance everyone would have known something was up. It might have been even more dangerous because if they knew we were already on their tail they could have shifted you farther away. I followed you as quickly as I could go out and Stefan followed as my backup. It's really fine, Sookie, just drink it while Stefan and I clean up."

Stefan seemed thoughtful for a moment and then looked me in the eye and said, "He sent Cadel because Cadel's the fastest and the stealthiest. He was the most likely to find you quickly and could assess things better. If anything happened to Eric trying to rescue you, we'd _all_ be in trouble, including you, Sookie. And we think if we attract too much attention to the issue of your being taken, then it could create more risks, which would just make you more vulnerable. You know he'd be here if he thought it wouldn't make things worse, right?"

I felt tight, drawn in and I shivered. No, I didn't want any more risks. I didn't want to be any more vulnerable. I'd rather had my fill just now. And I didn't want anything happening to Eric because of me. He'd already had enough happen to him because of me. I just nodded to Stefan and he rose.

I glanced up at Cadel, who looked at me as if he felt bad that I'd seen what he'd done to the Were and that it had upset me so much. I just looked away. They went out into the outer room and started stacking up the bodies and body parts. I rose and stood in the bedroom doorway looking down at the head of Salome's second, Alex. Cadel, picked up and cleaned off his dagger and then put it back in a sheath and inside his jacket. Stefan picked through some of Alex's personal effects over by the rest of his corpse, including some sort of ID badge, as Alex started to disintegrate. I stood shuddering as I looked at his head turn slowly to ash.

"The room was rented by this one," Cadel commented to Stefan. "See he still has the key card folder in the pocket. We were lucky they brought her over here instead of taking her farther away right away."

Stefan continued sorting through personal effects of the dead Weres and then handed Cadel a driver's license that I guess had a name of interest. I looked around and could hardly breathe.

The room was filled with blood and gore. There were pieces of Were tossed around. An arm was on the couch, hand dangling over the edge, palm up. It was just horrible. Like something out of a Halloween house of horror. I started crying again. Stefan came over and pressed his hands around my hand holding the glass. He looked down at me, meeting my eyes and said in a gentle voice,

"I know you're upset. We'll try to be done as quickly as possible. Drink the blood. And try to look at it from our, from _Eric's_, point of view. You're safe, Sookie, and every one of them deserved what they got. They had it coming for contracting with her to do something so despicable." He stroked my hair back behind my ear. "They agreed to do something horrible to you. There's no way you can put a positive light on it. They didn't have to hurt you, even if they were being forced to do this. They had any number of other, more decent options, including trying to alert us to the situation and recruit our help if they had a problem with Salome. They certainly didn't have to try to rape you, right? You may be angry at Cadel, but Eric and Pam aren't the only ones who love and care for you. We'd _all_ feel it if you come to harm. I look at you and _I _feel angry. Cadel takes care of you more than the rest of us do. And Jamie was his friend, too."

He released my hand holding the glass. I looked at the blood in the glass, took a deep breath and then drank a bit. It hurt so much to swallow at first but that began to improve right away. His blood tasted different from Eric's blood and different from how I remembered Bill's. I didn't remember Pam's. I'd been unconscious.

Stefan's phone vibrated.

"A message from Eric," he said softly to me as he looked at his Blackberry. "He's very relieved after reading Cadel's message that he found you. They're done on the hearings, so we should head back." He started typing out a message but, before he even finished, the phone rang. He answered and glanced at me and stepped away and started murmuring into the phone.

While Stefan talked to Eric, I turned to Cadel.

"I don't know if they killed Jamie, Cadel. Didn't you guys find him?" He shook his head 'no'. "They beat him so badly. It would be a miracle if he survived but what if he's still alive? Someone needs to go check. I'm just praying that he is strong enough to survive what they did to him."

"Tell me what happened, exactly?" asked Cadel soberly.

"We were headed back to the room because I wanted to be there when Eric woke up. They shoved him in a maid's closet on the 15th floor. Eric didn't find him? They beat him horribly. I just don't know how he could survive even just the abdominal injuries. But they hit his head against the wall several times." I started crying again just thinking about it. Jamie was my bodyguard but he had become my friend. It was too horrible to think he might have died trying to protect me. "I guess I should just be glad that they didn't get in the room. They could have hurt Eric and Andor and Markus."

"It _woke_ Eric," said Cadel. "He was very upset and angry. He went looking for you in the halls but obviously he couldn't leave the floors with the dark suites. He woke all of us. We were ready to go the minute the sun set."

"How come you guys didn't find Jamie? How did you find me and not him?" I asked softly, looking up at him.

"I guess there was just too much Were scent everywhere for us to realize that Jamie was still on the floor somewhere. Finding you was pretty easy, actually. Eric knew it had just happened and that you weren't far. He even had a general sense of where you were. The Burberry scent you wear… I mostly just had to follow that and the scent of the Weres. They took you in the service elevator and then through the service tunnel under the convention center, right?"

I nodded, remember sort of coming to again as I was being carried through the tunnel. Then I just started crying again. I'd been so frightened and it only got worse from there. Cadel paced a minute and then suddenly his arms were around me.

"I'm sorry, Sookie" he said softly. "I don't want you to be afraid of me, or horrified by me. I'm sorry. I just… lost it. You're _ours_ and no one will be allowed to harm you. Eric and Pam would have done even worse, I sure."

I knew he felt bad and that he wanted to comfort me, but I was just stiff in his arms thinking about what I'd seen.

"I'm very opposed to torture, Cadel. You have to understand, my work for years was all about _avoiding_ torture and cruelty. I think being cruel is immoral. I want to believe all of you are better than that. You've suffered cruelty, right? So why be cruel yourself? You can be better than Ocella was and better than Salome is. You have to _try_ to be."

Cadel, mouth tight, looked away from me, and was silent. Stefan turned back to us.

"Eric wants to talk to you."

I still felt so sick to my stomach but I nodded. He handed me the phone then continued to stack up the Weres as he picked through their belongings, clearly looking for anything other than Alex that could tie them to Salome. He looked through their recent cell phone calls as did Cadel.

I held the phone in still trembling hands and closed my eyes to avoid looking at the blood and gore. I took a deep breath but didn't say anything.

"Are you really alright?" Eric said, sounding quiet but filled with tension. I felt like there was a taunt string between us and he was tugging me back to him. How much of it had he felt, I wondered?

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I opened my eyes and glanced around the bloodshed in the room and then closed them again.

"Fine," I said at last, my voice sounding breathy.

"Stefan said you were roughed up. You're alright now, though?"

I glanced over at Stefan, who could clearly hear Eric's question through the phone. He hadn't told him and more notably, Eric hadn't _felt_, how badly I'd been beaten, almost raped, or... Stefan met my eyes. It was clear that Stefan, like me, was trying to avoid more bloodshed. He nodded to me when he sensed I understood him. We understood each other, and for the first time I clearly understood that vampire or not, Stefan did _not_ enjoy this business of violence any more than I did. I looked at the remaining blood in the glass. His blood somehow no longer seemed so scary right now. I closed my eyes and drank a bit more. I breathed hard as I took in the fact that I had managed to totally shut down some aspect of the bond between Eric and me, just with my will to do so. _Thank God._

"Stefan gave me blood. I'm fine. I just can't talk much right now. Really, I'm fine. I was just scared."

"Cadel says that this was Salome's plot?"

I was silent as I opened my eyes and looked around the room. How much more bloodshed would be involved if I said it was, I wondered?

"Sookie?"

I was just silent. I didn't know what to say anymore. I'd have to think about it very carefully.

"Put Cadel or Stefan on the phone, Sookie. I love you and I'll see you shortly."

I handed the phone back to Stefan. I drank the rest of the blood, put the glass down on the bar area in the room and then opened the door and walked into the hall. Cadel followed after me. I had to be out of the stench of blood, ash and death in the room. He kept an eye on the halls to make sure no one could approach and see the interior of the room.

Stefan looked at me with solemn eyes while he listened to Eric. Finally he said in a low voice,

"No, no. She's really alright now physically, Eric. Cadel just got upset. He was not... as careful as he should have been." He spoke briefly in Swedish and stood listening to Eric for a moment then glanced out at Cadel, and at me. He nodded, then said in English, "Eight. In total eight. Seven Weres and Alex Sauner. She's just in shock, Eric. She's also upset about Jamie. What? She said he was left in a closet on our floor. We don't know. I guess we were all so focused on finding her and it was so much Were scent everywhere. No, Cadel will check. We'll need a cleanup in here. We'll arrange it. Yes. Maybe ten minutes? No, I think it's better if we just walk with her. I think she needs the fresh air."

Once he was off the phone, he collected all the wallets and Alex's badge in one of those hotel bags for dry cleaning. He closed the door to the room and looked at me, brushed through my hair, straightened Cadel's skirt on me then took off his jacket and put it on me.

"It's cold outside," he said to me. Then to both of us, "I guess we still look pretty bad. We'll go out separately through the lobby entrance to attract less attention. Cadel you go out first and I'll follow with Sookie. How they walked through the hotel with her looking like she'd been beaten on I can't imagine, but we'll be careful leaving."

Once we were out in the brisk night air I felt a little better just being out of that room, that hotel and away from the horror of the whole business. I walked holding Stefan's hand. Cadel still seemed edgy and was busy texting as we walked. Once back at our hotel, which was on the other side of the Convention Center plaza, we headed toward the conference rooms on the lower level. Sighting Eric, Cadel nodded and seemed to instantly disappear. Eric was deep in discussion with Russell who looked very agitated. Betty Jo, Markus and Andor stood nearby. They all looked across the room as Stefan and I moved toward them. I caught the tail end of Russell saying,

"If Salome didn't touch her, wasn't even there, and only the Weres drew blood then we'll have a hard time making a case for it even with her testifying directly, Eric. Don't get me wrong, I'm with you on this, but convincing people that Salome's violated your rights on this scale is going to be difficult with so little evidence. It's a serious business we're proposing. Sookie's going to have to speak up if we have any chance of your seeking justice but even then, it's a stretch."

"Well then I'll tell the AVL. I'm not having her threatening or plotting harm to Sookie, Russell. If the traditional route won't cut it, I'm going the mainstream route. I'll tell the media and I'll even tell Sookie's old friends at the FBI. I will not tolerate her even so much as threatening my wife. Let alone this. What she did violates our most basic laws governing our contact with humans. She has no right to go anywhere near her."

"She's always been so vengeful. She was so angry last spring, Eric," said Russell shaking his head.

"Well, I want her gone. That's all I'm willing to accept. I will not have my wife living under threat and I will not tolerate Salome threatening the interests of my State in this fashion. She's an asset in my State, and a valuable one."

They both turned to me.

Russell nodded in greeting. "Sookie, on behalf of Mississippi, I offer you my sincerest apologies. We will try to seek justice on your behalf. One way or another." He turned and walked away with Betty Jo, his second, their heads bowed in conversation.

Eric reached out and drew me to him.

"Let's go upstairs," he said softly. His face looked strained and old. Frankly, it was the worst I'd ever seen him look, even going back to February when Andor got shot protecting me. Yes, he still had the outer face of a twenty-four year old. But his eyes and tight mouth conveyed something quite different. I could barely even make sense of what I felt from him. It was too chaotic.

We walked past curious bystanders, who seemed to note my odd attire. Once we were in the elevator Eric had Andor and Markus stand at the door blocking anyone who tried to enter. He enveloped me in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, min älskade, and so relieved that Cadel found you so quickly. I looked for you in the halls and the service elevator but I couldn't leave the dark floors."

I still felt numb as I relaxed in his arms. I was safe and less than an hour before I thought I was going to be dead.

"We were so lucky. This was too close a call."

I nodded with my head on his chest.

"I guess I was lucky we headed back so late, so close to sunset," I whispered.

He turned my face up to his and looked at me carefully.

"She must crazy to have kidnapped you, Sookie. You are pledged to me. She touches you on pain of death. That's why she did nothing to you back in April. Then she wanted me to come to Tunica to see what she could get away with. But here? Now? I cannot fathom what she was thinking."

Okay, based on his conversation with Russell, I was going to have to say what I'd seen in the one Were's mind. Because he was going to have to know, so that we could find a way to safeguard against her.

"She was going to turn me, Eric. She thought she could turn me and compel my silence. She had plans for me." Eric, Andor, Markus and Stefan looked at me with surprise. I continued, "A Were had overheard her talk about it to Alex Sauner. They could do whatever they wanted with me to 'soften me' up and then she was going to personally turn me."

At first, the four of them looked at me as if in doubt.

"She'd have to be insane," said Andor, wide-eyed. "Sookie, there are laws among our kind that bar such things. You are Eric's. Are you _sure_ you understood the Were? You were obviously very frightened. Perhaps she was just doing what she did in March all over again. Although with what the Weres were..." his whole face went tight and he put his hand on my shoulder, shaking his head as he looked over at Eric.

"I didn't get _really_ frightened until I heard the plan. Insane or not, that _was_ her plan. I guess to get back at us, for the thing with Bert? Yeah, she was going to compel my silence. Quite delighted with herself about it. Even the Were thought it was crazy."

"But how could she risk it? How could that be her plan?" said Stefan.

Markus just shook his head, frowning. "Awful," he muttered shaking his head. "As if you needed anything more to happen to you, Sookie?" He looked at me sadly and grimaced.

Eric looked drawn and angry, as he seemed to ruminate on it for a few moments. I tried to pull myself away from feeling his anger. I'd had enough for the time being just dealing with Cadel and I couldn't _feel_ Cadel the way I could Eric.

"If she turned her and compelled her not to reveal her sire, there'd be no proof that she was responsible. She could just kill all the Weres who'd been involved. Alex might have talked but she could have done away with him as well, or perhaps… knowing Salome, perhaps he'd had enough of her blood so that she could control totally him. She wasn't his sire, but we all know what she likes to do with her people."

When we got to the suite, we found Cadel changed out of his dark clothes, looking cleaned up in dark jeans and a Saints jersey. He was on his third bottle of True Blood from the collection of bottles near the hotel's minibar. Stefan went off to their neighboring suite to change as well. The shower in Andor and Markus' room was running and only moments later, wearing one of the hotel robes, Jamie emerged and walked right over to me looking totally healed. There wasn't a mark left on him. But he was still quite angry. Ignoring everyone else in the room, pointing at me as he moved toward me, he said,

"When I tell you to run I don't mean it's an _option_ for you to consider! And it's not an invitation for you to go all FBI agent, either. Jesus Christ, Sookie! You might have stood a _chance_ of getting away! What the hell were you thinking? What if Cadel hadn't found you? We had a clear understanding about this shit. When I tell you to run, you fucking _DO it_!"

Eric, who was standing right behind me with his forearm draped around across my chest, reached out and shoved Jamie back away from me, pushing on his chest. Jamie stumbled a bit, growling at Eric and Eric tensed up and growled back,

"Don't speak to her that way. Don't you dare point and curse at my wife, Farren."

"You want her thinking that I'm okay with her not listening to me when I tell her to save her skin? Is that what you really want?"

"I want you handling it appropriately and not shouting at her after the fact, less than an hour after she's away from them. And I want a better assessment from you about whether you can really handle things working alone or not. We have two more Weres that will be here by midnight, since clearly, working alone here has turned out to be a very bad plan.

Suddenly, I snapped out of my numb state of mind and I met Jamie's eyes.

"They had no weapons. But the five of them could have killed you! Five against one even with no weapons is poor odds and I'd still have been grabbed. Five against two at least gave _both_ of us something of a chance. I was trained to fight. And you think I'm going to run while they kill you? I know your _family_, Jamie. You're a friend, even if you guard me. You're kidding yourself, if you think I'm going to turn and run, leaving you to fight alone. I am not built that way. So just forget it. In fact, _everyone_ in this room had better forget about the idea that I'm ever just going to turn and run. What's the point, anyway? If I'd taken off they'd just have come after me. What if they'd gotten into the suite? We were outnumbered and it wasn't going to end well no matter what we did. So we both fought them."

"And _lost!"_ Jamie shouted at me. He advanced toward me again, totally ignoring Eric standing behind me. "You're not strong enough to fight Weres. And you're not telling me that you didn't know they were Weres. You need to cut this stuff out or you're going to get yourself killed one of these days."

Eric said bitterly, "I'm not going to disagree with that assessment."

I looked at them all and shook my head.

"So I'm not supposed to fight Weres, where I stand at least a chance, when the Weres are going to deliver me to a vampire against whom I'd stand no chance at all? Against whom the majority of people in this room would stand no chance? Well I'll happily _die_ fighting before that happens. I like my chances against the Weres any day over ending up in Salome's hands, Jamie. Any day."

He tensely looked at me and then hung his head. "They caught me unprepared. I apologize. To you, and to Eric. If you want to replace me, I will totally understand."

"I thought they killed you. I really thought they'd killed you. I'm so relieved you're alright, Jamie," I said softly. "I don't want you replaced. You really fought. There was nothing we could have done, even if Harry had been with us, I doubt it would have made a difference. Did Cadel tell you that there were really seven altogether?

Jamie glanced over at Cadel and then said to me, "They almost did kill me. Cadel gave me blood. I'm grateful. It's the only reason I'm still alive. I don't even remember his finding me. Of course, it's horrible to think that now I'm so beholden to someone who can cheat at cards the way he can. But still, I'm grateful."

"I do _not_ cheat at cards, James. _You_ are not observant enough. And I had to 'fix' you because you are Sookie's day protection and it would be highly inconvenient to have to get someone else to cover your position in the middle of the Summit. I was merely being expedient. Just to be clear here, I'm not in the habit of rescuing Weres."

I could vouch for that one, I thought darkly.

Stefan looked at Cadel with amusement. "So let me get this straight Cadge, you gave blood to the Were only because he's so very useful, right?"

Cadel, looking very annoyed at Stefan, said,

"I gave blood to the Were because he let himself get beaten to a bloody fucking pulp, and was under contract with the King of Louisiana to provide protection for the King's wife. He had _an obligation_. He had signed a contract for service and if he thought dying would get him out of the contract, he had a different thing coming. I had no personal interest in saving him because the Were is really bad at cards, couldn't bluff if his life depended on it, and has absolutely no sense of humor. The Were also owes me almost two hundred dollars and ought to keep his mouth closed more."

"You seemed so genuinely upset that I was dying, though," said Jamie with a skeptical, amused look. "And you worried that I'd turn from having your blood."

"If I'm turning anyone, it will be someone who's better at cards, James. You've a long way to go before you're that. I'd have been beside myself if you turned. To be responsible for someone so lousy at poker? And you can barely even drive above the speed limit. I'm not sure I'd manage the blow to my reputation. And you'd probably whine about missing fur time," said Cadel with an expression of distaste.

Cadel saved his friend. Even though he was a Were. The friend he didn't want to admit having. I suppose after so much tension, the humor was probably quite welcome. It just didn't quite reach me, though. I tried to take heart in the fact that Cadel had at least done some wasn't just trying to make me feel better, either. I knew he genuinely like Jamie.

During this entire exchange Eric was deep in thought. With his arm still around my shoulders, he guided me into the bedroom after nodding to Cadel, Stefan and Jamie. After closing the door, he took off Stefan's jacket and then unbuttoned Cadel's shirt. He looked soberly at my torn clothes. His entire face went tight and I felt as if he was struggling to sound very calm and factual. He traced a finger along my jaw and didn't meet my eyes. His eyes seemed to flicker between deep blue and glowing red. He was barely containing himself.

"Stefan didn't want to confirm it when we spoke, but looking at your clothes, I'm assuming they at the very least _tried_ to rape you? Did they? You were very scared at one point. I know you fought them."

I cringed and let out an involuntary shudder as I thought back.

"Cadel got there and…" I trailed off and felt a wave of nausea and lightheadedness. "I really think I need to sit down," I said pushing past him and then dropping onto the bed, slipping off my shoes. I bent forward over my knees again, just digging for some strength to go on and clarity about how much to say.

He sat down next to me on the bed and just waited, not touching me, giving me space. I breathed slowly and then sat up and saw his arm hovering just around my waist. He was waiting for me to _want_ to be touched. I leaned against him, still shivering from the memory.

"If I tell you about it, I just need you to just be supportive right now, Eric. No big revenge plans, okay? I know you think it happened to both of us, but it happened to me more than you," I whispered. I really didn't think I could take another vampire rage moment like the one I'd seen with Cadel. "Please…"

He pulled me up into his lap and nodded, silently, leaning his head against mine.

I described the whole thing, from heading up to the 15th floor in the elevator, to the Weres piling out of the stairwell after us. My refusal to follow Jamie's instructions. Fighting, the two Weres dragging me away as the other three continued to brutally beat Jamie. My terror that they'd try to get into our rooms, to harm him, and Andor and Markus, who shared the other bedroom in the huge suite. My shock when instead they seemed intent on taking me toward the service elevator and away. Fighting more and finally being knocked unconscious, bundled up and coming to as I was taken past the kitchens, through the service tunnel, under the convention center. My new terror as I read from one of the Were's minds that it was all because of Salome. Terror expanded when I knew her intent, and their intent with me. Cadel finding me with two of them, just as they were going to get underway with raping me. Cadel killing them, so brutally in the case of the one Were. My horror, my anger, my fear over what had happened to Jamie and what Salome wanted to do with me. My horror and revulsion over Cadel, my friend, acting with such unrestrained cruelty, _because of me_. My qualms about having someone else's blood. My wondering if I was ever, _ever_, going to have a corner of peace in my life.

"And it's all my fault," I said in conclusion. I looked up at him. "This never would have happened if I hadn't insisted on doing that job for her. If Bert hadn't had to go and bully her to protect Amelia and me. She lost face in front of her people. Because of me. Because of us. She hates us. And it's all my fault."

Eric ground his teeth and didn't look at me.

"This never would have happened if I hadn't _let_ you do that job. If I hadn't been arrogant enough to think that Andor and I could handle whatever she dished out at us and have a bit of adventure on top of it. I was arrogant and I wanted to indulge you. In this, Andor is absolutely correct. He thought the whole thing was a risky plan and he's known her as long as I have. I didn't want to fight with you. I felt our time should not be further wasted on fighting. I wanted to indulge you and instead, I have put you at even greater risk."

"Yeah, well, it's still more my fault than it's yours. It was my bright idea to work for her to begin with. And it's not like I don't know I was a real pill about it."

He glanced down at me with rueful eyes.

"I'm old enough to know better, Sookie. This was my mistake, not yours. And I should have better anticipated that she'd want more revenge than making her crew go on raids to Monroe. She was biding her time, making her plans and caught us flat-footed." He looked at me and stroked my hair back behind my ears. He looked, and to me felt, as if he'd been deeply rocked by the entire business.

"You're not infallible, Eric. And like Andor says, I guess it's vampire law that she's not supposed to have anything to do with me because I was pledged to you, right? So, what could have led you to believe that it would be likely she'd plan to do some crazy, heinous thing?"

"History. Her dark history. It was my own arrogance in thinking I'd grown powerful enough to make it plain that she should leave me and mine alone. I should have known better. And you, _we_, have had a very narrow escape. We were lucky," he said bitterly.

Luckier than he knew or than I was willing to reveal.

"So what do we do?"

He held my face gently looked at me appraisingly, kissed my lips and then sighed and leaned me back against him.

"We can try to go the regular route, request a hearing. But I'm not sure what we'll be able to accomplish. No matter what Cadel manages to cook up we have no clear evidence that _she_ meant you harm, only that Alex did. No, I have a different idea. If we were made even more public, anything happening to either of us, at the hands of vampires would really tarnish the image of the AVL's carefully constructed and politically correct image. Do you remember that interview request? For that magazine?"

"Yes?" I answered, kind of dreading the idea.

"We're going to do the interview. Rest today and we'll do it tomorrow after sunset. And then I'm going to have a nice long chat with Nan Flanagan. The AVL wants me to do what they want? Well, then they can give back in kind."

"Aren't you even concerned that Cadel and Stefan just killed seven people on the other side of the convention center, Eric? I mean, talk about tarnishing your PC image? What are you guys going to do to cover that up? Aren't you even worried that Cadel and Stefan could get arrested?"

"Cadel will get that cleaned up and I'm certain he's already working overtime on pinning whatever went on in that room on Salome and some disgruntled party that went after her, and Alex, with a pack of Weres. I don't think even Alex could have killed seven Weres easily on his own, so clearly there was a fight and Salome and her people just lost Alex, right? Massage the facts just a bit and it's an easy fix."

I looked away.

"You guys do stuff like this all the time, don't you?" I said in a whisper.

"What? Kill people who intend us harm? Who try to kidnap, rape and murder my wife? Thankfully, no. Doing stuff like this hasn't been necessary until now. But I'd do it _daily_ if that's what it takes to send the message that nothing's going to happen to you, me or any of my people."

"I meant in general, Eric. You know what I meant."

"We have centuries of experience in covering up our bad ways, Lover. Yes, we do. But as I've said so many times before, and as you've occasionally been willing to believe, our ways, _my_ ways, are not as bad as you imply. And certainly not as bad as Salome's, or many other vampires I can think of who I hope you'll never have the pleasure of meeting."

"What did you do to Victor Madden, Eric?" I asked in a whisper.

He stiffened and his arms around me tensed up.

"I refuse to discuss it."

"Cadel said…"

"I don't care what Cadel said and he'd better keep his mouth shut if he wants it to be working well. So you'd better not ask him about it, or ask anyone else about it. It's not your business."

I swallowed and said, "So you were cruel to him, then? You tortured him or something? Before he died, I mean. Pam told me that Maxwell helped you kill him."

"I already said _no_ discussion."

"Is there any chance at all that you guys will ever cut this stuff out, Eric? Is this as good as it gets? With respect to the tenuous hold on keeping the cruelty and violence under control, I mean?"

"Cadel will be instructed not to do such things again, though I completely understand where he was coming from and find it rather ironic that a year and a half ago he was talking _me_ out wanting that Charlotte woman who attacked you killed. But you are right. The Weres should have been killed quickly and without any extreme measures. He was probably so angry he didn't even think to ask you what you had been able to learn from them. I will make it clear that I will not have such things done again."

"So being angry is kind of like a free pass? You were so angry at Victor Madden that anything was okay?"

"Victor Madden was a vampire and not your concern. He was operating so far outside the bounds of human law that really you wouldn't want to know about it, Sookie. You should drop the subject. We'll both be much happier if you do."

"What about just basic morality, Eric? If he was so bad, it seems to me that doing anything really awful to him made you all just one step closer to wherever he was on the moral spectrum that was such a bad place to be."

He pulled away from me slightly.

"You just went through something very traumatic. Perhaps it's natural, given that fact, to want to judge others solely on the basis of their moments of darkness because you're in a dark place right now. But it's a pretty narrow viewpoint to take and frankly I can think of a few things that you've done that might seem rather questionable in a harsher light and from the same narrow viewpoint. I see all of you and I know that you've done what you judged to be right or were doing the best you could at the time. You might want to give others the same benefit of your doubt on the thought that they're so immoral. I wouldn't be getting so judgmental at this point if I were you. Cadel was very upset at the way you were treated. I cannot fault him for that. You seem to be missing the fundamental point that you've succeeded in making everyone in my inner circle care for you, and fight for you, as if you're truly one of us. You are the human we all love and want to shelter. Perhaps you might want to put a little more value in that. Maybe even gratitude for it."

"And yet I'm trying really hard not to feel like I'm the pretty bird sitting in the pretty cage while you all go hunting and killing other birds, Eric."

He just stared at me, looking as if he'd been etched in stone or ice.

"I'm sorry if you're having some serious doubts right now. I will try to consider the circumstances and not take it too personally," he said in a tight tone of voice.

"I'm not having doubts. I'm trying not to have lowered expectations. If you've adapted to the changing cultural and moral ethos so many times, then I really think I have every reason to expect that you, unlike Salome or your lovely sire, would get the point that torturing people is really not acceptable. Killing people is bad enough, but doing it cruelly is just indefensible. And I'm saying that on the basis of not doubting for a minute that you're a much better person than most other vampires are."

"So then we can rejoice in how special we are in each other's eyes," he said in an acid tone.

Oh, he was so mad about everything, I realized. The whole thing. All of it. I just sagged against him. For once I'd gauged what to say and not to say correctly.

"Look, I'm really not up to fighting. I'm barely up to taking a shower. I'm not trying to offend you. We can discuss it all later when we're not so upset."

I rose to get undressed, so that I could shower. As I pulled off my torn shirt, Eric was upset to find that even after having a fair amount of Stefan's blood I was still bruised.

"Do you want more blood? Maybe you should have a bit more," he said, noting the residual bruising on my left side. I winced when he touched my ribcage. "Did they _break_ some ribs?" he asked sounding surprised. "Stefan said that he gave you a fair amount of blood. What the fuck did you look like before?"

I thought back to fighting them and what I was thinking. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"You really don't want to know what I looked like."

"I don't understand this. I woke because you were hurt, frightened. But..." He looked so puzzled. "I did not feel this, he said stroking my ribcage gently. I did not feel your..." he stared at me and his pupils grew wide. "How can this be?"

"I didn't want you to. I... didn't want you to feel any of it. I didn't want you to know what..." I looked down for a moment and took a deep breath. Nope. Couldn't do it… "I don't know if more blood is a good idea. I mean, he really did give me quite a bit already."

He looked at me as if stunned somehow but let it drop without further questions. He focused instead on my still evident injuries. He seemed to take the measure of something, looking at me closely and then pulled me back into his lap, bit his wrist and offered it to me. His blood was so much thicker than Stefan's. It was so weird that it tasted almost sweet to me. I pulled away after having just a bit more. I was really not into feeling apprehensions about being inadvertently turned at the moment, frankly. It did make me feel better, though. Stronger, and more energetic. And it took so much less of Eric's blood to make me feel better.

I sat for a few more minutes, huddled in his lap but not talking, just feeling safe. Then we got up and he sat with me while I showered and changed. Jamie and I ordered room service for dinner then sat around reading and watching TV while Eric's personal vampire and Were political machine busied itself in another room, trying to iron out all the Salome wrinkles.

The following night, I waited nervously with Stefan and Cadel outside a penthouse suite in our hotel. The door opened and Salome came out totally enraged, with an escort of guards holding silver weapons on her. She snarled at me and Cadel stepped in front of me while she moved by us. An elegantly dressed vampire ushered me inside and motioned that Cadel and Stefan had to remain outside. Eric rose from a couch and took my hand. He appeared tense but I felt and undercurrent of pleasure from him.

"Nan, this is Sookie, my wife. Sookie, Nan Flanagan, the head of the American Vampire League."

I felt her appraise me quickly. I wasn't so sure from the look on her face that I was coming out well in the appraisal. She was tall, thin, elegantly well groomed, wearing a Chanel suit that looked like it was the real deal and must have cost a fortune. She looked almost like that actress Tippi Hedren. Elegant, but slightly pouty and displeased. I guess that in my simple clothes, I just didn't quite measure up.

"So you're the telepath that Sophie-Anne found," she commented as I sat down with Eric. She tilted her head looking at me as if she didn't quite see what all the fuss was about.

I started to answer her and suddenly felt this voice ring into my head.

_Let me do the talking. Don't argue._

Eric stroked my hand quickly with his thumb. The crystalline clarity of his voice in my head was truly shocking to me.

"Sophie-Anne was good for some things, Nan. I have to give her credit for finding some very good people in my state."

Nan Flanagan's expression clearly showed that she was not, and had never been, a Sophie-Anne LeClerq fan.

"Let's just say that I think Louisiana's not missing either Sophie-Anne or Felipe much. So far, you're doing a bit better, which is why I'm even willing to entertain this conversation." She looked away from Eric and over at me with a cold and businesslike manner. "Mrs. Northman, I understand that you believe that Salome was responsible for what happened to you yesterday."

"As I said, she read one of the Weres," said Eric.

She looked back at Eric with a gaze that would have frozen lava.

"Eric, I presume that the woman does speak, right? Actually, as I understand it from my sources, she has some rather strong opinions and isn't afraid to be rather vocal about them? So do you think you could shut up and let her answer my questions or would it be easier for you to wait outside?"

I was stunned. I'd never heard _anyone_ talk to Eric that way. How much power did this woman really wield?

He gestured with a sweep of his free hand that I was free to answer.

_Do not give her too much information._

_What's too much information?_ I thought. But Eric didn't respond. Whatever we had on the personal telepathy thing really was a one-way deal?

I paused, gripping his hand a little tighter and then said cautiously,

"One of the Weres overheard Salome giving instructions to her second, Alex Sauner."

"What were her instructions?"

I looked at her wondering how much to say. Eric could feel my hesitation.

_Tell her everything you heard._

I swallowed hard and said quietly,

"They were to get me, however they could. Take me back to this other hotel suite and she said that they could soften me up, however much they wanted. Just not to make me lose too much blood. She has this weird fascination with my blood because I'm distantly related to a fairy."

"That would be Niall Brigant?" she asked, looking at Eric with amusement, as if she was delighted to have more information about me than he'd have known or liked.

"Yes, ma'am. My great-grandfather is Niall Brigant."

She gestured, "Go on. They were to soften you up? I presume she meant rape you, right? Anything else?"

She sounded so cold and matter of fact, as if that was just nothing to her.

_Don't let it throw you. This is just how she is._

"Yes, they could rape me. All of them. The Were who overheard her, heard her even laughing about it. But her real plan was that she wanted to… turn me. She wanted to turn me herself and then she was going to use me to get back at my husband."

"Get back at him how?"

I bit my lip.

"Well, I'm really not sure I'd like to say."

Eric tensed up. I had not told him that part.

"Well, I'm afraid I'd like you to say. Do you want me to kick him out so he doesn't have to hear it? I'd be happy, in fact quite happy, to do so. The two of us being in one room for this long is quite the challenge. It's hard to be around people who don't take my 'requests' well."

_I'll hear it later anyway. Spit it out._

I trembled and looked down.

"She seemed to think she could turn me and… set me after him."

Nan Flanagan leaned forward and narrowed her eyes.

"Set you after him? How? What do you mean?"

I grasped his hand harder.

"The Were heard Alex ask her what she was going to risk turning me for? Because she hadn't told him the whole plan either and he was concerned about what he was getting involved with. Because of the nature of my being bound to my husband. She said she'd just compel me to be silent. She planned to get me to attack Eric. She thought it would be funny. She laughed about it. She thought if she compelled me to kill him that he'd have to kill _me_ because there'd be like no way to break her hold on me or something. I guess because she was so old? The Were thought it was really kind of over the top. But they were really well paid so he wasn't arguing. This particular one wasn't much into the rape either though, but it was kind of like a peer pressure thing. Like you couldn't say you didn't want to because it would make you look bad. He left with two of the others to go get drinks and come back when I wasn't fighting anymore. But the general plan appeared to be to turn me and then end up getting him to kill me to protect himself. It would even get rid of all the evidence of her turning me if he killed me. So that was her crazy plan."

She rested her chin on her hand, as she thought about it.

"A crazy plan, indeed."

She was quiet for more than a minute

Eric was totally silent and still, sitting next to me. I felt this chill run up my spine. He wasn't letting me feel anything, hear _anything_. Nothing at all, not even a whisper. I didn't want to imagine what was going through his mind.

"It does sound like Salome, though," said Nan Flanagan, nodding, after a moment's further thought. "She was always a real piece of work."

One of her assistants approached her with a Blackberry. She took the phone and scrolled through a message.

"Well look at that. Snakewoman is worth her weight in ancient blood. The Pythoness confirms your wife's story. She's been 'talking' to Salome and says that _was_ the plan."

Eric sat up straighter and then leaned forward to speak. She cut him off before he could even say a word.

"But before you even get started on me, a plan is not committing the deed, Eric. And having your security guy hack into that hotel's system and plant her name on the reservation instead of that Were's name was a clumsy piece of work. Really unnecessary between having a telepath and a seer available to you to corroborate one another. Mrs. Northman, I take it that you feel troubled by Salome's plans?"

I gave her a dark look and snidely said,

"You know Ms. Flanagan, I really just can't imagine the kind of person who isn't troubled by the idea of being gang-raped, murdered and turned against their will. And I really think it would be kind of a public relations disaster for you, right? Seeing as how my husband went and pulled off this nice little mainstream piece of work for you in marrying me? Yeah, I'm rather troubled by her. I'm thinking I'd really like her to stay away from me, my husband and my whole family. _All _of us."

Nan Flanagan finally smiled at me.

"The _whole_ family, too? Even the dead ones, eh? You've really bought into this vampire thing in a big way, then. Is it true that you get into fights with Vikings?"

"How do you know all this stuff about me, anyway? What's it to you?"

_Watch it._ He squeezed my hand.

"You were overheard in Tunica. In fact, I'm sure every vampire on that floor overheard you telling Fetsen off, if what I've heard is accurate. Not to be encouraging that sort of thing, I would have to say I found it rather amusing. Threatening to rescind your own security's invitation to your rooms does seem rather assertive in making your point. Though, rather risky if someone really has it out for you." She tossed the Blackberry across the room to one of her assistants. "As for the information about your heritage, it became known after the most recent fairy skirmish. Sheriff Northman and his little part-fairy wife. I make it my business to know all about anyone who is representing us in any significant capacity."

She looked at me as if she found me quite amusing.

"Well, Mrs. Northman it's your lucky night. It seems that for a human or a part-human, that you're rather valuable. Both PR-wise and because of your skill set. And because I just happen to have the sense that some of your former colleagues at the FBI might get concerned if you disappeared and might start asking all sorts of ugly questions, I think we really have to insure your welfare. So you get the kid-glove treatment. I know that Eric is going to be all happy now. It just pains me to make him happy. Maybe he'd like to make a few more public appearances with you as our golden mainstream couple? Hmmm? Perhaps, not. Too cooperative to be Eric Northman's style. Well, anyway, it seems prudent to extend our formal protection to you. The American Vampire League is going to declare you formally off limits to all vampires by official legislation. We're actually going to make a special category of protection for humans of great value to our cause. _No_ supernatural group will be allowed to bother you. Of course, since official policy is that no one is turned without consent, we know that won't be happening to you, either. _Is_ there a plan to turn you?"

I shook my head.

"Well, just make sure if you decide to get turned that it's your husband that does it because otherwise it's going to create a big mess. And it would behoove you both to try to stay married, at least for a reasonable amount of time, since this is going to be a fair amount of trouble and I don't want any ugly divorces. But you'll get your protection. By official channels. Both old-school and modern. The AVL just cherishes you. Your husband is actually even staying longer at social events with you in tow. What's not to like about that? Okay, I think we're done here."

She rose and started to walk away.

"But…"

_We'll find out later from Russell._

"But what, Mrs. Northman? You want to know what we're going to do with her? Since, clearly, Russell Eddington is scared as hell of her? She's been exiled from North America as of tonight. I'm thinking a few decades back on the Continent or in Asia might do her some good. A change of scenery. A less restrictive political system. Less legal and potential media focus on her little peccadilloes. So don't worry yourself. If she sets foot in North America without our permission I'll have a stake in her faster than the blink of a vampire's eye."

Eric rose and pulled me to my feet. He nodded to her with a smile.

"Nan."

"Eric," she nodded back to him.

"Thank you," I said kind of tentatively. I wasn't really sure I was all that thankful, given her attitude.

We turned toward the door to leave and she called after me.

"You really got smacked with that feisty fairy blood, didn't you? I don't know many humans or even part-humans who would stand their ground against vampires and still appear to be relatively sane. But you come across well, in an attractive-enough package. I hope the interview was a success, Eric? I can't wait to see the photos. Yes, I knew about that, too. I should really make you get her a stylist, though. She could look even better. But this all looks quite promising. Just keep making us look nice and normal, Mrs. Northman. And remember… we won't have much tolerance for any regrets and exposés later, if you take my meaning."

With fangs down and cold eyes she smiled at me. A not too carefully veiled threat, if I took her meaning.

We left the suite with Eric practically pulling me toward the elevator. As the doors closed he turned to me and said in a low voice,

"Who's not entirely upfront with _whom_? Leaving out a few details last night, were we?"

I yanked my arm out of his grasp.

"So what? I was supposed to spill all the gory details and chance that you'd go after her? She's gone, right? What's better, your getting in a fight with someone twice your age who'd like to pretty much toast the both of us, or our letting the magnificent AVL political machine do it for you? Give me a break, Eric."

Stefan and Cadel were silent and apprehensive while Eric and I glared at each other. Eric and I never argued in front of them, and even only rarely in front of Pam.

"Wonderful opinion you have of my judgment, Lover. Thanks for sharing."

"Listen, after seeing Cadel practically gouge and rip someone to pieces, I think I'd had my fill of 'don't touch Sookie' revenge for the night, thank you. I wasn't taking any chances. I really didn't think you needed every detail to appreciate the fact that she is still just as nasty as she was two thousand years ago."

The elevator opened on the 15th floor and Andor and Markus were waiting in the floor's elevator lobby for Eric. I stomped away down the hall overhearing Cadel say,

"It's a shame, really, that she doesn't want to be turned. I can't even begin to imagine what she'd be li..."

He was cut off by the sound of someone smacking him. I could have taken bets on who it was.

**

* * *

**

In the dark he reached out across the king sized bed and took my hand.

"So you have learned to shut it down, just like that? All on your own. How to block what I can feel?"

"I wouldn't call it learning. That would be like it was a process or something. I'd call it doing. I made a very conscious decision in those moments that you weren't going to know what was happening to me."

"I have never heard of such a thing. I would not have believed it possible. I'm not sure I like it, frankly. How can I find you if I cannot feel you? How would I have even told Cadel which way to go?"

"Do it again," I said.

"What?"

"You know what I mean, Eric."

_You mean this?_

"How, exactly, are you suddenly doing that?"

"I wasn't even sure it would work, frankly."

"You're not answering my question. What gives? How are you doing that? It's much clearer than it was before."

"I have to really focus my thoughts. I'm _visualizing_ you to listening to me think, if you like. I had to figure a way to keep it from hurting or being really obvious. It's like I'm visualizing having a mental conversation with you."

"But you don't hear me?"

"I could see it really startled you. I'm sorry."

"But you don't hear me?"

"Does it piss you off or something?"

"Do you hear me or _not_, Eric?"

"No. No, I don't."

"Good_," _I said sharply. I rolled onto my side and faced away from him.

After a minute or so, and with a heavy sigh, he moved closer to the middle of the bed and then pulled me against him, draping his arm over me. He kissed my shoulder.

"I love you."

"I love you, too_." __You and your stupid vampire mind games pulling tricks like that out of nowhere, with no warning. It really threw me__... _I shuddered. _Thank God he could not feel it, cannot hear me. Maybe it's better though, to tell him. I just don't know anymore. __I still cannot believe how close it all was. She is just so filled with hatred, that woman. What could make someone so filled with hate? What the hell is he doing? Is he kidding me? He knows when I'm upset there is no way, absolutely no way...  
_

"Sookie?"

"Eric?"

"I lied."

I gasped and went totally rigid. He _hadn't_... He had _not!_

He started laughing out loud. Still quaking, he said,

"I'm joking! I'm only joking, Lover. But you're so upset... I could just imagine what you were thinking," he said still laughing.

I twisted around in his arms and growled at him, "You're _impossible!_"

His softly glowing face smiled over at me.

"Sookie, if you're mad about it, you should just tell me off. You're the woman that fights Vikings. Just… tell me off. I wasn't even sure it would work. I didn't do it to upset you."

I draped my leg over his thigh.

"I'm not upset about that, Eric."

He leaned closer to me and brushed his lips against my forehead. I felt an almost unnatural stillness inside me. This was the world I lived in. So safe, loved and sheltered with him, but surrounded by violence and passions and hatred around the edges. It seemed like life could just spin on a dime, as they say. At least mine did.

"Of course, I understand if you are still very upset about yesterday. And then talking about it to Nan certainly could not have helped. She's as cold as ice at times."

"It's not that, either."

A little later, after a period of silence and pulling me a bit closer to him and resting his chin on my head, he said in a firm tone of voice,

"Even if she had succeeded, it wouldn't have worked, Sookie. You could never kill me and I would never kill you. Disable you enough so that Andor and I could figure it out and go kill her, to break her control over you, yes. But she never would have succeeded. Be assured of that. What they might have done to you prior to that is far and away what is the most upsetting to me."

[If you want to listen to the perfect music for the rest of this chapter, listen to the Plastic Bag Theme from the soundtrack of American Beauty by Thomas Newman]

I swallowed hard and finally said it.

"I was going to make the Were slip up and kill me first. If Cadel hadn't gotten there when he did, the Were who was trying to rape me would have broken my neck by accident. He had very poor self-control. I kept fighting harder on purpose and he was starting to really lose it when Cadel got there. He would have killed me by accident, in his rage. That was my plan. The other Were wasn't strong enough to pull him off me. Just as Cadel got there the other Were saw how the big Were had me by the throat and was choking me. He knew he couldn't stop him. He had a really tight grip on my throat below my jaw, dangling me off my feet a bit. Uri always told me to be really careful in a choke grip like that, that it was too easy to get your neck broken and it was better not to fight then. So I was just going to use it. I'd hit him again and again to make him angrier. I was going to twist hard enough to make him break my neck. But then I saw Cadel."

I heard him make a sound that was like a soft 'huff' and felt something like shock and puzzlement reverberate through him.

"Why would you do that? You know that no matter what, I would always want you back, right? Why would you do such a thing? There would be nothing that time could not heal between us. I…" He was truly shocked. "You've always fought so hard. Why would you do that?"

"I would never have let her use me that way. And just how much am I supposed to go through in this life anyway? I've had to live so much of my life constrained by so many things. I can do this, as things are now, with all the security and stuff like that. But to give up all the other stuff I like about being human, and on top of it to be used against you? No. No way. I was determined to get the Were to kill me, since _her_ doing that was clearly not going to work for me. Cadel got there pretty much just in time."

"Promise me you'd never do such a thing again, Sookie. Promise me."

"Yeah, sure. Just like I'd promise you the next time I get attacked that I'm not going to fight back. Sure thing. Anyway, I'm just telling you for future reference, that if anything like that ever does happen to me again, I'd make the same choice. That's why I didn't want you to feel any of it. I'm never going to let anyone or anything do what Neave and Lochlan did to me, to us, again. Not Salome or anyone. I'm just telling you the truth. In case something else happens. Okay? It's my life and my choice."

He started to speak and then stopped. His arm grew tighter around me but he said nothing.

In the chilly silence, where the only sounds I could hear were from the TV in Andor and Markus' room and the sound of the A/C, he finally said with vehemence,

"I cannot accept that._"_

"I hope you'll never have to."


	13. Chapter 11

**XI.**

**November 2010**

She looked at me with a frown and the sighed heavily, shaking her head.

"You asked for my opinion and you don't like it. I don't know what else to suggest. Is there anything else you need to discuss?"

"No, no... I guess there's nothing that you can do then…"

Eric cut me off.

"Isn't there anything that you could give her that would just help her sleep? Something that isn't like a conventional human sleeping medication with all the side effects? Don't you have any fae preparations? Anything?"

"Why can't you just glamour her?"

I leaned forward, opening my mouth to object and Eric gave me the hand.

"She doesn't _want_ to be glamoured. She just wants to sleep without the night terrors. And I just want her to sleep, period."

"What makes you call them night terrors?"

"She told you. They're terrible dreams, that seem real to her and she has difficulty waking from them or being awakened. She dreams as if these things are really happening. She feels the pain of what happens in the dreams. She is difficult to wake. The only thing not typical is that she can't go back to sleep because she remembers them. She is so frightened by them that she cannot fall back asleep. She is so frightened of having them she doesn't want to fall asleep."

"You certainly seem to know a fair amount about this," Dr. Ludwig said with a chuckle.

"I took a psychology class at a community college back in the '70's. Along with some English classes. If there's nothing you can give her, what else can you suggest to help her?"

"Well, I'd suggest that she stop getting kidnapped, beaten up, sliced up, shot and bitten and to avoid stress. Maybe she should stop hanging out with vampires, Weres and fairies as a start."

Eric narrowed his eyes, which had started to glow a bit.

"Dr. Ludwig, I'm paying you for your professional advice. I'd like to think that you can keep any personal bias out of it."

"I'm not being biased. Night terrors are associated with trauma in adults. I'm pointing out that if she doesn't want to have a lot of trauma, she ought to avoid the sources of her trauma and any stressors that trigger memories of that trauma. Which would include all the supernaturals that she's surrounded by, and I, myself, would be one of them, right? I look at the patient history and she never had any of these problems until six years ago. Do you see a correlation? I do."

Eric's fangs were coming down.

"Put your snaggleteeth away, Eric," she said boldly. "I really don't know what you think I can do about it? I think the best solution is to just glamour her into not having them. Like a strong post-hypnotic suggestion. Not dreamless sleep. Just not any anxiety-provoking dreams. I can give her things like valerian and other soporifics. But it's not going to get to the root of the problem. She needs no more _bad_ dreams. She needs to avoid stress. She needs to have no further trauma. If you have a wound and you keep reinjuring it, it's not going to heal right. In fact, it may not heal at all."

Eric was up and pacing like a caged lion after that comment.

"But I don't want to be glamoured, Dr. Ludwig. I don't want to forget things. I just don't want my memories to bother me as much, in the sense of giving me these nightmares. And I don't want to avoid my friends and family in order to get rid of them."

Dr Ludwig pursed her lips and looked at me as if I was being very unrealistic.

"Let me restate it again. Your options are as follows. You can take a conventional human medicinal preparation. It's probably going to leave you groggy and obviously they can be addictive and the way they'll work is if we choose one that disrupts _all_ your dreams, which isn't very good for a human brain. Brains need dream time. It's important for how your type of brain works. You can take an herbal sleeping preparation but sleeping itself isn't your problem and they're not going to make you stop dreaming and in fact some of them can make your dreams even more intense. You can get yourself glamoured up, with some strong suggestion about not having any anxiety dreams or nightmares. Like set a threshold or ban dreams with nightmarish triggers like pain, suffering, death, torture, you get the picture. You could get turned. Death means no dreams. From the look on your face I'm seeing that one is really not an option at all in your eyes. Well, of the others, no matter which you choose, what you need to do is stop getting yourself into these situations where you get all messed up. You're mostly human and you're just not designed for this sort of stuff. Every single time I've seen you, you've been in some sort of mess."

I made a face at her and in spite of the fact that I'd always been kind of scared of her, said,

"Well, it seems to me a doctor is most likely to see people when something's wrong, right? Do you want me to invite you for tea sometime? I'm really not perpetually a mess."

Her bright eyes sparked.

"I take it that means were done here?"

"That's it?" asked Eric. "Those are the only options?"

"I'm not a miracle worker, I'm a healer. This I can't heal. It's in her brain and part of her. Why don't you try seeing a therapist if you don't like any of these options?" she said looking at me.

I chortled at that idea. "How am I going to talk to a therapist about being tortured by fairies? Are you for real? They'll lock me up."

She looked at me and shook her head.

"There are Were therapists, you know. If you feel you could still be comfortable talking to one. I can see if I can find you a female one. But really your best option is going to be to get yourself glamoured and avoid further incidents for a few years."

She closed the bright blue file with my patient history, put it back in her medical bag, snapped it closed and rose to her height of three and a half feet.

"I'm sorry my solutions were not popular," she said to Eric. "I'll email you my bill." She headed for the door and then turned and looked back at Eric with those bright eyes of hers. "Set a threshold. Like if something starts to trigger anxiety beyond a certain point, it gets diverted to some other more pleasant memories. The same for pain. That's what she needs. Be your charming self and talk her into it."

I covered my mouth and felt sick. I was not getting glamoured. No way.

I guess it was no surprise that my nightmares, back with a vengeance, now also involved Salome, being turned and sent to kill Eric, and of course Cadel, ripping and gouging Weres, who had gang-raped me. I wouldn't even tell Dr. Ludwig all the details about the most recent events. Eric told me I could tell her anything, but I'd just told her I was beaten up by Weres and it had added to my problems. Really, there was no way I'd ever be able to tell any therapist anywhere about everything that had happened to me.

In the Salome dreams, after she turned me, I thankfully ended up permanently dead. So I guess they had happy endings. In the good ones, I'd burst into flames watching the dawn, or just set myself on fire. The bad one… well, I didn't want to think about that one too much anymore. It wasn't a happy ending for Eric. When it went that route, I'd had enough. Those dreams always seemed to follow after Cadel dreams… It was really hard to think about. The Cadel dreams were just like a shop of horrors. The whole idea of being raped was bad enough, but I kept hearing Cadel say that he couldn't tear them into small enough pieces and seeing him do just that. I was back to even having trouble falling asleep some days. The Salome stuff was just theory. The Cadel stuff, some of that I'd really _seen_. I was still working on getting over it with Cadel. It was hard work. It had left Cadel very, very sad.

I'd told Eric after the third nightmare. I even told him what that nightmare entailed, that in the end he had to kill me and that I awoke surer than ever that if I ended up in the same type of situation again... Well, Eric just got very upset with my thinking that way.

I had promised him July that I'd tell him if it got bad again. I'd kept my word. He was determined to get me help for my nightmares at this point and thought Dr. Ludwig would have answers.

As soon as Dr. Ludwig was out the door Eric was in my face, kneeling in front of where I was sitting on the couch, arms on either side of me and looking at me with those intense eyes.

"You heard her."

"Not happening." I put my hands on his forearms and tried to push him back but it was like moving a brick wall.

"Sookie, it's really simple. You _need_ to sleep. Just trust me to do it in a way that won't affect your memories. I've really thought about it, about how to do it."

"I need to get back to some work, Eric. You need to get ready for your night's meetings."

He didn't budge.

"Trust me."

I leaned back against the couch and sighed.

"I'll record it," he offered picking up my phone. "I'll record it so you can see and hear it exactly what I tell you. Nothing anxiety-provoking in your dreams. No reliving pain, no loss of loved ones or harm to them. No revisiting the many bad things you've seen, at least not in your dreams. You'll just switch into some pleasant memories of things or people, instead. How's that? Would that work for you? I can try for switching things only if you start to be very afraid or anxious within the dream, if you start to dread, then it goes another way. That's not totally unnatural, right? It's like when you force yourself not to dwell on negative thoughts when you're awake."

I closed my eyes. For almost five years I had been having bad dreams, occasionally sleeping as few as two or three hours a night. Honestly, part of me was so sorely tempted. I was so worn down by it. Worn down by my own mind.

"Trust me, Sookie."

I hesitated.

"Eric, this is just so hard for me…"

"I promise you. I swear on my sword, the best oath a Viking has to offer. I will not do anything other than redirect the nightmares."

I drew a long breath.

"Just the dreams? Not any of my memories? Not anything else at all? Only the bad dreams? Just making them less intense or change direction?" I whispered.

I felt this immense rush of pleasure. Geez, he was eager.

_You know you can trust me…. You know you can._

"Well getting in my head _already_ is not exactly going to put me in the right frame of mind, Eric."

He looked at me oddly.

"If you heard that, it had to be you. That was _not_ me. That was you, snooping. Or getting sloppy because you're too tired, the way you did last October when I finally caught you."

I thought about it. Maybe he was right. I was so jittery, it was hard to know which end was up. Sometimes when I was tired I just got into his head without even intending to do so. And I was tired. Very, very tired.

I chewed a bit on my nail as I looked at his totally still face.

"You know a Britlingen once told me that vampires aren't trustworthy. Like I'd be crazy to trust one. Because they were all twisty. But I always trusted you when it came down to it. You were never particularly twisty with me, though, were you?"

"Maybe long ago. In the beginning. I'll own up to that. Once I actually had you, no. I felt a very strong urge to not be that way. I didn't want to do anything to ruin things. Trust is a hard thing to regain, and it's been so damn hard to earn with you, I'd be afraid I'd never earn it back," he whispered as he looked at me with softer eyes. He reached up and cupped my cheek with his hand.

And so… in spite of the fact that he was a twisty not always totally upfront vampire, I trusted him. Call me crazy. He was mine and I loved him. I trusted him. Even with my mind.

It didn't totally work, although I didn't tell him that it hadn't. But it did kind of take the edge off. The dreams, when I did have them, were less intense, and they were over sooner. I had less anxiety, including less anxiety about sleeping itself. I doubled the amount of time I could stay asleep and was often sleeping from dawn until around 1 or sometimes even 2 pm. It was the most sleep I'd had in years.

Eric was so pleased.

We didn't tell anyone. Not even Pam. But Hunter knew. He called me and said that it was what he'd meant back in July, when he told me I should let Eric fix it. He was glad.

I never watched the video on my phone. I decided that I didn't need to.


	14. Chapter 12

**XII.**

**December 2010  
**

It felt wonderful to be rocking on my porch. I looked out at the garden. There was the thinnest dusting of snow on the ground. A few crocuses had popped up, which in my recollection was absolutely unheard of in December. Maybe they knew I was home.

It was already getting dark, even though it was only 4:30 pm. Frankly, in spite of all odds, I really thought it was going to snow more heavily. It _smelled_ like snow. Snow would be perfect.

I was happy to be home. It felt good to be in Bon Temps again for the holiday.

It had been a long year. Today was Christmas Day, and my first anniversary.

I looked at my watch and thought I should probably check the goose in about another fifteen minutes. I'd never roasted a goose before. Amelia told me it was easy, but in retrospect, I had to say that Amelia made _most_ things look easy these days. It was going to have to serve a fair number of people. Jason and his current flame, Sam and his girlfriend of a few years. I'd heard he was going to pop the question on Christmas Eve. Remy and Hunter, who I guessed would be heading over from their hotel in about another hour and a half. I'd firmly told Remy that I didn't want to see him until about an hour after dark. I knew that he wasn't going to mess with Eric, who was looking forward to seeing Hunter but wasn't going to brook even a moment's attitude from Remy. Back in July, right before Remy came to claim back his little wunderkind, Eric had firmly told Hunter that if his dad was obnoxious that he'd glamour him into being a better parent as a special favor to me. We both had promptly told Eric to keep his eyes off Hunter's daddy, thank you very much. Hunter thought he was kidding. Frankly, I really wasn't too sure.

I read another ten pages in _Love in the Time of Cholera_ and sighed. It was such a heavy book to read for the holidays. As soon as Pam was up, I was seriously going to give her what for about it. She was reading it with me. Because I was such a little 'trouble magnet'. I didn't exactly enjoy reading about unhappy, unrequited love or love as a metaphor for disease right around my wedding anniversary. With a sigh, I reminded myself that it was supposed to be a great book and that Eric had liked it.

I checked on the goose and called Amelia. I really thought it was looking dry even under the foil, which for a goose ought to be impossible in my estimation. They were such fatty birds. But it had been roasting for hours already and still had a ways to go. After consulting with her and tinkering with it by putting a few strips of bacon on it and lowering the temperature in the oven by 20 degrees as per her suggestion. I rotated the baked sweet potatoes and looked at my cooling pie. My pear pie, Gran's recipe of course, looked grand. I was sure Pam would like the scent of it. Pam liked the scent of pears, fresh or baked. The rest of the vegetables and the stuffing were all ready to go in the oven or on the stove for about thirty minutes before we were going to serve dinner.

I walked out and glanced at the table, which was set and ready to go. Rosie was asleep on one of the dining room chairs. At least I hadn't had to take her off the table yet, like I did at home sometimes. I had champagne flutes out for the bottled blood. That way they could drink a little more slowly and keep pace with the regular food eaters. The bottle warmer on the sideboard was already turned on. The table was set for fourteen. I counted again to make sure that I hadn't put a plate on too many places. Nope, only seven. And seven vampires when I included Bill. It would be a large gathering, in my book. Still, I was sorry that Amelia and Bert couldn't come. But Bert's mother, in spite of the fact that she was some fierce Fae creature who scared the bejeezus out of me, actually _liked_ December 25th. Not for Christmas though, which she called an abomination. No, they were off in some place that Amelia said she'd tell me about some other time, celebrating some kind of holiday today to a German goddess named Holle, who was a personal friend of Bert's mother. I let out a heavy sigh. She seemed stressed even talking about it. But wherever she was, her cell phone still worked just fine, though. To capture her present state of mind however, she sent me a picture message with the painting by the artist Edvard Munch called 'The Scream'. I laughed but then wrote back and told her I was sending her a hug and hoped it got better. She replied that she was watching the sacrifice of a pig and said she'd call me later, after she'd recovered.

I looked at my watch. It was 4:55 pm. After glancing at the table again and checking the goose once more, I went into the bedroom, brushing aside the heavy blackout curtain, after I'd closed the door behind me. I let my eyes adjust to the darkness, which basically meant letting them adjust to the soft, faint glow that was Eric in a bed that was so much smaller than the one at home in New Orleans. He'd be awake soon. Much as I had always been a summer sunshine person, I'd come to love winters for the additional time that they afforded me with Eric awake.

I moved slowly toward my bed, drew back the covers and after pulling off my jeans and shirt, crawled into the cold sheets. I shivered a bit.

I looked at Eric and had the faint impression that maybe he'd actually already stirred a bit. He'd shifted slightly toward my pillow and his hair was kind of mussed up. It looked as if he'd turned toward my pillow to catch my scent or something. Maybe he'd even rubbed his face in it. There was a clear dent in my down pillow.

I gently stroked his hair out of his face, combing it with my fingertips. I ran my index finger down the bridge of his nose, which was slightly large for the rest of his face. I really liked his nose. It gave character to his face, instead of making it just a pretty guy face. I kissed his lips and then snuggled up to him with a shiver. I thought briefly about getting up to turn the heat up, but then just disregarded the idea. It wasn't going to make my bed any warmer under the covers and it would make the rest of the house too hot with the oven going so long.

I picked up his hand and laced my fingers into his limp ones. I reflected on the past year. It had been a wonderful and terrible year. Most, though not all, of the terrible had stemmed from my own decisions. Salome, not talking to Eric enough or more accurately, not listening enough. Some things though, Salome, all the public appearances stress and Cadel ripping people apart in my name, had been sort of beyond my control. The wonderful? My many good friends were part of it. But the largest part, without question, was all the countless simple moments with the person I loved. Laughter, playfulness, the pleasure of falling asleep or waking up next to him, discussing books, making love, sometimes in odd locations much to his amusement, and most of all, our many quiet conversations, talking in the dark right before dawn. I'd had enough happen to me in my life to take none of it for granted. Yes, as bad as some things had been this past year, the swelling tide of all those simple moments swept things like Salome and vampire-obsessed fangirls out of my mind.

After thirty years alone, I'd had to learn how to be married. How, and how much, to share. Those things just seemed to come easier for Eric, which made no sense at all in my mind when I compared his thousand years without a similar committed relationship. But I guess it had been a big adjustment for him, too. Probably bigger than he thought it would be, and proably bigger than I'd ever realize. In my heart of hearts, I still believed that he had thought that he was in control in the relationship, through the bond, through his blood, and because of his age, only to find out that whatever the bond was, it went both ways and he was far less in control of it than he had believed. Yet he'd adjusted, someway and somehow. It wasn't exactly what we thought we had at the start, but maybe that's just the way marriage was? Even Amelia had told me before I left for Bon Temps that she was on the verge of losing her mind between dealing with Bert's mother, Branwen, who supposedly according to Welsh legend had died long ago of a broken heart but who, in fact, was now on her 17th marriage and had all these opinions about how to run one, and her father, industrial magnet Copley Carmichael, who thought being a witch and marrying some sort of supposed sorcerer person was nothing less than pure negligence on her part. Nevertheless, she'd told me, right before we'd left New Orleans for our respective holidays, she had realized that in spite of it all, she was ridiculously happy. In reflecting on our mutual messy and imperfect lives, I'd come to my own conclusions about how I felt about my present life in New Orleans, with Eric.

I rubbed my cheek against the cool, smooth skin of Eric's shoulder.

"I'm _happy_," I whispered out loud. Even if it certainly wasn't a fairy tale life, I was really and quite genuinely… happy. I pretty much approached each day as if it might be my last, even though I never spoke those thoughts to anyone. It worked for me, though. It worked well.

So Eric had been right a year ago. I was happy that I'd married him. We were happy together.

I looked at his faintly glowing right hand in mine. I ran my fingers over his long fingers and their perfectly shaped nails. I slid my fingers down and touched his wrist. I still thought about it. I never talked about it anymore, though. I thought it upset him when I did. I kissed his hand and, with a sigh, shifted so that I was almost half on top of him, my thigh resting across his hips, which he always liked. I let myself doze a bit, figuring that he'd be awake shortly and the goose couldn't possibly get dry now that it even had strips of bacon on it.

It seemed only like a few moments later when I was awakened with gentle lips on mine, and fingers stroking through my hair. I was groggy. The words themselves barely registered. What I caught most was just the feeling… a warmth that was now almost like sunshine to me.

"I'm happy, too, Lover," came the whisper.

* * *

So this is the end of Scenes Part 1. I'll be back in the near future with Scenes Part 2, which has a slightly different dynamic.


	15. Author Reflections

Reflections

11/27/09

I sort of lurk on a website that distills a lot of this stuff for the reader and I give silent thanks for my time there to all its posters, who give me so much food for thought. I know that Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball have said a lot of negative things about the character of Eric Northman in interviews in recent weeks. In Harris's and Ball's hands, the words evil, bad, frightening, dark have all seemed to come up just recently, being applied to the character of Eric in a fashion that clearly the majority of readers of E&S fanfic will simply not identify with. Most of us see an Eric that seems unusual among his kind. Liberal, protective, definitely not abusive. Not given to killing just for killing's sake, at least in Charlaine Harris's first nine books. Is all the current talk that Eric is so bad in the media just spin to sell a TV show, to sell more books by making the character edgier? Is it the author herself taking a second look at what she wrought and deciding that she doesn't like the way it's going or is it that it wasn't going where we all thought thought it was? Will the character of Eric Northman turn out to have been a façade covering a cruel or manipulative vampire that Sookie should have been wary of all along? Who knows. It's, after all, a _mystery__. ;) _Until the book series is spun out in its entirety, really the only one who knows, and probably not even until she writes that last word, is Charlaine Harris herself.

Personally, I'm stuck in the mode that Eric Northman was a good character. One who stood out and above the world that surrounded him. Playing by his own rules, which as a vampire, he was freer to define. Better than most vampires, better even than many humans (Arlene, anyone?), the Eric Northman of the first nine Sookie Stackhouse books had a code which he appeared to abide by. I'm sticking with _that_ Eric and if Charlaine Harris decides to take him darker and even just scrub the character entirely in terms of his merit, I'll just stick with those first nine books, largely written before the TV series and the character of Eric Northman became an unfortunate media extravaganza. (But I have to say I'd be amazed if he turned out to be dark and really bad.)

The thing that leads me back to writing these characters (other than the many, many lovely fans who PM me, review me, and ask for and encourage more) is the opportunity to explore just what it means to be human, humane, to be different and contemplate tolerance of that difference. Most of all, there is the question of how to bring out the best in any of us, regardless of where we are in life. As Sookie herself says, she wants to be a better version of herself. Perhaps vampires wish to be better versions of themselves as well.

Fans of Greg Mortensen's _Three Cups of Tea_ are absolutely entreated to check out Greg's new book, _Stones into Schools_. You can find it on Amazon or go to Greg's website, stonesintoschools dot com. Really, when you think of doing good, there are precious few people on the planet of this guy's measure, right?

Since it's Thanksgiving weekend as I publish this story, I just want to say: Thanks to all my lovely, lovely readers and correspondents. I'm thankful to all of you for your kind comments and your generous feedback. I'll really try to keep up with my policy of always responding, though I know it sometimes takes a while to get to you. I especially thank you for your kind comments in reviews. Writers just thrive on that positive feedback. You're really the reason I keep writing these characters (although I do kind of like them). It's an immense gift to have people writing to me looking forward to what I've written. I appreciate it a great deal.

Warmly,

Meg


End file.
